Disclaimer: the usual thing applies….
Okay…so I remembered, or rather I was reminded, of what it was that I wanted to say in my author notes last chapter – bookluvr4life gave me some great ideas and a few good lines that I forgot to give her credit for…actually, it was quite a few things, so I am not going to sit here and name them all. I'll just say that part of it was the wolves having a keener sense of the tension between Remus and Hermione and the fact that Ginny is more perceptive than many realize were two of the most important things.
Anyway, I just found out yesterday that the deadline for this challenge was changed…and I just forgot the new deadline…February 12th or 13th, something like that. Hopefully, it won't take me that long to finish this, since I really do want to get back to my other stories.
This chapter started out how I planned, but after that, it kind of got a mind of its own…I totally was not planning on the middle part happening, but that is what wanted to be written. I tried to change it, but the story knows where it wants to go and it will not let me interfere…that's what I mean about 'a mind of its own'…
Well, I hope that you like the route it decided to take…
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I wanted you to knowI love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high
And steal your pain away
-Broken by Seether featuring Amy Lee
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Chapter 6
Steal your pain away…
""Whatchamacallit."
Hermione just shook in her head in wonder as she watched the gargoyles move aside.
The Headmaster will never cease to amaze me when it comes to his candy fetish…and as if there were not enough wizarding candies to choose from, now he's moved on to muggle candy bars, the Head Girl mused as she stepped onto the moving staircase.
She was dreading this meeting with the Headmaster. Not because she was afraid he would turn her away, she knew he wouldn't. He didn't turn Remus away, after all. No, she was more concerned about how disappointed he would be in the fact that she hid it from him, from everyone, for two months.
It was certainly not her most responsible decision, but she hoped that he would not be too disappointed. His approval was entirely too important to her, she couldn't bear to lose it now.
She wasn't sure what she expected him so say, she just wished upon everything she could think of that it would not be the worst case scenario that she had running through her mind this morning while she picked at her breakfast.
Only one way to find out what he will say…
Hermione took a deep breath and exhaled slowly as she stood in front of the door to the Headmasters office and raised her hand to knock.
She jumped back in surprise when the door opened before her knuckles even made contact with the dark wood.
"Welcome, Miss Granger," the Headmaster greeted her as he stepped back to allow her entry into his domain.
"Good morning, Professor," Hermione said nervously as she walked past him.
"Please have a seat, Miss Granger," Dumbledore said as he shut the door and made his way back to his desk.
Hermione did as she was told and sat in the chair closest to the Headmaster's large desk. She was so nervous, she stared at the mahogany desk with such intensity that she failed to notice the figure that leant back against the wall to her right.
Dumbledore smiled to the figure as he sat behind his desk and picked up a small bowl full of sweets. He held the bowl out to Hermione but she was too busy burning holes in his desk with her eyes to notice.
"Would you like a sweet Miss Granger or would you rather continue trying to set fire to my lovely desk with your eyes?"
Hermione started at the sound of the Headmaster's voice and barely managed to catch what he said. When she ran it through her head again, she couldn't help but blush at how childish she was being.
"A sweet would be wonderful, sir," she spoke softly in an effort to calm her nerves as she reached towards the bowl. Her hand stopped halfway as she looked up at the Headmaster and narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "They're not from Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, are they sir?"
The Headmaster's eyes twinkled madly and the figure against the wall chuckled quietly. Hermione's head snapped to the side when she realized that someone else was in the room with them.
Hermione's eyes widened and she tried not to beam at the other person present since she could feel the Headmaster watching her.
"Remus, have a seat, my boy. I don't think Miss Granger realized you were here, considering the startled expression on her face." Dumbledore smiled at the younger man as he watched the two stare at each other.
Remus tore his eyes away from Hermione when the Headmaster spoke and he nodded to the older man as he moved to the chair next to Hermione.
Hermione turned her attention back to the Headmaster once Remus was seated next to her, only to find that Dumbledore was still holding the bowl of sweets out to her.
There's no way I am touching any of those sweets until he answers my question, Hermione thought as she narrowed her eyes at the bowl.
Dumbledore shook his head and laughed at the look on Hermione's face. "I assure you, Miss Granger, none of these sweets are products of the Weasley twins. They are all muggle candies and they have not been charmed in any way, shape, or form."
Feeling moderately placated, Hermione selected a nice plain lemon drop so that they could get this little meeting moving. She popped the lemon drop in her mouth as she watched Remus wave off the Headmaster's efforts to get him to select a treat.
