Randy had held Lita in his arms while she cried, her words repeating themselves over and over again in his head. We're going back. He had known within seconds that she was talking about going back to Boston, going back to the place she feared, going back to the placed that had haunted her nightmares for months. Randy had watched her sink to the floor, bury her face in her hands, and cry. In the weeks he had known her, he had never seen Lita fall apart like that – and it terrified him. He hadn't known what to do or say. Instead, he had held her, held her shaking form while she screamed and cried in his arms…
Darkness had finally settled over the house, as Randy carefully lifted Lita in his arms and carried her upstairs to her bedroom. Randy sat down on her bed, bracing himself against the headboard, yet he still held her in his arms, not willing to let her go just yet. Lita sat in his lap, her hands clutching the fabric of his t-shirt, her head buried in his chest, tears streaming down her face. I was finally getting better. Things were finally starting to get back to normal. But now – if I close my eyes? I'll see his face, I'll hear his voice. And nothing is going to stop it…
Randy felt her tears soaking the fabric of his shirt. Sighing, he began to lightly draw small circles on her back, hoping the small gesture might begin to calm the crying diva. As time passed, he could feel her beginning to relax, somewhat, in his arms as he continued to caress his fingers along her spine, although her tears did not stop. At the moment, Randy felt completely helpless. He hated seeing her cry, hated seeing the pain in her eyes, hated the fact that there was nothing he could do to make it better.
Pulling her more tightly against him, he whispered, "Baby? You can do this. Everyone has to face their demons some time…and this is your time. You can be strong…you can be brave. You can go back to Boston and face your nightmare. You can't stop living. If you do, then he wins. You know I'll be right by your side…I'll never leave you…" He glanced down for a brief moment and noticed that Lita's eyes were closed, although he was almost positive she wasn't asleep.
Turning on the bedside lamp, Randy glanced at his watch, noticing that it was after midnight. "Li? It's late…do you, um…do you want to try getting some sleep?" he asked. When he got no response, he slowly stood up, still holding her in his arms, and laid her gently down on the bed. Her red, puffy, tear-stained face looked back up at him. She looked so lost, so scared – and it tore his heart out. Grabbing the blanket from the end of the bed, he carefully placed it over her prone body, and looked down at her once more before moving towards the door.
"Where are you going?" The hoarse whisper stopped Randy in his tracks as he turned and, in two long strides, was once again standing beside the bed. Squatting down so he could look into Lita's eyes, he gently pushed some loose strands of hair off her face.
"I was just going to get you some water. That's all…I was coming right back," Randy said with a small smile, as he pulled the blanket more tightly around her. "I'll be right back," he whispered as he gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead. Standing up, he walked towards the doorway and turned back. "Right back," he smiled reassuringly before disappearing down the hallway.
Lita closed her eyes for a moment, opening them quickly after just a few seconds. How can I go back? You know what…I can't do it – I can't, the voice in her head kept repeating over and over. And then another voice took over – Randy's voice. Yes you can! Everyone has to face their demons some time…and this is your time. You can do this – you can be strong…you can be brave. You can go back to Boston; you can face your nightmare. You can't stop living. If you do, then he wins.
"I hope you're right Randy. I really hope you're right," Lita whispered into the semi-darkness of the room, wiping the tears from her cheeks.
"What were you saying?" asked Randy as he walked back into the room, placing a bottle of water on the bedside table. He looked down at Lita and immediately noticed that she looked a bit calmer, and yet, he could still sense the undeniable fear that lingered there, could still see the tension throughout her body. Sitting down on the edge of the bed next to her, he grasped her hand in his, tracing small circles on her palm with his thumb.
Lita looked up at him for a moment before responding. "It was nothing." Taking a deep breath, she continued. "Nothing. Just thinking out loud." She paused for a moment to collect her thoughts before speaking again. "Randy?" she quietly asked. Randy tilted his head and looked into her hazel eyes, while he continued to lightly run his thumb on the palm of her hand. "Please don't leave me tonight. I'm afraid of what I'll see, what I'll hear in the dark. Please – stay with me, hold me…just for tonight," she asked, as the tears began to once again trickle down her cheeks. It had been a long time since she had shared her bed with someone else, but she needed Randy tonight. She needed to feel his arms around her, holding her close.
