…Sorry about the very, very long delay. (goes straight to work) Okay.
The Char. Corner!
Godell: ;) Hiiii!
ALL: GET ON WITH IT! (Ever seen "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"?)
Godell: Okay, okay! (writes)
Disclaimer: …yeah.
Chapter 10: Final Chapter
Kimmy watched Nathaniel and the others enter her hideout with a smirk. It had taken them forever to find it…but then again, she had doubted that they would look for a run-down mansion. At least, it was like that on the outside… Anyway, as the rescuers entered the room she was in—the game room—she cried "Like, welcome! I'm Kimmy, and I'll be ur host! lol" Kitty marched up to the girl and growled "You little ---ch. How DARE you capture Bartimaus like this!" She pointed to the frilly mass that was Bartimaus. "Go get 'er, Kitty!" Nathaniel and Bartimaus shouted. Kimmy shook her head. "The only way you'll get Barty-hon back is if you win a karaoke contest against me. So, let's begin!" she squealed, as the lights in the room blared on. Velexis jumped out of nowhere, and sliced through the djinn with a silver disk. They fell dead, and disintegrated into nothing. Nathaniel, Farquarl, and Kitty were left. Sighing, they said "Alright. Let's play." Kimmy and Velexis grinned, and untied Bartimaus. "He can sing too. Now LETS GO!" they screamed. Pulling four index cards out of her pocket, Kimmy held them so that only she could see the lyrics. "Okay, ladies first!" she pointed to Kitty. Kitty grumbled, and quietly chose. "Umm..this one." She pointed to a card on the right. Handing her the lyrics, Kimmy stepped back from the nearest karaoke machine. "Go on!" Kitty shrugged, and began:
So don't go breaking my heart
I couldn't if I tried
And Honey if I get restless
Baby you're not that kind
So don't go breaking my heart
You take the weight off me
Oh honey if you knock on my door
Ooh, I gave you my key
Nathaniel blinked. "Hmm, well I suppose she gave me the key to her boss' shop, so that makes sense."
Woohooo, nobody knows it
Nobody Knows...
When I was down
I was your clown
Kitty glared at he lyrics, then back at Kitty. "I'm going to kill you after this, girl…"
Woohooo, nobody knows it
Nobody Knows...
Right from the start
I gave you my heart
Ooohwoah, I gave you my heart
So don't go breaking my heart
I won't go breaking your heart
Don't go breaking my
Don't go breaking my
Don't go breaking my heart
And nobody told us
Cause nobody showed us
And now it's up to us babe
Ooh, I think we can make it
So don't misunderstand me
You put the light in my life
You make the spark into a flame
I've got your heart in my sights
Woohooo, nobody knows it
When I was down
I was your clown
Woohooo, nobody knows it
Nobody Knoowhoas...
Right from the start
I gave you my heart
Ooohwoah, I gave you my heart
So don't go breaking my heart
I won't go breaking your heart
Don't go breaking my
Don't go breaking my
Don't go breaking my heart
Woohooo, Nobody knows it
When I was down
I was your clown
Right from the start
I gave you my heart
Ooohwoah, I gave you my heart
So don't go breaking my heart
I won't go breaking your heart
Don't go breaking my
Don't go breaking my
Don't go breaking my heart
Don't go breaking my
Don't go breaking my
Don't go breaking my heart
Don't go breaking my
"SHUT UP!" shouted all males present. Kitty glared at them, and went on.
Don't go breaking my
Don't go breaking my heart
Don't go breaking my
Don't go breaking my
Don't go breaking my heart
Don't go breaking my
Don't go breakin my heart
"FINALLY!" shouted the males again. Kitty sniffed, and hopped down from the machine. Nathaniel walked up to Kimmy, and gingerly picked a card. Kimmy grinned, whacked Nat on the back, and stepped back again from the machine. Nathaniel looked at his lyrics, blushed, and started singing, even though he really could NOT:
Dirty Pop
I'm sick and tired of hearin' all these people talk about
What's the deal with this pop life and when is it gona fade out?
The thing you've got to realize what were doin' is not a trend
We got the gift of melody gonna bring it 'til the end (come on now)
It doesn't matter
'Bout the car i drive or what i wear around my neck
"Hey, this reminds me of the time he had to wear a blood-red feather in his hat while in Prague to get that spy to talk with him!" Bartimaus exclaimed. Kitty asked "What happened?"
