Disclaimer: The quotes were taken from Lois A Troutman's transcripts over at michaeleastoncorner . com—she puts so much time into writing out the transcripts of all the scenes ME is in. Thanks Lois:)

A/N: Enjoy the chapter—and go get yourself a Kleenex, it makes me a little weepy reading it. Until next time—Here we go Steelers and Falcons, Here we go—PCGirl.

John looked at the clock—he'd finished cleaning his office out earlier and had most everything packed. He'd avoided Rodi's today—not that he thought Natalie was working, but he couldn't chance it. He knew if he saw her emotions at the thought of him leaving he'd never be able to leave.

He had time to catch a quick nap before he had to leave for the flight, so he cleared off a spot on his bed and was soon asleep.

John walked through Angel Square—had it really been five years since he'd been back? Sure he'd talked to Michael regularly—and when they got married he'd been back, but just for the day—Sonia and him thought they'd been on a breakthrough for the case, but they were wrong.

Since Michael's wedding it'd been an additional three years until they were finally able to put away the right people. He'd talked to Antonio some—called him to wish him a Merry Christmas and sent him a wedding present for when he and Jess got married. Natalie was one thing that was always unsaid between the two of them—he knew she was still with Cristian, and Antonio said she was happy, so he didn't ask anymore.

He heard a familiar voice and tried to hide a smile as he turned to see Natalie walk around the corner, a small red haired little girl in tow. "Hey."

Natalie froze and squinted at the sight—it felt like she was staring at a ghost—like the first time she'd seen Cristian again after a year. "John?" she said hesitantly as her daughter pulled at her hand.

"Mama? Can I go get some ice cream, please?" smiled the little girl.

"Yes, sweetie," she said as she handed her some money and watched her scurry off. She kept her eyes on her daughter for a minute before turning her attention back to John, "What? How? I can't believe you are really here."

"Yeah, I know—talk about a blast from the past," he said with a slight chuckle.

"I—I was late for Michael and Marcie's reception—they said you'd run off back to work. How are you doing?" she asked as she studied his face—his eyes seemed withdrawn, like all he could focus on now was work related, but he still had the same mannerisms.

"I'm good. Sonia and I finally finished that case up a few weeks ago—I came to visit Michael before the next case starts. I—I was hoping to see you before I left this time."

"Unlike you did last time," she said under her breath and he gave her a look. "Last time—you left without a simple goodbye to me John. It took me months to understand why or how you could do that—just walk away from our friendship."

"You were happy with Cristian—I didn't want to, there were a lot of things I left unsaid—but I wanted you to be happy so I left."

"So it was just a good intention?" she said, her eyes burning with hate and a hurt she thought she'd left on the roof of the hotel a long time ago. "I was happy with Cris—you had that right, but we still fight to this day. We were planning a divorce about a year after you left—I was going to come find you, then I found out I was pregnant with Estrella. I stayed with Cris then for her sake. The reason I was late to the wedding was because I wasn't sure if I saw you I could stay with Cristian. So that night I sat on the roof of the Angel Square Hotel until the sun came up and at that point I said goodbye to you."

"I—I'm sorry," he sighed as he sat down next to her under the statue. "I—I thought you were happy so I thought it was best for you if I left without a goodbye—I didn't want to ruin another wedding of yours."

"You should have asked me, John—I could have told you I wanted to make it work with Cristian, but I found out shortly it was never going to work. I just didn't have a reason to walk away from him before our daughter, and now because of her I could never walk away."

John sighed as he looked over to see Natalie's daughter walking back with an ice cream cone, "She has a beautiful name—I can tell she's going to look just like you when she grows up."

"Thanks," blushed Natalie as she ran her hand over her daughters curls, "I'm just happy to know she's not having the same childhood that I did."

Estrella stared at her cone thoughtfully for a moment then looked at her mom and finally towards John, "Are you a friend of my mommy's?"

John smiled, "I was once—but that was a very long time ago when we were different people. Well, I'll let you go—keep taking care of yourself, Vega," he said as he got up and began walking away.

"Stay right here, sweetie," said Natalie as she had her daughter actually sit down and went after John. "John—wait. I want to tell you something. Thank you."

"For what?"

"Leaving. It hurt when you did—the way you did—but if you hadn't, well I wouldn't have my daughter. I may not be in a happy marriage, but every time I see that smiling face or hear her laugh—I'm filled with happiness."

"You're welcome."

"Goodbye John," she said as her eyes filled with tears.

"Goodbye Natalie," he replied, giving her a kiss on the cheek and giving her a crooked grin before leaving her standing there alone in Angel Square.

Natalie looked over at the door to see Jessica and Antonio walking in with bags in their hands, "Hey—I need the lanterns hung up over there. If you can find where Rex snuck off to so he could call Shannon he'll help you Antonio."

"Will do," he said as he saluted her and laughed before walking off.

"You didn't invite Shannon?" questioned Jessica.

"It was Rex's idea actually—he thought it'd be best if we had the McBain clan stay home tonight. And Michael is working the late shift," she said as she checked something off her list.

"Yeah—Shannon's probably going to see John off then," grinned Jessica—knowing if Antonio had been in earshot she'd be in serious trouble.

"Excuse me?" asked Natalie as she put down her pen and gave full attention to her sister.

"John's leaving tonight—I thought you knew. He's going to help Sonia and the FBI with a case. The plane leaves in about two hours," she said, looking down at her watch.

"How could he do this?" she said as she grabbed her purse and ran off.

"What about the—list?" questioned Jessica as she picked up the clipboard, biting her lip in the process.

John looked at the letter one more time before folding it in the envelope and writing Natalie's name on it. He'd woken up from his dream and realized he had to tell Natalie goodbye, but still couldn't bring himself to doing it in person. He grabbed his phone to call Antonio and have him meet him in the Square to pass on the letter.

