Disclaimer: Dustbunny doesn't own Naruto and she's too broke to buy it.
A/N: Know what? There are a lot of romance fics that use "butterfly" in the title. Some are called that for no particular reason other than butterflies being pretty and romantic. Some involve Shino. Sometimes there are no butterflies in the title, but there are butterflies somehow pertaining to Shino getting women. I ask, with all the abuse of name meanings, why the lack of butterfly/ Choji connections? Hard to say, really, but we can't let that go unchecked, can we? No, we can't… Oh! This chapter is also lovingly lacking in actual fluff! Whee!
.1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.
Ino was annoyed.
It wasn't just that a barbeque buffet wasn't what she had planned on for a romantic dinner date. It wasn't just that Choji hadn't said a word about her new blouse. It wasn't just that Choji was paying more attention to his food than her either.
Not to say that this didn't worsen her mood.
Really, when a guy tells his girlfriend, sly grin and all, that he's got something special planned for them, is it too much to ask for more than a dollar movie and a plate of ribs? When a girl fixes herself up in new clothes- making her feel extremely over-dressed, by the way- is it too much to ask for a compliment? When on such flops of dates, is it so very much to ask for more attention than the issue of how much sauce is left in the bottle? Ino didn't think so.
Apparently, however, Choji did.
Ino sighed and propped her head on her hand, elbow stinging because of the cheap checkered tablecloth beneath it. She poked boredly at the remains of her meal, already full. She should have expected this, really. The restaurant had been closed for weeks due to health violations of some kind, causing poor Choji no small amount of sorrow. She should have known the moment she heard it was running again that she was going to get dragged here.
Unfortunately, she hadn't.
Oh, but all this was forgivable. It was annoying, but this was Choji, after all, and Choji wouldn't be Choji if he didn't pull stunts like this every so often.
No, the true source of Ino's annoyance came from something she had heard earlier that day. She had been picking out vegetables at the market, minding her own business, when she happened to hear Sakura. Turning to locate and greet her, what else did Ino happen to hear but Sakura get called 'dumpling.'
Dumpling!
Dumpling, one of the cheesiest, and therefore one of the most romantic, pet names a person could get called. And Sakura was being called this precious atrocity of a term of endearment by one of the least cheesy, and therefore one the least romantic, people to ever walk the face of the planet- or any other planet! That made it all the more romantic, of course. What's more, Sakura had looked annoyed- annoyed that the man that she herself had readily stated (well, okay, Ino prodded her a little) could use a class on romance- and had pretended not to notice him.
Having been too shocked to carry through and greet Sakura, Ino could find no reason for this blatant annoyance. The closest thing to a plausible excuse she could think of was that they were in the midst of a spat and he was trying to soften her up. This made it even cheesier- read it: More romantic.
Then there was Choji.
Choji was no Casanova, but he was miles ahead of forehead girl's introvert of a boyfriend. Choji bought flowers for Ino, gave her heaps of candies in pretty wrappings, even presented her with jewelry from time to time. Sure, he bought the flowers at her shop on a discount. Sure, he tended to wolf down half the candy before Ino got done admiring the gesture. Sure, the jewelry was almost always cheap imitation stones. But the thought was there and, contrary to the popular belief that she was a raging demon when she didn't get the best of everything, that was good enough for Ino- just as long as she got some of the candy.
Now, however, she was deeply contemplating just how far all this went. For all the gifts and sweet gestures she got from Choji, he had never called her by a pet name. She'd never called him by one either…
Bing, went the little light bulb over Ino's head. Why hadn't she struck upon this sooner? This was the purest form of silver (gold was so last season) ever to be brought into the light. Being called a cheesy-and-therefore-romantic pet name by a boyfriend was one thing. A boyfriend letting his girlfriend call him by a cheesy-and-therefore-romantic pet name was a whole different ballgame. It was a whole different, much more romantic ballgame (as bizarre as that sounded even to the young woman thinking it).
Ino smirked triumphantly, picturing the jealousy Sakura would surely experience when she heard Ino call Choji by some adorable name and Choji allow it. Ino's smirk quickly became a contemplative frown. The idea itself was pure brilliance, but how to put it into action. There was no doubt in Ino's mind that she could get away with calling Choji some ridiculously cute name. Oh, no, he knew what was good for him. But what horrendous manifestation of sugary sweetness was most suitable for the task? It couldn't be some generic, abused pet name. No, Ino would settle only for the best and most original.
Hm… Ino looked across the table at Choji, who was still stuffing himself, in hopes of finding inspiration. Unfortunately, the only names she was inspired to call him were a far cry from romantic.
"Choji," she said to him sweetly. She must have spoken too softly, for Choji went right on with his meal.
Under normal circumstances, Ino would have raised her voice just a bit to capture his attention. Right now, however, she was in no mood to be rational.
"Choji!" she barked, all hints of sweetness gone.
Choji nearly choked on the mouthful of steak he was working on when Ino yelled at him. He close-mouth coughed and banged on his chest and finally managed to swallow it down. That done, he sucked in a lungful of air, causing a few stray coughs, and looked up at Ino. Her angelic expression belied her previous tone and Choji immediately became nervous. Stopping to think about it, a date and a reunion with great food may not have been the best two events to try to mesh.
When an entire minute passed in silence, Ino doing nothing but looking at him serenely the whole time, Choji began to fidget.
"Uh, Ino?" he spoke quietly as though afraid of how she might react to sudden movement.
"Quiet, Choji, and hold still," she snapped, glaring for just a moment. Then her expression was calm and content again as she added, "I just want to get a quick look at you."
Confused, Choji did as she said and sat still and quiet, hoping that whatever was going on was almost done with.
