Disclaimer:
This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by
JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to
Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner
Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark
infringement is intended. FemmeLoki –
Woot! Yes, my dear. You are the world's best. Do offer my apologies
to your cat. I am most truly sorry. (Smiles…)
Chapter Seven - Dating
It was an unexpectedly beautiful day somewhere in January when Harry walked into Sirius' room. He had knocked, but he hadn't been all that careful. Or patient, for that matter. Sirius seemed to be surprised when he came in. He had been standing in front of an old and beautiful mirror and he appeared to be frustrated.
"Harry," Sirius exclaimed, apparently startled. He flushed and quickly put down what he held in his hand.
Harry looked at him a bit confused. "Sirius? Errm …, I … mmm … I'm sorry that I disturbed you… Shall I go away?"
"Oh, oh no," Sirius hastily said. "No, you're welcome. How was your quidditch training?"
Harry looked at him a bit sharper. "We haven't done any training today, Sirius. I told you about it. Next week. One of the beaters is in the infirmary."
Sirius flushed again. "Right, you told me. I'm sorry. My mind must have gone elsewhere. Ermmm…"
Silence.
Harry looked at Sirius in growing amazement. He had never seen the man this unsettled and nervous.
"Erm … Sirius, is something the matter? Do you have a problem with something? What were you doing when I came in?"
Silence. Sirius stared at his hands, grinning ruefully. Then he sighed. "Actually, Harry, I had hoped that I wouldn't have to tell you. I somehow don't know how to, you know… But well, I don't have secrets for my godson. Well, not many, that is."
Harry looked at him, still not understanding anything.
Sirius sighed again. "The truth is, you see, that I asked Serenus out on a date tonight. And now I'm messing up with my clothes, and, well… Oh hell, this is just being stupid."
Harry stared at him, shock-frozen for a moment. Then it burst out of him. "Serenus? You mean .. professor Caldus? Asked him on a date? But why? Oh, I mean, of course, but…"
He couldn't express himself any clearer than that. His mind seemed to stumble over itself and it ran about in confused circles.
Sirius looked at him and grinned in spite of himself. "Is the idea of two men dating so foreign to you, Harry?" he asked, not unkindly. A hint of his former uncertainty coloured his voice.
Harry just looked at him. Then it hit him. "Oh, no, that is not what I meant at all! I'm fine with that! It's just that I… I mean, professor Caldus… I like him, you know. Somehow I just didn't think it would… you would… Well, you know…"
"I think I do," Sirius grinned.
Some of his old self-confidence came back to him. He turned back to the mirror and sighed. He ran with both hands through his hair and took a deep before breath before he turned back to Harry. "What do I look like?" he nervously asked.
Harry had gotten the picture by then and did his utmost not to grin like a fool. "You look just fine, Sirius, I swear."
Sirius looked infinitesimally relieved and his shoulders sagged a very little bit. Then he shot a suspicious glance at Harry again, but Harry was prepared and sustained it bravely. Sirius through one last look into the mirror, sighed miserably and turned to leave.
Harry hastened to follow him. His cheeks started to ache with the suppression of his laughter, but he knew that some sacrifice had to be made in order to maintain a working relationship. He bravely kept his cribbling cheek muscles under control. His shoulders were not at all shaking and he had a fairly calm facial expression. He did his utmost to make his body language express polite interest at Sirius' well-being. Sirius wasn't entirely fooled, but for his own sake didn't search into it all too carefully.
With a sigh, he took himself off, and Harry looked after him, grinning. Imagine Sirius and Caldus walking around, holding hands. Hilarious. The image gave him a strange feeling in his chest, which he couldn't quite explain.
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The next morning, Harry rose early and he jumped out of bed. He was just too curious to find out how Sirius had done on his date. It had been physically impossible to keep it a secret, and so he had told Ron and Hermione about Sirius' date in confidence.
To his amazement, they hadn't been all that surprised. Ron had been curious and also slightly disgusted – it was the same as imagining your parents having sex; Hermione had been so pragmatic about it that Harry had flinched and felt like hiding under the table.
None of them could predict how the date would be, though, and they spent a fair amount of time speculating.
Neither Sirius nor Caldus was present at the breakfast table and the three Gryffindors exchanged looks that measured how exactly that had to be interpreted. Ron rolled his eyes and grinned stupidly. Fortunately Hermione refrained from making any more remarks about preventives.
Harry finished his breakfast and rose with a sigh. It was clear that he was going to have to wait for news. There wasn't a chance that he was going to visit Sirius now. (His cheeks glowed at the mere thought of that.) He longed to go outside and play quidditch, but he must finally spend some time on revision. It had been far too long anyway and exams were rapidly approaching.
When he walked through the corridor on his way to the library, he bumped into a long, black and familiar figure. Professor Snape.
Startled, he looked up and felt the piercing, furious, red-rimmed, coal black eyes lance through him. "Oh, professor Snape, I … erm… I'm sorry, sir. I didn't watch where I was going."
