Nothing. I own nothing except this friggin' thing you call a ficcie.
Wishes and Walls
He stared blankly, listening intently to the soft clicking echoing around the house. Leaning slightly against the door, he felt that the distance between them cannot possibly be further, even though in truth, they are only a few feet apart, and that it is more than just a door that separates them. However close they are physically, they are continents apart. Probably worlds apart with thick walls of steel between them.
Initially, he had never felt this. Or maybe he had but his pure love for Yuki had blinded him. At that time, all he wanted was to love Yuki, to be with him. The possibility that Yuki might not love him did not deter him; he could not bring himself to care then. Nothing mattered except for his feelings. Selfish, that's what he was, maybe still is.
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Kitazawa Yuki.
Who exactly is he to Yuki Eiri…no, Uesugi Eiri? I think now I can comprehend a little. A little, because I don't think I can ever fully understand this blond haired enigma. There is nothing in common that we both share, except perhaps our love for two different people with the same name. Yes, love. Finally, I can admit it aloud. Yuki, my Yuki, loves Kitazawa-san.
His heart is probably within Kitazawa Yuki's grasp all along. Never mine. And I wonder why he had allowed me to go this far with him. Why had he allowed me to love him?
But he did not. He never encouraged me.
Not fair. This is not fair. Why does it hurt only for me? He feels nothing, and that is not fair.
What is worse is that I am unable to cry about it. Tears threaten to fall, but didn't. Even if I could cry, what or whom am I crying for? Me or him?
We are the same, trapped in perhaps unrequited love. Only I refuse to believe that you would ever betray me. No, I know you will never do anything to hurt me, except break my heart. That's all.
That's all? Who am I kidding? It hurts more than I thought it would. I can't help it. I want you to love me back!
But you don't. Perhaps you can't, because you are always trapped in the past with the specter of Kitazawa always in your mind and your heart. Or maybe you just didn't know who to choose.
Still, I want you to know that it is easy for me. It has always been you.
It doesn't matter even if you do not love me. I still want to be with you because I know it will hurt more for me to be away from you.
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He turned the knob quietly, knocking on the door at the same time.
"Yuki…"
The clicking stopped, and for once, he wished that it did not.
"What, brat?"
Cold, that is how his voice is.
"I…no, just want to tell you that I'm going out for a walk."
There is no response, unless you counted the sound of typing once again resonating through the stark house.
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I wish for a lot of things.
But most of all, I wish that you could love me the way you love Kitazawa Yuki.
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He slumped on the chair in the park, looking up. The night sky was somehow soothing yet oppressive at the same time. Velvety smooth and dark, just like Yuki's voice and demeanour.
The bag he still held tightly in his left hand fell to the ground with a soft thump as he buried his head in his hands.
It is better this way, leaving Yuki for a few days to clear his head and lighten his heart. Perhaps he could even bring himself to leave. Forever.
Or maybe Yuki would realize that he loves Shuichi as much or even more than he loves Kitazawa.
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Maybe when I step inside and close the door, Yuki would tell me he loves me. Me and me alone.
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"Brat."
His head snapped up, and his eyes met piercing amber ones.
"Yuki," his voice was trembling "what are you doing here?"
The blond haired novelist stared down at him in a contemplative manner before clearing his throat.
"Let's go."
He walked off without a backward glance, as if confident that Shuichi will follow.
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Maybe not.
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For Shuichi did.
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Yep, that is indeed what I get when I listen to too much of "Tsubasa".
Anyways, drop a line, a review, a comment.