Disclaimer: Hermione, Ginny and the other HP characters belong to JKR, not me. Jack and Will from PotC belong to Disney.
AvChocoholic: Will and Jack loose in Hogwarts, yes indeed I'm gonna have lots of fun with it! In fact the whole Voldemort-is-attacking plot may go on hold for a bit, just while the pirate boys are there.
Surrounded by idiots: I'm sorry you're itchy. Here, I updated! You should be ok now.
Cripples: Ooh, a new reviewer! Yes indeed, Will is uberhot! Thanks, dear.
MGoddess & Frida: More new reviewers! Can't tell…that would be cheating!
Captain-Ammie: Thank you!
Legolover: Good luck with your crystal ball…I hope you see yourself sitting in a theatre on the night of Friday October 14…
LighteningExperience: I'm glad you liked it…but what in the world is swamp recognition? Sorry I'm just stupid. ;)
SenatorSolo: Thank you a billion times over! If you hadn't gotten the E-Town reference I would've been sad. But you did! More people should review our Troy stories. Because they rock.
InwePirateElf: Buahaha! I'm cool for putting in Orlando references! Thanks, hun. ;)
WillsOneLove: I'm glad you thought Jack-in-a-wig was funny! I thought so too:D Man, Elizabethtown is premiering in my city but I can go 'cause I'm babysitting. Don't you hate when stuff like that happens?
A/N: Thanks to all my reviewers who got the Orlando reference in the previous chapter.
(WillsOneLove, rcaqua, InwePirateElf, and SenatorSolo) You seriously rock.
Yes, I'm shamelessly marketing his new (modern day!) romantic-comedy, Elizabethtown. Drew Baylor is his character and Cameron Crowe is the writer/director of the movie. It comes out on Oct. 14 in the US. I hope you all enjoy this chapter…it gets kind of silly near the end. I'm telling you, Jack Sparrow writes himself!
Ch. 9: Fun with Snape
"What a trying day," moaned Ginny, flopping down next to Hermione on one of the Gryffindor couches in the noisy common room.
"You can say that again," sighed Hermione. "I'm still trying to make sense of it all." She was of course referring to the fact that, for the first time in its long history, Hogwarts School played host to two muggle pirates. "I can't remember a day so filled w/chaos since Fred and George set out to terrorize Umbridge with their fireworks."
Not that it was Will and Jack's fault entirely how the student body reacted towards them. Will did his best to blend in with the student body, but that was an impossible feat as the witches weren't blind to his gorgeousness. Jack, on the other hand, wasn't trying to lay low – quite the contrary. I wouldn't be surprised if he'd found a way to annoy all of the professors in one day. Not to be outdone by Will, Captain Sparrow was also attracting plenty of his own female attention.
"Did you see Pansy Parkingson stalking Jack this afternoon? Malfoy looked so jealous I thought he was going to hex her," said Hermione, cracking up. Much to Ginny's chagrin, much of the Slytherin female population had suddenly developed crushes on Jack.
"You're hilarious, Hermione," Ginny sarcastically told her, rolling her eyes. "Ew, I don't want to imagine that idiot with Jack." Hermione started to apologize but Ginny cut her off.
"Did you notice that Lavender Brown kept flirting with Will during dinner?" She had noticed, and had been trying to forget all night.
"Damn it, Ginny, why are so many girls after Will? He was supposed to be mine!" Ginny patted her arm in sympathy.
"I know. But at least we saved them from rotting in prison right?" Hermione gave her friend a smile.
"I guess you're right. It could be worse," she agreed.
Hermione thought back to what happened after Will 'dropped' in on her Charms class.
Professor Flitwick had demanded that she take him to Dumbledore at once. Hermione was only happy to comply and skip potions; she wasn't keen on seeing Professor Slughorn as he'd been trying to corner her with another invitation to the Slug Club. Eagerly, the young witch escorted Mr. Turner up to the Headmaster's office, where Ginny and Jack were already waiting.
"Good morning, Miss Granger," said Dumbledore, beaming at her and Will. Thank Merlin he's not angry! "And who might you be?" Dumbledore asked the young pirate.
"Will Turner, sir." Dumbledore shook hands with him and motioned for them to take a seat. Hermione and Will sat, each wondering how Dumbledore would deal with them.
"I trust these young ladies have explained to you about our world." Will nodded nervously.
"They have, but I don't know everything, sir."
"Call me Albus," said Dumbledore, trying to make an anxious Will feel more at ease.