Infuriated, the professor snarled, "You didn't watch, indeed. I wonder when I will finally no longer be gobsmacked by the sheer incapability that surrounds you, boy. Not to mention the utter disrespect. Detention. Report in my office at seven tonight."
And he stalked off.
Harry looked after him with an open mouth. Through the years he had become used to Snape's vitriolic ways of expression and the dislike with which he always treated Harry. But this was extreme even for him. It hadn't been the first time that Harry had bumped into him – some corridors were simply narrow – but Snape had never handed out a detention for an offence like this.
In fact – there was something odd about the man. Had his eyes really been red? Like in – as if he had cried? It was of course possible that his potions had caused this reaction, but in all his six-and-a-half-years at Hogwarts, Harry had never experienced this before. Not with Snape. And then – what was the man doing in the corridor at that time? Usually he would have been at breakfast much earlier. Or not at all. It was very strange.
Mystified, Harry entered the library and tried to concentrate.
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That afternoon, Harry finally came across Sirius, who was sitting in his room, grinning like a lovelorn fool. His mood was infectious, though, and Harry, Ron and Hermione, who had accompanied Harry eagerly asked how the date had been.
"Ah, well," Sirius evasively said, "it was just fine, you know."
He didn't get away with it. The blush that accompanied his words said it all and he was relentlessly teased by the three students.
In the end, it wasn't really a problem to make him talk. He obviously couldn't think about anything else.
"Ah, well, it was just fascinating, you know. The man is really very knowledgeable. He is an expert on dark arts. And the defense against them. And he's got humour, too. Sharp, dry humour…" Here Sirius trailed off, eyes turning dreamy.
Ron, Harry and Hermione exchanged speaking looks and persisted to milk Sirius for all the information he was worth.
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That evening, Harry directed his steps towards the dungeons for his detention.
Professor Snape was already expecting him. His mood seemed to unimproved. Well, Harry hadn't expected anything else. He didn't say anything, merely pointed toward a huge amount of cauldrons.
Harry didn't say anything either. He just went about the job, trying to look as industrious as possible, while keeping half an eye on Snape. The man was busy chopping and preparing ingredients on one of the nearby tables. Strange. Normally that was a job he left for the students in detention. Those cauldrons might just as well have been cleaned by magic, after all. His eyes still seemed to be red, but the ingredients he was working with weren't aggressive in the least. Subtly, Harry changed his position, so that he could observe his professor better. Snape didn't seem to notice.
At one point he blinked and momentarily raised the palm of his hand to his eyes. When he caught Harry's eyes, he dropped it as if it burned and barked at Harry to continue. Harry hastily dropped his eyes. He felt slightly ashamed, as if he had witnessed a very private moment.
The rest of the detention was carried out in awkward embarrassment, although Harry didn't know what to think of it all. He was deeply in thought when he returned to Gryffindor tower.
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Harry was in no way surprised when the date repeated itself the next Saturday. And the next. After the first time, Sirius didn't seem to be so excited about his appearance anymore, although he still fussed around before a date. And he still became dreamy and smilish when professor Caldus was mentioned.
Caldus himself was fast becoming a very popular professor. His classes were always very interesting and challenging and the practical tasks his set his students were so creative and complicated, that it took a lot to accomplish them. The seventh years felt that they were learning a lot in a very short time and they were confidently looking forward to their exams.
Harry secretly studied him a lot, wondering what was it that made him such an attractive figure. He wasn't particulary handsome. He could be downright severe, and sometimes nasty, when something didn't work out the way he wanted it. His nastiness was accompanied by a very dry and sharp humour, that could hurt as well as flame.
His students forgave him when he had been sharp. His humour was so dead on, that they were challenged to do more, and better, and in the end they were amazed by their own progress. But they had a very healthy respect for their teacher's tongue.
Harry lingered after the lesson, sometimes, drawn by a desire to get to know his teacher better, to find out what kind of man hid behind the teacher's façade.
Yet, this seemed to be impossible. For all his friendly ways and supportive attitude, the man was very reserved, apparently unwilling to reveal much about his personal life, or about Sirius.
He looked at Harry with friendly mockery in his eyes, as he assured him, that he was fine, thank you very much for your interest, Mr. Potter, and that it was about time that Harry left for his next class.
He became even more reserved, and slightly cold, when Harry, carefully, brought the conversation to the subject of professor Snape. Harry was informed in no uncertain terms, that professor Snape was a teacher at Hogwarts, that as such he deserved Harry's respect, and that gossiping was not his style.
Slightly humiliated, Harry left the classroom.
After that, Harry took to more discrete ways of gathering information. He took out his father's old invisibility cloak, and timed his action carefully.
He knew that Caldus and Sirius would have another date, judging from Sirius' suppressed excitement. He took the Marauders Map and kept an eye on Sirius' room. About eight that night, Caldus entered the room. Judging from their footsteps, Sirius seemed to be walking straight towards him and they were standing next to the door, right in front of each other, for quite some time.
Harry studied the map with a strange feeling in his stomach.
