And so Herbert commenced to thinking about his new bride-to-be (Because the journey was not interesting enough for him to focus on it. If these had been his thoughts it would go something like… heat, dirt road, need water, heat, dirt road, NEED WATER… see how the journey is depressing?). He began to picture his bride and him together. It was an annoying, degrading fantasy, however, so it will not be described in this particular story… Then, he came to a sudden, halting realization; he had NO CLUE where he was going. The mirror had given him printed out directions, but everyone knows KingdomQuest (MapQuest) does not give accurate directions so he had to guess his way around. He was going to… Where? He tried to read the address his advisor had scribbled on the bottom of the shabby piece of paper that was supposed to qualify as "directions." Considering the time, less the .5 seconds, that the advisor had had before Herb was kicked out of the house, and the fact that the advisor was repeatedly smacked by flying objects as Herb's mother continued her long and thunderous tirade about Herb getting married and the mirror and advisors being incompetent, etc. the advisor had done a pretty good job. Herbert looked and flipped the page upside down, and squinted, and held it even closer to his face in a vain attempt to understand whatever was written on the page.

It could have been any number of things, but Herbert finally came to what he supposed to be a translation of the text. "Kingdom Frogville, Lilly Castle, Pond Pad 74" So, being at a crossroads for some coincidental reason (this was for dramatic effect and because, how else could Herbert be forced to choose a direction?), Herbert headed towards Kingdom Frogvilla to the left.

So, Herbert began his looooong journey towards Frogvilla. He traveled most of the rest of the day (he was not in shape, so we cannot blame him for his lack of mileage). He fell asleep under another tree on the side of another road. His dreams were unnecessarily happy, and good. This was BAD! Herbert, and any other sane person, realized (or would have realized) that all this good, non bothered journeying/questing was about to have an amazing downfall into the terrible parts of luck. And, waking up the next morning, Herbert immediately knew why and how this would come to be.

You may have noticed how he headed to Frogvilla after he had decided the correct direction was towards Frogville. This is because:

A:The sign was covered with ivy and rust, and was a bent piece of junk on a stick, that the Count's government (they are in Count Lizard's kingdom) had not bothered to fix. This caused many issues, in that the Count was not properly taking care of his people and aiding them in their journey around. Of course, the Count's response was always, "Why would I wan to help youin running to some other kingdom that's not mine?" Strange logic, but… This is the Count.

B:More dramatic effect… Something interesting has to happen in the end!

"Oh…" Herb said, annoyed and slightly bemused. "It's you again." Sure enough, standing over him, with two large flunkies flanking him was (drum roll please…) Count Lizard. However, today, the Count had decided to change his role in the story. He had come in, what appeared to be, a camouflage Hummer. Behind which there was an entire army of tanks ready to open fire on Herb at any moment. And, if Herbert had decided to look up, which he did, he would have found a large group of military planes, ready to drop humungous, and possibly life-threatening bombs on him at any given moment. Count Lizard, was decked out in his best impression of a Mission Impossible outfit, a black bullet-proof vest (as if he needed one, Herbert wasn't carrying a gun…), black camo-pants, and with a little secretary-like-microphone-thingy on his head, presumably to inform his troops when he intended for them to open fire. The sight was altogether very frightening, if you remember the deft skill the Count had with a simple sword… Imagine the effect of modern technology. Not good…

"Yes, villain, I have returned, to conquer you!" Count Lizard cried. Again, he failed to notice the irony here. "After you ran from our battle," Count Lizard continued, "I followed you tracks to… well, here…" He got a little shaky here. Maybe that was because it had taken him so long, when he had a Hummer, to track Herbert (he apparently followed a lot of wrong tracks). But, after a nudge from his left-flunky, he seemed to regain his confidence, and spoke his last words, "Prepare to die!"

"Oh, right…. You are going to kill me? Are you kidding?" Herbert said, as he got up, dusted off his pants, and gathered his bag (which was a handkerchief tied to a stick containing the address and… that was it). "I'll be going now…" Herb said, beginning to get bored.

"Ah HA! Evil villain, face your foe… I will fight you in the name of justice! Give me your best shot!" Count Lizard said, attempting to sound gallant.

"I don't think so…" Herbert said annoyed. "Get lost squirt!" And Herbert continued on his merry way.

What he didn't realize, however, was that Count Lizard had a bit of a problem with that name, stemming from his childhood school days when he was bullied by the older, smarter kids. Count Lizard began to turn red (picture a green lizard… turning red), steam began to burst from his ears, and he started to go berserk.

"I don't think so, Herb… You're dealing with mad lizard now!" Count Lizard yelled. Spinning around he yelled at the tanks, "FIRE!"

Ducking behind a tree just in time, a rain of torpedoes fell through the air, breaking the sound barrier and exploding around the tree. After the first rally of fire had ceased, Herb ran for a new cover, seeing as how his tree had become a burning stick in the ground.

"FIRE!" Count Lizard screeched again. Almost simultaneously bombs began falling from the sky, raining around the feet of Herbert, who was forced to duck and dodge as they hit.

What is this weirdo lizard's problem? Herbert screeched internally. Externally, Herbert was still fighting to stay alive. He was in a lose-lose situation. He had pissed off someone with military weaponry, had been shot at by tanks with torpedoes and planes with bombs, and now, to top the morning off (because, let's face it, its maybe been 10 minutes since Herbert woke up…), the insane lizard was running at him with a pistol in one hand (the safety unlatched… this could end up being hazardous) and a sword in the other (the same one he had proved he could wield so well). And then, surprise of surprises, as he was walking meaningfully towards Herbert, on fire with anger, and he tripped. Now, normally, there would have just been a shocked silence from the army and flunkies and a laughing Herbert; but, Count Lizard had a gun with the safety unlatched… So, instead, the gun went off as Count Lizard was falling to the ground.

Panic ensued (for Herbert that is). His eyed bugged out, his face contorted, and he almost stayed still, had he not remembered that it was Count Lizard who had accidentally shot at him and he could die. So he pulled a matrix on the bullets (and fell over in the process) and managed to doge the oncoming bullets.

At this point, through the shocked silence of the flunkies, and Herbert's dodge skill had become old news, Count Lizard jumped to his feet, intending to "slay" Herbert with his sword (again, I must emphasize the skill in which he uses it). Instead, he cracked his head on a tree branch, and promptly fell back down, unconscious, on the dirt road. Seeming dead to those around him, his flunkies and military planes, no longer loyal to their dead highness, headed back towards base (the castle of Count Lizard, where his brother was awaiting the chance to command them into battle), and Herbert headed on his way, shaking his head sadly.

"Strange, strange little lizard…" Herbert said as he walked away.

Little did he know, Count Lizard woke up a little woozy a while (many hours) later.