Colossal Mistakes and Tiny Miracles

by scatteredlight

AU Nathan Haley, friends to lovers to exfriends to more? story.

6. Emptiness in Harmony

Chapter Five – Emptiness in Harmony

There's a void in my life. Brooke works overtime to fill it, and I know it drives her insanely jealous knowing that there's a part of me that only Nathan can touch. It hurts her, and we both try to pretend like it doesn't, but just the same, we both it does.

It hasn't been an easy couple of months, and I feel like I'm in the midst of a rather precarious balancing act with Brooke and my feelings for Nathan. She loathes him so thoroughly and completely that it traps me sometimes. I know that if I ever pursue friendship with Nathan again, she will probably cut off all ties to me.

I don't think that's particularly fair, which I have told her, but she's adamant that I have no further communication with him. She's not willing to entertain the notion that maybe he is willing to try to get our friendship back, and she insists that even if he does, it still isn't good for because I feel more than friendship towards him.

She might be right, but it doesn't mean that she has to be so confrontational about things. I just feel like I've gotten to a point where I'm completely free in life, but I have her behind the scenes trying to run things for me. She just pushes a lot, and then I get tired of being pushed and let her have her way. It's stupid, but it's what happens, time and time again.

That's not to say that I'm not grateful, though. I love her dearly, and she's like a fourth sister to me. We've been through a lot together, and I'd hate to do something to jeopardize our friendship. It just feels like she's putting these parameters on what is okay for me to do, and if I don't stay within them, then I'm out.

She's decided to move to Tree Hill, which is a blessing in some regards, but frustrating in others. She's talked Jake into sharing a house with her, since he also decided to go to Duke with me. They both tried to get me to share with them, Jake out of fear of being alone with her, I think, but I declined, perfectly fine living in my parent's basement for the time being.

They headed down there before I did to look for houses and get settled in. I feel bad for Jake, because while I know that he enjoys Brooke's company, she's a little pushy for his tastes. For that very reason, it is nice to have a breather, from both of them. Jake has set up camp in the 'give Nathan another chance' side, which I really can't decide if that is done only to piss Brooke off or not.

It doesn't matter, though, because the three of us all have lives that are going to be very separate from each other's, which is probably for the best. Brooke is kind of hanging in limbo right now, trying to find a job. She ended up majoring in general studies because she slacked off too much to focus on one specific subject, so she got her general degree. Now she doesn't know what she wants to do with it.

I tried to explain to her that Tree Hill isn't exactly sporting an overabundance of career options, but she didn't care, she wanted to come here. So, she's out looking for jobs today as Jake and I shop for groceries to stock their place up. I figured I'd help him out since I'll inevitably be spending a lot of time with the two of them eating over there.

"How can you tell if a potato is ripe?" Jake asks, his brow furrowed in consternation, "I mean, they all look dirty and gross, and they're all hard as rocks."

"Jake, they're potatoes, they're supposed to be firm. If they have soft spots, they probably aren't good," I tell him, "And they're a root, so of course they're dirty."

"Oh, okay," he sighs, and puts a few in a bag. I grab a few cartons of blueberries as he looks at the apples on display. "Okay, what about these apples?"

"What about them?" I ask, amused.

"Which ones are good?"

"Jake, you've never had an apple before?" I question, laughing, "Come on, I don't buy that one, not for a second."

"Well, yeah, I've had apples, but I don't know which ones I'm supposed to buy at the store. Look at all of them," he whispers, pointing, "There's like fifteen different kinds! How do I know which ones are good?"

"Have you ever been produce shopping before?" I ask him, confused by how he could be so dense about these things, but be majoring in medicine.

"I – well, you know how my hometown was really close to campus," he explains, motioning me closer, "Well, my, uh, my mom would come, and – "

I laugh, cutting him off. "Jake! You're one of the most capable guys I know, and your mom was still doing your grocery shopping!"

He blushes, trying to shush me. "You say it like she's ironing my underwear or something, geez. It isn't that bad. She just bought my groceries."

"Oh, my God, you're a mama's boy!" I giggle hysterically, patting him on the arm when he blushes a deeper shade of red. "Oh, Jake, this is so funny. Brooke is going to die when I tell her!"

"Brooke knows how to pick out produce?" he grumbles, "I guess I really am ignorant and useless, huh?"

"No, no," I assure him quickly, trying to get my laughter under control, "It's just kind of cute that you don't know anything about shopping." We walk over and grab some oranges. "You know, before we left for college, my mom made Nathan spend the day with her learning how to do laundry, grocery shop, and cook a few basic things. She knew his parents would never think of that, and that's the only reason he knew. Funny thing was, he already knew all those things from watching her over the years. But he played along so he wouldn't hurt her feelings."

"You miss him, don't you?" he asks, although I think it is more of a statement than a question, "I can tell, it is in your voice."

I shrug, looking away. "Sometimes. Actually, a lot of the time, but I miss the old Nathan, not who he turned into."

"Maybe he's still got that other guy in him. You should just give him a chance, you know?" he again reasons. "And quit listening to Brooke. You know I think she's a fun girl, but she's a raging bitch about some things, and controlling your life is one of them."

Control? "It's not that bad," I deny, "I mean, it isn't like she's a drill sergeant taking over my life, you know?"

"She's not too far off, Hales, at least not where Nathan is concerned." He sighs. "Look, I like her, and I know how important she is to you. But maybe you need to tell her to mind her own business on the Nathan matter, okay?"

"I have, Jake. I'm not a complete pushover, contrary to current patterns of behavior. It's just really hard because she's right about a lot of things, you know?"

"Right about what?" he scoffs, as we wander through the meat and poultry section. "About Nathan? Look, he treated you bad by moving you out of his bed, but are you sure that's the real reason you're mad at him? Come on, Hales, you're a smart girl, and I'm a smart guy."

"Just spit it out, Jake. Say what's on your mind, everyone else does," I grin, throwing some chicken into a bag and dropping it in the cart.

"You love him," he says plainly, causing me to freeze for a minute before relaxing. "No, let me re-phrase that – you're in love with him. Subtle difference, I know."

"Jake, come on," I sigh, not wanting to get into this at the grocery store, "Things are complicated, I'm not denying that."

"Well, what isn't complicated? God, grocery shopping is complicated. I mean, you have to not only know how to pick out produce, but you have to watch out for the crazy people with coupons who would do anything for that last bag of Doritos," he points out dramatically, causing me to laugh.

"I'm not going there with Nathan," I tell him stubbornly, "I'm not opening myself up to him in that way, only to have him stomp on me again. It's just not a feasible option for me, okay?"

He nods. "Okay, fine. I'll drop it for now. Hell, I'll drop it forever if that's what you'd like, but if I drop it, then Brooke has to drop it, too. It's got to be your decision. You're the one who has to live with it, right?"

I nod. "Yeah, right. My decision. Hopefully I can make the right one, huh?"

"You will," he grins, "I have no doubt of that."

"Have we got everything off of Brooke's list yet?" I ask, only half paying attention to him, still ruminating on what he said about me being the one to live with things.

"Uh, let me see," he says, scanning it, "Oh, ew. Okay, you're going to have to go get those for her. And get the thing below them, too. I'm not buying condoms for her, either. I think she needs to do her own shopping next time." He shakes his head. "Well, at least she's careful. I'd hate to see little Brookes running around."

