Okay. I am quite aware that cell phones were not in use in the late seventies-early eighties, but since I actually did this to my friend once, it begged to be written. Pretend. Um, what else? Oh, yeah. Mentioned OC; Cambri is Sirius's on-again, off-again girlfriend, not important.
Disclaimer – This is the house that Rowling built. I'm just examining the cobwebs.
Message at the Tone
"Hey, Jamie. Guess what! I bought a cell phone!" (Hangs up)
"Hey, James. I just remembered that I forgot to say who I was. Am? Am. Who I am. In my message. It's Sirius! Your best mate! Your partner in crime! Your other half! Your soul mate!" (Kissy sounds) "Your dumb dog! ME! I have a cell phone and I can even dial it. Why do they call it voice mail?" (Hangs up)
"Honey? It's Sirius. Don't forget to buy toothpaste if you stop by the market, okay? I'll stop squeezing from the top of the tube if you'll get the kind in the orange box. I love you, honey-bear. 'Bye." (Hangs up)
(Whispers) "Prongs. It's me. I'm deer hunting. Call you later." (Hangs up)
"Hey, Prongsie, what do you think? Should I become a college librarian or a Gladrags model? Or a caricature artist? Call me back." (Hangs up)
"Hey, Prongs. I'm out to lunch with Cambri. We're having lobster. It's really good. 'Bye." (Hangs up)
"I could also become an interior designer. Or sell hot dogs. Or be an art thief! Or an ecdysiast. Or a real estate agent. Or join the RAF! What do you think? Call me, okay?" (Hangs up)
"Cambri says you're supposed to call me back." (Hangs up)
"Bob . . . Bob! Look, we were drunk last night, but we're still not friends. You still owe me three hundred pounds, man. You stiff me this time, I'll put one in your ear. No matter what your wife says." (Hangs up)
"Hey, Jamie. You know why deers get hit by cars? Because they're stupid!" (Hangs up)
"Thanks for the great advice, Jamie. I took the modelling job. When I'm getting calls from squealing preteens, remember, if you'd called me back you'd be mobbed by shrieking teenagers, too! Sucker!" (Hangs up)
"People who don't call their friends go to hell, James." (Hangs up)
"Sirius. It's Remus. James does not appreciate your deer remarks. He will not buy you toothpaste. He thinks 'hobo' is a better job description for you and hopes you choke to death on your lobster. His name is not Bob. It's 'deer,' not 'deers.' James has no interest in squealy adolescents. James is not going to hell. James does not have a cell phone. Now stop calling me at work or I'm going to get fired." (Hangs up)
End