Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. If I did, then I would be really rich already.
A/N: Revamp!
"A Forgotten Memory"
Chapter 5-That Thought
By: LadyRiona
It had been about a week since Isabel's sudden return into his life. They'd gone back to Rizenbul two days after reuniting. The three-day train ride was spent with the four young adults reminiscing. When Isabel had been sleeping, and Al had been caught up in his thoughts, Ed and Winry had sat and talked late into the night, like they used to. One of the two nights, Winry had fallen asleep on his shoulder. It had surprised Ed at first, and he'd questioned how they had ended up on the same bench. But after a few minutes of panicking, he'd accepted the fact that she was very much asleep and comfortable on his left shoulder.
When he'd woken the next morning, just before Winry, Ed had found he'd wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Immediately, he'd pulled out of the strange-to-him embrace and pretended to stretch when Al looked at him. Seconds later, Winry's eyes had fluttered open and she'd caught herself from falling against Edward again. About twenty minutes afterwards, everyone had realized Isabel was awake and had been for the past half hour.
Upon arriving in Rizenbul, the eldest Elric had requested to walk around for a while. She had said she would go alone, but Winry had volunteered to go with her. Ed didn't remember them ever being the best of friends, but if Winry wanted a do over, then he was willing for her to have it. The two girls had been out for at least two hours before Auntie Pinako had rung the dinner bell. A few minutes later, they had come back to the house. They were both unscarred and didn't have any evidence of having tried to kill each other, so Ed assumed that they had talked and laughed and become friends.
After later questioning of both girls, and the stories being the same, his assumptions had been correct. While Winry had been the one to talk the most, Isabel didn't seem bothered. In fact, Winry had only talked around one of the two hours Ed guessed from how much she had told him. Isabel had only answered with a few words. It bothered him a little, but hopefully she could return to her previous disposition of passionate enthusiasm about everything. He supposed that's how she had been before…that day.
Over the passed few days, things had progressed about the same. Ed and Al would train, Winry and Isabel would watch. They would all occasionally go on walks, or in smaller groups, or just by themselves. But Isabel was the only one consistent with going on walks daily. Winry would join her sometimes, more often than the boys. But on days when Winry was busy, either Ed or Al would accompany her. Whenever they went with Isabel, she would go to a specific spot.
It was the big tree near the fence between Winry's house and the old site of the Elric house. Isabel would sit down for a few minutes and stare off into the distance. Then she would stand up and search the area for something unknown to whoever was with her. When she was through looking in the tall grass, she would walk a little bit further to the ashes of her childhood home and brood there. After that, she would start to head back to the house but ask whoever was there if they wanted to walk someplace. If Isabel was anything, it was considerate.
Other than walking and training, they each spent time doing things on their own and things together. A lot of things had become the norm for them. Only occasionally in the few days they'd been in Rizenbul would their daily schedule be altered.
But presently, Edward was stalking through the halls, late at night. Al was deep in thought, Winry had gone to bed a little early, and Auntie had been asleep for the past few hours. There was only one more person he wasn't sure about, but had been a little too skittish to bother at first. Now, he was bored and restless. The company of someone he was almost afraid to talk to was better than no company at all.
When he knocked on the door to hers and Winry's room, he rolled his eyes. If she was asleep, he would probably wake her up. The women in his family were light sleepers, at least their mother had been. He was tempted to run back to his and Al's room and just toss and turn until he fell asleep.
Just as he was about to do that, he heard a response from within. "Come in," Isabel called, sounding muffled through the wood.
Ed contemplated a moment before opening the door. As he walked in, he saw a smile on his sister's face.
"Someone is up late," she remarked when he was closer. Isabel put her book down and took her reading glasses off. In a gesture that seemed to be automatic, she tangled the glasses' arms in her hair.
He smirked a bit. "I'm not the only one. When did you start having to wear glasses?" he asked her.
She thought a moment. "When I started doing independent civilian jobs for the military, I had to go through a physical. They detected some slight astigmatism, but nothing major. So they just gave me glasses for when I was reviewing things and wished me luck when I was going to fight," Isabel explained.