I laugh at him, grabbing the list away from him and wandering off to pick up the condoms and whatever else is on her list. I see what she's written for the condoms, and I turn back to Jake, crinkling my nose. "She's very specific, isn't she?"

"Please, let's never speak of this again," he mutters, "Those aren't even the bad thing on her list."

I laugh at him and walk over to aisle the condoms are kept and search to find the ones she requested. When I find them, I grab an economy pack and stand up to read the rest of the things Jake wouldn't get for her. "Oh, Jesus," I mutter aloud, "Lube?" Shaking my head, I grab it, and hide it behind the condoms. "This is great."

It's the third thing on the list that gives me pause, though. It shouldn't be; I've been buying these for myself in this very store since I was twelve, but staring at that word now makes me stop. Tampons, tampons, when was the last time I had to buy them? My mind is racing furiously trying to do the damn math, but I can't figure it out. All I know get is that it has been a long time, probably at least two months. Maybe since before Nathan and I slept together.

"Oh, my holy crap," I whisper to myself, clumsily dropping the boxes I've grabbed in this aisle. I leave them on the ground, and pull my cell phone out, scrolling to the calendar. "Shit, shit, shit," I mutter, "This cannot be happening. No!"

"Haley?" Jakes call from behind me. He's at the end of the aisle, refusing to come in like there's a force field keeping him out or something. "You get the stuff?"

I nod, "Yeah, hang on a sec." My voice is shaky and strange, and he looks at me like I've grown a third head, but just nods and indicates he'll be at the checkout lane.

I grab the tampons she requested, and pick the other items up off the floor. I stop in front of the pregnancy tests, debating with myself. If I get one now, Jake will know, but if I don't, it'll drive me crazy wondering. I grab two, figuring better safe than sorry, and book it up to the checkout lane where Jake is waiting.

"You get the goods?" he asks, all goofy-like.

"Yeah, I did," I assure him, dropping them in the cart, hoping that maybe he won't notice the extra items I tossed in there.

"Uh, Hales, I don't think those were on the list. Or, oh, did I miss them?" he asks, all scandalized like. "Oh, no, little Brookes running around!"

"Jake," I sigh, trying to hush him up, "It's not what you think."

"Well, I think it's a pregnancy test, and I don't know if I want to live with a crazily, hormonal Brooke. She'd probably start sacrificing live chickens and bathing in urine or something. That would smell bad!" he exclaims, clearly starting to panic.

I wouldn't have thought that anything could make me laugh in the midst of this situation, but I burst into laughter. He stares at me like I've lost my mind. "I'm sorry," I gasp out between laughs, "But you are so paranoid, Jake! You can't only not grocery shop, but you have weird delusions about what pregnancy does to a woman!"

"Not just any woman," he clarifies, "Brooke. And why aren't you freaking out about the possibility of her spawning? I know you're best friends, but come on, you have to admit it's a scary possibility."

"It's not her possibility," I admit, my voice cracking as the laughter finally floats away out of my grasp and the fear and the panic take place.

"You mean," he begins, only to trail off.

"Yeah, it's not hers, it's mine." I shrug, and we both fall silent, lost in our own thoughts on the subject. Neither one of us says anything more about it as we finish up at the checkout stand, and don't speak at all except to tersely thank the cashier and bag boy as we guide our cart out the store.

"So, say something," I tell him as we put the groceries in the trunk of his car, "I mean, you must have a thousand questions or something, right?"

He shakes his head. "I was actually kind of thinking that maybe I don't really want to know any of the details, okay?"

I nod, choking back the tears that are threatening. I don't even know for sure, but I'm so damned freaked out about the mere possibility that it is practically suffocating me. Jake notices and pulls me into a hug. The simple gestures causes the floodgates to open and the tears to spill out.

"I'm so scared, Jake," I whisper into his chest, "What if I am?" Crap, I can't even say the word out loud, what does that say about my potential ability to parent?

"Hey, it'll be okay either way, Haley. I have no doubt of that." I cry harder, and he ushers me into the car, turning it on and cranking the A/C. "Hang tight," he says, going back to finish putting the groceries in the car.

He comes back and gets in, handing me a box of tissues he pulled out from behind my seat. "Thanks," I mutter, looking out the window.

"Why are you freaking out already?" he asks practically, "You don't know one way or another right now. It seems unnecessary to get crazy over something that may or may not be a reality."

I nod, hearing his words, understanding his words, but they don't sink in to the point where I can agree with him. "I'm panicking," I admit, "If I am, it's just – everything changes. Everything, there won't be one single aspect of my life that is the same."

"Hey, hey, calm down, Haley. Look, let's just go back to the house, and you can do whatever it is you have to to take the test, okay?" I nod, and give him a tremulous smile.

"Hey, Jake?" He glances over at me. "Thanks. A lot."

He grins at me. "Hey, you know that's what friends are for."

"And you've been a great one," I tell him, smiling, "Which is kind of weird, all things considered." He raises his eyebrows at me. "What, it is!" I exclaim.

"How so?"

"Well, you and Nathan were roommates and buds, and now here we are, going to med school together and you're living with one of my best friends. Kind of funny how things turn out," I explain, glad to have a subject aside from this – this whatever it is, even if for a moment.

"I guess it isn't the most conventional start to a friendship, but it works." He pulls out of the parking lot. "So, where are the hot girls in this town?"

I have to laugh. "In case you haven't noticed over the past couple of weeks since you've been here, there isn't much in the way of a town. And therefore, there isn't much in the way of hot girls old enough to date you. You'll be better off sticking to picking up girls at school," I inform him, "Unless you like the underage ones?"

"Hah, no thanks. Seriously, there aren't any girls our age in this town? Besides you and Brooke?" he asks.

"I don't know, I'm sure there are a few. It's just that most of us leave when we graduate for college or wherever. Not many people want to stick around."

"And yet, you're back, and you've let me and Brooke move to this dive. Many thanks," he mutters sarcastically.

"It isn't as bad as I make it sound. Besides, I think it has more to do with size than anything. You know how most high schoolers can't wait to leave home? Get out on their own?" He nods. "Well, that's even truer when you live in a town this size. No one wants to stay, and a lot of people do end up leaving."

"Oh, you hicks, you don't know what you want," he teases. I know he's trying to keep my mind off things, and to an extent it is working, but my mind keeps wandering to those stupid boxes in the trunk. All I can see are one line, two lines, pink, blue, and I don't even have a clue what I'm going to do.

"Quit thinking about it, Haley. It isn't doing you any good," he points out knowingly, "Just relax for a few. You can freak out while you're waiting for the results."

I nod, fidgeting restlessly in my seat. "I'm just – it's stupid, but I never considered the possibility. And then, there I was, standing in that stupid, embarrassing aisle with Brooke's purchases, and I tried to count. I didn't know, though, so I looked at the calendar on my phone." I groan, burying my hands in my face. "It's possible, Jake, it really is."

He's silent for a minute, and I can only imagine what he's thinking. Probably that he's damn glad it isn't him in this position. "You're a smart girl, Haley, and you'll figure out how to deal with whatever it ends up being."

"I don't feel very smart right now," I admit, "I feel really dumb, in fact. I should've seen this coming, you know? I mean, there've been little things that should've made me think, but I just brushed them off thinking it was stress or something."

"Dare I ask what these things are?" he asks cautiously, obviously not having much experience in the realm of child bearing or pregnancy.

"They aren't gross," I smile, "I've just gained some weight. And I'm tired a lot. Been sick a few times. Nothing major, right? But if you put it all together, it makes sense."

