RAW Emotion

Randy's Locker Room

Randy lay on the floor of his locker room in the Bryce Jordan Center at the University of Pennsylvania. He was listening to his iPod and staring blankly up at the ceiling, thinking back on the events of the last couple of days. He had tried desperately to stop thinking about everything that had happened between him and Lita – how he had purposely tried to make her feel jealous, how they had fought, how he had walked away. He closed his eyes for a moment and tried to forget – tried to forget the hurt look in her eyes when she had seen him dancing with that girl, the tears that had threatened to fall when he had shouted at her in the hotel room. But he couldn't forget. He thought back to how he had risked his own heart by telling her his true feelings. He thought about how she had risked everything by telling him her secret. He thought back to how she had tried to tell him what she was thinking, what she wanted – but she couldn't say the words. And he hadn't let her. Instead he had just walked away.

Randy was broken from his thoughts when his locker room door was flung open, slamming against the wall. He looked up to see Dave standing in the doorway, giving him a questioning look. After a moment, Dave moved over to the couch, sat down and simply stared at Randy before finally speaking.

"So…what's been going on? You've been acting really strange lately."

"What do mean? Nothing's wrong. Everything's fine," Randy lied as he turned off his iPod, stood up, and began to pace. Dave raised one dark eyebrow at his friend and watched Randy as he tried to wear a hole in the locker room carpet.

"Well, let's see. First you've hardly slept the last couple of nights. You always seem to have something on your mind. You haven't been partying at all. What's the deal?" asked Dave. He was worried about the younger man. He could tell something wasn't right – that something hadn't been right for some days now.

"Thanks for the rundown Dave. Look – I'm fine okay? It's really nothing you need to be worried about," said Randy, as he sat back down on the floor.

"Yeah, but you didn't answer my question. What has been going on with you lately?" Dave persisted.

"Nothing man. I told you, I'm fine…it's nothing!" exclaimed Randy, his voice rising slightly in anger. Why the hell can't he leave well enough alone? Why can't he just let me figure this out on my own?

"Dammit Randy, there's something bothering you. It's written all over your face. You never were a very good liar. Does it have something to do with a certain redheaded diva? It does doesn't it?" asked Dave as he saw the expression on Randy's face change immediately from anger to sadness and frustration.

"Look – I already told you. I'm helping her out with something – that's all…"

"It's not all. I can tell. You've got feelings for this girl don't you? And they go way beyond just wanting to help her out with something, am I right?"

Randy stared back at his friend for a moment. I need to talk to someone about this. If I don't, I'm going to go crazy. I need some advice. And Dave might not be the one-woman type, but maybe he can still help. "What do you want me to say Dave? That she's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen? That I'm totally falling for her? That I want to spend every minute of every day with her? That I want to be with her more than any other woman I've ever met, but I can't? Dave, it's driving me insane. She's driving me insane. I've only really gotten to know her over the past week but I can't get her out of my head. Every time I close my eyes, I see her – her smile, her eyes, the curves of her body. I've memorized it all."

"Whoa – I-I…huh." Dave was at a loss for words after Randy's little outburst. He had figured that his young friend had developed feelings for the redheaded diva, but he didn't imagine that his feelings ran that deeply. Dave looked over at Randy, who had laid back down on the floor and was once again staring up at the ceiling. "Well, why can't you? Be with her I mean? Does she know how you feel?" asked Dave.

"Yeah, she knows Dave. But it won't change anything. We got into this argument a couple of nights ago and I walked away. I left her there – alone. And I haven't talked to her since…" Randy trailed off.

"Well, I don't really know what to say. But listen man…whatever is going on between the two of you, just be careful. Remember what I said - " stated Dave.

"Dave, I remember…relationships started during high-pressure situations, intense really fast…I got it the first time. But I can't help it. Every time I'm around her, I just want to hold her. It started out as me just kind of helping her out with this thing, but now I can't imagine my life without her. And to tell you the truth, it scares the shit out of me. I mean, here I am – 25, single, working for one of the top sports entertainment companies in the world, and all I want to do is be with this girl. Even if she can't be with me…"

Dave simply looked at his friend closely for another moment. He wondered what sort of secret there was between Randy and Lita that would prevent them from being together. But, judging by the look on Randy's face at the moment, he knew better than to ask. He could tell that Randy was in no mood to talk about this particular subject anymore.