With the pad of his thumb, he wiped away the tears that fell from her hazel eyes. "Move over sweetheart," whispered Randy as he pulled back the blanket and turned off the bedside lamp. Sliding in beside her, he put his arms around her waist, pulling her into his chest. Lita turned to face Randy and brushed her hand against cheek.
"Thank you Randy. You've done more for me than you'll ever know." Sighing, she closed her eyes and drifted into a fitful sleep. Randy looked down at the beautiful woman sleeping in his arms. Having you here with me, in my arms, I couldn't ask for anything more. Kissing her forehead, Randy closed his eyes, pulling Lita tighter against him, finally feeling sleep overtake him.
Later That Night
Randy was shaken from his slumber some hours later by a noise coming from the small form lying next to him in bed. He rolled over, noticing how the moonlight cast shadows across her body. Her shoulders were shaking and he heard her sniffling softly. She was obviously trying not to awaken him, but it seemed that he had become so in-tune with her emotions and needs, that his subconscious had forced him to wake up.
"Li? Baby?" he called softly, touching her shoulder. "Did you have a nightmare?" Randy gently ran his fingers across her shoulders, waiting for Lita to respond.
Lita suddenly turned towards him, burying her face in his chest, still shaking. "The same one I've been having since this whole thing started. I thought the nightmares were finally going away. I-I hadn't one in a few days. But now, with everything going on…" she whispered, trying to get control of her tears.
"Is there anything I can do? Should I turn on a light? Do you want some water? " he asked, reaching for the bottle of water he placed next to the bed earlier that night. When he turned back to her, Lita looked up into his eyes, her tears slowly stopping and beginning to dry on her cheeks. For a moment, she just continued to look at him. Finally, she was able to speak.
"No-no lights. Water would be good though…" she whispered as Randy handed her the water and watched her take a long drink. Her cheeks were still stained with her tears, her eyes were still filled with fear, her hands were still slightly shaking. Without a word, Lita handed him back the bottle and he placed it back on the nightstand before turning to look at her again. Wrapping his arms protectively around her, he held her close to him, one arm around her shoulders, the other resting lightly on her hip. Lita laid her head against his chest, feeling his heart beat steady and strong beneath her hand.
"Do you want to tell me about it? Your nightmare?" he asked softly.
"It's always the same. I can see him waving that knife in my face, cutting the buttons away from my blouse, covering my mouth with his hand so I can't scream…" her voice faded away and Randy could feel her small frame beginning to shake again, as she held his t-shirt in one of her hands. "And then he starts repeating those words over and over again. You scream, you die. Over and over again. Over and over again. And I can't escape! I can't run!" Tears were again pouring down her cheeks as she relived her nightmare in vivid detail.
"Shhhh, sweetheart. Shhhh…it's going to be okay. It's all going to be okay…" he whispered as he pulled her closer to him. "I'll always be here to protect you. From everything." Randy continued to hold her as he gently rubbed small circles on her back, feeling Lita's ragged breathing beginning to return to normal. He may have seemed calm on the outside, his voice offering her quiet words of comfort. However, his eyes revealed his true feelings. Inwardly, Randy was seething. Here he was, with his incredible woman, who, in an instant, had had her life changed forever. Randy wanted to find the guy who had done this to her, who had crushed her spirit – and hurt him. Hurt him ten times more than he had hurt Lita.
"I-I know Randy," said Lita as her tears began to slow. She wiped fiercely at her eyes, and shifted so she was lying on her back, breaking from Randy's embrace. I hate feeling this way – weak and vulnerable. That's not me…it's not who I am. I'm not the kind of person who just rolls over and dies because something bad happens. I'm stronger than that, braver than that, better than that. Like Randy said, if I give up, then he wins. And I'm not ready for that to happen. He's not going to win – he's not going to beat me. It's my life. Mine! And I'm going to live, and-and love. And he is not going to stop me. I'm determined that he, whoever he is, will not control my life anymore. I'll control my own fate.
Randy looked down at her, the moonlight illuminating her features. He noticed the almost defiant look in her hazel eyes, and knew, somehow, that Lita would not give up, that she was going to face her fears, that she would come out of this whole thing even stronger than before. Offering her a sweet smile, Randy gently kissed her forehead.
