AN: This story takes place just after 'Fighting Spirit' in DT. The title and song are Sarah McLachlan's. Please Review!
When She Loved Me
Tommy entered his house after a long day at the hospital. He set down his things down and headed to the basement. It felt so good to be unmorphed, he thought. He couldn't understand why this particular incident had brought this to his mind, but he had to find it. He hoped he hadn't thrown it out when he and Kira cleaned the basement.
Sitting down with a box of things to rummage through, he closed his eyes. He was told to go straight home and rest. Hayley had even insisted she drive him. But he knew he couldn't sleep, not yet. He had another demon to battle.
He sighed. He had thought he had put all of this behind him. Inner demons were a thing for teenage angst. But seeing the green ranger once more had brought back old feelings. Feelings he couldn't in good conscience ignore.
He finally pulled out the white envelope, and sighed. He set the box aside. He starred at the envelope for several minute, not daring to open it.
Seeing the green ranger again had made him remember his friend. It had made him think about how he had never been alone in fighting that battle. And one person in particular had always stood by his side. Until today.
Today was the first time that he had ever faced the green ranger without Kimberly by his side. The only time, he hoped.
Funny, it had been over 10 years since he'd gotten this letter, and he still felt the same kind of dread every time he opened it. There were days when he hoped that he could open it up and the writings would have changed. Today was one of them.
Folding up the recklessly torn seal, he pulled out two things; the only things he'd been able to bring himself to keep of her when he left home. The rest was probably in some old box at his parent's house. One item was the letter. The other was an old photograph, taken long before Kim had left for Florida. Before she'd even lost her powers, he mused.
Tommy was in a plain white t-shirt, and Kim was in a large straw hat and a pink crop top. They were holding hands and smiling. Real smiles, not the kind he saw in photographs these days. Smiles that reached their eyes. Faces full of childhood innocence and… teenage love.
Tommy knew it had been much more than that. He had never loved someone the way he had loved Kim. That was probably why he wasn't married. That was why he hadn't dated in 4 years. Every girl always told him the same thing. When you look at me, you aren't seeing me. You're seeing her.
When somebody loved me,
Everything was beautiful.
Every hour we spent together,
Lives within my heart…
And when she was sad,
I was there to dry her tears…
And when she was happy, so was I.
When she loved me…
He placed the photo on his lap and unfolded the letter. Funny, how after all this time it still smelled of her perfume. He read the verses, the bull about finding someone else. He looked for the deeper sentiment in her letter, the one he never found. He knew there was something else that she had never told him. He could never place it though.
He closed his eyes and leaned his head back. He had missed her today. More than he had in a long time. Oh, there were still nights when he'd wake up from a dream of her and cry a tearless cry. But today… he had just missed her presence. Upon waking up in that hospital room with Hayley hovering over him… he knew she had seen the look of disappointment that crossed his face.
Hayley was a wonderful person and friend. She was loyal, funny, strong, brave… everything Tommy had always admired in a person. And she loved him dearly. But he knew he could never do to her what he had done to all those others, and she knew it too. Jason had once pointed out to him that perhaps the reason he found Hayley's presence so comforting these days was because she reminded him of Kim. And maybe that was a little bit true. She had the short, Carmel colored hair. She was a good deal shorter than Tommy. And she had that laugh that made him smile. Plus, she'd always been there for him.
But she still wasn't Kim. She never would be. He knew that Hayley knew that. He still couldn't figure out for the life of him why she stuck around. But she did, and he needed friends like that in his life.
Glancing back down at the picture, he sighed again. He scooted over to his desk and unlocked the bottom cabinet. He pulled out a bottle of alcohol and left the glasses. Beers and margaritas were for celebrating. Tonight he needed to dim the pain.
He couldn't figure out where he and Kim had started to fall apart. Maybe that was what really tormented him. He needed to know what he had done wrong. Before the letter… he hadn't even seen any signs.
They were both busy and their lives were on two separate sides of the continent. But Kim knew that Tommy would join her as soon as he could, as soon as his ranger days were through. He would have done anything for her. Who knows how much of his college fund he used by flying out to see her every couple of weekends. And even then it had all seemed fine.
They had giggled and gone out to dinner and then back to her apartment, where they would laze around for a day in bed and feed each other and be… generally romantic. Everything was perfect.
Through the summer and the fall,
We had each other, that was all.
Just she and I together,
Like it was meant to be…
And when she was lonely,
I was there to comfort her
And I knew that she loved me.
But then… then he would have to leave. He always had to leave. Kim would get really stony on the drive to the airport, and the goodbye would always be so bitter. Maybe that was what had done it. Too many goodbyes.
After all this time, he still couldn't understand why she hadn't told him the real reasons. Maybe she thought he would have gone after her, or pestered her too much. Being together had never been tedious for them, it was the being apart part.
He took a drink and let it burn down his throat. Whatever had happened, had happened. And that should have been all there was to it. He had let her go and he had gone on to lead 2 more ranger teams. Finally, after graduating and finally passing on his powers, he had gone to work for his uncle. He had raced for several years before he finally decided to go to college and start working on a real career. He couldn't very well go on racing part time and working in various Dojos' for the rest of his life.