After a while, they left Sirius' room and headed out of the castle. Quickly, Harry donned his father's cloak and followed them stealthily. He felt slightly guilty about it, but it was impossible not to do it…
Outside, it was dark already, but the sky was clear. It was a very beautiful night. The two men in front of Harry seemed to think so as well, for they halted their steps and looked up. Harry saw that Sirius extended his hand to Caldus and that the other allowed it – for a while, before he drew back.
They continued their way to Hogsmeade and didn't talk much.
When they had reached the Three Broomsticks they entered quickly, and Harry managed to sneak in after them just in time. The pub wasn't very crowded, as it was still early in the evening, and Sirius and Caldus found a table in a very quiet corner, with only one old candle on it. It barely lit anything but their faces, but they seemed to be comfortable with that.
Their table was standing on a slightly higher part of the floor. Harry sat down on de edge as quietly as possible. As it turned out, that was relatively close to his professor. It gave him the chance to understand everything they said, but he would have to be very careful with the noises he made. He still felt guilty about his eavesdropping, but for some reason, he couldn't let go. Something drew him to these two men like a moth to the flame.
In the beginning, neither man said much. They shortly ordered their diner when Rosmerta came to them and asked for a bottle of red wine. Sirius was looking at Caldus with a very warm expression in his eyes, that Harry hadn't seen before. Caldus was looking out of the window, even although there wasn't much to be seen, and occasionally let his eyes wander through the pub. Harry wondered at it.
Suddenly there was a loud noise behind them, followed by loud cursing. One of the more inebriated visitors had fallen off his stool and was sitting in a pool of firewhiskey, surrounded by laughter.
Harry looked at them and smiled secretly before he turned his eyes back to Caldus and Sirius. Sirius had also been distracted by the noise, and he was still looking at the crowd, laughing and cheering.
But Harry was distracted by the look on Caldus' face. For the first time since they had entered the pub, his eyes were glued to Sirius' face and a myriad of emotions made his eyes burn. It was the first time that Harry had seen the man so off guard.
The look in his eyes was so intense that Harry slightly shivered and unconsciously checked if his cloak still covered him. What did that expression mean? Dislike? Could that be? But also fascination, admiration, hatred, affection, anger, love…
Harry shook his head. He must be imagining things.
The noise died down and the fallen man was standing among his friends again. The whole scene had taken less than a minute. Sirius turned around again and Harry noted that Caldus quickly turned his eyes away. Sirius hadn't seen anything.
For a while they sat there again, peacefully, each wrapped in his own thought. Harry began to wonder of this would continue like this.
"I hear that you covered dark curses today," Sirius suddenly said. "Harry told me all about it."
Caldus nodded pensively. "Yes, I think that some knowledge of them is essential, even though the dark lord has been vanquished."
"You are undoubtedly right. I wondered, though, if you think the blood freezing curse could be modified, so that I might actually have some beneficial effect?"
Caldus looked interested. "What situations are you thinking of?"
"Well, you know that the curse means to freeze the blood of the victim, so that the heart stops beating and the victim dies painfully. But perhaps a modified version might be useful in mediwizardry? During operations for example."
Caldus frowned pensively. "It might be possible," he said, "if it weren't for the risks involved. "It would take a very highly skilled mediwizard, or the patient would die. As you know, with the freezing curse, the articulation is very important. It might have disastrous results if the mediwizard were to make a mistake. I think it would be far easier to give the patient a blood-cooling potion and proceed."
"Does such a potion even exist?"
"Not really, no. But I imagine that the cooling potion, which does in fact exist, could be modified without trouble. As a matter of fact, that is not at all a bad idea. I must remember that."
Sirius looked at him fascinated. "You do know a lot about potions, don't you? I noticed it before."
Caldus looked slightly flustered. "Thank you. Yes, potions have always interested me."
"It's a pity that you already teach Defense," Sirius said pensively. "You might teach potions, you know. Perhaps we would finally get rid of the greasy git."
Caldus' hands suddenly clenched and his body jerked strangely. "You really do hate him, don't you?"
Sirius (and Harry) looked at him a little bit surprised. "Yes, I do. It's no secret either. Why do you ask? Do you have a history with Snape? Is something wrong?"
"No, nothing," Caldus said.
Harry couldn't help but notice that his voice sounded distracted and cold.
Sirius seemed to notice it as well, for he frowned, but he shook it off and waved to Rosmerta for another bottle of red wine.
The moment, Sirius turned away to ask Rosmerta for the bottle, Caldus' eyes were glued on Sirius' face again. If his look had been intense before, it was nothing compared to what it was now. Harry was startled when he saw the expression of utter disgust, of pain, hurt, longing, love and despair on his professor's face. It wasn't more than a moment, though, before Sirius turned around again, and Harry once more wondered if he had been wrong.
Their wine arrived, and the conversation once more turned toward general and safe topics.
Sirius returned to the subject of dark arts and potions and they conversed at great length. Caldus really seemed to be an expert on both.