"I want you to close your eyes now and try to fall back to sleep. And if you want to dream about anything – dream about me," he said, offering her one of his famous smirks as he rolled over, wrapping one arm protectively around her waist and burying his face in Lita's shoulder. Lita could feel his warm breath on her neck and she instantly began to relax. Closing her eyes, she thought about Randy and everything he had done for her the past few days – how he had listened, and held her, been there for her like no other man ever had before. She thought about that as she once again drifted to sleep.
He sat in his hotel room, holding the picture of her in his hand. You're so beautiful, so sweet. We'll be together again soon my love. Back in the city where we first met, where we first came together…and then you will be all mine. I know he stayed at your house – the little pretty boy. That's right…I was there. Didn't I tell you I'd always be there, watching your every move? But he's not a real man. I'm what you need…Crumpling the picture in his hand, he walked out on the balcony of his room, and stood staring out into the darkness. Extending his hand over the railing, he let go of the picture, watching as it fell and eventually disappeared into the blackness below. A low, sinister laugh erupted from his throat as he walked back into his hotel room. I'm the man who can make your blood run cold, who can make you shake with fear, who can make you scream…
The Next Morning
Lita awoke with a start the next morning, but immediately relaxed when she felt Randy's strong arm wrapped around her waist. She rolled over carefully, hoping not to wake him if he was still asleep, only to be met by his bright blue eyes. Randy was intently watching her and pulled her closer to him as he gave her a soft kiss on the cheek. Getting up, he made his way into the bathroom, closing the door quietly behind him. Lita pulled Randy's discarded sweatshirt on over her own t-shirt and sat on the edge of the bed, her head resting in her hands. Lita looked over as she heard the door opening behind her, attempting a small smile as Randy reappeared. Turning, she looked straight ahead, a quiet sigh escaping her lips. She felt the bed dip behind her under Randy's weight and then a pair of strong arms wrap around her waist. Lita relaxed into Randy hold and closed her eyes.
"I wish we could stay here longer," she said. "I love it here – everything is so quiet, so calm, so peaceful. There are no questions, no one demanding that I smile and be happy all the time…"
Randy placed his chin on her shoulder, just kneeling on the bed behind Lita listening to the silence. He had to admit that it was peaceful. But despite the tranquility and stillness that seemed to fill the room, Randy couldn't help but also feel the fear that had consumed Lita the night before. Feeling Randy's grip tightening around her waist, Lita pulled away from him and shifted on the bed so she was facing him.
"Umm, about last night…it means a lot that you were there. It seems like you're always there right when I need you," said Lita.
"I promised I would be. But I have to tell you Li – it terrified me – to see you crying, screaming, shaking with fear, to hear you describe what's in your head. To hear you say the words he said to you. It just…oh hell, I don't even know what to say."
"Then don't say anything. You were there last night when I really needed you to be and you listened and held me. Randy, I don't know why exactly you were there outside the arena that night, but I'm glad it was you," Lita said, grasping one his hands in hers.
"I'm glad it was me too. Really glad," he said with a small smile. Randy gazed into her eyes and, after a moment, pulled Lita gently into his lap and wrapped his arms around her. He began to comb his fingers lightly through her hair, as he felt her slowly relax in his embrace. Leaning down, Randy whispered in her ear. "So, I never got to kiss you yesterday…"
Lita looked up and studied his features for a moment. It's so strange – these feelings I have for him. I can't imagine my life without him. He's been there whenever I've needed him, when I've needed someone to talk to, when I needed someone to hold me, when I needed someone to just be there for me. "No…you never did…" she murmured as she nervously bit her bottom lip.
Randy noticed the small action, saw the blush once again creep up on her cheeks, and he smiled. He looked straight into her eyes, his hands settling on her waist. She looked back at him with complete trust and he took that as his cue. Lowering his lips to hers, he lightly caressed her bottom lip with the tip of his tongue. Randy heard her quick intake of breath and wrapped his arms more tightly around her waist. Kissing her full on the lips now, his tongue slowly began to explore her mouth, and he was a bit surprised when he felt Lita's tongue tentatively begin to massage his own and her arms wrap tightly around his neck.
When it finally became necessary to breath, Randy pulled away and gazed down at the woman he held so gently in his arms. He sat there for a moment, simply watching her, looking into her hazel eyes. Randy felt her molding into his touch, and he never wanted to let her go. He wanted to stay this way forever – with her, in this place, where no one could touch them, where silence was comfortable, where the walls kept them safe and protected. However, he knew it was unrealistic. But if I could, I would stay here forever. Right like we are – at this moment – with her, comfortable in my arms, not talking, not thinking, just being. If I could, I would take her away from everything, protect her from heartbreak, and sadness, and fear. I would protect her from it all.
