Chapter 4:
Michael.
I am stunned into silence when I hear his name. And then the sweetest elation fills me and I want to shout and cry at once. Instead I say quietly and none too steadily to O'Brian, "What makes you say that?"
"Intuition."
My jubilation flees. "You don't know for sure?"
"Well who else would know how to access those codes? Or more importantly, where to look? If Jason's brother were still alive I'd suspect him, but he's not so that only leaves one other person."
"But you don't know for certain," I repeat, feeling even more disappointed. I hadn't dared allowed myself to think that Michael might look for me though I had secretly hoped it deep inside. I had this private wish, a fantasy if you will, that upon hearing about Section's demise Michael would come searching for me. He would take me in his arms and hold me to him and never let me go again.
"No I don't," O'Brian was saying. "I've cut off the path he accessed but that'll only slow him down if he's determined."
"Thanks, O'Brian," I say, and prepare to hang up.
"Whoa! Hold on there. That's it? Thank you?" There's a pause before he continues. "You are going to do something about it, aren't you?"
"No."
"No? Look Nikita, if you want me to, I can find out where he is…"
"No!" My voice is harsh. "You are to leave him alone, do you understand? I don't want him bothered."
"Bothered?" O'Brian laughed. "I don't get you, Nik. I know you love the guy, you haven't been able to forget him since he's left, but now that you're finally able to go to him, you won't?"
Shaking my head I say goodbye and disconnect the line. O'Brian's right, he doesn't understand my reasoning. I can't go to Michael. I understand him better than any other person in this world and that's why I can't be the one to go to him. I don't expect O'Brian to understand that my love for Michael runs deep enough that I need to let him make the first move. The choice has to be his.
He'd said to me when we parted that there would come a time when Adam wouldn't need him anymore and I answered by looking into his eyes and telling him that he would know where to find me.
That still holds true today. If Michael wants to find me he will. If he wants me to be a part of the new life he's formed, he'll come for me. But I will not show up on his doorstep. iNo./i Absolutely not. I've done that once before and received the shock of my life. I'm not strong enough to have that happen again. Especially since this time it would be the real thing and not some mission.