Dawn of the Dynasty

A Shu scout ran into the mess hall shouting, "Wu and Wei have joined against us

"WHAT! The scoundrels we have just fought with Wu at Chi bi" Liu bei shouted swinging his sword almost killing everyone in the room

"I will go and prepare a strategy at once" said Pang tong dodging the last spin from Liu bei's sword

"Hey I am the strategist here I'll go and prepare a strategy" and with that Zhuge stormed out of the room

"Okay but can I have your fan" Pang tong asked hopefully and incredibly spontaneously running after Zhuge

Yue ying ran him scythe in hand them shouting, "you perv Pang tong get your hand of my husbands ass"

The next day the entire shu army medic team where picking up a sliced Pang tong with you will die either from excessive blood loss or me sliced in his back with blood pouring out of it he died one hour later from obviously a heart attack his heart was holding a sword and was attacking his lungs or Yue ying had cut out his still beating heart and stabbed it and then stabbed his heart into his lungs

"What how terrible I will go and grieve well…. actually I can't be bothered I think ill laugh for no apparent reason not to laugh at Pang tong of course hahahah… ha"

"I wonder if Lu xun will expect a fire attack" Zhuge wondered

"Or he will set himself and the rest of the army on fire you know how he is with fire" Ying snickered

"Well I'll do a fire attack anyway" Zhuge decided

Zhuge went back to studying his maps and Ying went to sharpen her already sharpened scythe and then Liu bei came into Zhuge's quarters

"Zhuge Liang what strategies have you got for me" asked Liu bei

"Well I have thought about a fire attack but Ying said that Lu xun would set everyone on fire because he is addicted to fire "Zhuge said sadly (author's note my summary said horror so I'll give you horror) Guan yu ran in with his spear and jumped out the window his head cracked against a tree branch his eyes fell out and got tangled with the branch. The pain was unbearable and a bird started pecking at the tendons and veins holding his eyes to his head and keeping him from falling he dropped his spear which got stuck upright in the mud the bird finally pecked through his tendons and veins and he fell on top of his spear the blood exploded everywhere.

"Eww I didn't know that you wanted to redecorate" Zhuge said nearly hurling