Edward nodded a little and sat on the edge of her bed.
"Didn't our father have glasses?" she asked.
He looked at her piercingly then glared at the floor. "It doesn't matter if he did or not," he growled.
Isabel started a sentence, but quickly cut herself off. "Oh," she said instead, understanding. "Well." She cleared her throat, if a little uncomfortably. "Have you read this book yet?" She held up the leather bound book.
Ed read the title to himself and nodded. "Al and I read that one when we were younger and we were trying to learn more alchemy," he told her. "Since then, I've maybe read it one or two more times to see if we missed anything."
"It has notes on human transmutation," she said. "Is that why you've read it so much?"
He looked at her again, but less harshly this time. His expression was slightly bored and jaded. "That was a bigger part of the reason."
"Are you going to try again?" she asked.
Ed didn't want to answer her. It wasn't really her business if he and Al were going to try to transmute their mother again. She hadn't been there the first time, so why should it concern her if there was a second time? He sighed.
It did concern her. Ed took his frustration, the same feelings against his father, and pushed them away. Even though Isabel had left before the failed transmutation, they'd shared the same mother. He couldn't push her away like that. She was his sister, after all. She deserved to know.
As he was about to answer her, she spoke first. "It's fine," Isabel told him. Then she just looked at him. He would have spoken, but words had deserted him. Her piercing gaze was so intent, so assessing, he found it hard not to squirm. But somehow, Ed managed to sit on the edge of the bed, surveying her half of Winry's room. He looked at Winry and sighed again.
They'd been through so much, but one of the more recent and memorable things had been three years ago. The "Barry the Chopper" incident; that had been a scarring, but significant changing point for him. What he'd experienced then had been a fear he'd never felt before. He could only imagine what Winry had felt. A little before that had been his stay with Shou Tucker and Nina. Ed shivered as the image of the chimera Nina and Alexander had been attacked his memory. Then the stain on the alleyway wall – that would forever haunt him.
When he looked at Isabel again, she had a look of sadness in her eyes. "What have you seen over the years, little brother?" she asked quietly. "What has disturbed you?" Her voice was so soft, so full of understanding and a want to know that he couldn't help but feel the need to tell her.
But Ed squared his shoulders and looked at the floor. "Nothing I can't get over," he told her. It was halfway a lie, but he didn't want anyone's help.
"Edward," she sighed. Isabel reached out and touched his arm. He wanted to draw back, to pull away from her touch, but he couldn't. Something kept him where he was. "Please tell me. I know you have seen things that no one should ever have to see. I know they've hurt you and scarred you, just like your human arm is scarred. What happened?"
Ed looked at his left arm. Since he only had his sleeveless shirt on now, the light marks were open to the public. He cleared his throat and gave in. "About three years ago, Al and I helped capture a serial killer. He was known as 'Barry the Chopper' after the case had been settled. One day, he kidnapped Winry and I went after her. He knocked me out and took my arm. After a while, I got free and tried to save Winry. But he knocked me down and tried to kill me." His hand started to shake as the memories came back so clear and fresh.
"Oh, Edward," Isabel whispered. "I'm so sorry."
He shrugged helplessly, just how he had felt back in Central. "A little after that, I got free and almost killed him, but Al stopped me. The police and Al showed up just in time, I guess." Ed let out a heavy breath.
"What else?"
After a look heavenward, he turned his gaze to Isabel. "Why do you want to know these things? Haven't you read about them in reports?" he asked her painfully.
She nodded. "I have. But I want to know what you think about them."
He grumbled a little and pulled his bare feet up onto the bed. "A few weeks before that, when I'd just become a State Alchemist," he began, fingering the chain of his watch, "Al and I were staying with a man named Shou Tucker. He was known as the Sewing Life Alchemist, as you probably know."
"I, ah, knew his wife before…" she trailed off.
Ed nodded. "Well, we arrived shortly after the incident with Nina's chimera. All we saw was the blood on the wall." His throat tightened painfully, but he forced back the tears. He could have stopped there, he knew, but he just felt like he had to keep going. "I tried to reconstruct her, I really did. But…but Colonel Mustang said that it was impossible to bring her back. She had already lost her life, it was useless trying to bring her back." He scoffed. "I know that already." When Ed looked at Isabel, her eyes were sad and she couldn't face him. "What is it?"