All that matters
Is that you reconize that it's just about respect
It doesn't matter
'Bout the clothes i wear and where i go and why
All that matters
Is that you get hype and we'll do to you everytime (come on now)
Chorus
Do you ever wonder why
this music gets you high
It takes you on a ride
You feel it when your
Body starts to rock
and baby you can't stop
and the music's all you got
This must be pop
"…And that's what happened. Pity the spy got killed." Bartimaus concluded. Kitty's face was a mixture between hilarity and pity.
Dirty Pop
Baby, Baby you can't stop
I know you like this
Dirty pop
This must be...
Now why you want to try to classify the type of thing we do
'Cause were just fine doin' what we like
Can we say the same for you?
"No, Nat, we can't." Bartimaus said with a smirk. Kitty giggled.
Tired of feelin' all around me animosity
Just worry 'bout yours 'cause i'm a get mine now people can't you see
It doesn't matter
'Bout the car i drive or the ice around my neck
Bartimaus cocked an ear. "Did he say ICE! Wouldn't it melt? But no, Nat's not hot enough. He's an ice cube." He sniggered. Kitty grinned. "I wonder why I even put up with him." Nathaniel glared at them both. "Shut up."
All that matters
Is that you reconize that it's just about respect
It doesn't matter
'Bout the clothes i wear and where i go and why
All that matters
Is that you get hype and we'll do to you everytime (come on)
Chorus-repeat
Oooooh, man I'm tired of singin'
Nathaniel quickly hopped off the karaoke machine, and launched himself at Bartimaus, screaming "I'M GONNA DESTROY YOU!" at the top of his lungs. Meanwhile, Farquarl flew over to Kimmy (he's still a raven), and picked the second-to-last card. Grinning, Kimmy said "I'd hoped you would pick that one." Farquarl clacked his beak, and fluttered over to the machine. He suddenly began, making a nearby window shatter:
Take my hand HONEY
welcome to my ROMANTIC DINNER
be happy HONEY
take it easy and relax
taste my MAIN DISH
but, don't forget your DESSERT
before the food, everyone is equal
that's my worst MANNER
i'll give my affection for girls
that's my best service
BABY i shall give it for your smile
sonarating MELODY KNIFE & FORK
BABY let's enjoy the faith we met
if someone stand on my way, i'll KICK & DOWN
in front of mother, everyone is a child
it's the same thing. it's necessary
i shell polish to shine the beautiful things
that's my absolute RULE
BABY i shell whisper like a moon
melting PINK & GREEN
BABY just like the lullaby for lost kitten
for annoying people are good enough for KICK & DOWN
Take my hand HONEY
welcome to my DRAMATIC DINNER
be happy HONEY
take it easy, relax
become lighthead by the red WINE
and, don't forget your DESSERT
Farquarl blushed, and flew over to Kitty, perching on her shoulder. Bartimaus blinked twice, rubbed his ears, and walked over to Kimmy. "I'm assuming the last one is mine?" Kimmy nodded. Grabbing the paper, the djinni stalked over to the "stage", and said "You know, I believe this is a girl's song." Kimmy shrugged, and gestured for him to sing. Bartimaus complied, mentally seething:
Even in my heart I see
You're not bein' true to me
Deep within my soul I feel
Nothing's like it used to be
Sometimes I wish I could turn back time
Impossible as it may seem
But I wish I could so bad baby
Quit playin' games with my heart
Chorus:
Quit playin' games with my heart
Before you tear us apart
"Say, wasn't there a djinni that had a similar experience?" Nathaniel asked Farquarl. Farquarl nodded, and continued listening to Bartimaus' singing, hoping to get some tips.
I should've known from the start
Before you got into my heart
I live my life the way
To keep you comin' back to me
Everything I do is for you so
So what is it that you can't see
Sometimes I wish I could
Turn back time, impossible as it may seem
But I wish I could so bad
You better quit playin' games with my heart
Chorus
Quit playin' games
Baby, baby the love that we had was so strong
Don't leave me hangin' here forever
Oh baby, baby this is not a lie, let's stop
This tonight
Baby, quit playin' games
Sometimes I wish I could
Turn back time, impossible as it may seem
But I wish I could so bad, baby
Quit playin' games with my heart
Kimmy applauded heartily. "Good job, Barty-hon! Now, it's my turn! lmao" she squealed. Velexis handed her a paper, and Kimmy hopped onto the machine and started singing:
Hit it!
This ain't no disco
It ain't no country club either
This is LA!