In Lita's Locker Room

Lita sat staring at her reflection in the mirror. She had done that a lot lately – looked at her reflection. Sighing, she tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. She didn't want to be like this anymore. She didn't want to be scared to go outside alone or hear a man's voice. She didn't want to fear a man's touch or his mere presence. She sat back and thought for a moment. She thought back to the time she had spent with Randy. His voice soothed and comforted her even when she was afraid. When she had woken up in his hotel room after having a nightmare, he had been so kind, so gentle, and she had felt totally comfortable. That thought struck her as odd – she shouldn't feel relaxed and calm in his presence, and yet she was. It was really one of the only times she felt like that. Whenever Randy was around, it was as if nothing could touch her. And because of that, she couldn't walk away. Too much had happened, too much had been said, too many feelings were involved for her to simply end it and say goodbye.

Lita rested her chin in her hand and continued to think, the events of a few nights ago rushing back. How she had danced with Shane, the jealousy she had felt seeing Randy dancing with another woman…the argument. It all came rushing back. And as it did, so did the words Randy spoke to her before leaving her hotel room. I want you so badly – every time I'm near you, all I want to do is wrap my arms around you, to kiss you until the whole world disappears around us. You're driving me crazy, Lita. Do you know how hard it is being with you, but not being able to truly be with you? To not be able to hear that you want me as much as I want you? And she hadn't been able to say anything. For so long, she had kept her emotions hidden from everyone. She had lied to her closest friends to keep her secret safe. She had managed to hide everything she was thinking, everything she was feeling. She had learned that, to survive, she had to smile, to pretend that everything was all right, to never let anyone see her weaknesses and fears.

She had almost succeeded. That is, until the night she bumped into Randy. Now it seemed that every time she was near him, all her emotions were on display. He could tell what she was thinking, what she was feeling better than her best friends. He knew when she needed someone to talk to and when she needed to be alone. It seemed like Randy knew her better than she knew herself. She had seen him this morning – walking into the hotel restaurant. She had felt his icy blue eyes watching her as he walked by. If she had returned his gaze, she knew everything she was feeling would be on display for world. She wasn't prepared for that just yet. So instead? Instead she had hidden – again.

She continued to think about Randy, how she hadn't talked to him the last couple of days, how much she missed him. In the past, she would have run to Trish or Stacy to ask them for advice, to ask them to tell her what to do. By doing that though, there would be too many quizzical looks, too many questions. And, at least at the moment, she didn't want to answer their questions. She couldn't answer their questions. Because I don't know how I would answer them. How do I put into words everything's that has happened, everything I feel for Randy? I wish I could talk to Trish or Stacy like I used to. But I can't. Not right now. Not until I figure this whole thing out for myself first…

Looking at the clock, Lita realized that she had been sitting in the same position, thinking the same thoughts, for almost an hour. She tried to push all thoughts of Randy out of her head, attempting to focus on her upcoming match with Victoria. As she began working through the moves in her head, Lita was once again distracted when she heard Randy's entrance music begin to play. Abandoning all thoughts of her own match, she began to intently watch the television monitor in her locker room. She watched every move Randy made, noticed how he used his strength and height as an advantage. She finally allowed herself to smile as Randy delivered the RKO. Lita silently cheered as his hand was raised in victory. She realized what she had to do – what she needed to do for herself, for her own sanity – in order to regain control of her life. I want him. I want to be with him more than I've ever wanted to be with a man. I need to stop hiding. I need to stop lying and trying to convince myself that I'll be fine without him in my life. Because I know it's complete bullshit. I have to find him. I have to tell him…if only it wasn't so damn hard.

Later That Night

The matches had ended. The ring was being packed up. And yet Lita still sat in her locker room. She had long since showered and changed into more comfortable clothes and was now thinking about what she needed to do. She had to go find Randy. But would he even still be in the arena this late? She wasn't sure. But she had to find out. Grabbing her duffel bag and unlocking the door, she peaked her head out and examined the goings on in the hallway. There were still quite a few people milling around despite the late hour. Walking down the hall, she cautiously approached his closed locker room door. Squaring her shoulders and taking a deep breath, she raised her hand to knock. Just as her fist was about to make impact, the door was flung open. Lita took an involuntary step backwards, and slowly let her arm fall to her side. Randy was surprised. He hadn't expected Lita to still be in the arena. He stood staring at her for a moment, before offering her a small smile and standing to the side so she could enter. Closing the door behind her, he turned and watched Lita as she sat down on the couch and folded her hands nervously in her lap. Walking over to her, Randy sat down on the floor in front of her and waited. Lita finally looked up at him, apprehension filling her hazel eyes. Randy simply sat there, returning her gaze without blinking. They stared at each other for what seemed like forever.

I don't want to lose him. Lita thought.

I can't lose her. Randy thought.

"I'm sorry," they both said simultaneously. Randy let out an audible sigh of relief as he noticed a small smile creep onto Lita's lips.

"Li – I feel really badly about everything I said the other night. I don't want to lose you over something so stupid. I can't lose you. You've become too big a part of my life."