"Alright, Albus. I understand non-magic people like Jack and I aren't supposed to know about your society, but I promise that we'll never betray your secret." He was facing Dumbledore, but Hermione knew he was trying to reassure her as well when he gently squeezed her hand.
"Thank you, Mr. Turner," Dumbledore smiled at him warmly. "I didn't think you would. What about you, Mr. Sparrow?" Jack, who'd been eagerly eyeing the Pensieve, looked up sheepishly.
"Hey, mate, I got no problem wit' witches an' wizards. Your secret is safe wit' me."
"Excellent," Dumbledore proclaimed happily. "I must say, Mr. Sparrow, your unexpected arrival scared old Professor Binns half to death!" The pirate smirked.
"What can I say, mate? I'm Captain Jack Sparrow!" But Dumbledore had the last laugh.
"However, Professor Binns is already dead," he gently informed the pirate. For once, Jack was speechless. Will broke the silence.
"I don't mean to be rude, but I was wondering if you could send us back home today?" Dumbledore frowned, stroking his long beard.
"As I didn't make the charm, I'm afraid that won't be possible. Until a reverse enchantment is discovered, you'll be forced to remain in this time." Both Will and Jack exploded.
"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?" Dumbledore held up his wrinkled hands.
"Now now, don't worry – you'll get to go back eventually. And until you return, I'll allow you to remain at Hogwarts.
"But what about the crew?" Will worried as Jack frantically cried,
"What about me ship?"
"Jack!" Ginny, Hermione, and Will scolded. Jack shrugged at them, unruffled.
"Don't look so surprised; you know how much the Pearl means to me." Ginny looked crushed and asked,
"At a time like this, all you can think about is your ship!" Jack gave her a pained look and did his best to apologize.
"I didn't mean it like that, luv…"
"Ahem," Dumbledore cleared his throat, alerting them to his presence. Ginny and Jack looked at him guiltily. "I think it is best if the school knows you have my approval to be here. I will announce your presence at the end of lunch, which starts in," he glanced at the clock, "ten minutes."
"But what if people ask who they are?" worried Hermione. Dumbledore gave her a wide grin.
"Tell them the truth. And hope they think you're lying." Jack smiled for the first time in the office.
"Now that's my kind of logic…I like you, Albus." He put his arm around the old wizard and began bragging about his piratical conquests. "Let me tell you about the time I raided Singapore…" Far from minding Sparrow's attentions, Dumbledore seemed to be immensely enjoying himself. Hermione was glad to see the elderly wizard so happy. He's been working so hard trying to protect us all from Voldemort; he deserves a laugh.
The group descended the spiral staircase and made their way into the Great Hall for lunch. Hermione and Ginny led the pirates over to Gryffindor table, who sat down across from them. Ron and Lavender sat farther away from the group and didn't see the pirates, but Harry did. Before he could ask, Hermione leaned over and whispered that he'd find out soon enough. The boy-who-lived shrugged and went back to his salad. Before lunch adjourned, Dumbledore stood up from his place at the staff table.
"I have a quick announcement before you head off to your afternoon classes." All eyes turned toward their Headmaster, except for some Slytherin boys who defiantly carried on their whispered conversations. "I'm pleased to welcome Mr. Jack Sparrow and Mr. William Turner to Hogwarts." Unabashedly, Jack stood up to be recognized and pulled a reddening Will up with him. Muffled shrieks rang out through the dining hall as the girls saw how handsome their visitors were.
"Settle down," said Dumbledore, winking at the pirates. "These gentlemen will be staying with us for awhile, and I expect that all of you will extend your courtesies to them as you would to your Professors." Jack grinned smugly at his inquisitive audience while Will immediately sat back down. "Thank you for your attention; that will be all."
The pirates had just finished eating by the time Hermione and Ginny's classes were supposed to begin, and the girls ushered them towards the exit of the dining hall.
Dumbledore caught up with the foursome before they could leave.
"Mr. Turner, would you be a guest speaker in the Muggle Studies class today? It won't take the whole period." Will noded eagerly.
"Of course sir - Albus. It's the least I can do since you let us stay here…" Dumbledore led him out of the Great Hall and out of Hermione's sight.
"Hey, what about me?" pouted Jack. "Why does the whelp get to have all the fun?" Ginny shushed him.
"You'll get your turn tomorrow. Now come on, I've got to get to potions class!" Hermione went with them, to make up the lab that she'd missed that morning. They hurried down the corridors, down a few flights of stairs, and finally ended up outside the dungeon. But when they went inside the classroom, they weren't greeted by the rotund but affable Slughorn. It seemed they had a substitute.