"It could just as easily be nothing, right? Maybe all those pepperoni sticks are catching up with you finally. You eat them like they've stopped making them and they won't still be 'fresh' in eighty years."

"Hey!" I exclaim, smacking him on the arm, "Are you calling me a pig?"

"Just for pepperoni," he laughs, "No, really, Haley, I'm just trying to remind you that this could be anything. It could be nothing, even."

I nod half-heartedly, beginning to know he's wrong. Now that the thought has been put in my head, I can't get rid of it, and it is seeming more and more and more likely by the second.

He glances over at me again as he pulls the car into the driveway of their place. "You really think you are?" he asks.

"I don't know, I'm beginning to," I admit with a bitter laugh, "It's funny, all of my sisters and sisters-in-law have children. You'd think I'd be aware enough to know when I was going to have one, huh?"

"Well, come on, let's get these groceries inside," he says after a lengthy pause. "Maybe you can do that before Brooke gets home."

I look at him, grateful that he brought that suggestion up. "Oh, God, I've got twenty minutes until she gets back. I'm going now. You okay with the groceries?"

He nods, waving me off. He's probably thrilled at this point to have me and my drama traumas out of his hair for awhile. Brooke is probably looking better and better to him as a roommate with each passing second.

I read the directions carefully, and then take the test. That part is quick, but the five minutes the box says I have to wait will undoubtedly be the longest of my life. I check the time on my watch, and spend the first minute pacing around the bathroom. It feels like the walls are closing in on me, though, so I step in the hallway trying to catch my breath.

Time slows to the point where I think it has actually stopped. I can wait what I think is four minutes, look at my watch and see it has only been thirty seconds. It's excruciating, but when the five minutes have finally passed, I still can't bring myself to go back in there and see what the results are.

"Jake?" I call from the top of the stairs, "Could you help me for a second?"

"Yeah, sure," he agrees as he walks up the stairs, "What can I do for you, ma'am?"

"Check the test for me," I ask, nervously twisting my hands together, "I can't look at it. I'm too scared to check it myself."

He nods, stepping in the bathroom. I nervously pace in front of the door, which basically amounts to spinning in a little circle. "Haley?" he asks softly.

"Yeah?"

"It's, um, it's positive."

I stare at him for a second before hastily nodding, taking the stick from him. Sure enough, there is the little plus sign. I glance up at him, nodding again. "Oh. Okay. Well."

"Haley," he begins, grabbing my arm when I start to walk off, "Hey, stop." He pulls me to him, and I burst into tears. "It's going to be okay, Hales. You – you have options."

I sniffle, nodding. "I know, it's just that I can't do that. My parents, they raised me to believe that while it is necessary in some cases, that it isn't necessary or a good choice to use it as a tool to fix a screw up."

"But if you don't want to," he reasons, "Then how is that better?"

I shrug, kind of at a loss for words. "It's just not in the realm of possibility for me," I tell him, knowing that it isn't, "That's not how I would choose to deal with a mistake or accident, you know?

He nods, "You know what's best for you." He peers at me intently. "You okay? You look kind of green. You're not going to get sick, are you?"

"Not physically," I assure him, smiling wryly, "But if this sends me spinning towards mental illness, don't be surprised, okay?"

He manages a laugh at that. "I'm going to go finish putting the groceries away, and then there was something on TV I wanted to check out."

"Ooh, I'll watch with you!" I declare, surprised when he looks not thrilled with that idea. "What? Is watch TV a euphemism for porn or something?"

"No, no, of course not," he blushes, "It's just that I don't think you're going to want to watch what I have in mind."

"What is it?" I ask, totally wanting to do something to get my mind off it, even if that means watching dumb 'guy' programming. "Is it wrestling? Cuz I kinda like wrestling sometimes!"

"Uh, it's the draft," he explains.

"The draft? Oh. The draft," I sigh, understanding dawning. "I – I don't mind watching that. I mean, it isn't like – well, I don't know what you're thinking it's like, but it isn't that bad, I swear."

"Hale, I know he's probably not what you want to be thinking about right now."

"Like I could stop if I tried?" I ask him, "I mean, seriously, how am I not supposed to be thinking of him right now? Look what's going on! I'm pregnant with his child. If I haven't keeled over from that, I think I can handle watching the draft that he may or may not even be selected in."

He nods, a little shell-shocked at my outburst. "Well, he probably won't be selected during the televised part, at least. But Markus has a good chance of going in the first or second round. Figured it'd be fun to see him."

"Well, that works for me," I agree, "So, let's just watch. And let's keep this other thing between us. I don't want to deal with unwanted and unnecessary opinions yet, okay?"

He nods, agreeing. "I don't blame you on that one."

"Is that all I am?" Brooke questions from the bottom of the stairs. We blink at each other in surprise before turning to her. "Next time you don't want me to find out your big secret, you might want to gossip about it just a smidge quieter," she says snidely before stomping off into the kitchen.

"Well, have fun with that one," Jake says apologetically as he backs toward the sanctity of his bedroom.

"Thanks," I mutter sarcastically as he goes. He gives me a little shrug, and disappears into his room. "Great," I mutter as I start down the stairs. I can hear her slamming around in the kitchen, so I know she's really pissed.

"Brooke," I begin as I walk in there.

"Why wouldn't you want me to know?" she snaps out, "I've been nothing but supportive of you, and this is how you'd repay me? By lying and hiding things from me that you'd tell Jake? What the hell is that?"

"Look," I begin, trying to take the road where I don't have to be an evil bitch to her, "I just found out myself, and I'm not ready to discuss it, okay?"

"Bullshit," she spits out, "Again, I reference Jake. He knows! Why can he know, but I can't? Come on, Haley, I tell you everything!"

"I know that, Brooke," I sigh, feeling awful that I wasn't going to tell her, "And I'm sorry. This is just really new and overwhelming, and I need some time to think about things. I just didn't want to talk about it."

"Why? I don't get this at all, Hales," she says plaintively, and I feel so bad, "I mean, isn't that why people have friends? To talk through stuff like this?"

"Brooke, this isn't choosing an outfit to wear. This is major, and anything that needs to be talked through should probably be done between Nathan and me."

Her mouth drops open in horrified shock. "You're telling him?" she gasps, "You're giving him an in with this? You're beyond hopeless, Haley!"

"How could I not tell him?" I scoff, "I mean, I'm not exactly looking forward to it, but he has a right to know."

"So, you'll keep it then. And you think that piece of shit bastard has any rights here? You're delusional," she spits, "Delusional and crazy! Look at all he's already done to you! How could you put yourself – or a kid – in a position for him to continue doing those things?"

I'm silent for a minute, trying to think of what to say. Finally, "This isn't your decision to make, Brooke. And since it's mine, I need to make one that I'm comfortable with. And withholding info like this from Nathan is not that decision."

She shakes her head at me. "You know, it's disgusting the way you let him treat you, the way you let him walk all over you."

There are a thousand arguments I could make against that statement, but I don't have the energy or the emotional strength to do it right now. "I'm going to go watch TV with Jake," I tell her, my voice sounding hollow and defeated to my own ears, "You can tell me how disgusting I am later, okay?"

"Haley, I didn't mean it that way," she says, her tone pleading, "I'm sorry."

"I know you didn't," I tell her tiredly, "But you still said it, and I don't want to have to think about that right now. We'll talk about this later, okay?"

