A/N: Well, here we have it, folks. By far the longestentry yet. I know it seems long, especially for a diary, but so much happens in this part. The subplot will appear in an entry or two, but I have to get through the real plot first. Thanks to all of my readers and reviewers (and readers and non-reviewers, I know you're out there!) for your continued support, and now to the Diary!
8th Entry cont'd
I marked this "8th Entry continued" because, frankly, 8th Entry original wasn't very explanatory, and this one might as well be called the Explanatory entry. I'm writing it while Galinda is in what I am positively sure is a very sound sleep. But just a warning, imaginary reader, this one will be very, very long.
I couldn't wake Galinda up after she'd fallen asleep in my last entry. She had had a busy night, with the party and the makeover and all that, so I let her nap. It wouldn't be the first time she'd missed class, anyhow. I was exhausted too, but I had a test in Linguification, so I figured I might as well try to pull myself through the day's classes and then come back and collapse.
The day had been going well by the time I had gotten to History. The students didn't stare at me as I walked through the hallways. Random people who I swear I've never spoken to in my life passed me by with a "Hey, Elphie." Even though I knew this attention wasn't for me—at least, as a person—can you blame me, reader, for feeling good about myself, just a little? I didn't exactly feel comfortable in the new clothes, but I think the influence of the smiles I got from passersby made me stand up just a little straighter. By the end of the day, I was in such a good mood that I'd almost forgotten about the trouble there'd been in the last History class.
And then Dr. Dillamond entered the room. He looked agitated, for sure, but I don't think anyone could have been prepared for what he said next, something along the lines of this:
"Alright, take your seats, class! I have something to say, and very little time to say it. This is my last day here at Shiz. I am no longer permitted to teach. I want to thank you for your sharing your enthusiasm, your essays, no matter how feebly structured, and even, on occasion, (with a glance at me) your lunch."
No one had time to really process the thought because immediately after Dr. Dillamond finished speaking, Madame Morrible rushed in with an apology. But she wasn't "dreadfully sorry." No one was. No one but me. Dillamond tried to assure me that he would continue speaking out, but I could see right through the ruse; he was worried. Knowing this agitated me even more, but I could only watch helplessly as two men carried Dillamond away. The last words I heard him say were "They are not telling you the whole story! Remember that, class! Remember that."
And just like that, he was gone. He was just…gone. Dr. Dillamond, the only one who I felt really understood me, was gone. No one was sure where they took him, what he was going to do what would happen to him…nothing. I looked around the classroom. All of the students I saw (not including Galinda's boyfriend Fiyero, he was behind me) were just staring blankly at the doorway, as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Imagine that! Enraged, and needing to vent at someone, I turned to them. "Well, are you just going to sit here in silence?"
Madame Morrible assured me that there was nothing they could do as new Professor introduced himself, then began his "lesson." He eyed the class with his mouth fixed in what was supposed to be a smile but looked to me like a wolf baring its teeth. No, something worse than a wolf. Something even more predatory. He reinforced this impression by introducing the class to something called a "cage;" some kind of crate made out of metal, with a terrified looking Lion cub inside. The Professor assured us that "this remarkable innovation is actually for the Animal's own good."
For his own good? The best thing for a Lion cub is to be running free with others of its kind, not being trapped like this in a classroom full of strangers. It would rather be in its natural environment, I was sure. Maybe with its mother. Where was his mother? Surely a cub this young shouldn't be away from its mother just yet. Couldn't everyone see that this was not, in fact, for the "Lion's own good?"
Apparently not. The Professor spouted some nonsense about how the cub was trembling because he was just excited to be here, or something of that sort. He hit the cage nonchalantly, and I swear I saw the poor Lion jump. The Professor told us that "one of the benefits of caging a Lion cub while he's young is that he never, in fact, will learn how to speak."
This seemed impossible to me. Animals that don't learn how to speak? Why would anyone want that? What kind of sadistic thing would cage Animals to silence them? Are people trying to domesticate them? Animals have always had free will, why should it be taken away? But as the fascinated students moved forward to get a closer look, I realized I was a minority, more so than ever. If I wasn't green, I would have turned red with rage. Shocked, I turned to Fiyero, the only other person who hadn't moved toward that sick cage. "Can you imagine a world where Animals are kept in cages and they never speak?" The Professor continued to speak in the background, something about the cub being agitated, but I didn't, or maybe couldn't, listen. Glancing over at the cub with rising, insuppressible anger, I shouted "Somebody has to…do something!"
There was a brilliant flare of light. I felt my anger convert itself to energy and pour out through my hands like it did when I wrenched Nessa's wheelchair from Morrible on the first day of school. All that I could feel now that the anger was gone was pure, cold surprise. The Professor and the students writhed around me in what looked like some kind of horrible, twisted ballet, shrieking in terror and shock. Great job, Elphaba, I thought, you did it again.
The fatigue from that morning rushed back—using the magic had drained me. I almost felt like collapsing, and, judging from the commotion around me, I would be in a great deal of trouble. And the lion cub needed to get out. I couldn't waste time wondering what had happened. But I knew I couldn't get the cub out on my own.
