Chapter 4

Terry climbed back into his car and thought of Ramani, all his problems lifted from his shoulders. He drove back to his house and walked in through the back door. The sound of the television echoed around the otherwise quiet building.

"Ramani? Jodie?" Terry called out but to no avail.

He walked into the front room and found Ramani lying on the sofa, on her lap was Jodie's tired head and Ramani was stroking her hair. She mouthed "Hello" to him and smiled.

Ramani rubbed her eyes as Terry leant into her and kissed her. He sat down on the coffee table and looked at Jodie.

"Cute." He smiled at them both.

"How did it go?" Ramani asked.

"Terrible, she hates me."

"I'm sure she doesn't. What did you tell her?"

"That there's someone else."
"Did she ask who?"

"She guessed. Then she kicked me out."
"Ouch."

"Yup. Well I think I'm going for a shower then off to bed, early start tomorrow."

"I won't be going in, Okaro rang me up and told me about a VPU training course. It's tomorrow morning so I won't be in the station till the afternoon."

"Just me and Jodie for the bathroom tomorrow then?"

Ramani smiled. "Yup, I've got to leave early so I'll leave you two to fight over it."

Terry kissed Ramani and Jodie on the head and went up to the bathroom.

Ramani continued to stroke Jodie's head as she fell to sleep.

The sun rose into Ramani's bedroom as she woke up. She didn't know how she'd gotten into bed but that's where she'd woken up. As she rolled over to see what the time was she looked at Terry asleep. His eyes closed lightly, his face free from troubles.

The clock said '06.47' as she put her head onto her pillow again. "Ten more minutes."

As she closed her eyes she felt her bedroom door open. She opened her eyes again. Jodie stood at her door. Ramani sat up and looked at her daughter.

"Are you ok sweetheart?"

Terry snorted as he rolled over onto his back. Ramani looked at him and sighed.

A tear rolled down Jodie's cheek as she played with her hands.

"Hey Jodie." Ramani climbed out of bed and walked over to Jodie. Ramani hugged her daughter as Jodie sobbed. She held onto Jodie's arms and looked at her face, Ramani closed the bedroom door so she didn't disturb Terry and walked into Jodie's room.

"What's the matter?"

Jodie looked into Ramani's eyes.

"I can't say."

"What do you mean Jodie?"

"I don't want to upset you."

"Don't be silly, you won't upset me."

"I had a nightmare that my dad was chasing after me."

Ramani breathed in as she watched Jodie.

"It's ok Jodie, he's not here."

"But the point is mum I don't know who he is!"

Ramani felt her stomach flip as she heard the words ring in her ear 'Our little secret De Costa.'

Jodie looked at Ramani and watched her face.

"Are you ok?" Jodie asked.

"I'm fine."

"No you're not, I told you I shouldn't have said anything. I've just made it worse."

"No you haven't."

Ramani hugged Jodie and smiled at her.

"I've got to get ready for my course now, so you and Terry can fight over the bathroom in peace."

Ramani stood up and opened Jodie's door.

"Mum, you didn't tell me."

"There's nothing to tell." Said Ramani.

Jodie looked at Ramani and Ramani hung her head. She walked back over to Jodie's bed and sat next to her.

"I love you Jodie and I always have. I'm not proud that I put you up for adoption but it was the best thing. We're fine now aren't we?"

"Of course."

"I couldn't keep you, my parents hated me, well they didn't hate me they were disappointed in me, so they might as well have hated me for all the good that made me feel. The first time I held you I wanted to keep you forever in my arms. You were so small and perfect, completely innocent. Seeing you washed away all fears and images of him and then you were gone. I was kept in the maternity wing along with other mums and newborns. I had no baby, they'd taken my baby away from me yet I was kept with happy mums with their perfect babies. The first year was the toughest of my life, everytime I turned around there was a pushchair there, friends were out partying yet I was kept at home, parents feared I'd become pregnant again. I didn't, I wouldn't of. They thought keeping me in apart from school would stop me from seeing the boy again, oh how wrong they were."

"Was he a boy at school?"

Ramani looked into Jodie's eyes. A tear fell from her cheek and Jodie wiped it away.

"I'm sorry to make you go through all this again but I just want to know."

"That's ok, I can understand. Every English lesson I would walk into the classroom and he'd smile at me. He used to tap my shoulder and whisper in my ear 'Remember De Costa our little secret.' He made me feel sick, his hands on me, everytime I saw him all I could think of was you. Where you were, who was looking after you, who was calling you their daughter when you were mine! I couldn't tell my parents about him, my dad would have killed him and my mum, well I don't know what would have happened to her. Probably have a heart attack. Your dad was my English teacher, I went back after school one night and well…he erm raped me."

Jodie's mouth fell open as she sat frozen.

"I'm sorry." Was all she could manage to say. "I'm really sorry."

"It's not your fault love. I don't blame you, I never did." Ramani looked at Jodie's clock. "I'm going to be late if I don't get ready now. I'll pick you up from college. 4 o'clock isn't it you finish?"

"Yeah. Thanks Mum."

Ramani smiled and she kissed Jodie's forehead. Ramani walked back into her bedroom and Terry sat up in bed.

"I thought you'd gone."

"No not yet, running a bit late actually. Just been talking to Jodie about her dad."

"Oh, how did it go?"

"Ok actually, I'll pick her up from college later after it's all sunken in and I'll talk to her more then but I've really got to run."

"No time to make me a cup of coffee then?"

"Nope, you'll have to get Jo to do that when you get in!" Ramani laughed as she grabbed some clothes and headed to the bathroom.