"All I wanna do is have a little fun before I die,"
Says the man next to me out of nowhere
It's apropos
Of nothing
He says his name's William but I'm sure,
He's Bill or Billy or Mac or Buddy
And he's plain ugly to me
And I wonder if he's ever had a day of fun in his whole
life
We are drinking beer at noon on Tuesday
In a bar that faces a giant car wash
The good people of the world are washing their cars
On their lunch break, hosing and scrubbing
As best they can in skirts in suits
They drive their shiny Datsuns and Buicks
Back to the phone company, the record store too
Well, they're nothing like Billy and me, cause
Chorus
All I wanna do is have some fun
I got a feeling I'm not the only one
All I wanna do is have some fun
I got a feeling I'm not the only one
All I wanna do is have some fun
Until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard
Nathaniel smiled slightly. "One of dreams is to go to Santa Monica. Wonder if I can sell Kimmy's shirt off at a good enough price." Bartimaus snuck up to Kimmy, and yanked off her shirt with the skill of an expert. Luckily, Kimmy had a shirt on underneath, so she didn't notice. Nat grinned at the djinni. "Thanks."
I like a good beer buzz early in the morning
And Billy likes to peel the labels
From his bottles of Bud
He shreds them on the bar
Then he lights every match in an oversized pack
Letting each one burn down to his thick fingers
before blowing and cursing them out
And he's watching the bottles of Bud as they spin on
the floor
And a happy couple enters the bar
Dangerously close to one another
The bartender looks up from his want ads
Chorus
Otherwise the bar is ours,
The day and the night and the car wash too
The matches and the Buds and the clean and dirty
cars
The sun and the moon but
Chorus
Kimmy bowed, and hopped off of the "stage". Bartimaus calmly ripped up the other index-cards in Velexis' hands and said "Ooops. Now we can't do this contest anymore. That means I'm free to go!" Nathaniel, Kitty, and Farquarl agreed, and ran out the door, breaking anything that was in their way. Kimmy bellowed "Like, stop them!" and Velexis came charging towards the escapees, smiling an evil smile. "I'm coming to get you all!" he screamed, and flung a silver disk at Farquarl. "AAAH!" Farquarl screamed as the disk came into direct contact with his wing. Green blood began dripping out of his wound. "No time to stop! Run!" Bartimaus yelled at Fraquarl. "Perch on my arm!" Nathaniel cried. Farquarl did as he was bid, wincing at the throbbing pain. Kitty pulled out her own silver disk, and flung it at Velexis. She was rewarded by a gasp of pain. "Gotcha!" she shouted with a satisfied smile, and flung two more disks. Unfortunately, her aim was rather off, and the disks slammed into the walls instead. "Oops."
Kimmy grabbed Velexis by the arm. "C'mon, we'll catch Barty-hon this way!" she giggled, and flung Velexis like a boomarang towards Bartimaus and the others. Clunk. Velexis collided into Nathaniel's head, knocking him out. As Kitty paused to pick him up, Velexis regained his balance, and tripped her expertly. Soon, everyone was piled one on top of the other, with Velexis at the top. "Hee-!" he giggled, and nudged Bartimaus' face roughly with his silver-tipped boots. "I win!"
A few minutes later, Bartimaus and the rest were lined up in front of Kimmy and Velexis, both of whom were holding leashes. "Liek, okay! Heeere Barty-hon! Heeere boy!" Kimmy cooed. Bartimaus crawled over to the horrid Sue, and waited for the worst. A leash was placed on him, and was tied to a pillar nearby. "Okay, next!" Velexis called. Soon, everyone had a leash on them, and were tied to different parts of the room. "So, what's the point of all this?" Bartimaus asked as he tugged on his leash. "Oh, it's just to make sure that nobody escapes. Now then, let's DO it!" Kimmy grinned slyly. Nathaniel and the others whimpered, while Bartimaus stood frozen in horror…
Nathaniel felt sick. Velexis had placed a waste-bin near each of the captives, just in case it was too terrifying, but they had been filled a long time ago. Kitty was lucky. She was a girl. She didn't have to be put through this torture. "A-are you DONE yet?" Nathaniel screamed at Kimmy, who had Bartimaus pinned down on the floor. "Nope." She winked. "But you're next!" Nathaniel fainted dead away, wondering where it would all end.
An hour later…
Nathaniel awoke to the sound of Bartimaus screaming "Thank RA!" He whimpered. "Oh, for the love of God, why me…?" he muttered in horror, as Kimmy crawled over to him, and tugged on his shirt expectantly.
An hour after THAT…
Bartimaus would have laughed, had he not had the same experience. Nathaniel had fainted at least twice so far, and kept waking up to Kimmy saying "Are you ready NOW?" Kitty was cowering in a corner, her hands over her eyes. "My eyes…my ears…!" she moaned in agony. The djinni did likewise, trying his best not to scream like a girl. "Oh, NATTY!" came Kimmy's dreaded voice. Bartimaus grabbed a random microphone nearby, and placed its iron against his skin. Please let me faint please let me faint please let me faint please let me faint… It seemed that fate was kind to Bartimaus on that day. He fainted after the fourth repeat.