She swallowed. "I was there," she whispered. "I was there that afternoon. I saw you." Isabel took a steadying breath.
Ed took his own steadying breath, but for another reason entirely. He folded his arms across his chest and looked away from her. "Why…. Then why didn't you say anything to us?" he growled. "Didn't you recognize us?"
"I did," she murmured.
"Why didn't you come to us then?" His voice rose a little and Winry stirred on the other side of the room.
Isabel sniffed a little, fighting back tears now. "I was scared, Edward." Then she looked up at him with a slight glare. "Can you honestly tell me now that you wouldn't dismiss me as easily as you had when you first saw me six months ago?" she countered.
He seemed a little taken aback by that. But nevertheless, ready with a comeback. "I was younger then; I may have remembered you quicker! But I guess we'll never know now."
"Well, forgive me for fearing what has already happened, Ed," Isabel replied in a hissing whisper.
"And what's that?" His tone was reckless and nonchalant. It was amazing how quickly one could change attitudes, just from a few spoken words.
"Your rejection," she said lowly. "Now get out, since you know my greatest fear." If looks were able to kill, Ed would have been six feet under from the glare he was receiving from Isabel.
But he conceded her statement and retreated the room silently. Although her order had been fiercely delivered with an equally fierce gaze, he hadn't missed the tears in her eyes behind the careful façade. Ed refused to feel remorse, though. If he gave in now, he would never overcome what he was feeling now. But just what was he feeling? Ed thought a moment as he stepped into his and Al's room.
Pent up frustration, mostly, but he felt a little confused. What did he have to feel confused about? Was he confused about himself, the military, Isabel, his goal? He didn't know, but Isabel was probably one of the main reasons he was feeling this way.
He was very happy to be with her again, but she brought so many feeling with her, good and bad. Along his travels, Al had often told him to take the bad with the good. But why should he have to take more when he'd given only a little? It wasn't equivalently exchanged that way. But if that's how the world was going to be, then so be it. He couldn't change anything, especially how the world was reacting at present.
With a great sigh, Ed threw himself on his bed. Why couldn't things be simple for once in his life? Was he to be forever tortured with these difficult situations?
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Isabel shut her book with a snap. Her eyes were narrowed as she stared over the book at the wall. It'd been fifteen minutes since Ed had left her, and she still hadn't been able to get back into her book. The little bean (though he wasn't much shorter than she) had to come, enjoy a halfway normal conversation with her, and then blow up in her face about one comment. That left her with a scattered attention span and a misplaced role of interest. Darn the boy! She should squash him.
But she sighed. That was no good. It would be childish to fight her brother over an argument. Besides, she was supposed to be setting a good example, right? How could she if she was challenging him over a little fight? If anything, she'd be setting one of those examples that people shouldn't follow. Just thinking about how stupid it would have been almost made her gag.
She turned on her side, smirking at her own foolishness.
"Isabel?" Winry's voice was quiet in the dark room.
"Yeah?" Since she was facing Winry already, Isabel figured she'd at least look at her while they were talking.
"Why were you fighting with Ed?" Winry wanted to know.
Isabel grinned a little more and propped her head up on her hand. "Because he's a bean and I told him that I'd seen him and Al about three years ago in Central," she said casually.
"You're not much taller than he is," Winry pointed out. Isabel scowled. "So you shouldn't really have room to comment about his height."
Isabel turned onto her back and sighed. "Well, I'm older than he is, and at least a little taller." Was this going to turn into a 'my horse is bigger than his' with Winry? Why was she even defending him?
"How old are you? I've forgotten," Winry asked.
"I'll be eighteen in about two weeks," Isabel said. She folded her hands behind her head and stared up at the ceiling.