"You're late," the cold voice addressed Ginny, who was the first of the three to enter. Hermione inwardly gasped. It was Snape.
"I'm sorry, sir," said Ginny automatically. Snape sneered at her.
"Ten points from Gryffindor," he proclaimed, sounding positively delighted about it. "Now take your seat." Ginny bravely stood her ground.
"Where's Professor Slughorn?" she asked.
"He's taken a personal day. And Professor Dumbledore has asked me to spend my off-day teaching my old subject." Snape sounded sour that hiss boss asked him for such a favor. He saw Hermione for the first time.
"Miss Granger?" he asked, staring disbelievingly. "I know you weren't held back to the fifth year level. Why are you here?" Hermione tried to explain quickly so she wouldn't cause Gryffindor to lose anymore points.
"I need to make up my lab from this morning, sir. I missed my class because I had a meeting with Professor Dumbledore…" Snape's beady eyes rested on Jack Sparrow who innocently gave him a friendly smile. Snape didn't acknowledge the pirate at all.
"Say no more. You may gather your things and brew your potion in the spare cauldron on the back table." Severus Snape shifted through some papers on Slughorn's desk and produced the 6th years' list of ingredients and instructions for the days' lab. Hermione took it from him and began to gather her ingredients from the storage cupboard. Snape began to scratch out the day's instructions on the chalkboard. Ginny went to take her seat but paused mid-step. All the students stopped preparing to brew their potions and watched as Jack tried to talk to Snape.
"'Ello, mate! I'm Jack Sparrow, who are you?" Snape whipped around, his black greasy hair flopping against his head. He looked down at Jack's outstretched hand in disgust.
"That doesn't concern you, muggle. Now, take a seat; I have a class to teach." Jack looked extremely taken aback, a little hurt even but he hid it well. Suddenly every girl in Ginny's class was glaring daggers at Snape, for being rude to the pirate. Jack noticed this and smirked.
"Well, if you won't give me your name, I guess I'll have to invent one. How about Smith?" Snape eyed Jack threateningly. "Or Smithy, if you like that better?"
"Mr. Sparrow," Snape began in a dangerously low voice, "I'd suggest you sit down. Or else I'll…" Jack had the nerve to interrupt him.
"Or else what? You'll make me sit in the corner? Or better yet, make me write lines?" The class erupted with laughter and Jack grinned provokingly at Snape. Ginny ran up and pulled Jack back to sit next to her. She whispered something in his ear and he rolled his eyes. Hermione sighed in relief when Snape began teaching the class as usual. At least he didn't turn Jack into a ferret or something worse.
"Today we will finish brewing our love potions from last week. Now, I want you to uncork your vials…" Snape was cut off by guess who.
"Excuse me, I just wanted to say I'm sorry, Professor Ape." Jack was met by dead silence. He quickly added, "I mean, Snape."
"Did that Potter boy put you up to this?" Snape roared at the pirate. "Because I know that no one from the ministry would dare treat me in this manner." Jack frowned.
"I dunno what yer sayin', mate, but I don't know any Potter, savvy?" Then he stood up, turned to the class and announced, "But I'm not from the ministry – I'm a pirate. The most feared pirate throughout all time!" The class laughed again and Snape looked murderous.
"Forty points from Gryffindor!" he bellowed. "And if you don't shut you pirate mouth it will be a hundred!"
"I'm sorry, Professor, he won't do it again." Ginny glared at Jack, who shrugged and sat back down, looking at Snape attentively. Hermione had to smile at Jack's devil-may-care attitude. Even though he was costing them house points, it was worth it to see Snape lose his temper. Jack stayed quiet long enough for Snape to get through his instructions. But five minutes later, when Snape was in the middle of passing out graded quizzes, Jack raised his hand.
"I have to go to the bathroom." Snape was of half a mind to tell Jack he couldn't leave the classroom, but he nodded anyway. "Professor, I don't know where the bathroom is," whined Jack, on purpose.
"Miss Granger, show Mr. Sparrow where our facilities are located." Snape kept rubbing his temple like he had a headache.
"Yes, Professor." Hermione's potion was brewing quite nicely, and could be left unattended for a little while. Once they'd left the classroom, she turned to Jack and with her hands on her hips stated,
"You didn't need to go to the bathroom!"
"I had to do something to get out of there! What a stuffy old bloke…and I thought Will was bad," Jack mused shaking his head. Hermione let the comment about Will go.
"Now what, Jack? Dumbledore wants you to stay with us at all times, and I've got to go back in there and finish my potion."