Dumbledore set the bowl back down on the desk and folded his hands in front of him on the desk. His blue eyes peered at Hermione through his half-moon spectacles as he spoke.
"Professor Lupin indicated that you have something that you would like to tell me, Miss Granger?"
Hermione nodded and glanced at Remus to see him smile at her in encouragement. She would have felt better if he would have held her hand or wrapped his arm around her, but with the Headmaster sitting right in front of them, she knew a soft smile was all she was likely to receive.
"Yes, sir," she started, then stopped to clear her throat and started again. "I wanted to tell you that…that I, oh merlin this is hard…I was out in the Forbidden Forest…alone…two months ago…um…"
Hermione tried to stutter through it, but it was painful, and not just to her.
Remus knew how hard it would be for her to tell Dumbledore, which is why he decided to be here when she came to tell him. He wanted to do something to make it easier for her.
But right now, he wanted nothing more than to wrap her up in his arms and ease away all her pain and take away that scared look on her face. He knew that he could not do that with Albus sitting right there, watching every more they made.
Instead, he reached out and gently rubbed Hermione's shoulder in the most 'concerned professor' manner he could manage and cleared his throat to speak.
"What Miss Granger is trying to say, sir," Remus' voice was hoarse as he spoke, "is that she was in the forest during the full moon and was subsequently attacked by a werewolf."
Remus flinched under the stern look Albus sent his way and it took a moment before Remus realized why Albus looked at him that way.
"It was not me, sir. I have been taking the Wolfsbane Potion consistently for many moons now."
Albus nodded and considered the information that was just revealed to him. After a few minutes of tense silence, in which Hermione thought her head might explode from nerves, Albus direct his gaze on the Head Girl.
"This is a terrible tragedy, Miss Granger. I am sorry that you had – have – to experience it," Albus spoke softly, but Hermione refused to look up to meet his sad eyes.
And Albus was beyond sad as he watched one of the brightest minds he's seen in years avoid is his eyes in shame. He knew that none of this was her fault…even if she was foolish enough to enter the forest at night, alone, during a full moon. No one deserved to go through this.
"Hermione," – her head shot up at the Headmaster's use of her first name – "why did you not come to me right after this happened?" Albus' voice was full of care and concern.
"I was afraid you would be angry and disappointed, sir," Hermione whispered as tears coursed down her pretty face.
She felt Remus squeeze her shoulder softly, and it was only then that she realized he did not remove his hand after he rubbed her shoulder earlier. That realization warmed her heart more than Remus could ever know.
"You ought to know better than that, Hermione," Albus said in a very grandfatherly way. "I could never be angry or disappointed in you for something like this. I understand that horrible accidents do happen, often times to the best of us. I am in no way angry or disappointed in you."
Hermione smiled through her tears as the Headmaster stood up and walked around his desk to stand in front of her and Remus.
"Have you told Harry, Ron, or your parents, Hermione?"
Hermione bowed her head as she answered, "No, sir."
"You know that you need to tell your friends as soon as you are ready, if not sooner. Knowing Harry and Ron as well as I do, I am sure they will not appreciate being kept in the dark for this long."
Hermione nodded at the truth of the Headmaster's words. There was no denying it, Harry and Ron will be furious with her for not telling them first, but they will just have to deal with it.
"Now, how to tell your parents," Albus said as he walked towards the door.
Remus took the cue that the meeting was just about over and stood up, reaching for Hermione's hand to help her up as he did so. He gave her hand a quick squeeze and dropped it before the Headmaster turned around to face them.
"I want you to owl your parents today and let them know that you will be coming home next weekend to see them. You need not break the news by owl, just let them know that you have something very important to discuss with them. Remus will join you as your escort, since he will be able to help explain things to your parents."
Albus turned to open the door and therefore missed the shocked look pass between the two lycanthropes as they took in what he just said. They seemed to have their shock under control by the time they made it to the door.
Albus smiled sadly at the pair as they stopped in front of him. Hermione leant in and gave him a warm hug in thanks for his understanding and Remus just nodded to the old man before they turned to leave the office.
Albus beamed when a thought suddenly struck him as he watched Hermione disappear down the moving staircase before Remus set foot on it.
"Now I understand why you and Miss Granger were really spending so much time together," Albus said, his blue eyes twinkling madly.
Remus looked back sharply at the old man and opened his mouth to speak, but Albus raised his hand to stop him from doing so.
"I think it was a wonderful thing that Hermione had someone to turn to, Remus. And look what good came of it."
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Hours later, Hermione entered the DADA classroom and stopped in front of the door to Remus' office. She knocked three times, like always, and waited until Remus let her in.
