Schwarz Journals (Day 9/?)
By Ray-Chan
April 23, 2001
Journal of Brad Crawford
I'm exhausted. Schuldich can be such a sex-addict when he wants to be.
…I finally took him up on his offer today. He really brings out the worst in me.
Earlier tonight I knocked out one of the guardsmen at the local opera house and stole his set of keys before tying him up and gagging him. Schuldich seemed a little confused when I invited him to the main concert hall and lead him backstage.
Still, he was joyously open to my suggestions. Obviously, even with all of his past sexual encounters, he has never had sex on the stage of an opera house. I'm sure our private "performance" is something the security cameras picked up, but at this point I really don't give a damn. Maybe I can return tomorrow to check for extra copies of the tape to surprise Schuldich.
He is already telling me that he wants to make an "encore performance".
~ * ~
Smirking slightly, Crawford set the journal down in front of him on the coffee table and took up his mug of spiced cider. Schuldich had a few culinary talents and hot drinks were one of them. The thick liquid was delicious.
Taking a sip, he opened the first journal to read.
~ * ~
April 23, 2001
Entry 9
…Nagi's freaking me out. Now, don't think that I've become soft like you have with your little German fuck-toy, but ….damn that boy is getting creepy.
Okay, so I'm just minding my business as usual today. Hurting God… I'll make God bleed just like me!!! Well, I started noticing Nagi staring at me. He turned away of course whenever I glared at him. I just kept cleaning my knives and watching him watch me.
Now *that* is freaky. I mean, since when has Nagi given two shits about what the hell I do?
….Is this about that kiss yesterday? Damn. Schuldich said I should talk to him about that. I said if he doesn't give me back my pants soon, I'm cutting up his body and scattering the pieces around the apartment where no one will ever find them. …Well, he said my pants were getting washed and I could go get them.
So here I am…. wearing wet pants and hating Schuldich and God at the same time. Hey, I'm multitasking. Deal with it. Wait. Add Nagi to that list, too.
*People To Kill*:
- God - (killed my family)
- Schuldich - (bitch, washed my pants)
- Takatori - (…he's just an ugly old bastard)
- Weiss - (sure, it's my job)
- Mr. Blue Pants - (never came back after I buried him in the yard)
- Nagi - (royally freaking me out)
- Tot's stuffed bunny - (c'mon, haven't you ever just wanted to rip its head off?)
Hmm…. You're not on the list yet, Crawford. Don't worry. I'm sure you'll do something over the next few days to make me want to kill you.
Ja.
~ * ~
Crawford shook his head sadly.
// Farfarello just doesn't understand. //
He glanced up at the clock ticking incessantly on the fireplace mantle. 11:30. Well, he could go join Schuldich in bed soon.
~ * ~
Fuckbook
Day 9
God, I love you when you're bad Bradley koi! How did you EVER think up that little opera stage plan? Honestly, that was just *amazing*!!! I loved it. I felt like I was on stage showing the whole world that I belonged to only you and how you did my body so right. It was the most incredible thing I've ever felt. Thank you, Brad.
Kisses! (hoping for replay of tonight's performance in our bed tonight!)
~SchuSchu
~ * ~
// Maybe later, koi. //
Crawford felt himself growing weary. Quickly he opted to finish reading today's notes.
~ * ~
April 23
Remind me to thank Schuldich later for stealing Farf's pants! I followed him around today, and you know what? Farfarello has a *really* nice ass when you actually take the time to look at it. I mean *reaaallllly* look at it. …Although he seemed kinda pissed at me for staring at him in his boxers all day. I think Schuldich finally gave his pants back though. Pity. I was enjoying the view.
How did things work out for you and Schuldich, and yet I still don't understand a *thing* about Farfarello? Life's not fair. I *know* he has a sweet sensitive side hidden away somewhere. Maybe I should ask Schuldich how he ever found yours in the first place.
I'm trying to understand Farf. I really am. I even watched him self-mutilate today hoping to understand him. It didn't help. It made me sick. I really have to get him to stop hurting himself so much. I can't figure out why he does it. It must have something to do with his past. I just don't know what beyond some irrational hatred for God.
Anyway, maybe Schuldich can be enlightening in the matter. It scares me that he's been so nice to me lately. Maybe sex with you has put him in a better mood.
….Now that scares me, too.
~ * ~
Crawford placed the journals in a neat pile on the table, setting his now empty mug down beside it and reaching for his own leather journal once again.
Soft footsteps from the adjoined kitchen caught his attention and he looked over the couch backing to be met with a cool amber gaze.
"Farfie," he acknowledged politely.
The Irish psycho just cocked his head to the side slightly in greeting before continuing to the refrigerator.
Crawford sighed and opened his journal.
~ * ~
~ * Schwarz Member Assessment : Day 9 * ~
Nagi is becoming more bold in admitting his feelings though still more to himself than to the rest of us. His desire to confide in Schuldich has me worried though as my lover has never been very good at keeping secrets for very long.
Schuldich still manages to surprise me in his different personalities. The Bastard. The Lover. The Innocent One. He plays so many roles that even now I'm not truly sure which is his real self. ….Maybe he has forgotten, too.
Farfarello, I believe, realizes Nagi's true intentions but is trying to shy away from the truth. Maybe he does not want to be loved. That is the most likely case since he probably associates love with a destructive God. Still, he should really admit the truth to himself if not to Nagi.
Myself, I think I can safely say that living in this house with so many nut cases is taking its toll. Sometimes I can't tell if it's I or them who is are in the wrong, and this frightens me. I think we all need a vacation from ourselves. …or a larger apartment.
"You psychoanalyzing us again?"
Crawford turned at the voice to see Farfarello sitting curled up in a nearby armchair with a glass of… something. He stared at the older man over the rim of his cup, watching Crawford as he stretched slightly, picked up some journals, and rose.
Leaving the room, Brad paused as if undecided and turned back to Farfarello who was still seated silently drinking his beverage.
"Does God like love, Farfie?"
"Yes." Farfie took another sip. "Your point being?"
"What if someone loved you?"
"I'd kill them and laugh on their bloody grave."
Crawford shivered but didn't offer another comment, instead turning back toward the stairs. Farfarello just sat there, staring after the man who asked too many questions.
….But his one good eye caught sight of a book placed neatly on the coffee table.
// Crawford forgot a journal? //
He stood and padded over to the couch to sit down. It was still warm from Brad's body and rather comforting. Reaching over, he retrieved the book and reclined on the couch with his juice to read:
~ * ~
April 23
Remind me to thank Schuldich..….
~ * ~ * ~ End Day 9 ~ * ~ * ~
Whoa ho ho! What now? You'll have to WAIT! …um…. You *do* know who's journal that is riiiiiight?!?! ….If not, re-read the chapter and *cough* eh heh. You'll understand. WAIT FOR MOOOORE!!! What will happen now? Weeelllll…. You'll see! ^__~.