"Open up John—Open up now, damn it!" yelled Natalie as she hit the door so hard that it nearly came off the hinges

"Natalie? What's wrong?" he asked—his mind focused on her as he opened the door.

"Who gave you the right to walk out of this town as if nothing or nobody mattered? How could you just leave without telling me goodbye?" she yelled, hitting his chest hard.

"Hey—I'm sorry. Jess opened her big mouth, didn't she?" he said with a slight chuckle as he grabbed her arms and moved her to sit on the bed. "I know—it was wrong for me to think about leaving without a goodbye."

"You got that right," she huffed as she snapped her arms out of his grasp.

"I've got to go though—Sonia needs my help on a case."

"Fine. I understand that John—that's who you are—you help your friends and colleagues when they need you. Why was it you couldn't tell me goodbye though?"

"I—I found out a way to do that," he said as he handed over the letter. "I was going to give it to Antonio tonight—have him give it to you in a few days. It's supposed to be your wedding day today, Natalie. I screwed one up already—I didn't want to be batting a thousand," he said with a laugh and looked at his watch—he needed to get to the airport soon.

"You have to go now?" she asked as she rotated the letter in her hands.

"Yeah—I—I don't want to leave like this," he said as he sat down on the bed and took her hand. "I'm going to miss you, Natalie."

Natalie sighed as she gave him a hug, "I'm going to miss you too. Please be careful."

"I will," he said as he looked at her and ran his hand across her jaw line before giving her a kiss and standing up—grabbing his duffle bag before turning to look at her. "Goodbye Natalie."

"Goodbye John," she said as she watched him walk out of the room and close the door behind him. She stared at the letter in her hand and took a deep breath before opening and reading it.

Natalie,

I can picture your face right now and it's somewhere between betrayal and absolute hatred for me. I know—I'm lower than Paul for not saying goodbye to your face, so I'll apologize first of all for that.

I have a lot of apologizing to do to this town—to you, to Evangeline, probably to my brother even. Other than my brother and Shannon you matter the most to me in this town. That's why when I leave I want you to keep being happy. If something comes up with Cristian and you two drift apart—still be happy and keep living. Of anyone I've known you deserve to be happy Natalie—you've gone through too much in your life to throw it away and be miserable.

Hopefully this case with Sonia won't take long and I'll be back soon. Until then—keep your pool game sharp—who knows when I'll walk back into Llanview and ready for a game with the champ.

I suck at ending letter's—so let's just leave it at 'see ya later'.

John

John stopped at the statue, looking up and thinking—he kept having this nagging feeling he was never going to return to Llanview, that this case he was on would pull him back into the FBI and before he knew it 5 years would have passed.

His mind drifted to meeting Natalie—and moments they had throughout the past fifteen months.

Cristian said you were looking for me?

You're Natalie?

Yeah. Why?

Well, if I didn't have a reason before, I got one now.

I don't even know why I came here.
You came here to tell me to go to hell.
Go to hell.

Do you need to shoot some pool?

No. You know what we need to do. We need to paint.

Really?

Yeah, what the heck, right? Four new walls, give this place a bright outlook.

Sounds good to me.

That's a hell of a nice color you chose there. Yeah, that's good. All right.

Oh, my god

Damn it.

Are you setting me up, McBain—hustling me?

It's a good table—you didn't think I was going to give up that easily, did ya?

Natalie, Natalie, can you hear me? Natalie, wake up, come on. That's it. That's it, baby. Ambulance is on the way.

(gasping) John.

Forget about it. Forget about it. Look, are we cool?

Yeah, if you hand over that ball.

Look, if you don't want to be my partner in this thing today.

No, stop. If I'm not your partner you're only going to humiliate yourself.

Then quit goofing around all right. Let's do this thing.

Why can't you look at me?

I can. I—I like looking at you.

Hello.

Hey, I'm figuring you were wrong about me.

Really—how's that?

I'm thinking I can move on. It's time and I want to.

John, do you know what you're saying?

Yes. Can I see you? Where are you?

Ah—I'm—I'm in bed. Can—can it wait till morning?

Yeah—sure. Get some sleep, all right? I'll talk to you in the morning.

Hey—thank you. I'm really Glad you called.

Me too.

But I think that one might be better. So by your own rules you need to tell me something you never told me before. How'd you say it? No holding back.

I've never stopped loving you.

John gave a sigh as he looked around him, "I never stopped loving you either, Vega. Probably never will."

"Hey—I was wondering where you'd run off to," smiled Cristian as he saw Natalie walk into the community center. "Is everything ok?"

"Hmm? Yeah," said a distant Natalie—she'd sat on John's bed for awhile after she finished reading the letter—crying and remembering their friendship. If he'd been just a friend then why was her heart breaking? Why was it as painful now to let him leave as it had been when Cris had died last year? The tears began to fill up her eyes again as she looked at Cristian, "I love you, Cris."

He gave a slight smile at seeing her like this—figuring the emotions were because they were about to have their second wedding, "I love you too, Natalie."

"I love you and I'm sorry—I can't do this," she said as she let go of his hand and ran out of the building, the dam of tears letting go. She got to the middle of the square and looked around confused. What was she doing? Where was she going to go? She wanted to talk to someone, but the two men in her life that were always there for her—one was on a plane to who-knows-where and the other—the other she'd just broken his heart. She heard footsteps behind her and began to run again, tripping on the edge of the side walk and falling.

"Hey—let me help you," said Rex as he rushed over and helped her up. "You ok?"

"I—I don't want Cris to see me like this."

Rex looked behind himself, thinking he could hear footsteps, "Ok. You don't have to—let's go to my place," he said as he helped her to her feet and they walked off quickly.