Disclaimer: I only own Kim, aka Kitty'sSisswt17. Isn't she just plain EVIL!
Oh yes, and thank you all those who reviwed! Her you go! hands out Bartimaus plushies like she had promised
Chapter Two: MORE Crap to Behold!
Farquarl gave a unmanly squeal, and gingerly began to read, his eyes rolling in his head.
"Chapter Two
"Ooooh, Bartimaus, lookie! It's a big festivuul in our honer!" Kim squealed. Bartimaus smiled warmly. "They've captured your beauty perfectly, Kimmy-Wimmy."
Bartimaus screamed. "WHAT DID I JUST SAY—in that fanfic, anyway!" Farquarl smirked. "Kimmy-Wimmy. Soon she'll be calling you Barty-Warty." Nathaniel couldn't stop laughing at the two djinn. "P-Please c-continue, M-Mr. F-F-Farquarl…!" he gasped.
Farquarl squealed again, and continued.
"Kim dragged Bartimuas out into the opening, and said "Become a balloon, hurry!" Bartimaus complied, and Kim dragged her Hubby into a dressing room. She then changed from her adorable pink sundress with a bunny on it into a pink polkadot bikini.
"'Kay Barty-Hon! Transform into a handsome blond-haired man in black speedoes!"
Kim giggled. Bartimaus looked like SUCH a ladies man. Kim walked around the festivuul saying to people "This is my Hubby, Bartimaus, and YOU hussy's can't have him!" She made quite a lot of female enemies there, but that was her plan. If she had enemies, she could kick their arses, and Barti-Hun would love her forever and ever and ever! (:AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA…..:)
The whole house was silent. Bartimaus grabbed a pillow and began twisting it with all his strength. "I notice that she spelled 'festival' and 'honor' wrong…" he growled. Nathaniel sighed dramatically. A sewing machine sounded. Farqarl turned to see his fellow djinni working speedily on a strange doll… "Bartimaus," Farqarl sighed. "what are you doing?"
The doll soon began to look a lot like the girl on the cover of this fanfiction…then the fellow listeners realized: it was a KIM VOODOO DOLL! YAAAAAAAY! Bartimaus grinned, and stuck a particularly large pin into Kim's stomach, wrenching it deeper and deeper into the doll. Soon, the sharp end of the pin was sticking out the other end of the Kim doll. Nathaniel looked sick. Farquarl cheered. "My turn!" he cried, and stuck a pin in the doll's head. Soon, even Nathaniel joined in, and the three began to feel much better. Then they remembered the chapter was still going. NOOO!
"Kim soon got tired of the gaggle of idiots hanging around her bedroom window. She and her Hubby had bought a large Victorian Estate from a guy called Simon Lovelace.
He was SO charmed by Kim's good looks that he even let her take control of that fat-cook person…Fart-quarrel of someyhing like that…anyway, Kim shoed all the idiots away, and went into the kitchen. Fart-quarrel was cooking some pasta, and humming to himself (or maybe ITSELF?). Kim walked seductively over the cook and said "Turn into a handsome man." Fart-quarrel obliged, and said "What do u want me 2 do?" Kim giggled. "Let's play 'Kiss the Cook'…" she whispered in his ear…
"HOLY RA!" Farqarl jumped back from the book, reaching for the Kim voodoo doll.
Bartimaus was actually rather enjoying himself. "I'll read snatches of it like last time.. hmm… 'The two began to have a lot of 'fun'….pink lipgloss…ewww…'nearly speared Kim with his cleaver'…darn, I thought that'd be cool, much better than this crap. Errr…'Barti-Hon walked in, and joined the party'….jeezum, I think I need to puke!"
Bartimaus raced to the bathroom, while Farqarl passed out from horror. Nathaniel silently screamed. HE WAS NEXT! …DA-DUM….DA-DUM…DAAAAA-DUM….
Keep those review coming, people! READ AND REVIEWWWWW…I shall give you a Kim voodoo doll if you do! They're loads of fun! STAB STAB STAB