"Randy – you asked me to be honest with you. To tell you how I felt. I-I…"

"Randy!" called Trish as she barged into his locker room. "Have you seen –" she stopped as she finally noticed Lita sitting on the couch looking at her. Lita's expression was a mixture of frustration and amusement. Why can't everyone just disappear so I can say this! I just want to be alone with him for five minutes so I say what I need to say. It's hard enough as it is, without having to be interrupted.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt anything. It's just that, Li? Stacy and I are leaving and since we're your ride…" said Trish looking between Randy and Lita as she spoke. What she really wanted to know was what was going on between the two – were they just friends or was it something more? Trish hoped it was the latter. She wanted Lita to be happy, to see her smile again. And if it meant being with Randy, well then…

"It's okay Trish. I can give her a ride. Don't worry about it," interjected Randy from his spot on the floor.

"Li is that okay?" Lita nodded her agreement and gave Trish a small smile. Trish gave her a small wink before turning and leaving the locker room, closing the door softly behind her. Lita rolled her eyes, knowing what the blonde diva was thinking. Taking a breath, she once again focused her attention on Randy. He was still sitting on the floor, watching her, waiting for her to begin the conversation again.

"I guess, I…um…I…" Lita fumbled. Randy leaned forward and lightly grasped her hand in his. He gave her a reassuring smile.

"Just talk to me, Lita. You can tell me anything, you know that right?"

"Yeah, I do. It's just really hard. I mean, I keep practicing what I want to say over and over again, but when I actually have to open my mouth and speak the words, nothing comes out and then I –"

"Start rambling. I know. I do the same thing. But, you can trust me. Whatever it is you have to say…just tell me."

"Okay. See, I was thinking – about you and me. And well, I nee-" Lita was once again forced to pause mid-sentence as a knock sounded on the locker room door.

"Mr. Orton, Ms. Dumas? I'm sorry but it's getting late and we really have to start closing everything up," said an arena worker.

"Shit," muttered Lita. "Can't I just get five minutes to say what I have to say? Would that be too much to ask?" Randy smiled again as he stood up and grabbed his duffel bag.

"Come on, I know somewhere we can talk where no one will interrupt us," he said as he gently guided Lita out of his locker room and to the exit of the arena.

Somewhere Quiet

"I think this will be better, don't you? More private…fewer interruptions…" Randy said quietly as he guided Lita towards his ultimate destination. Lita looked around, noticing they were in the parking lot outside the arena. It was dark, the only light coming from a few overhead street lamps. There was a slight breeze blowing, making Lita shiver as she wrapped her arms more tightly around her.

"Umm, we're in the parking lot," she said, casting a sideways glance in Randy's direction.

"Yeah – it's just that most everyone has left by now, so there won't be a lot of people around. Are you okay?" he asked as he noticed her shiver again.

"I'm-I'm okay. It's just a little chilly and a little dark, don't you think?" Randy studied her for a moment before speaking.

"Li – we're just going to talk okay? Nothing more. And as far as the dark? Nothing and no one can touch you as long as I'm around." And that's a promise I intend to keep. I would never let anything happen to her – I couldn't. She's too important to me. He looked at her with a slight smirk playing on his lips and was rewarded by a small smile from Lita.

Upon arriving at his rental, Randy sat down on the hood of the car and leaned back against the windshield. He closed his eyes for a moment, listening to the virtual silence that surrounded them. Lita watched him for a moment before pulling a sweatshirt from her bag, pulling it on, and joining him. She instantly felt warmer, and laid next to Randy staring up at the stars.

"So…" started Randy, finally opening his eyes.

"So, that was a really good match tonight against Christian. You, uh, you looked really good out there."

"Thanks…" said Randy, with a small chuckle. "It's the best I've felt in the ring in a while. Even if my mind was on something else for most of the match." He turned his head to look at her and noticed she was still staring up at the sky. Feeling his eyes watching her, she finally looking over and met his gaze.

""What were you…" noticing his pointed glance, she stopped. "Oh, I see." He was thinking about me? Even after everything that's happened between us the last couple of days, he was still thinking about me. I want him so much, it hurts. And that scares me. But I can do this. I can tell him how I feel. I have to tell him how I feel. Lita blushed and, at least for the moment, was grateful for the dark. Looking back up at the sky, she took a deep breath and sat up, turning to face him. He was still watching her, waiting for her to say what was really on her mind.

"Talk to me Li. You look like you've got a million thoughts in that head of yours. What's going on?" asked Randy. Lita looked at him for a moment. It's now or never. Talk to him, tell him what you've been thinking, what you feel. You have to do this. You have to open your heart again, trust someone again.