Fiyero, oddly (or maybe not, but that comes later) was the only one who hadn't been caught in the spell. The way he was looking at me was so different from the way he regarded me before that I was afraid he would just walk away and leave me, but he was actually the one who lifted the cage off the table and ran for the exit. He paused to look back at me and ask, "Well, are you coming?" in a rushed but not completely unkind way. After glancing around at the chaos one last time, I caught up with him at the door and we bolted out of the classroom.
I just glanced at the clock. Two in the morning. Whoever decides to pen their life story in an overly detailed sappy teen-drama sort of way like I'm about to do can only be writing at two in the morning. But I guess that's the point of keeping a diary in the first place, to be able to say things you could never say otherwise, to reveal a person in these pages that no one else can know. I'm afraid I do turn a bit romantic and silly in the wee hours of the morning, despite my "better," more cynical judgment. But the fact that I'm writing to a reader I invented when I was a much lonelier person, not so long ago, should exempt me from having to explain myself. That I'm doing so is further proof that I'm only half-awake, and can be excused from whatever nonsense I happen to scribble next.
On another note, it's a miracle Galinda hasn't woken up yet.
Anyway, Fiyero and I ran out of the classroom, and kept running for who knows how long until we were off of the Shiz campus and deep into the surrounding farmlands. A cornfield, to be more specific, bordered by forests on all sides but one. Ask me how I remembered that and I couldn't begin to tell you, only that I (strangely) seem to be able to recall every tiny detail of what happened.
Fiyero and I set the cage down in the field to…I wish I could say plan a new course of action, that would sound so much more sophisticated. The truth is, we actually fought. Quite a bit. I criticized the way he handled the lion. He thought I thought he was really stupid, I replied "not really stupid." He accused me of causing commotions, I said I was one, and asked him if he really thought I wanted to be this way, if I wanted to care this much. Then I told him that he wasn't really self-absorbed or shallow, because if he was, he would have just left me back there, in the classroom. And that seemed to surprise him, just a little bit. I've always had the "gift" of being able to see through people, and it was obvious from the way he acted that he wasn't really just the carefree prince so many people had painted him to be.
And there was this one point where he was going to leave, and I realized just how much I wanted him there. It wasn't even that I wanted someone with me, but I wanted him to be there. I ran up to him and grabbed his hand, just before he could leave. And…I felt something, something I haven't allowed myself to feel in a very long time, something like my heart somersaulting inside of my chest. And I couldn't help it. I blushed. And while inwardly I yelled at my self for being so immature as to fall for someone, especially someone like him, I'm afraid that I didn' t listen. As I tried desperately to turn my attention back to the cub, I realized that I had fallen, and there was nothing I could do about it.
But I hadn't realized that all that time, I was staring at him. And I was. I hadn't realized that I had been taking in every detail of that handsome face, his nose, his hair, his lips, his eyes. I didn't notice that I'd been memorizing every little detail in the way he walked or how he talked to me. And, now, I can see him as clearly as if we were in the cornfield again, bickering over the cub. It just seems…so silly, to think of Galinda's boyfriend in that way, because a) nothing will come of it, b) I might lose Galinda's friendship if she finds out, and c) I know nothing about him. He might really be shallow and self-centered. I might be wrong. I've been wrong about this kind of thing before...but I can't think about that. Just like I can't think about Fiyero. But I do, and I shouldn't. And I know, in the past few entries I've been using the fact that "I'm only human" as an excuse for my actions. But to be confronted with such an example of my humanity…that's intimidating, in a way.
Enough with the sentimentalities. I can't let myself be this weak. I have to stop thinking about him. There are more important things. Such as Dr. Dillamond. What happened to him? And what can I do about it? I don't know about the rest of the world, but I'm not going to sit here and let them (whoever "they" are) take away a teacher, albeit one of the first who ever understood me. Nothing can distract me from that. Nothing should distract me from that, much less a boy. And I am not, I am not, going to let it.
Oh, I forgot to say what happened after were summoned to Morrible's office. Sorry, I was a little...distracted. Suprisingly, we didn't get into much trouble over the commotion we caused, stealing "school property" etc. She let us both off with a warning. A warning! It seemed incredulous at first, but she proceeded to lecture us on "realizing the erroneousness of our actions" and made sure that we knew she "trusted that we would not put so much as another toe out of line." And I realized, not the supposed "erroneousness" of our actions, but the reason Morrible was letting us off so lightly. I was one of, apparently, the most talented magic students Shiz had ever seen, and Fiyero came from a rich family. Both of us had good reasons not to be expelled. Madame Morrible, I know now, knows how to play the card that will win the most for her and Shiz. Even though this sort of wiliness is something I'd expect to see in a headmistress of a university, and I still respect her, this sickens me, just a little. Can I still trust her?
And now I must absolutely go to sleep, or I am going to be exausted for whatever surprise awaits me tomorrow.
Elphaba