Okay so in language arts we have to do a slide show on the holocaust. So we were allowed on the nice computers and on the internet and stuff like that. So one kid in our group was looking up music for the slide show and he was looking up the star wars theme song. (Weird I know but I thought it would be good.) But then for some reason "My December" popped up on the screen. So he clicked on it and it was a video. At first I thought it just was some random anime video clip someone put with the song but it was for the Ruroni (sp?) Kenshin movie thing. It was so sad and gory, and it showed how he got his scar and he didn't always have red hair and stuff. I'm trying to look for it because it was really good clip. I know that was random but that's what I do, I say random things.
Disclaimer- I do not own Hana-Kimi, if I did then that would be a sure sign of the apocalypse.
Nakatsu leaned his head against the wall and smiling even wider then a few seconds before if that's even possible, he was so happy it was exhausting, for me anyways. "How did it go at school?" he asked. I shrugged. Was he worried about me? My heart gave a little tug at the thought of that.
"Well I got to admit that would be the oddest detention form any teacher would have ever had to fill out. 'Was found cheating off a ghost'." He laughed at the thought. I starred for a moment. His aura was so bright it hurt.
"Why are you so happy?" I had to ask. I've never seen him or anyone else for that matter filled with such joy. It almost wanted me to start grinning like a five year old who was given some chocolate and dance around the room. The key word there was almost.
"Nothing really, I just feel really happy." His face went bright red and his hand flew to his left cheek. One of my very rare emotions crept up on me. It was the feeling of complete stupidity and sadness.
It was obvious, now that his overwhelming happiness has faded a bit I could feel the jealously filling the room next door to the brim. She had kissed him. She had kissed him! My gaze automatically flew to my text book, too suddenly.
I was loosing control again. This could be fatal if I didn't calm down, all I needed was to have my real emotions leave me once more and everything would be okay. I was lying on my bunk, turned away from him pretending to read.
"Are you okay Kayashima?" he asked worried by my reaction. Damn, this isn't working. The more he's around the more those feelings want to last. It feels like they're trying to burst out of my chest and attack him.
I don't want to feel the lives of others, I never have but feeling on my own after 16 years of nothing so scary and overwhelming. No, I just want to go back to the coldness that has taken me since birth.
"Kayashima? Are you sick? What's wrong?" I can feel his worry and fear that something really might be wrong with me. His emotions are battling mine inside of me and I feel something tearing on the inside.
"Don't come- any- closer." I manage to say grabbing my head while trying to hide in the covers. It's hurting. Throbbing and pulsing all the way from my heart to my head. Why is this happening to me?
I can't take it anymore. A scream to pure anguish cuts through Nakatsu's frantic worrying. My body trembles in this new found silence. Tears form in my eyes as I look at him. "Nakatsu." His name comes out as a whisper in between pants.
"Nakatsu!" I cry louder this time clinging on to his warm body. He hesitates for a moment before wrapping his arms around my still shaky body. I can't stop the tears so I just keep sobbing uncontrollably; clinging to him like my life depended on it.
"What… What just happened?" He asked when I let go. I keep looking at the ground. All I could feel now was those around me and I silently thanked the world for this. That was too much for me to handle, just way too much.
"I'm sorry Nakatsu. I promise it won't happen again." I reach for my notebook but he grabbed my shoulder. When I still didn't make eye contact he lifted my head his other hand. He was warm, why was I never this warm?
"Why don't you ever answer my questions? Please, just tell me what happened to you. I think that I have a right to know." "You might hate me." I said quietly. "I don't want to see that happen to you again. I won't hate you." I might be insane because I was actually thinking of telling him.
I was silent, thinking it over for too long because he let go of me and threw my notebook violently against the wall. "Dammit Kayashima." he raised his voice in frustration and ran his hands threw his hair.
"I want you to tell me what was hurting you. I want you to tell me everything that you told me was always so complicated before in the last 3 years of being here." he pushed me against the wall, eyes burning into me.
"I hate you." I told him bluntly, as if it didn't even matter at all. "What?" he didn't get it. I pushed him off of me. "I hate you." I repeated. He still didn't get it so it's obviously that I need to explain myself.
"I don't have emotions. I was born without them; instead I have powers of empathy. When I'm around you I start feeling on my own and loose control of my ability to keep everyone else's emotions inside of me. I hate you for it."
My eyes were starring into him coldly. It had just come to me moments before I had said it out loud. I hate him. He makes me feel things I wasn't meant to feel, hate is the only thing that I can think of to describe it.
"Hate me? But you always help me out and wait for me. You can't hate me." He had a good point. But if it wasn't hate what the hell could it be? "I don't know Nakatsu, ever since I met you I've been so confused and I just don't know."
When I looked to see him he was frowning down at me. "You can't hate me." He repeated stubbornly. "Okay, I don't hate you." He feels relief. I don't get it. "Why would you care?" it sounds wrong, everything I say sounds so wrong because of my damned emotionless voice.
"It's complicated." He teased but I can't find happiness in the comment, not one little bit. We finished our home work before it was time for dinner. He wanted to go to the cafeteria early but I just told him I wasn't hungry and that he should go without me.
I don't want to go down there and feel everyone else. For some reason living off Nakatsu as I guess I've been doing is enough. No, I guess I don't hate him after all. Not hate, but possibly… Possibly could it be love?
I'm tired and really cold so I am going to take a nap. Yay Friday! Because I'm tired I don't know if this chapter is good because my judgment is being clouded so please tell me what you think and review!