"You're going to be okay. You know that right?" asked Randy as Lita made a move to stand up. He watched as she walked over towards the window and stood absently staring into the space below. Randy noticed that she did that a lot – stood staring out windows down at the world as if she was searching for answers to unasked questions.
Lita turned away from the window and, without a word, walked over and stood before Randy. She placed her hands lightly on his shoulders, situating herself between his thighs. She stared deeply into his eyes for a moment before whispering, "Will I Randy? Will I be okay? Will everything be okay? Because I'm just not sure anymore…"
Lita turned to move away from him. Randy reached out and lightly grasped her wrist, pulling her back until she was once again standing before him. Reaching up to brush a wayward strand of her fiery red hair away from her face, he gently let his fingers caress down her cheek.
"Li, I can't make any promises or guarantees. If I could, I would take you away from everything. Protect you from heartbreak, and sadness, and fear. I would protect you from it all…" Randy said, his words mirroring his thoughts from only moments before. Taking a deep breath, he continued. "But I can't. What I can do is stand by you, support you, be there when you need someone to hold you. I know this is going to be hard for you, one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. I also know that if you don't go to Boston, if you decide to stay here, if you decide to hide, then that monster wins. He wins, Lita. Do you understand? He wins!" Randy stood up as he said this last part, lightly gripping Lita's shoulders.
"Maybe I would rather he win, if it meant I didn't have to deal with this anymore. Maybe it would just be easier to run and hide. Maybe I just can't do it…." The seemingly strong resolve that she had the previous night, had begun to crumble. Upon further reflection, it seemed that going back to Boston, back to the source of her pain, was going to be even more difficult than she had first anticipated.
"You have every right in the world to be scared after all that's happened. But don't run and hide. Don't give him the satisfaction…" Randy stated a bit more calmly. "You're greatest revenge? You're greatest revenge is to live your life how you want to live it…and I'll be with you – every step of the way…"
Lita looked up at him in wonderment. Live my life the way I want to live it…be the person I want to be…Take back control of my life. All of these thoughts were a floating through Lita's mind. With a slight nod of her head, Lita knew that she couldn't keep living her life in half-measures; that she needed to become a complete, whole person again. I guess it's time. Time to stop being afraid, stop looking over my shoulder every time I hear a strange noise. Time to push aside the weakness. And with Randy by my side… Rising up on her tiptoes, she placed a small kiss on his lips. "What did I do to deserve you?"
"Right place, right time…I guess," said Randy with his usual smirk. His hands moved from her waist, and came to rest on her hips as he gazed down at her. "So…what are you going to do?"
"I think I'll head downstairs and make some pancakes for breakfast. How's that sound to you?" Lita asked, knowing she wasn't giving him the answer he wanted. With a small grin curving her lips, she turned and scurried from the bedroom. Rolling his eyes, Randy chased after her, eventually catching up with Lita in the kitchen.
Grabbing her in his arms, he lifted her easily and sat her down on the counter. "I wasn't talking about breakfast, Li…" he whispered, resting his forehead against hers before straightening again. Randy grasped her hands, intertwining their fingers. He stood, watching her, waiting for Lita to say something.
Lita took a deep breath. She looked at Randy, standing before her, his eyes filled with so much emotion. She knew exactly what she had to do, what she was going to do – for herself, for her sanity, for her life. "I guess we're going to Boston," she said, attempting a small smile.
Randy nodded his head, and pulled her closer to him, wrapping her in his strong embrace. "We're going to Boston…" he murmured. After a moment, he pulling back, smoothing Lita's hair away from her face. He tilted his head a bit, a smirk forming on his lips. "Are you going to make those pancakes now?"
With a shake of her head, Lita hopped off the counter and walked over to the pantry. Looking back, she grinned at Randy. "Grab the eggs and milk from the fridge…" A comfortable silence settled over the kitchen as Randy and Lita began to make breakfast. Yeah, I can do this…Lita thought. It's time to fight my demons. And win.
Thank you so much for all the fabulous reviews. They mean so much to me. I hope you like this chapter. Once again – read and review!