She nods jerkily, and I know I've hurt her feelings, but it hurts mine too when she acts like this. And the only time she ever acts like this is when Nathan is involved. I just can't deal with her hatred towards him right now, I have way too much going through my own head.

I find Jake in his room watching the draft, as promised. "How'd it go?" he asks, glancing away from the TV.

I shake my head. "About as well as you expected, I'm sure. It's just such a mess, Jake. How am I going to get through this? And without Brooke being supportive, it will be downright impossible, you know? I need her to not badmouth every decision I make regarding Nathan."

"Tell her to butt out if she doesn't play by your rules," he suggests, as if it were that easy. "Look, it isn't her place to tell you what to do. She can support your decisions like a friend, or she can tell you she disagrees with them, but she can't treat it like this is her situation."

I nod, my gaze fixed on the TV, but not really seeing. "I'm pregnant," I whisper finally, still in disbelief, denial. "I cannot believe that I am pregnant. How did this happen?"

He looks at me, amused. "Well, you see, Haley, when a boy likes a girl – "

"Jake," I whine, "Don't be funny, I can't laugh right now."

"It's okay to laugh, Haley," he reminds me again, "It might not be a situation you expected, but it isn't the end of the world. It isn't like the apocalypse is going to rain down on us any minute now or anything."

"You don't know that for sure," I tell him, "I mean, I'm the responsible one! All around, other people mess up! Nathan messes up, Brooke messes up, my sisters and brothers messed up, even my parents messed up! But not me, never like this. Never like this!"

"It's okay to mess up, Haley."

"No, it's not! How am I going to tell my parents? God, you know what my mom will say?" He shakes his head no. "She'll say how great it is that Nathan and I are finally together, and how can I tell her what really happened? How can I tell the kid what really happened between Nathan and I when it asks, fifteen years down the road? This is impossible!" I rage.

He sits up straighter. "It's not impossible," he argues, "It's inconvenient for you. That's what your problem is. We all know that you're perfectly capable of taking care of a baby, right? And you can provide for it if you have to. It just doesn't fit into your plans, and it's throwing you off track. That's all."

I stare at him blankly for a minute. "So, you think that I'm treating this like a pesky bug that keeps trying to land on my food? Because that is inconvenient, Jake! A baby is a major thing! It is more than a minor inconvenience."

"Hey, I never said anything about minor," he defends, "I know that you are going to have a lot to figure out. My only point is that this isn't something that is impossible. In fact, I'm sure there are plenty of people who have had kids in far worse situations than yours."

"Well, you're not very sympathetic," I grumble, frustrated he won't just let me cry and be childish about this. I don't want someone making me act mature and reasonable yet. I want my day or two to be selfish and bratty, and moan about the disruption this will bring to my life.

"I'm more sympathetic than you'll ever know," he informs me, his tone cryptic, "But I also know that the longer you wallow and wait to deal with it, the harder you're making it on yourself." He leans back, sighing. "Look, I'm just going to say this once, and then never mention it again: call Nathan soon. Don't wait too long. He deserves to know, and you deserve to have someone to share this with."

I nod, hearing his words and knowing he's right. But knowing doesn't really make any of this easier, so it's hard to motivate myself to act on it. "Thanks for not pushing me," I tell him, suddenly really glad to have him as a friend and to have him here.

"Hey, it isn't my place," he grins, "And I'm not Brooke enough to make it my place, either."

"Thanks, Jake," I tell him, giving him a half-hearted smile.

"You're welcome, Haley," he replies, "Just remember that it isn't that bad." I give him a look. "Well, it could be worse. A lot worse. If we were in China, and you had a girl, you might have to leave it out to die of exposure so you could try again and have a boy."

"Jake!" I exclaim, "What a horrid thing to say!"

"It's true!" he counters, "We learned about it a civics class I took in high school. Since they have – well, had, anyway, a rule that you could only have one child – as population control – many people took to killing girl children because boys were considered more valuable. I guess that's a generation of boys who will be pretty sorry."

"If you know crap like that, remind me never to play Trivial Pursuit with you," I mutter, half-serious, my mind again wandering off to places I'd rather it not go right now.

"Go talk to Brooke." I look over at him in surprise. "Seriously, you'll feel better. She probably has a major apology planned out, and you know better than to listen to what she says about Nathan. But she's your friend, so you should let her apologize."

"You think so?" He nods. Thinking about it, he's probably right. God knows I need her support right now, and the look on her face when I left earlier was pretty sad. I know I hurt her with my brush off, but her whole hatred of Nathan frustrates and confuses me.

"Hey, if you don't like what she has to say, you can always tell her where to stick it, right?" he grins, giving me a small shove.

"Yeah, yeah, thanks," I grumble, but smile and walk out of the room. I check her room first, but she's not there. I find her in the backyard, finally, after searching through the house. "Hey," I call as I approach her.

"Hey," she mumbles quietly, looking away from me, fixing her gaze at something in the yard behind hers, "Come to yell some more?"

"No," I answer softly, sitting on the ground in front of her, "I just came to say that I am sorry for yelling at you. I'm still kind of upset with some of the things you said, but I shouldn't have said some of things that I did, so maybe it's a wash."

She nods, but doesn't say anything at first, just continuing to stare at whatever is in her sight. Finally, she looks up at me. "I'm sorry that it hurts you, but I don't like Nathan. I don't trust him, and I think it is foolish that you do. But I also get that what I think doesn't matter so much, and I'll try not to bother saying so much on that subject."

"Brooke, I respect your opinions, even on this subject. But I just need you to respect that I have to do what is right in this damn situation for everyone, including him." She nods mutely. "So, maybe we can agree to disagree or something," I finish with a shrug.

"I'd really like that," she agrees, "I just don't want you to hate me, Hales. You're one of the few people I've ever really trusted to not turn on me, and I really don't think I could take it if you did, you know?"

I grab her hand and pull on her until she giggles and falls down beside me. I giggle, too, telling her, "You'll always be my friend, Brookie, no matter what. I'd hate it if you weren't, you know?"

"So, we're okay, then?" she asks, sort of timidly.

"Oh, of course we are. We just need a few ground rules on this, okay? Like no more Nathan discussion, okay?"

She raises an eyebrow at me. "Do you really think that is possible, Hales? You're pregnant. With his kid. I mean, he's going to come up in conversation, don't you think?"

"Okay, so we can't avoid the situation altogether. But you can stop from dropping your opinions on whether what I'm doing is right or wrong constantly, okay?"

She nods. "I just don't want to see you get hurt, and I'm sorry, this will be the last time I say it, but Nathan will hurt you. He already has! I wish you could see that he's not good enough to have even a small place in your life!"

"This isn't about small places, Brooke. I'm pregnant, I'm keeping the baby, and he's the father. That's so the opposite of small that it isn't even funny."

"Exactly, Haley!" she exclaims, "That is exactly why you need to be careful around him! This isn't some little thing – this is huge. This is going to affect you and this baby every day for the rest of your lives! You should really give some careful consideration as to what role you want him playing in that."

I sigh, heavily. "Brooke, this is exactly what we shouldn't be getting into, you know?" She sighs, too, nodding. "I know you're just thinking about what's best for me, but I have to think about what's – what's best for this kid, you know?"

She shakes her head. "And since when is having a deadbeat like Nathan in a kid's life considered what is best by anyone?"

"He's not a deadbeat," I sigh, "And he hasn't done anything that makes me think he shouldn't be allowed to know he's having a child, you know?"

