Pharaonic Therapies – The Introduction and First Class
Written by Essence of Light and Sheikgoddess
Disclaimer: If we owned Yu-Gi-Oh! There would be real couples and our characters would be in it. So we obviously don't own it.
Please read the following:
HI! Were your hosts Essence of Light and Sheikgoddess. Why are we here you ask? Well we thought it was about time that all the yu-gi-oh! Characters got a reality check. Most classes will be administered by Yugi, but we will get a few from Kaiba and other random characters. Oh, and characters from our stories will appear randomly, either participating or teaching but more on that later. Suggestions are welcome, but we have fifty or so classes lined up already, so make sure they're creative because were not.
Note: if we already had the idea, you won't be credited for it. Flamers are welcome, they are funny but if your gonna be nasty at least be creative about it. (We already expect some but they count as reviews so it makes us look good anyway )
Without further procrastination we give you the first chapter and class:
How To Remove The Stick From Your Ass Without Causing Internal Damage
Teaching courtesy of Tea for Seto Kaiba
Tea walks into a small room, which consisted of a small desk, a whiteboard and two chairs. Sitting in one of the chairs was Seto Kaiba, currently looking very pissed off. Tea sat down in the chair across from him.
"Morning Kaiba!"
He grunted.
"Now, I've noticed along the way, that you Kaiba must have something seriously big stuck up your ass to cause the serious social issues you have. After reading through information gathered by previous tournaments, I have concluded that it is a stick up your ass, shoved up quite far to be frank. Now, stay seated and shut up while I tell you how to remove it without causing internal damage.
Kaiba was totally shocked that such confidential information had been released.
'Note to self: Keep Mokuba out of the alcohol cabinet.'
Kaiba stood up. "How can you say that? It's not true!"
"Sit down Kaiba or I will shove that stick so far up your ass it will come out your nose."
Kaiba sat down and winced.
"You're obviously suffering from some constipation so lets get started."
Tea stood up and walked over to the whiteboard, placing a series of charts on it. Some were diagrams of the human body, other pictures of people hugging.
"Now listen carefully:
1. Compassion is not a weakness. If it were why does Yugi win all the time?
2. Burying the past would be burying Mokuba, what the hells with that?
3. Just because you're a genius doesn't mean people think highly of you. They actually think it's quite funny you're a social outcast. Try to talk without sounding like you ate a thesaurus for breakfast.
4. Firing people should not be considered a hobby OR a pastime. All it does is make you more of an asshole.
5. Calling people names is really childish and not made for a CEO. Act your age not your IQ level, it's not as high as what you thought it was after exposure to Joey."
Kaiba had had enough and said so.
"I don't see where this is heading. Your wasting my time I have a business to run." He got up and started to leave.
"Sit down and shut up or I'll let Mokie into the alcohol cabinet" Tea waved a set of keys with a BEWD key ring in front of Kaiba's face.
"I'll be good... Hey how did you get those?"
"That's for me to know and for you to never find out."
"Huh?"
Tea glared at him and he sat back down.
"And speaking of dragons.." she glanced at the keys "...6. Your obsession with the BEWD is unhealthy, get rid of it or keep the stick.
7. 50 of what Yugi says has some point behind it, so open your damn ears.
8. Expressing your feelings proves to the rest of the world that you are in fact human and not a cyborg from another planet.
9. Your conflicting opinions are confusing, so stick to one opinion.
10. Dogs are cute. They are "Mans Best Friend". In your opinion Joey is a dog, theoretically making him your best friend. Are you not male? I can give you time to think about this or refer to suggestion nine."
"I don't need time to think this through!"
"Yeah that's right, you're a child prodigy, a boy genius!"
"Don't patronise me!"
"I can, I will and I am when I'm your freaking self help teacher! So learn to live with it. This concludes today's self help class. The afore mentioned suggestions will help with the slow and hopefully painless removal of the said stick from your ass, which I have dubbed 'Kaiba pass (1)' I expect to see you back in a month."
Kaiba got up and silently left, fuming.
Author's notes
(1) Kaiba pass is Torres Straight Islander for Asshole, we found it fitting.
EL: How was it? Don't shoot me, read my other story instead. (Dominion: Story of a legend)
SG: Ditto (The Ringmaster)
EL: Please review. Preview of next chapter –The Do's and Don'ts of making friends. Featuring Kaiba, Noah, Marik, and Bakura.
EL and SG: Chocolate cake rox!
SG: I'm jealous because EL got pudding last night.