Ino, eyebrows slowly knitting in intense focus, was not having much luck with her task. She couldn't think of anything cheesy-and-therefore-romantic to call him that didn't dangerously border the Fat Taboo. His mouth was rimmed with barbeque sauce and there was more of the junk of his hands. Some of it even covered the innermost parts of his cheeks. His eyes were shifting around as though in anticipation of an attack. Every few seconds he would twitch or squirm. In another time and place, these nervous movements would be amusing. Now they were annoying.
Irritated but trying not to show it, Ino took a sip of her tea, cringing slightly at the realization that she had added far too much sugar. She liked sweet things, but this was way too-
Wait a minute.
Ino's mind raced in the way that human minds tend to when on the brink of discovery. Faster than she could actually comprehend her thought process, she began to mentally link together words in a manner similar to a psychiatric test.
Sweet tea. Sweet tea is a sweet liquid. Sweet liquid. Nectar is also a sweet liquid. Bugs like to drink nectar. Butterflies like to drink nectar. Part of Choji's name meant-
"A butterfly!"
Choji frowned at Ino's sudden triumphant outburst. He glanced around as best he could without moving too much in an attempt to find the source of her apparent jubilation. If there was a butterfly, he sure didn't see it. He did, however, see Ino look at him in a way not unlike a wolf would look upon an unsuspecting bunny rabbit.
"Um… Ino?" ventured Choji cautiously.
"Yes?" Ino smiled widely.
"Are you okay?"
"Oh, I'm fine. You're so sweet for asking."
"Yeah, that's good… So, what are you yelling about a butterfly?"
"Hm? Oh!" Ino hadn't realized that she had spoken out loud. Ah, well, he would find out sooner or later. It was probably a good idea to break into the idea first, though. And so, she completely sidestepped the question, instead smiling coyly and fluttering her eyelashes at him.
Now Choji was really worried.
"Ino-"
"Choji," Ino cut him off. "We've been together for awhile now, right?"
"Yes," Choji said answered slowly, more than a little suspicious.
"And you do love me, don't you?"
Slightly hesitant, considering if it was a trick question, Choji again slowly answered, "Yes."
"And you know I love you."
"… Yes…"
"Oh, good!" Ino gushed and clasped her hands almost giddily. "Then it's settled."
"What is?"
"Choji, Choji, Choji," Ino shook her head pityingly at his ignorance. "When people have a relationship like ours, there are certain measures that need to be taken. Advanced admissions of love and tenderness, if you will."
Choji blushed a bright red and gulped. Maybe it was just his hormones, but he thought this conversation was getting a bit sketchy. He was hardly to blame with the coy way Ino was staring at him.
Choji coughed into his fist. "Ad- advanced admissions of… of…"
"Of love and tenderness," Ino nodded sagely. Then interlacing her fingers and resting her chin on them, she continued, "You see, my dear Choji, when in a relationship such as ours, people give each other… pet names."
"Pet names?" Choji blanched. Then, going back over his recent thoughts, he blushed brighter, embarrassed at himself. Still, what did a butterfly have to… do with… No. Fudging. Way.
"Ino," Choji was back to being cautious, "you don't mean that you're thinking of calling me 'butterfly.'"
"Oh, of course not," Ino straightened up and waved one hand as though to shoo the idea away from her. Choji was in the midst of a relieved sigh when shefinished, "I've already decided to call you that."
"Ino, you're kidding," Choji looked at her sternly and crossed his arms.
"No, I'm not," Ino replied just as sternly, crossing her arms as well.
Choji sighed and brought one hand to his forehead, shaking his head slowly. He had to find some way to get her off this idea.
"Ino, as if it's not embarrassing- which it is- it's the first part of my name. Don't you think that's a little, well, I don't know, cheesy? Uncreative?"
"Cheesy is good!" Ino argued. "Cheesy is romantic! And of course it's creative. I though a good four minutes about it."
"Come on, Ino," Choji was close to pleading with her to see reason. "That would be like if Sakura was getting called-"
"Forget it," Ino cut in. "If there's one thing more romantic than a guy calling his girlfriend by a cheesy name, it's the guy called by a cheesy name by the girlfriend."
"Since when are you into cheesy pet names?" Choji asked in exasperation.
"Since forehead girl is getting called 'dumpling' by her boyfriend!"
"Oh, for the love of- he calls her 'dumpling'? Seriously?"
"Yes, he calls her that. I heard him."
"…Yikes."
Ino growled. "That isn't the point here. The point is that while she's being called romantic pet names by a romantically ignorant anti-social, I'm getting called by just my name by," Ino suddenly turned smiley and her voice went sweet, "my darling, caring, pleasantly plump sweetheart of a boyfriend."
Choji thumped his elbow onto the table and dropped his forehead into it. How the heck was he supposed to argue with that without sounding like a jerk?
"I knew you'd see it my way, Butterfly-kun," Ino chirped, going for another sip of tea, no longer caring how overly sweetened it was.
Choji, on the other hand, felt like grumping. Overcome by the urge, he spoke without meaning to, "Yeah, whatever, Piggy-chan."
Ino went rigid, fake smile stretching wide across her face as she turned to look at him.
Choji froze, immediately perspiring from terror, eyes widening comically.
"Excuse me?"
The restaurant would be closed for another couple weeks or so for repairs.
.9.8.7.6.5.4.3.2.1.9.8.7.6.5.4.3.2.1.
I'm worried about my portrayal of Ino. I'm a bit worried about Choji too, for that matter… Anyway, if you happen to notice any mistake, please tell me via review or email so I can correct them. If you review, please include your favorite and least favorite aspects of the fic. If you flame, please do it literately so I know what I'm laughing at.