She shrugs. "Different strokes, I guess, but I think he's done a whole shitload of things that prove exactly that."

"I can't do that, Brooke," I sigh, "I just can't not tell him. If nothing else, don't you think that would make me sink down to his level?"

"No," she disagrees, "Absolutely not. Sinking down to his level would be like stabbing him on the basketball court or something."

"I'm not a deranged fan, or something," I tell her, crinkling my nose in distaste, "And that's hardly what he did to me."

"He didn't stab you in the back?" she challenges, "Come on, Haley, I think you used those exact words yourself at some point."

"Maybe I did, but figurative is a lot different than literal, you know?"

"So, what? It's all the same in the end, right?" I roll my eyes at her. "Oh, come on, Hales, I love you, but you are so dumb when it comes to Nathan!"

"How am I dumb when it comes to him?" I ask, curious as to what she'll say. "A little misguided and overly forgiving, but not really dumb."

"Dumb, yes! You let him get away with everything, Hales!" She reaches over and grabs my hand again. "I'm sorry, I know that's harsh. Look, you'll forgive him anything, and that's just not smart, babe. It just gives him the power to walk all over you time and time again. I don't want to see that."

"Neither do I," I chuckle, squeezing her hand, "And I love you for worrying, but this is something I've got to deal with. Like an adult, even."

She nods, dropping the subject. "So, how are you dealing with the other part of all this?" she asks, looking concerned at me.

I shrug. "I don't know, not really dealing with it at all, I guess."

"Why not? You're not freaking about it, are you?" I give her a 'duh' look, and she laughs a little. "I'm sorry, of course you're freaking. But come on, Hales, you know you'll be a terrific mother!"

I shake my head vehemently in denial. "I don't know that, Brooke! I don't know anything about children on a day to day basis, and I don't have a clue what it would take to raise one!"

She laughs, which sort of mystifies me. "I'm sorry," she chokes out, "But that's bullshit. You have like a bazillion little kids in your family, and one of your sisters was saying how you were the babysitting queen. And now you're trying to tell me that you know nothing about kids?"

"Not enough to have one of my own," I whisper, trying not to cry, "I'm just so freaked out, Brooke. I don't know how I'm going to do this. I have med school to think about, and I'm going to have about a zillion lab classes that will monopolize my time. Plus, I already promised my parents I'd get a job. How am I going to manage all of that?"

"You'll find a way. You'll get people to babysit for you, and you'll find a job that has a daycare onsite. Maybe you'll even have cool professors who will let you bring the kid to class," she shrugs, not seeming too concerned about it.

"How many professors have you seen willing to let people bring babies to class, Brooke?" I retort, frustrated at how blasé she is about this. It is a huge deal, and no one but me is treating it as such.

"I don't know, but I'm sure there are some. Especially if it shows that you're willing to work hard to do well in class."

I shrug, willing to let the subject drop for now. "Well, Jake suggested that we all go out and find something fun to do this afternoon. You game?"

"Fun? Around here? You have to be kidding me," she laughs, "This town is like a pamphlet for the antithesis of fun."

"Hey, I tried to warn you," I remind her as we push ourselves to our feet and make our way into the house, "I told you this is the most boring place on earth."

"Well, then I guess it is up to us to liven it up, huh?" she grins as we walk up the stairs, "Now, why do I get the feeling that it doesn't really matter what I wear?"

"Because it doesn't," I grin back, "Your jeans and tank top are perfectly fine for everything in Tree Hill."

"Isn't that special?" she asks rhetorically.

"It's not like you had to grow up here," I point out, laughing, "Believe me, there is even less to do when you're 15 and don't have a car!"

she shudders at the thought. "Ugh, how could you have let me move here?" she asks, frowning, "I'm going to have to spend all my time learning how to sleep with my boyfriend's brother and play basketball and drive stupid American sports cars."

"What's wrong with American sports cars?" Jake asks as he walks down the stairs.

"Nothing, if you're a typical macho pig," Brooke grumbles, and I laugh when he growls at her.

"Brooke's just mad that there's nothing to do in this dive," I inform him, "She thinks she's going to turn into one of us soon."

"What's wrong with small town life, Brooke?" he asks in a teasing voice, "I mean, you can always shop at the country store or the Dairy Queen."

"Shut up, Jake!" she exclaims, dead serious, "Oh, my God! Have I made a huge mistake? What am I gonna do here?"

Jake and I both burst out laughing. "Brooke," I try to soothe her, "You'll get a job and you'll make more friends. There aren't a ton of people our age here, but you'll meet some."

"And we aren't that far from a bigger city," Jake reasons, "And Durham is a college town, so you know there's a lot to do there."

"Yeah, it's always great to have to go to the next town over to have some fun," she snorts, and then sighs, probably realizing what a fool move it was to come to Tree Hill. "And what the hell are we going to do tonight? Go to that little Podunk mall you all have here?"

Jake and I exchange glances. "We could go to the movies," I suggest after a lengthy silence, "Or we could walk on the beach or something."

She looks so dubious about these options that Jake jumps in. "Or there's that bar on the west side of town. It's supposedly pretty new and clean. We could do that."

"I don't know, a bar would be smoky, and I don't think I'm supposed to be around that," I point out, "Maybe the movies is a better option."

Jake grins again. "Nope, the bar is non-smoking. Apparently, the owner or manager or something lost a relative to lung cancer, and so they've made their joint smoke-free. How cool is that?"

I frown, not wanting to spend any time in a crowded, hot, stuffy bar, but if the two of them will have fun, then I'm not going to object. "This place must be really new; I haven't even heard of it."

"Well, it sounds better than seeing some shit chick flick," Brooke decides with a smile, "And who knows? Maybe things have changed a little, and there are some fun young people to make friends with."

"Like the ones you have aren't good enough?" Jake teases her.

"Oh, you know what I mean. You're going to be busy with school, and you'll probably meet some pretty med school dork. Haley is going to be busy with school, and then she'll be busy with a baby," she shrugs, "I'm just thinking that you guys are going to be a whole lot busier than I will, and that I need to do something to prevent it."

I shiver at the reminder that I'm pregnant. It goes unnoticed by them as Jake tries to reassure Brooke that she'll find plenty to do, like work. It gives me a minute to sink slowly into my own thoughts as we walk down to Brooke's car. It's like I can block out this whole pregnancy thing for a few minutes, but then it all just comes crashing back over me like a tidal wave.

Jake and Brooke continue bantering, not even noticing that I've fallen silent. Or perhaps they have, but they're choosing to ignore it for now and let me have my thoughts. It's fine with me either way, though, as I'm only partially up for pretending like nothing is wrong right now.

"Haley, get in the car," Brooke orders, looking at me strange, "Unless you were planning on walking alongside it?"

I open the door and climb in, buckling my seatbelt. I let my hand linger over my lower stomach, mixed emotions swirling through me. I've never been one to think that babies are bad things, but I do think that this baby has particularly bad timing. Frankly, I'm not sure if I'm emotionally equipped to deal with having Nathan's child, let alone financially or logistically.

I jump when Brooke pokes me on the arm. "Yeah?" I ask.

"Why are you so quiet? You're not supposed to be thinking about the things that make you quiet tonight, remember?"

I nod. "Yeah, I know, and I'm trying. Sort of. But there are some things that you just can't push all the way out of your mind."

She sighs sympathetically. "Well, we'll have so fun, and Jake and I will get so drunk and make such huge asses out of ourselves tonight that you will forget all about your problems," she promises.