"Okay okay, I'll come back," he assured her. "But that man gives me a bloody 'eadache. I need some rum!" She shook her head at him, but she was smiling nonetheless.
"Go down to the kitchens; the house elves should be able to find you some. Or they'll conjure some up for you." Jack swooped her up into a big hug.
"I owe ya one, missy. How do I get there?" Without thinking, Hermione rattled off directions.
"Take the stairs, turn right, and walk to the end of the hall. On your left hangs a large portrait of fruit. Tickle the pear and you've found the secret entrance to the kitchens."
"Ta." Jack raced up the stairs and Hermione hurried back to her potion which was almost finished. By the time Jack returned, the young witch had completed her potion and had just turned it in to be graded. Snape begrudgingly let him in. In each hand, the pirate held a large bottle of rum.
"I've got ruuuuuummm!" he sang, and once again the class stopped working to watch how Snape reacted. "Here, Snapey, this one's for you. God know you could use it." The pirate shoved a bottle into Snape's hand, all the while singing under his breath.
"I've got a lovely song that we could teach to the class and it goes like this." The class leaned forward eagerly, and many of the girls wouldn't stop batting their eyelashes. "Yo ho, yo ho, a pirates life for me!" Jack belted out the words and the class quickly caught on. It was the most fun they'd had in class all year. Snape just stood there, speechless as if he'd been petrified. Ginny buried her face in her hands, mortified by Jack's eccentric behavior.
"We're devils and black sheep, really black eggs ; drink up, me 'earties yo ho!" The class sang along with Jack who was directing them from the front of the room. Poor Snape looked like he wanted nothing more than to apparate away. A knock sounded at the door.
"No, don't answer it!" cried Snape, terrified of losing his job. After all, it didn't look good for him. A class full of underage wizards was being directed to sing a very loud, silly song by an inebriated pirate. They weren't engaged in anything potions-related, and they weren't giving their professor a second thought. Snape needn't have worried, as it was Will, back from giving his speech to the Muggle Studies class.
"What's going on in here?" he asked, bewildered but calm.
"How the hell should I know! Snape screamed over the din. "You're his mate; ask him!" Hermione ran to Will and pulled him aside.
"Will! You've got to help Snape get the class back under control or else we're all in big trouble," Hermione told him worriedly. He gave her a quick kiss on the forehead and promised to try. Will then immediately went over to Jack, who swayed and gave him a big hug.
"William!" He said happily. "This is great, I'm so glad you're here. We're having so much fun singing my favorite song!" He tried to dance around with Will, but the young blacksmith luckily restrained him. "Class, this is William Turner - my best friend in the whole world!" Jack gave a wild giggle as Will tried to pry himself loose from his embrace. "Will, this is the class!"
"Jack!" Will hissed. "You're drunk! Why are you interrupting their class?"
"Pirate!" Jack replied, too far gone to give a proper answer. Will just sighed and gave up. Snape apparently had too, because he took a long swig from his rum bottle. Within minutes, the substitute potions professor had drained the entire thing and had passed out on the floor. Jack walked over to the unconscious Snape and left out a high-pitched whoop.
"Hah, even William can hold 'is rum longer than this ol' bugger!" Hermione asked Ginny to go down to the hospital wing and bring Madam Pomfrey back so she could give Snape something that would wake him up. As soon as Ginny was gone, Hermione and Will concentrated on getting Jack to shut up. Which was no easy task. By the time Captain Sparrow had settled down, the period had ended. Hermione took Will with her to her final class of the day, Ancient Runes.
The day continued without any further incident, except that Ginny told Hermione that Jack snored all through Transfiguration. Apparently, Professor McGonagall was so perturbed that she floated the older pirate to the back of the classroom and left him there in a bewitched sleep until dinner. That evening, when Jack and Will entered the great hall, cheers erupted from the Gryffindor fifth years, thanking them for the memorable potions class. Girls from the other three tables cheered as well.
Hermione finally stopped reviewing the events of the day and glanced around the common room, noting that it had become practically deserted. It must be late. I'd better get to sleep; knowing Jack, tomorrow will be another adventure.
Just then, Parvati burst into the common room and ran towards the two friends. She stood, clutching her side and trying to catch her breath.
"What? What's happened!" Hermione feared it had to do with Voldemort.
"Lavender Brown…she and that Romilda Vane…" Parvati angrily trailed off.
"Just tell us," urged Ginny. Wringing her hands, Parvati wailed,
"Will and Jack have been tricked into taking love potions!"
End Ch. 9
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