Wow, it had been a while, she mused. She'd been gone about ten years. From that day six months ago, it had been about nine and a half years. That entire time, she'd never really thought of her home in Rizenbul. Of course, there had been reports about a boy with a metal arm and leg and his brother always in a suit of armor. Isabel wasn't stupid. Along with those notes that she came across, she'd seen "Rizenbul," "Fullmetal," and "Elric brothers" listed in it, mainly in the reference sheet she always carried. She'd known the Fullmetal Alchemist had been Edward. Though the reports had said the armored person had been an Alphonse Elric, she hadn't been able to say why he'd been in the armor then.
But she knew now.
Their failed human transmutation cost them more than the equivalent trade had taken, she thought. In Isabel's opinion, the failed body transmutation should have resulted in the foolish person's life to be taken away and then some. Her brother's had gotten off relatively easy. Al had lost his entire body and Ed his leg for their failure. But it may have had something to do with their willpower. Al was easily influenced by his brother and wasn't so strong. Ed was hotheaded and stubborn. No one could really make him change his mind once it was made up. Maybe because Ed's will was so strong was why he only lost one leg? Al, on the other hand…
Isabel sighed. She was tired; her eyes were drooping more and more and her body screamed for sleep. However, her mind was reeling with thoughts about her past and her brother's pasts. She wanted to sleep, wanted to taste sweet oblivion. It was almost in her reach, she could almost touch it. But just as her fingers brushed the surface, a nagging thought plagued her suddenly.
She sat up and gasped. Why had that thought surfaced? Hadn't she buried it away a long time ago? For it to suddenly surface once more startled her. Isabel didn't want to think about that! She'd forced herself to forget it then for a reason. She had no use for such disturbing notions.
"Isabel, are you all right?" Winry asked.
When she came to reality, Isabel found she was gripping the bed sheets tightly. Her breath was ragged and came in gasps. She wiped the feverish sweat coming down her brow. Isabel swallowed the lump in her throat and took a deep breath to finally calm herself.
"Yeah," she said. "Yeah, I'm fine."
When she looked out the window, the sun was starting to peek over the hills. Apparently, she had fallen asleep and not realized it. It wasn't strange for her to be thinking, fall asleep to a dreamless night, and wake up to continue on that same thought. It just meant that something was bothering her. So she forced that bothersome thought to the back of her head.
Isabel yawned quietly. Apparently, Winry had gone back to sleep. Well, the eldest Elric was awake now; she may as well stay awake. So she slipped out of bed and over to Winry's dresser. The girl was younger by at least a year, but her clothes were bigger. However, they were the only things Isabel could wear right now. Unless she wanted to steal a pair of Ed's pants and wear a baggy shirt of Winry's. Isabel stopped at the door and blinked. Her brother's pants would be highly uncomfortable and very tight on her.
That was just disturbing.
She shook her head and continued outside. True, Riza had taken her shopping for clothes, but it really wasn't Isabel's style to let people do things for her like that. The first lieutenant hadn't expected anything in return. It didn't go along with equivalent trade. Needless to say, Isabel had only accepted two outfits. One was what she'd worn when the Elrics had been reunited and the other was a red tank top and a long pair of shorts. But now she had one of Winry's tighter shirts and a pair of short, loose shorts on to shower in.
Isabel never really had a chance to develop modesty working with the military; there had never been too many people around when she did what she had to. But in Rizenbul, there were plenty of people awake at dawn. It just didn't sit right with her to shower in nothing when the shower was outside.
Her shower was a routine and quickly done. She reached for her towel and dried her hair. It took a bit to get her blonde locks to stop dripping since her hair was a little on the thick side. But once that was achieved, she made double time in drying the rest of her off. After a quick look around, she stripped the soaked tank top off and snatched up the short sleeve shirt from the nearby tree branch. The same went for her shorts.
When she was dressed in dry clothes, Isabel felt ten times better. But there was another problem she had; what was she going to do until the people in her house woke up? Pinako would be up in maybe another hour, but the person Isabel wanted to talk to would be asleep well into the morning.
She sighed and started back around the house. The sun was now making its great entrance to the world. Isabel had to smile at it before continuing inside. But as the door swung shut behind her, a sudden flood of memories hit her.