He seemed to be taking forever, so Hermione knocked another three times and waited, again. After several minutes, Hermione decided that either he was not there or he was busy sleeping or something.
Just as she turned and took a few steps to exit the classroom, the door to Remus' office opened.
"Mione?"
Hermione turned around to see Remus standing in his doorway with wet hair. He was buttoning the last buttons on his shirt before he tucked it into his jeans.
Hmmm, he must have been in the shower when I first knocked, Hermione thought.
"I was taking a shower. Were you out here long?"
She shook her head.
The clean scent of him was intoxicating, even from ten feet away. She could not wait to be close to him, to smell his fresh scent up close, and she practically flew at him.
Remus stumbled back into his office when Hermione's body collided with his, but he managed to keep both him and Hermione from falling over by wrapping both his arms around her waist. He cast a wandless spell to close the door before he leant down to capture her lips.
The kiss was soft and sweet, and ended entirely too soon for Hermione's liking. She let out a disgruntled sigh when Remus pulled back and she scowled when he chuckled at her.
"Calm down, love. There's no rush, we will continue in a few minutes," Remus said, still chuckling.
Hermione looked at him in wonder for a moment and Remus shot her a curious look before he asked, "What?"
"You called me 'love'," she breathed. It was not a big deal, really. People said it all the time, but with him it was different. Remus never called her 'love' before, but now that he had, she did not want him to stop.
"Yes, I did," Remus smiled at the look on her face. It was a mix of happiness and bewilderment.
He knew that people used that term all the time, but he was never one to use it out of context. He was not even sure if he meant to use it just then, but he decided that it felt so right as it rolled off his tongue.
"I liked it," Hermione whispered as she pulled his head back down to crush her lips against his.
He felt a warm feeling swirl around his heart when Hermione said that she liked it and once his lips met hers, he deepened the kiss. She easily accepted his tongue in her mouth and moaned at the taste of him. Chocolate.
The kiss continued for a few minutes until they both pulled back to take a breath. Before Remus could clear the kiss-induced haze from his mind, he felt Hermione link her hand is his as she lead him through to his private chambers.
It was not until he landed on something soft that he realized Hermione led him into his bedroom and pushed him down on the bed. His eyes shot to her face to see the mischievous glint in her beautiful chocolate eyes as she straddled his thighs.
He groaned when he felt her fingers make quick work of the buttons on his shirt. A second later, he lost himself as she scraped her nails gently down his chest and stomach and finally stopped when she hit the top of his pants. He was getting hard and it was making it quite difficult to think through the haze of arousal.
He started when she went to undo his belt. The haze broke some and he was able to take stock of the situation. He didn't want things to happen this quickly.
"What are you doing?" Remus asked, though his voice held more lust than he intended.
"I am trying to undo your belt," Hermione said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, which it pretty much was.
He stilled her hands and pulled them away from his belt before he dropped his own hands to the bed.
"Why?" Remus inwardly smacked himself for being so…he did not even know what he was being. He knew why she was doing it. Hell, if he was honest with himself, he was feeling just as randy as she was right now. But the tiny part of him that did not want to rush this was fighting hard for control, and he was terrified of losing it.
"Because I thought we could play dress up…why the hell do you think I would be undoing your belt, Remus?" Hermione's voice rose toward the end and Remus flinched at her spiteful tone.
Hermione climbed off Remus once she realized that he was not even touching her and that he was obviously not as into the moment as she was. She stood there glaring at him, waiting for him so say something.
Remus sighed under Hermione's glare. Merlin knew he wanted her, badly, but it was just so soon…not for himself, but for her. He knew it would be her first time, he could sense it, and he did not want her to rush into it only to end up regretting what she had done.
And he was very worried that would happen if they were to have sex right now. He was terrified of just being a one-off for her. Over the past two months, Remus really began to care deeply for Hermione and he was truly terrified of messing things up.
After Ginny's interruption the night before, he knew that he did not want to spoil things by moving too fast, in case Hermione wasn't ready. As much as he wanted to jump her right now, he knew that he could not let it happen just yet.
"Are you going to say anything?"
Remus jumped at her spiteful tone and he realized that he had been lost in his thoughts and forgot all about speaking to her.
"Yes…I didn't mean to come off as I did…I know why you were doing what you were," Remus stumbled throw his explanation.
"Well, I'm very happy for you, Remus. You know why someone would try to get in your pants," Hermione spat. She was mortified that Remus just rejected her and she did not know how else to handle it, other than to snap at him.
