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Chapter Eight - Falling in Love

The next day Harry was walking along the shores of the lake, idly throwing pebbles into the water. He hadn't told his friends what had happened the day before, confused as he was about it. It was hard to explain what the problem was, really. After all, what had happened at all? He had spied on a date between two grown men. Nothing wrong had happened, nothing untoward had been discussed. The whole thing had been conducted in peace and harmony. What did it mean when they didn't look each other in the eye the entire time? It would have been more strange if they had.

So what if Caldus had appeared a bit distracted? The man was most probably tired. He had a full time job, after all. Harry must have imagined the expression in his eyes. Or hadn't he? Well, perhaps he hadn't. But that still didn't mean anything, Harry thought with a small smile. It often happened that people who were in love were fighting all the time. Just look at Ron and Hermione. But his own reasoning didn't entirely convince him.

He had been walking for a long time, when he was startled out of his distraction at hearing a soft sound. He looked back and saw that the castle was much further away than he had thought. He must have been walking far longer than he had realized. He looked up and saw Sirius and Caldus, standing on the shores of the lake, apparently staring at the water. They were partly hidden from view by the large bushes that surrounded them. Without thinking about it first, Harry crept a bit closer, choosing a position that allowed him better view.

Sirius and Caldus were standing on the shores of the lake. They both seemed to be in thought, staring out over the waves. It was a beautiful day. There was a soft breeze and the sun was lighting the waves, lending colour and depth to everything around them.

For a while they just stood there, saying nothing. Then Sirius' hand slowly moved towards Caldus and Harry could see that their hands entwined.

Sirius turned his head towards Caldus. Caldus himself was still just looking out over the water. Sirius raised his other hand to touch Caldus' cheek. That finally brought a reaction from the other man. Caldus turned his head and looked at Sirius. Sirius gently stroked his cheek, then entwined his fingers in Caldus' hair and slowly drew him closer.

Harry watched breathlessly. He didn't know what it was that always gave him a strange feeling around these two, but he couldn't for the life of him turn his eyes away.

Caldus and Sirius looked each other into the eyes. Their faces slowly got closer to each other. Time seemed to stand still. Their lips neared each other, hesitated, then parted again. Slowly, but briefly, their lips touched.

Then Caldus jerked back as if he had burned himself. Harry was startled by the sudden movement, and so was Sirius.

Before Sirius could say anything, Caldus jumped back and raised shaking fingers towards his lips. He shook his head and looked around him as if looking for a chance to escape.

"I… I'm sorry," he hoarsely said. "I cannot do this. I'm sorry, Sirius, but I… please excuse me…"

He turned around as if he meant to leave, but by then Sirius regained his senses and grabbed his arm.

"What do you mean, you cannot do this? Why can you not? What's wrong?"

At that question, Caldus laughed, if slightly hysterically.

"Nothing, there is nothing, I just…"

He jerked his arm as if to free himself, but Sirius very brutally held him close to him. "I don't understand. What is wrong with you? What's the matter? Why are you shying away?" And then, as if a sudden thought struck him, "It… it's not as if… I mean… You are certain you're into men, are you? This… this isn't just fooling around, is it?"

But his face glowed when he said it and he unconsciously seemed to loosen Caldus' arm a little bit. It must have been a difficult thing to say the words.

"If you want to be out of this, fine. But not without a decent explanation."

But his voice didn't sound nearly as firm as his choice of words. In fact, it sounded remarkably unsteady.

Caldus sighed and abruptly sat down, once more looking out over the water. "You are not the reason, Sirius," he sighed. "I am."

Sirius sat beside him as well.

"Explain," he shortly said.

But it seemed that an explanation was beyond Caldus. He just sat there and was silent.

Uncharacteristically, Sirius did nothing to push him. He just sat there next to him and waited. They both looked out over the water.

After what seemed like an eternity, Caldus sighed and turned his head to look at Sirius.

"It is hard to explain, actually. You know, there seems to be nothing that might stand between us in the way of a relationship. But somehow I cannot just let myself go and see where things will lead to. It is as if I am waiting for disaster to happen, you know. I don't know. It seems unfair."

For a while, Sirius sat silent, while he was digesting that statement.

Finally, an unwilling smile curved the corner of his mouth. "Well, it is not as if we actually have to do anything, you know? We might just take it slow and wait and see where it leads us. Whoever said that it is heterosexuals who go for the 'till death do us part' variety? It is not as if our bloody life depends on it, now does it?"

At that, Caldus seemed to relax a little bit and he leaned back again. "Yes, well, I suppose you are right," he slightly sourly replied.

Sirius grinned and sounded much like himself again. "I'm sure I am, you know. Actually, it is a slight reassuring that we won't have to fight about bathroom rights in the near future. Many a good marriage has been broken over that one, let me assure you…"

Caldus grinned, apparently relaxing a bit more.

For a while they just sat there again, looking out over the water, meditating. But this time, Harry could see, that Caldus looked at Sirius a lot out of the corner of his eye. He wasn't sitting quietly at all either. Instead, he seemed to be fidgeting around, uneasy, never at rest. He stayed where he was, however, not allowing himself to get closer to Sirius than he already was.

After a while, Sirius finally sighed and turned to Caldus again. "Well," he said with a rueful smile, "let's get back to the castle then, shall we?"

Caldus just nodded and they both rose.

When they were both in the act of getting to their feet, Sirius clumsily seemed to stumble and landed right into Caldus' arms. Who hadn't expected anything of the kind, apparently, and thus fell ungraciously back unto the ground, with Sirius on top of him.

Harry softly snickered when he saw them. It was a long time ago that he seen anything that suspiciously fake. But when he saw how the two men looked at each other, his breath hitched.

For the first time since Harry had observed them in being together, Caldus seemed to look at Sirius intensely and unguardedly. The look he had previously preserved for when Sirius was not looking.

It was intense, filled with love, hatred, scorn, amusement, tenderness, disgust and affection and it made Harry's breath hitch and his toes curl. For a moment they just looked at each other. Then Caldus raised his shaking hands and grabbed the back of Sirius' head in a way that must have been painful. "Oh, you blindingly obvious, stupid, foolish son of a bitch," he said hoarsely, his voice raw with some unnamed but intense emotion, and kissed Sirius.

Sirius, for all his cunning, was taken entirely by surprise and in the first few moments just let it happen. They he seemed to gather his wits about him and kissed back.

Harry felt himself go cold and hot at the same time while watching them. It was striking, hotly passionate, and it felt so very wrong to be watching them while they were together like this. But he couldn't do anything else but watching them. Apart from the fact that his leaving would have alarmed them.

For long moments, the two men were locked together in what seemed to be like an endless embrace. Then Caldus seemed to gather his wits about him and started to extricate himself.

"I'm sorry, but I meant what I said, you know. I can't rush into this like that…"

Sirius looked at him, then slowly released him. He sighed once, deeply, then nodded and helped Caldus getting up. "I know. I understand. It is alright."

And without another word, they turned to head back to the castle.

Harry stayed behind, having trouble to believe what he had just witnessed.