Meanwhile, Velexis was guarding the door, with earplugs stuffed into his ears. He checked his watch. It had been four hours now. C'mon mistress Kimmy wrap it up. Peeking inside, Velexis instantly closed the door again, his face flushed. That was not meant for ANYONE'S eyes. Honestly, this place should be rated NC-100 for disturbing images and full-frontal nudity!
Finally, five hours later…
"Well, unfortunately the fun is over. But we'll do it again soon." Kimmy chirped, as she pulled her shoes on at last. The leashes were cut. Velexis cheered loudly in relief. Nobody else did.They were too shocked but what had just happened to say anything. Well, maybe Bartimaus and Fraquarl knew a bit more about what goes on in the world, for they were eerily calm. Bartimaus shrugged, and asked "So can I go free now?" Kimmy shook her head. "NO! NO NO NO! YOU ARE MINE FOREVER AND EVER! I HAVE NO INTENTION OF LETTING YOU G—!" she screamed, but was cut short. Looking down, she noticed that her body was disappearing. "What!" Kimmy turning around as best she could, as her torso was disappearing fast. "V-Velexis!" she screamed.
Velexis was standing behind her, a knife in one hand, and the pink book in the other. "I can't stand being near you anymore, Kimantha. You're too much of a Mary Sue. Sure, after you disappear I will too, but that doesn't mean I can't have a bit of satisfaction before I go. See you on the other side. Oh, and Bartimaus"—Velexis turned towards the djinni—"sorry about this. Here, have my mail shirt." He ripped off his shirt and flung it towards Bartimaus. With that, Kimmy's screams of rage dissipated into nothing, and Velexis' peaceful smile faded away.
Nathaniel stared at the spot where the two had once stood, and fainted again. Bartimaus pulled on the mail shirt, hardly noticing it molded itself to fit him. Kitty sighed. "Well, I suppose he wasn't such a bad guy after all." She said, stroking her cloven leash absentmindedly. Farquarl shrugged. "I suppose Kimmy had only so much control over him. It's like us djinni—give us too much leeway and we turn on you." Bartimaus silently watched as Kimmy's Mansion faded away as well. "You know, even if she was evil, and a Mary Sue, I kind of feel sorry for her. Think about it: all she had on her mind was me. I suppose it must have been maddening, thinking about only one person every day, hour, minute, and second. It must have been difficult." He sighed. Suddenly, there was a tiny noise, like a baby crying. Running towards the sound, the group found themselves facing a brown-haired girl with a white sweatshirt and brown pants. She was holding a baby. "Hi!" she waved to them. "My name's Godell. I just wanted you guys to know that"—she took a deep breath—"you PASSED THE TEST!" "WHAT!" shouted Bartimaus and the others. "Hehe, well y'see, one day I got bored and I wondered 'What would happen if Bartimaus encountered a Mary Sue?' so I wrote this fanfiction. I wanted to see if you guys could survive it and you did! Congrats!" Godell giggled nervously, and rubbed the back of her head sheepishly. The baby started crying again. "Oh, yeah! I almost forgot!" she chirped, and held up the baby. "Say hi to the nice people, Velexis!"
"Wait…" Bartimaus gasped.
"…A…" Nathaniel awoke, and gasped as well.
"…Dang…" Kitty nearly choked on her tongue.
"…Minute!" Farquarl screamed.
"Yep, this is Velexis. I decided on bringing him back because he's so cool." Godell grinned. She handed him to Bartimaus. "Take good care of him now!" And with that, Godell was gone. Bartimaus glanced down at the baby in his arms. "Yeah, we will, Godell. We will." he muttered to the baby. The djinni turned to the others, who were standing there waiting for his next move.
"Who's up for a party?"
THE END!
Yes, it's the end! (sobs) Farewell, my fic! (fanfics flies away) Don't forget to write!
Godell: It's done.
Bartimaus: (is holding baby Velexis) What's going to happen to us now?
Nathaniel: Yeah, what's going to happen?
Godell: (puts index finger to mouth) Now, THAT is a…
Nathaniel and Bartimaus: THAT'S NOT AN ANSWER!
Godell: (indignantly) Yes it is!
Nathaniel and Bartimaus: No it's not!
Godell: Yes it IS!
Nathaniel and Bartimaus: No it's NOT!
(bickering continues into the night)