She thought for sure that he wanted her as much as she wanted him, but perhaps she was wrong. Based on his reaction to her trying to undo his belt, it did not seem like he wanted her at all.
Remus sighed again as he ran a hand through his sandy brown hair. He could swear that he felt a few more gray hairs pop up in the last few minutes.
"Mione, you have no idea how much I want you. I want you so badly that it hurts, but I do not want you to rush into anything," Remus said as earnestly as he could. "I want you to be absolutely sure that this" – he gestured between them – "is what you truly want before we take that step. I just think that it is too soon for you, is all."
He was still sitting on the bed with his shirt undone. Hermione was standing a few feet in front of him, not meeting his eyes. He stood up and went to reach for her, but he stopped halfway through the action when she moved farther away from him.
So he does want me, he just does not trust me to know whether I want him or not. Who would know what I want better than I do? Asshole. He's probably just worked up over the fact that I am still his student, technically. He should have thought of that before last night.
She looked up at him, her face a mask of calm indifference, but he could see the hurt and anger in her eyes.
"I know that I am still a student, but I am mature enough to make my own decisions, including whether or not I am ready to shag one of my professors," Hermione snapped.
Remus' eyes widened at the realization of her words. She thought he stopped her because he did not want to sleep with a student, which was true, to an extent. He did not want a student he wanted Hermione. The thought that she was still a student never even crossed his mind when he said that he did not want to rush things.
"Mione…"
"I have to go," Hermione said as she turned and fled his bedroom.
Remus let his head drop for a moment before he quickly followed her. "I did not mean for things to go like this," he called after her.
She stopped at the door leading back to the classroom and spoke without turning around. "I know. You just need to trust me to know what I want."
Remus continued walking toward her as he replied. "You're right, I'm sorry."
A second later he whispered, "Don't go."
She opened the door and left without looking back.
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Hermione tried to hold back the tears as she fled Remus' rooms and ran back to her own.
She wanted so badly to stay when Remus whispered for her not to go, but she felt like a fool. She was hurt that he did not trust her to know her own mind well enough to know that she was ready to be with him. She knew she was making a big deal of things by fleeing from him, but his rejection felt like a physical wound and she just had to leave.
She needed to think and she obviously could not think straight when she was near Remus. She would go back and work things out when she did not feel so hurt and rejected.
Right now, all Hermione wanted to do was take a nap and wake up with a new life.
Why couldn't he just take the pain away for a little while?
The day proved to be quite stressful, between confessing to the Headmaster and now this ridiculous thing with Remus, it was more than enough, and it was only two o'clock in the afternoon.
What else can go wrong?
As if in answer to her thoughts, Hermione walked down the corridor leading to her rooms only to find Harry, Ron, and Ginny standing in front of the portrait guarding her door. It looked as though Ron and Harry were arguing with the portrait while Ginny shook her head and tried to tell them to come back later.
Hermione really did not want to deal with the boys right now. Ginny she could handle, but not the boys.
Scrambling for a reason to flee the scene, she suddenly realized that she still did not send her parents the letter that she wrote after this morning's meeting with Dumbledore. She felt around in her pocket to make sure she had it.
Maybe I will go send this now and buy myself some more time before I have to deal with Harry and Ron.
She looked up to make sure that the boys had not seen her yet, only to meet Ginny's eye. Hermione put her finger to her lips to signal Ginny not to say anything. Ginny nodded and Hermione fled back down the corridor.
She made it to the Owlery in record time and sent the letter to her parents off with Hedwig. Hermione figured that if she had to deal with Harry and Ron right now, the least they owed her was the use of Harry's owl.
She watched Hedwig take flight before she grudgingly made her way back to her rooms.
Hermione was not surprised to see Harry and Ron still arguing with her portrait, but Ginny was nowhere to be found. It was at moments like this that she was glad she changed her password frequently. The last thing she wanted, or needed, was Harry and Ron snooping around her rooms.
She walked up behind the boys and whispered the password. The portrait managed to hear her over the voices of the boys and swung open, leaving Harry and Ron staring at her door in shocked silence.
Hermione couldn't help but laugh at their reaction, which caused the boys to swing around and stare at her for a moment.
When they gathered their wits about them, Ron narrowed his eyes at Hermione, while Harry eyed her with concern.
"Where have you been?" Ron demanded.
Harry went to say something, but Hermione cut him off.
"Why do you want to know?" Hermione replied as she crossed her arms in front of her.
"Because we want to know what the bloody hell is going on with you!" Ron bellowed.
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