Schwarz Journals (Day 4/?)
By Ray-Chan
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April 18, 2001
Journal of Brad Crawford
I said it last night. I told Schuldich how I loved him. The words came so easily to me. I'm regretful that I hadn't spoken them sooner.
And what's more… I knew it wasn't a lie. I truly do love him. I can tell him that now.
He came to me late last night asking to talk. I wasn't in the mood and wanted to say 'no', but he looked too beautiful in just a pair of silk boxers and one of my button-down dress shirts. It was too big for him and hung off his shoulders, showing just the right amount of pale skin underneath.
I really do get edgy when I haven't taken him in over twenty-four hours.
I was surprised that we didn't argue but just talked for a good half-hour before the words came out of my mouth. He was shocked and thrilled, and a thousand other emotions crossed his face in that one second's time, each more beautiful than the last.
But he repeated the tender words to me as well and right then, I knew I never wanted to be with anyone else.
We stayed that way through the night, making love until dawn on the living room couch. Afterwards, I carried him to our room and just held him close to me until late afternoon.
For once I didn't care if I missed work. Let Takatori find someone else to cover for me. I'm happy and I don't care what the rest of the world thinks.
~ * ~
Smiling slightly, Crawford continued running his fingers through Schuldich's soft red hair as he picked up the first of three journals.
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Entry 4
April 18
I'll never understand love. Not that I'd even *consider* it, but it would be a good concept to know.
With all the killing and hatred in this world, how can something so fragile exist? It's only an emotion. It has no physical basis beyond a kiss or an embrace, and yet those can be created with false pretenses in mind. How can people believe in something that can't listen or touch or kill?
And why do we keep getting new mailmen every week? Heh heh. This new guy is young and naïve. I had to break him in.
I call him Mr. Blue Pants since his pants are those weird tailored things the post office makes its employees wear.
I thought Mr. Blue Pants and I could play a game, so when he delivered the mail today I pretended I was a dog and chased after him while growling until he screamed and passed out.
I buried him in the yard, but I think he escaped because when I went back for him later, he was gone. It's a shame. He wasn't much fun at all.
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Crawford shook his head though the smile remained.
// Farfarello really is crazy. //
"Mmm… What did he do this time?" Schuldich smiled up at his lover, linking their minds without a second thought.
// He tried to bite our mailman today. //
The redhead laughed.
// I never did buy that leash. //
"Go to sleep, Schuldich. You're tired."
"Nein. I'm waiting up for you."
Brad arched his eyebrow suggestively.
"Any particular reason?"
Schuldich wrapped his legs about the older man and rubbed Crawford's thigh with his unbroken arm, purring.
"I'd like to be ravaged again tonight if you don't mind."
"Mmm… You're my priority tonight."
"Good." Schuldich kissed him, tongues mingling in an erotic dance. "Sex. Now."
"Mmph." Crawford forced himself to break away. "Journals first. Sex in ten minutes."
"I'm taking a quick shower then." Schuldich sat up, navy blue sheets bunching coyly at his waist. "Ten minutes. I'm timing you."
"I'm being timed."
Crawford watched the redhead carefully wrap his cast in plastic then close the bathroom door behind himself before taking out the next journal.
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April 18
I guess sex *does* cure every problem. I don't know *what* you did to Schuldich in our living room last night, but he was in such a good mood today. He actually apologized for reading my thoughts. Can you believe it?
I didn't at first. I thought he was playing a mind game with me.
…I told him about Ken. Apparently Aya found out about us somehow. Probably spying.
Anyway, I don't know if he'll let me see Ken anymore. (Outside of missions at least.) I really hope that isn't the case. I miss him already.
….And did you notice that we had a mailman stuck in our yard today? It took me 20 minutes to dig him out of the ground and right afterwards, he ran away screaming something about rabid dog-men. Weirdo.
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// Oh, you have *no* idea, Nagi. //
Crawford chuckled and took up the last journal from the group.
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Fuckbook
Day 4
Everything is right. My life seems whole. There're no other words for it. Just… complete.
When you told me how you loved me, I was just so…. I dunno. Something. But it was really *good*!
Even the sex was good. It was different. Just… soft. Have you noticed, Bradley-chan? We've changed so much in our lovemaking. It used to be fast and furious, sweaty skin to sweaty skin. Now…. It's slow. Meaningful. I love it.
I love you.
I'd write more, but why not just show you? We fit together so nicely. I love it when you appreciate my body like that. It makes me feel wonderful. Loved even.
I love you always.
……and I expect some more lovemaking tonight. There's a bottle of kiwi-scented body lotion in my bottom left-hand drawer. (Unless Farf ate that too….) Get it and come find me NOW!!!!
Waiting for ya, love! Come and get me!!! Ja ne!
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Crawford grinned and flipped open his leather notebook.
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~ * Schwarz Member Assessment : Day 4 * ~
Farfarello is beginning to understand that such a thing as love can exist. He may not like it, but he accepts it without understanding it's necessity to human nature.
Nagi is having what may be his first relationship problems. While I do not approve of his current love interest, household events have been so chaotic for me lately that I have yet to voice any disapproval. However, I think it is good that he has opened up to the rest of us and no longer hides the truth. Because of this, I will not chide his choice and will allow him a chance to save his own relationship. I think it may be beyond repair, though.
Schuldich understands my affections now. He has become more adult-like as seen in his actions today with apologizing to Nagi. He continues to grow, and each day I am stricken more by his perfection.
Myself, I am growing beyond anything I could have imagined. My feelings for Schuldich teach me more patience and love for life every day. Maybe I don't understand it, but I wouldn't give him up for the world.
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Tossing the journals carelessly to the floor, Crawford leaned over to Schuldich's side of the bed and opened the drawer, drawing out the bottle of kiwi lotion. It smelled good. …even better after he applied it to certain places on his redheaded lover's body.
Placing his glasses on the bedside table he walked into the bathroom, stripping off his shirt as he went.
~ * ~ * ~ End Day 4 ~ * ~ * ~