^.~ This part is for Scarby. Hope ya like it as much as the rest, chica! More Farf insanity! (Just cuz I know he's your fav)
Schwarz Journals (Day 13/?)
April 27, 2001
Journal of Brad Crawford
Once again, my life is getting horribly annoying.
Today I actually dared to get my hopes up for some normalcy when Takatori contacted me with "the most dire of missions." When I rushed to his office however, it just appeared that his restroom toilet had overflown, and somehow the bastard had managed to find a small subsection of my employment contract dictating that I could perform such inhuman duties as 'superintendent'.
Over the course of today, I have seemed to develop a nervous twitch as well.
~ * ~
"I'm going out tonight, liebe! Don't wait up!" Schuldich brushed by his lover with a quick kiss and accompanying smack on the ass.
*twitch twitch*
"Where are you going, Schuldich? This is the third night in a row you've been gone late…" Eyeglasses took on the familiar Crawford-light-gleam-effect seeming to add 'if you're cheating on me, I'll kill you in cold blood.'
"Oh, don't worry, koi!" Schuldich twittered, flashing another winning smile, "I'm only going out for myself tonight."
And Schu promptly dug through the bedroom closet, producing an old gray wig and a cane.
"Ja ne, koi!"
*twitch twitch*
// Not asking. Not in the mood. Don't wanna know. //
*TWITCH*
~ * ~
Fuckbook
Day 13
I've finally found my true calling, Brad! I am a god! I cannot be vanquished!
I'm a beer-guzzling, cigarette-smoking, old-lady-cursing bingo player from hell! BWAHAHAHA!!!
Yesss! The folks at the old fogies home have learned to fear the wrath of my mighty chip dispenser! I cannot be defeated! I know the number they're gonna call as soon as they see it, so I shout "BINGO" even before the number is called! MWAHAHA!!!
Oh Braaaaaadddyyy…… You wanna come with me tomorrow night and actually –tell- me the numbers before they're picked? Huh? Huh? Dontcha!? It's fuuunnn!
Ole' Maurice and I have all the ladies swooning over us cuz we're the champs. Nice guy, Old Maurice. He still thinks I stole his false teeth, though.
…And he's right.
Have fun tonight, liebe! Don't wait up! It's miso soup night at the home, so I'll be late!
3 SchuSchu
~ * ~
*twitch* "Schuldich….playing….bingo?" *twitch twitch* "Those poor old people. …Why didn't I see this coming?"
A voice rang out from outside his room.
"WAAHHH!!! Farfie! That's OBSCENE!!"
*twitch* "I need a vacation"
"GAH! Not in the front of the window! The neighbors will see! It's…ooooh.. Take it off. Take it alllll off."
"TWITCH*
~ * ~
April 27
I never thought things would come to this.
Today I came home from school and discovered Farfarello has stolen a number of dresses from who knows where and was trying them all on in front of my bedroom mirror humming the theme from what I believe is the Miss America Pageant. That's the only reason I'm telling you any of this. It must be your fault, Crawford. Somehow you warped his brain with your evil American-isms.
Yeah, so after having sex with him (he refused to take off the evening gown), I was going to come talk to you about things, but for some reason I found Schuldich in the kitchen, trying to glue a pair of dentures to the refrigerator.
What an idiot. He should know you need a double-blend epoxy for something like that.
~ * ~
By this point, Crawford wasn't sure whether to be surprised at Farfarello's weirdness, or go rip Schuldich's head off for gluing false teeth to the refrigerator door. He chose a happy medium; eyes wide in shock and mouth curled into an evil scowl.
*twitchedy twitch*
"I'm going to kill them both. It's just a matter of time."
--"OOH! FARFIE! YOU BAAAAAD LITTLE GIRL!"--
"Shoot me."
~ * ~
April 27, 2001
Entry 13
I don't know what Nagi's problem is now. "Dress wearing" was never part of his "Rules of Sex" from what I remember. He said it was there, I just didn't read it before chewing it up.
Either way, I say the little bitch needs to back off. I don't know. If this doesn't turn him off fucking me, then nothing will. I'm sick of being uke to him. No offense to the kid, but I've got a fucking –image- to keep up, here!
I don't care what he says anymore. I'm gonna break ALL the rules until he gets the fucking picture and backs off. He's a little perv anyway.
Ah, shit. He's coming this way. ….Maybe the blue chiffon will turn him off.
Ja.
~ * ~
Crawford stared at Farfarello's journal for a bit longer, suddenly having the urge to scream. He never got the chance, however. A moment later he was treated to the sound of a familiar psycho bouncing down the hall in a frilly party frock followed closely by a shrieking Naoe Nagi.
"FARFIE! Get the fuck –back- here!!!"
*singing and skipping in dress*
"Maa~arry had a little lamb, it's fleece was bloody red! Cuz laa~mby met the grain thresher, and now the lamb is dead! …hee hee hee."
*twitch twitch*
"Need…vacation…."
~ * ~
~ * Schwarz Member Assessment : Day 13 * ~
Farfarello is going to be the death of me. For the first time a number of months, I've found myself wondering if the local animal shelter will put humans to sleep if I convince them that he's rabid.
Nagi is perhaps realizing now that his lover is a child at heart. Farfarello cannot be reasoned with, that's for sure. I only hope that eventually, Nagi might grow up a bit and realize that the eternal childhood that Farfarello seems trapped in might not be as attractive as originally thought.
Schuldich has adapted a bingo obsession. I fear having to go down to the Tokyo Resting Home one day and pry the bitch screaming and kicking from his chair. …If he hits me with that cane though, I'll be sure to hurt him severely.
Myself…..I think I just might consider taking a glance at the Tokyo City want ads. It's time I took a second job to clear my head, I think.
~ * ~
Crawford calmly closed his journal and placed the stack under his bed for later redistribution to his teammates. Right now…he was a man on a mission.
Growling, he grabbed some rope, duct tape, and tranquilizers for a certain dress-wearing Irishman running down the hall flashing his new lacy panties at Nagi.
~ * ~ * ~ End Day 13 ~ * ~ * ~
Whee! Wasn't that fun?! ^O^ More out as soon as I finish stupid summer college! SEE EVERYONE AT OTAKON! (I'll be dressed as Legato Bluesummers! Be sure to glomp me for huggles and ficcie previews!)