Almost in a whisper, she said, "I missed you the last couple of days." Randy reached out and gently touched her hand. "It was so hard not being able to talk to you. I-I wanted to go and find you, to see you." Lita stopped and started nervously biting one of her nails.

"I really missed being with you too. At the airport, when I saw you? I wanted to wrap my arms around you. Let you know that I still care about you, that I still want to be with you…"

"I wish-I wish…I have all this stuff going on in my head right now, you know? And I have so many things I want to say to you. It's just so damn hard to put into words."

Randy sat up and turned to face her. He looked down and realized he was still holding her hand – that Lita hadn't pulled away. He offered Lita a small smile and gently squeezed her hand, urging her to continue, to try to put into words what she wanted to say. She looked down at their joined hands, realizing how truly comfortable she was in his presence. Cautiously, carefully, she traced the back of his hand with her index finger. Randy watched her as she slowly explored his hand, seemingly memorizing the different lines and contours. Without looking up, she began to speak.

"Have you ever felt like everything you ever wanted was right in front of you, but at the same time, you feel like it's miles away? That's how I feel right now. That all the pieces of my life are slowly starting to fall back into place, but at the same time, that person that I was is practically a distant memory. I've hidden from everything and everyone for so long, that I've almost forgotten what it is to feel, to feel someone's arms around me, to feel comfortable being with someone…" she trailed off, pulling her hand back into her lap.

"And me? Do you feel comfortable with me?" asked Randy. He looked at her carefully – wanting to gauge her reaction, wanting to see if she would be honest with him, wanting her to tell him how she felt. Lita closed her eyes for a moment, trying to gather her thoughts.

"I-I...I need you. I think that since that morning I woke up in your hotel room, I've wanted to be with you, to have you in my life. You make me feel safe. When I'm with you? There isn't any fear or panic. There's just comfort. You make me feel again Randy. Like I don't have to be in control all the time, that I don't have to keep everything all bottled up. It was so hard not talking to you these past few days, not hearing your voice, not seeing your face. I realized how close I came to losing you. I don't know what I would do if that happened…" she trailed off, beginning to nervously wring her hands.

Randy felt a small smile beginning to creep onto his lips. He wanted to gather her into his arms, right there, and kiss her like there was no tomorrow – just that one moment, that one perfect moment. However, he knew and he understood the courage it had taken Lita to open herself up to him, to tell him how she felt, to tell him that she wanted to be with him. Lita was still looking at Randy, trying to read his expression, when he slid off the hood of the car and stood up, his hand outstretched.

"Dance with me," he said.

"What?" What kind of response is that? I finally get up enough nerve to tell him how I feel and all he wants to do is dance. In the arena parking lot?

"Dance with me," he repeated.

"We're in the parking lot of the arena, Randy," Lita said as she glanced around the now empty parking lot.

"So, I don't care. Dance with me," he persisted.

"There's no music," Lita pointed out as she made a gesture with her hand indicating the silence that surrounded them.

"We don't need music. I just want to hold you. Dance with me." Randy continued to hold his hand out to her, waiting for to join him. With a slight shake of her head and an exasperated sigh, she placed her hand in Randy's and slid off the car to stand in front of him. Randy smiled down at her, as he lightly placed his arms around her waist. Comfort, not captivity. That's what I want her to feel right now. If she wants to pull away from me, if this is too close for her, then she can. I don't want her to feel smothered.

Lita gently rested her hands on his arms as they began to sway to an unheard melody. As the pair continued to dance, Lita moved a bit closer and rested her head against his chest, feeling his heartbeat, strong and sure. This feels right. Like this is where I'm supposed to be, with Randy at this moment, in this place. It's just right. she thought.

Randy wrapped his arms a bit tighter around her waist, but still not so tight to make her feel uncomfortable. The cool night breeze continued to blow as Randy whispered, "I should have done this all those nights ago. At that club? I should have-"

He was silenced by a finger to his lips. Randy looked down into Lita's hazel eyes. Eyes that were now swimming with happiness and calm.

"Shhh. It's perfect right now. Right this second," she murmured, as she once again laid her head against his chest. "Perfect." Randy rested his chin on her head, as they continued to dance, closing his eyes, and simply enjoying the feeling of finally having her in his arms again. Where she belongs. he thought.

He pulled his hat down lower on his face as he stood in the shadows of the arena, watching her. It had taken him awhile to find her, but now that he had? He wasn't going to let her go. Not this time. He would always be there. Always watching, always waiting. Until just the right moment. A sick smile crossed his face as he imagined everything he would do to her once they were alone again…how he would make her scream.

Thanks everyone for all the great reviews! I hope you liked this chapter. Please read and review!