Disclaimer: I don't own it..meh. Who cares.
Author's Note: Umm, I'm sure the majority of you will find this COMPLETELY random and wronged...but I'm writing it anyways so.. HAH. -points and laughs- Right...
Foot Phobia: One-shot.
That Lily Evans girl, I hear she's crazy; well, maybe, but only for James Potter.
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Lily Evans would like you to know that she hates feet, thank you very much. And not just big, hairy, nasty feet. But anyone's feet. Hell, she even hates feet that have just been cleansed and pedicured. It was a phobia, yes. But Lily would also like you to know that she doesn't care, so you can take your snide remarks and shove them up your arses.
Lily's phobia was one of the reasons she hated James Potter.
"Sodding hell!" she said, one night in the Head common room. "How many times do I have to tell you, Potter? I don't like feet, especially yours."
"I know," The-disturbing-feet-boy, also known as James Potter said, lounging in his chair and stretching his rather large feet out on Lily's lap.
"Get the feet off, or prepare to be punched in the nose!" This, of course, was a complete bluff, since Lily couldn't punch someone to save her life. However, she could hex James Potter into oblivion if she set her mind to it.
With one sharp movement, Lily prodded the two feet with her wand.
"Merlin, you're like effing Big Foot for God's sake!" she cried as he rubbed his left one against her arm. "You disgust me, Potter."
"Meh, I know. That's the brilliance of being Head Boy," he smirked cheekily. "But you love me anyways,"
"No I don't." Lily snapped, with a loud huff as she stared daggers into his big toe. "This is wrong on so many levels. Just put the feet away and NO ONE GETS HURT!"
"Go out with me, Evans." said James, as he added a few scribbled sentences half heartedly to his Potions essay.
"No,"
"Why not?"
"I hate you."
James' face fell at this remark, but he continued, er, petting Lily with his feet.
"You know what?" she growled. "Just fuck it!"
"Language, Evans, language," he said whilst Lily whipped out her wand and conjured a sock.
"You're one to talk," she muttered and stretched the socks out, as wide as she could. They were both pink. "This is for your own good, Potter." Lily said as she yanked the socks over his feet.
"Umm, thanks?"
"Sure,"
She went back to work.
James stroked her with his new sock-covered feet.
Two minutes later James had successfully peeled off the socks and was rubbing his feet against Lily's face.
"Get off, get off, get off, get off, get off, get OFF!" With a karate chop, the fired up red head hacked the Head Boy's feet away from her face.
"I know you like it," he purred.
"Umm, no I don't."
"Right."
"No, really Potter, I don't."
"Oh," His face fell again as Lily replaced the socks, and used spell-o tape to keep then on.
"Sodding prat," she muttered while chewing Drooble's Best Blowing Gum in a rather rhythmic fashion.
"Why do you hate feet, Lily?"
"They smell," was her reply.
"Why else?" said James.
"They're hairy,"
"Uh-huh,"
"They're big, and nasty. Like your face." Lily added, though you could see the blatant lie in her sparkling green eyes. On the contrary, Lily would like you to know that she thought James Potter was really very attractive. More than attractive, in fact. He was heart-stopping handsome. But Lily would also like to remind you that she would never tell the Head Boy in question this. Ever.
"My face isn't nasty!" James cried.
"Err, so? I can still say it is. Ehehe..." He gave her a questioning look. "Right, well, anyways, I hate feet. Period. Merlin, I even hate my own feet. You're not the only one, Potter."
James Potter would like you to know that he thinks his feet are very pretty.
"I think your feet are pretty, Lily,"
"Bite me,"
"Gladly,"
The Head Girl gave James a very disturbing look as she packed up her supplies and levitated them into her room. "You're annoying as hell. I'm leaving."
"Alright," James smirked, but when she went to get up, he grabbed her hand and yanked her into his lap.
"What the hell are you doing, Potter?"
"Er, nothing?" He grinned and kissed her cheek. "Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite!"
"Don't worry, I'll lock my door so you can't get it. Tosser." Lily growled whilst wiping her cheek rather vigorously in a pathetic attempt to get Potter's germs off. The bloody prat probably had cooties!
Once the door of her room slammed, James broke into a fit of laughter.
"She hates you, you know that, right?" Sirius Black, James' best marauder friend said as he rolled out from under the table that the two Heads had just been sitting at.
"Nope. She totally wants me." James sighed, and fingered the two pink socks in his hand. "Do you think these are hers?"
"Chyeah," Sirius smirked, letting his bark-like laughter out of its cage.
"Sweet," James grinned and hastily put them on his feet for the third time.
Sirius shook his head. "You're pathetic, Prongs. She doesn't want you."
"No, trust me, she wants me. I think my feet turn her on." He laughed.
Lily Evans wants you to know that she absolutely, positively does not want James Potter or his feet.
Well, maybe a little.
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A/N: I know that you all probably think this is retarded and after you read this you're going to laugh in my face. But review anyways! Also, I'd like to say that, thanks to: Semi-CrazyWithaLittleWeirdness, I might create two more companions to Tradition. They'll be about when James finally broke tradition. -shocking gasp- Surprising, I know.
Drive back baby to me fast in your car; I'm here waiting, CRASH, you do me real hard.
Gwen Stefani! Ooh, yeah!
Indigo-skies (SpicyMuchacha)