Jake shakes his head. "I've got too much to do tomorrow to get hammered," he tells her, "But I'll still try and make a fool of myself."

"Gee, thanks, guys," I laugh, rolling my eyes at their goofiness. But I'm glad, though, that they're being so great tonight, reluctantly or not. It's nice to let them take my mind off of things for a little bit.

"Hey, we're here to serve," Brooke laughs, "Well, since I don't have a job or a boyfriend or any of those normal things that supposedly normal people have, I am at least here to serve."

"Yeah, some of us have lives," Jake teases her, earning a glare, "Hey, I'm not saying you don't, I'm just saying I do."

"You are both really obnoxious," I comment, leaning my head back against the seat, "I'm thinking I probably can't take either of you anywhere."

"You didn't already know that for sure?" Brooke smarts back, "Because for someone who is supposed to be smart, that's pretty lacking in common sense."

"Hey, if I had any common sense, the problems I'd be looking at right now would be a lot less than what I've got," I point out, referencing the difficult state of my life.

"Like you're so bad off," Brooke laughs, "I mean, you have a place to live, you're, you know, enrolled in med school, and you have totally awesome friends. Your only major malfunction is he who shall not be mentioned."

Jake rolls his eyes at me, but I brush the comment off. Basically, she could've said worse, and she could've said more. That she didn't shows me she's at least trying. And I can appreciate it, especially from Brooke.

"Anyway," I segue, "What's the name of this new bar that we are gracing with our presence? I can't believe a new bar came into town and I haven't heard about it. News like that usually travels even to the people who aren't in town."

Brooke shrugs. "Who cares? At least there's something to do here, finally. I was about to fall comatose."

"Drama queen much?" I laugh. She just shrugs as she follows the directions Jake is giving her, which makes me wonder how he knows his way around here so well already.

"How do you know where everything is already?" I voice my question.

"It's not that hard," he grins, "I mean, there are three 'main' roads, so once you figure out where they are going and where you are in approximation to them, then you pretty much know your way around."

"You're weird," Brooke informs him, crinkling her nose at him.

"Why, because I took a drive?" he chuckles, shrugging at me. I shrug back at him, rolling my eyes at their bantering.

"I do believe she is referring to the fact that you dorked out and apparently scoped out the entire town within the space of a few weeks."

"Let's face it, there is much to scope out here," he points out wryly, "It really didn't take long at all."

"No kidding," Brooke assents, looking dubiously out the window at the dense woods around us, "This is not the city, that's for sure."

Jake directs Brooke to pull into the parking lot of this new bar, which is named Red Rover. Brooke and I both glance at Jake in surprise. Him calling it a bar and the name of the joint suggest it be a total dive, but it looks more like a club than a bar.

"What is this place?" I ask, still trying to figure it out from the outside.

"I think it's a club," Brooke says as a horde of twenty-something girls walks by giggling. "That is definitely club attire they are wearing." She turns to me. "Aren't you glad I made you dress up, now?"

"Yeah, I think I am," I smile back at her, "So, this might be fun after all! This place looks pretty awesome."

I see some familiar faces as we walk into the bar, but no one I want to stop and chat with. A couple people say hi to me, and I say hi back. Brooke and Jake look at me funny, but it doesn't really process.

"What?" I ask.

"Are you going to introduce us to any of these people you know? I mean, hello," Brooke intones snottily, "Isn't that the whole purpose of this thing?"

I gasp in recognition. "Oh, my God, I am so sorry," I laugh, "I didn't even realize that I was doing that! I'm sorry, I'll definitely start introducing you guys to people that I recognize."

Jake just chuckles while Brooke looks mildly annoyed. "Well, I'm off to the bar," he announces, "Can I get you two anything? Beers all around?"

I'm about to reply that yes, I'd like a beer, when Brooke jumps in. "Jake, you dumbass! I can have a beer, but Haley is cut off for the next nine months."

I blush, but am unsure if it is because she said it aloud or if it is because I had actually let myself forget. "I'd love a Diet Coke," I tell him quietly.

"No!" Brooke exclaims, "No caffeine! It's bad for the baby!"

"Really?" I ask dully, sighing when she nods. I really need to get one of those books, I guess. "Can I get a water then? Or is there too much zinc in it that is harmful to babies?"

She shakes her head, missing the sarcasm. "Not that I'm aware of. But I can look into it for you."

Jake looks at her like she has a second head, pausing him in his quest for the bar. "How do you know so much about pregnancy?"

"Oh. You know what? It doesn't matter how I know so much on this particular subject, just that I do, right?"

Jake and I exchange glances. "You don't have a secret baby stashed somewhere, do you?" I ask, joking around.

"Of course not," she replies tartly, "I'm much more the Cruella DeVille type in that I'd turn it into a purse or something."

"Hey, I didn't mean it like that," I protest.

"I know," she sighs, "And I was just kidding, I promise. I'm not going to serve your baby for dinner or something."

Jake slings an arm around her shoulder. "Well, I think it's cool that you know so much about it," he tells her, "Now I'm off to get two beers and one water." He looks down at Brooke for confirmation. She nods, and he grins, walking off.

"What's going on, Brooke?" I ask, still wondering how she's so knowledgeable on the subject of impending motherhood.

She shrugs. "It's nothing, Hales. I promise. I guess my head is just in the clouds a little bit, thinking of everything that's happened today."

"It's been crazy," I agree, "Almost like none of it is real, you know?"

She smiles. "Yeah, I know. But you know what? It'll be hard, some of it, but it'll all be okay in the end. Things have their ways of working out."

I nod, sighing. "Yeah, I guess they will. Maybe when things sink in a little more, and everyone has a chance to deal with it all, it'll be easier, right?"

"Yeah, definitely. I mean, how could it not, right? Just takes some adjustment time, I think. We should expect that. Life has changed a lot the last couple of months, for all of us. New city, new school for you guys, hopefully new job for me soon, so yeah, lots of new stuff to deal with."

"New baby," I remind her with a sigh, "I cannot friggin' believe there is going to be a new baby. My new baby. How out of the blue is that?"

"You've got to stop being such a slut," she returns, laughing, "Seriously, Haley, what did you expect?"

"Hey," I laugh, rolling my eyes at her, "I lived the life of a monk for most of college. It's just my bad luck that the one time I let loose I'm too into the moment to think about protection. Which is stupid for other reasons, too." I pause for a minute while she looks on sympathetically. "I had myself tested," I confide.

"Yeah?" she asks, raising an eyebrow at me, "And I presume you came back clean?" I nod. "Thank God for small miracles."

"I guess worse things could've resulted from that night, huh?" She gives me a pointed look, but nods. "Although, realizing that Nathan can and will never be to me what I need from him was pretty shitty."

"Hey, Haley," she begins, but I cut her off.

"No, it's okay. I'm fine. Jake's taking an awfully long time, I think I'll go check on him. Maybe he needs help carrying something."

She looks like she wants to say more, but she just nods instead and let's me run away from the conversation. I give her the best smile that I can manage, which is probably closer to a look of pain than a look of happiness, but I tried. I stand up and wander towards the bar, spotting Jake on the far side, chatting up the bartender, a skinny blonde with curly hair.

"Sorry to interrupt," I grin as I step over by them, making sure to smile brightly at the pretty girl he was talking to, "But some of us are getting thirsty waiting for our promised drinks. And some of us are also being forced to endure semi-painful conversations with our other friends while we wait for our drink fetching friend to come back."