So he'd gone to school, done some research, worked with a couple of very strange scientists, and somehow ended up on an island working on (of all things) morphers. Somehow, after all that time he'd been drawn back to the very thing he had tried to put behind him. Something in the power wanted him close by. Too close, he thought as he reflected on the past couple weeks he had spent locked in a morph. And now he found himself guiding and leading a new team of teenagers, whom reminded him constantly of his old ranger days. As Kira had said, for a couple of misfits with morphers they were doing pretty good.
He had followed Kim's career too. She had spent 4 more years with her gymnastics down in Florida, before finally putting in her retirement from professional gymnastics. She had spent a few years teaching kids gymnastics, much as he'd done with his karate around the same time. Then she had shockingly emerged into fashion, getting a job with some team down there to design a whole line of clothes. Everything from dresses, to jazzercise outfits. Her being a pan global champion had helped push the line.
Tommy had browsed through her collections a couple of times. They were all very… Kim. He like seeing her cloths because it gave him some insight into her head. Into the changes she was making. He rarely saw things in pink, but instead in all shades of lavender. But… there was this one dress.
He had spotted it in a store while walking down the street. He had seen it and thought Kim did that. Because it was almost an exact replica of a gown she had worn to a dance with him. The only real difference in this gown from the one he had seen her in all those years ago, was that this one was white, pink, and red. It had a lovely flowing skirt that far too 90's for the time. At the top, the off shoulder sleeves were white and the entire gown faded from white into red, giving it a delightfully pink color.
Tommy had smiled upon seeing this dress. It made him think for just a moment that maybe she still thought about him, too.
It was the dress that had made him want to see her again.
So the years went by, I stayed the same.
And she began to drift away, I was left alone…
Still I waited for the day,
When she'd say "I will always love you"…
He'd gone to see her soon after that, unable to get it off his mind. He had gotten her address from a reluctant Jason. He still remembered pulling into her driveway and thinking, what an incredibly big house for one person. But then, Kim had always loved luxury.
He had walked up the steps of her porch and stood there for about 20 minutes before bringing himself to ring the doorbell. He was dressed in a nice white dress shirt and tight jeans, as he knew Kim had always preferred him. His hair was shorted then, but not as short as he kept it these days.
It felt like an eternity from the time he range that doorbell to the time she answered the door. What he hadn't expected was to see Kim with a baby on her hip. His heart had jumped out a window to his death.
Kim had seen him and a look of shock had come onto her face. Not the kind of shock like she had never wanted to see him again, but the kind of shock like she had never expected to see him again. She glanced between him and the child on her hip, and then she smiled brightly.
"I'm babysitting." She clarified. At that, Tommy's heart had landed on a trampoline and jumped right back into his throat. Kim had giggled lightly and smiled at him and Tommy had smiled back. It was the first time he had really smiled for a long time.
She had invited him in, and they had talked. Talked about their lives, their friends, their careers. Tommy hadn't come there for answers, and he didn't get any. There were no romantic miracles like he had once dreamed about where Kim fell into his arms crying and they picked up where they had left off. Kim was far too independent for that these days. The closest they came to that was telling each other that they still thought about the other.
Kim had never married. She had no stable boyfriend and no real desire for one. It was the same situation as Tommy. So what had held them back? Why hadn't they been able to discuss the letter, or even his reason for coming to see her?
Probably because they didn't want to ruin what was left of their friendship, he mused. The fragile thing was held together by a few strands, and doing that would have torn it apart. For that day, they were friends. And things were good again, if only for a few hours.
So Tommy had left, with a long hug and a careful goodbye. Truthfully, he didn't feel any better about the situation after talking with her. He only missed her more. But it was nice to know that she was okay, and that she still cared.
Lonely and forgotten,
Never thought she'd look my way…
She smiled at me and held me,
Just like she used to do.
Like she loved me,
When she loved me…
Maybe one day, somehow, they'd come back together. They were certainly running out of time, he thought. He knew that he would never love anyone else the way he loved her. And even if that meant being alone, he could live with that.
Tommy took another drink, and then closed off the bottle. He stashed it back in its cupboard. He then took the letter and the old photograph and placed them back inside the tattered envelope. He placed them back inside the box, and put the box back over in the closet.
He sat, looking over the miniature command center around him. He still had things to do, after all.
Maybe today had been more of a milestone for him than he had wanted to admit. The green ranger was a part of his past he didn't like to confront, but when he did he always had Kim in his memories. Today had been different. Today he hadn't needed her to beat him. But a part of him always would.
He sighed and stood, walking towards the stairs. He shut off the light to the basement and made his way to his room.
A part of him would always love her. But maybe, just maybe… a part of her would always love him. And that was the part that stayed with him. The love.
When somebody loved me,
Everything was beautiful.
Every hour we spent together,
Lives within my heart…
When she loved me…
When She Loved Me…