"Haley," Jake grounds out, clearly irritated. The bartender's eyes twinkle in amusement, though, so I know I'm not screwing anything up too badly for him. "It's so good to see you, what with the perfect timing and all."

"I do what I can," I smile, reaching a hand over the counter to the surprised bartender. Even I'm surprised at this burst of outgoingness. "I'm Haley, by the way."

"Peyton," she grins back, glancing at Jake with a small smile. "Since your, uh, friend, or uh, boyfriend here," she begins again, trailing off.

"Friend," Jake and I say simultaneously, and Peyton and I laugh. "Haley," he groans, "You're so helpful here, aren't you?"

Peyton glances at me, ignoring him. "So, since your friend didn't get your drink like he promised, can I get it for you now?"

I grin in gratitude. "Got any bottled water? If not, soda water works just fine."

"Designated driver?" she asks.

"Well, yeah, I guess I am in a way," I sigh, and Jake pats me on the shoulder. She looks at us oddly. "Oh, sorry, I'm pregnant." Jake looks surprised that I told, and I give him a small shrug. The more I say it, the easier it has to get, I guess. "I, ah, just found out today, so it's new. Really, really new."

A pained look crosses her face. "Um, congratulations. Let me get that water for you." She rushes off to the other side of the bar, leaving Jake and I to shrug at each other.

"Was it something I said?" I ask quietly, feeling bad about having chased the girl off. "Sorry, Jake, I didn't mean to run her off."

He nods, still looking perplexed. "I know, and I don't think you did. You didn't say anything wrong. She even enjoyed you picking on me."

"Oh, we all enjoy that," I assure him, smiling hesitantly at Peyton when she returns with a bottle of water for me. "Thank you so much. And I'm sorry if I said something."

"No, no," she's quick to assure us, "It wasn't you. I just – well, I'm a big dweeb sometimes, so you should totally ignore me when I go into that mode."

She gives us a tight smile, but seems to relax when both Jake and I drop the subject. "So are you new to town?" I ask, going for what has to be a safe subject.

"Yeah," she beams, "How'd you know?"

Jake jumps back in. "Now, this one I can answer. Haley grew up in this Podunk little town, and since it is so small, she knows everyone around our age."

"It is small, isn't it?" she laughs, and both Jake and I grin in return, "But I think I like that about it. I've met about twenty-five people since I've been here, and I've seen them all at least once since then. Where else are you going to get that?"

"A dorm," Jake suggests.

"Ugh," I roll my eyes, "No one wants to relieve the horrors of those days. When I was a freshman, there was this one girl who always smelled like pee. Really."

"Oh, there was a girl in my dorm like that!" Peyton exclaims, "And if she left her door open too long, the smell would totally permeate the hallway. Oh, man, she went through three roommates before they gave up and let her keep her room as a single."

"And people think boys are dirty," Jake mutters, his nose crinkled in disgust, "But I don't think any of the guys in my dorm were that bad."

"Uh, what about the jock strap guy?" I remind him.

"Oh, well, he was bad," he concedes.

"Obviously you two went to college together," Peyton chimes in, "Did you know each other before that?"

Jake shakes his head. "My dorm roommate was her high school best friend. We were kinda friends after that, and now we're both at Duke for med school."

I snort, "It was a little more complicated than that, but that is the gist of it. But I'm back here living with my parents, and Jake is rooming with one of my best friends to save on rent. That's our story of getting stuck here. How about you?"

"Well," she begins as she wipes off the bar to our right, "I dropped out of college after my sophomore year. You know, dorm smells and all that." We all laugh. "But I got a job at the Red Rover in Virginia Beach, and when they decided to open one here, they sent me down as manager. That's my little story."

"Welcome to town," I grin, noticing Jake does the same, "Are you going to be here permanently then?"

She nods. "Yeah, it looks that way. As long as I don't fuck things up around here too badly."

"What are you doing tending bar if you're the manager?" Jake asks.

"One of the waitresses quit last week, so the usual bartender is filling in for them because she's way less klutzy with a tray than I am. And of course, that leaves me here, behind the bar."

"You need a waitress?" I ask, probably sounding ridiculously overeager, but what can I say? I'm needy right now.

"Yeah, are you interested?" I grin widely, nodding. "Are you sure, I mean, it isn't the most rewarding job in the world, and you'll probably spend most of the nights fending off the advances of drunk men – and boys."

"Yeah, I'm definitely interested," I laugh, "As long as you don't mind me working here. Of course, since I'm pregnant, it probably couldn't be permanent." Damn, I have none of this thought through, but I do know I need a job, and one has fallen in my lap. How can I not take it?

"Maybe we can transition you into something else," she suggests, looking happy and relieved, "If you could start soon, like this week, maybe, that would be really awesome."

"Yeah, I can do that!" I exclaim, "School doesn't start for a few weeks still, so that's perfect!"

"Oh, my God, thank you!" she cheers, leaning over the bar to hug me, "You have no idea how excited I am about this!"

Jake is laughing at the two of us in an indulgent way, and as I'm pulling away to respond, Brooke's voice booms loudly from behind. "What in the blue hell is going on here?"

Peyton pulls away from me like she's been burned, and Jake and I glance at each other in confusion as we turn around to see what's got her in a tizzy this time. "You okay, Brooke?" Jake asks, his brow furrowed, "We were about to bring you your drink."

She pushes in between, viciously shoving her finger in Peyton's face. "What rock did you crawl out from under that led you here?"

"Brooke," she sighs, looking torn and dejected, such a dramatic change from the perky girl who had been flirting with Jake and joking with me, "It's good to see you again."

"Oh, please, Peyton," she hisses, enraged, "Good and you are never things that go together in my world. So again, I ask, what are you doing here?"

"I'm the manager of this place."

"Great, are you stalking me now? There are laws against that, you backstabbing bitch!" Brooke screams.

"Whoa," Jake says recovering from the shock of the situation. He jumps up from his barstool, and pulls Brooke back, out of Peyton's face. "What's gotten into you, Davis?"

"This – this bitch," she spits out, glaring at Peyton who is shrinking away from her, "She was supposedly my best friend. But she shit all over that, and it appears she's back for more!"

"How was I supposed to know you were here, Brooke?" Peyton asks quietly, but she does take a step towards Brooke, looking less cowed. "Last I heard, you were in DC for school."

"Georgetown, you moron! I went to Georgetown. I was at Georgetown with these two. God, I cannot believe you're here." She turns to me. "And you! You were hugging that slutty bitch! What were you thinking, how could you do that to me?"

"Brooke, calm down, I'm sure that everything can be worked out," I try, wondering what exactly happened between Brooke and Peyton that had caused Brooke to be so hateful towards her.

"No, I won't calm down," Brooke tells me hotly, "She knew I liked Kevin, this guy we went to school with, but did that stop her from hooking up with him? No, of course not. Because pretty princess Peyton always got what she wanted."

She turns and storms out, with most of the other people in here watching her retreat. Peyton steps back up to the bar. "I'm really sorry about that. I totally understand if you don't want to work here anymore."

"No, it's uh, not your fault, Peyton. I think she's a little mad at me, and is probably taking some of it out on you," I tell her, knowing that could very well be the truth. Or at least part of it.

"I think I'll go check on Brooke," Jake sighs, looking irritated. He spares a smile for Peyton, though. "It was really nice to meet you. Maybe I'll get lucky and see you again soon."

"I'd like that," she says softly, "Thanks for chatting with me."

He nods, and turns to leave. "Meet you at the car, Hales."

"Okay," I agree. I turn back to Peyton. "I guess you're the one she occasionally rampages about when she's on the subject of friendship."

"Yeah, I'm sure that'd be me," she agrees, handing me another bottle of water. "Look, you don't have to stay and talk to me. I really understand, I do. She's your friend, and even though she and I haven't been friends for awhile, I do know her well enough to know that she's probably fuming that you're still talking to me."

I laugh. "Yeah, I'm sure she's working herself up into quite a tizzy," I agree, "But I wanted to stay and tell you I still want that job, if you'll take me. I guess I'd be bringing some baggage, huh?"

"What happened between Brooke and I, you know, it was a long time ago," she says carefully, "But in some ways, it was like it happened yesterday."

"What happened?" I ask, curious. Peyton doesn't seem like the backstabbing on purpose type, so I just want to know what happened. "It's none of my business, so forgive my nosiness."

"No, it's okay," she sighs, moving out of the way as a waitress hurries past her to grab some beers. She rubs tiredly at her eyes. "I got pregnant our junior year of high school. My dad spazzed, and Brooke was the only one really there for me. She went to Lamaze classes with me, and she read half the books and I read the other half. We were a team, and we were going to do right by that kid, you know?"

I blink in surprise. "That's how she knows so much about what's okay during pregnancy," I say, more to myself than anything.

She nods. "After I had the baby, Matty, Brooke met this guy, Kevin. She talked about him all the time. Turns out he was Matty's father. Brooke never knew that," she relates, "I couldn't tell her. She walked in on us kissing one afternoon. Funny thing is, it was a goodbye kiss. You obviously know Brooke, though, and you know she'd never believe that."

"You should tell her again. She might listen this time."

She shakes her head. "Nah, she wouldn't. Not Brooke, she's so stubborn. And sometimes when you let things go so long, there is no getting them back." She rubs her hand wearily over the back of her neck. "That's the case here. There's been nothing between us for so long, that we can't fix things now. There's nothing left to fix."

I think about her words, and the image of Nathan pops in my head. I can't help but wonder if her words are applicable to us, too. It seems like they could be – like the longer we let this go, the longer I keep him out of my life, the less the chance we'll have of ever fixing anything.

"Thanks for telling me," I tell her, "And thanks for the job. Can I show up tomorrow?"

"Yeah, that'd be great. We can get you trained and out on the floor in no time. And thanks, you know, for not bailing."

I nod, smiling. I turn to leave, but stop, turning back to her. "Now, this is definitely not my business, but you're a single mom?"

She shakes her head, tearing up. "I gave him up. After eight months, I just couldn't do it anymore. My dad wouldn't help, Brooke wouldn't talk to me, and Matty's father had split. We were living in my car, and I just couldn't do that to him, you know?"

"Oh, my God," I breathe, again being struck by how much worse some people have it than me, "That's terrible."

She shrugs. "He went to good people. I got to choose them myself, and I know they were really going to love him. Like I would. Like I do. He's better off, and unfortunately, so am I."

I impulsively reach out and squeeze her hand. "I should go. I know they're waiting, and neither are the most patient people in the world. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, good. See you."

I run back out to the parking lot, and climb in the backseat. "Sorry it took so long," I say quietly, not wanting to get into things with Brooke right now.

"No problem," Jake says, while Brooke remains quiet.

The drive back is silent, painfully so. I ask them to drop me off at Karen's Café, which is only a few blocks from my parent's house. It is sort of like walking into the lion's den of Scott activity in a way, but her muffins are melt in your mouth, and I'm craving them right now.

"I'll see you guys tomorrow," I tell them, and they both nod, agreeing. "Brooke, if you want to talk, call me, okay?" She nods, and manages a small smile. Maybe she's more upset over seeing Peyton again than she is that Peyton and I got along. That'd be nice.

I walk into the café, a place I haven't been in years, and am struck by just how unchanged it remains. Karen isn't behind the counter, but Lucas is, which is enough to almost have me turning around and walking out. He sees me, though, and rushes over.

"You're here?" he asks, almost like he's tripping or something.

"Yeah, genius, that I am," I reply dryly, wanting to grab a muffin and go, "What difference does it make to you?"

"Well, n – none," he stammers, "Just surprised I guess. Figured you'd never come back once you hightailed it out of here."

"Duke, med school," I offer by way of explanation. I don't know why I bother, though. Luke is one of the few people that I come close to hating in this world. The ways he's treated me, treated Nathan, are low, lower than low, in some regards, and he's never owned up to even an iota of regret or sorrow or guilt.

"Talked to Nathan lately?" he blurts out, and I blink at him in surprise.

"Why would you want to know that? I really don't see what business that is of yours." I shake my head. "Look, I just came here for one of those chocolate muffins. To go."

"Okay," he says slowly, and walks back behind the counter, "I just figured you'd have talked to him by now."

I shrug. "Well, I haven't, and it isn't any of your business, now is it?"

He frowns, irritated by my brush off. "Look, Haley, he needs you. He won't listen to me, and he's just throwing everything he has away. Maybe you're too heartless to care, but he needs you. You're the only one he ever listened to, anyway," he scoffs.

"Luke, I don't have time for this. I'm not in the mood for this. I don't even care about any of this right now," I spit, "And I don't even get why all of a sudden it is your place to tell me what I should be doing with regards to my relationship with Nathan. You of all people, should be glad we aren't friends anymore. Isn't that what you wanted all along?"

He shakes his head, "Look, Haley, things were different back then. What I did you to you and tried to do to Nathan was shitty, I know that."

"You're damn right it was," I ground out, interrupting him, "And I bet that even now, in the midst of all this brotherly bonding, you're still too cowardly to tell Nathan your real motives, what you tried to do to me, to him."

"No, he doesn't," he admits after a few minutes of silence, "And you can tell him if you want. You should tell him, probably."

I shake my head. "You don't get it, Luke. My relationship with Nathan has nothing to do with you. And frankly, you are the last person on earth that I'd ever take advice from in regards to it."

"I know that, which is why you should just talk to Nathan for his sake. Not because I'm telling you to, but because you want to, because he was your best friend for so long."

"Lucas, give me my muffin so I can go," I demand loudly, angrily. The few remaining people in here are probably staring at us now, but after Brooke's scene earlier, I find I'm immune to that.

"Fine," he huffs a sigh, reaching into the display case to grab me a muffin and drop it in a bag. I pull out a few dollars and pay him, turning to leave. "Wait," he calls, stopping me. I'll never know why I stopped. "Just talk to him, Haley. He's ruining his life, and I know it's because he feels like he ruined your friendship."

"Yeah, well, Lucas, he did. He did ruin our friendship."

He nods, looking dejected. There is also a look of mystification that is similar to the one Nathan would get when he'd feel conflicted about Lucas. "Look, this isn't about me, and it isn't even about you. This is about Nathan. He'll just let himself go until there is nothing anyone can do for him. You get that, right? He's all about wrecking himself, his life right now. I can't reach him. You could, though." He pauses, but continues. "And don't not do it out of spite towards me. You'd regret that forever.

I don't say anything else – there is nothing else left to say. But he's given me a lot to think about, but in some ways, it might've backfired for him. If Nathan is as bad as he says he is, then how am I supposed to expose a child to him? But then again, how can I not tell him the truth?

Nothing in this situation is fair.