Chapter 9-I'm Frightened, But I'm Coming

"Where is Yuki-kun?" Tohru asked when she had come back from the kitchen with a tray full of tea cups and a tea pot. Shigure frowned as he and Kazuma exchanged a look. They hadn't really been paying attention to the other teenager, since they were all watching Haru and Kyoko carefully.

"I think he went up to his room, Tohru-kun. I will go check on him. Excuse me."

The dog was making for the stairs when the doorbell rang. Frowning to himself, he went to answer it and came back with an expressionless Hatori. Both of them felt that they should leave Yuki alone for a bit and excused themselves to go outside so that Hatori could get caught up with the recent developments that had occurred.

Kazuma had agreed to that and decided to stay and talk to Tohru, since Haru and Kyoko were lost in a world of their own at the far side of the room, neither of them speaking at all, just simply communicating by touch since they had been denied simple pleasure for so long.

"You are the one that found my daughter?" Kazuma asked Tohru once she had finished setting the tea on the table and had sat down across the way from him. She blushed and nodded.

"I..I was camping on the edge of Shigure-san's land and she came into my tent. Then Shigure-san and Yuki-kun came by, found her and offered me a place to live." Tohru explained to the older man, who nodded as he took a cup of the fragrant green tea and began sipping slowly.

"So you are aware about the secret, Tohru-san?" He asked her thoughtfully. Tohru nodded.

"Kyoko-chan transformed in front of me and Shigure-san and Yuki-kun have a few times when I wasn't paying attention and bumped into them." Tohru admitted a bit shamefacedly. Kazuma only nodded as he took another sip of his tea. He was going to have a long talk with Shigure soon. It was one thing to have the different branches involved in the Machiavellian double-dealing that being in the inner circle required; it was a different thing to have an innocent child caught right in the middle of their family's jaded and despairing aristocratic heritage.

In the meantime, he pushed those thoughts away and focused his attention on the young girl in front of him, since he knew from past experience that Haru and Kyoko were lost to anyone else except themselves.

"So...Tohru-san...you go to the same school as Yuki-kun?"

(Line Break)

"I wish we could go to the roof." Kyoko murmured as she snuggled in deeper into the protective cocoon that Haru's arms had made around her. She hated having anyone's arms around her recently, especially if she could catch the musky scent of male heat when they were holding her. With Haru, she also sensed that about him, but it was a comforting scent rather than a threatening one, since she could recall with strong clarity all those nights that they had spent exploring each other's bodies. She had revelled in the scent before and was now realizing that was something she had been missing for far too long, hence the desire to be enveloped in it as much as possible.

Haru only snorted in quiet laughter at her comment and then nuzzled into the auburn nest of her hair. God, how he had missed burying his face into that tangled mess and breathing in the scent of wildflowers and herbs that Kyoko always seemed to carry with her.

"Soon. I promise." Haru murmured, his hands slipping down to the roundness that the yukata couldn't hide. He had noticed before hand, when he had practically crushed her against him. But it didn't really hit him that there was another human being inside until they had sat down and he had felt the child jostle and move around under his hands.

They hadn't gotten around to discussing the child. It simply wasn't the time for it and Haru wasn't sure when that time was going to come. He knew that they would have to talk about it shortly, since the matter of its future had to determined. Haru was sure that Akito would have a say in the future of the child and he was going to be damned if the fate of his child was going to be decided by that woman.

"But what about if it isn't yours?" a small voice asked sardonically. "Can you raise someone else's child? A child that was created in revenge and violence?" He frowned at that and wished he could see Kyoko's face and know exactly how she was. Words and touch could only communicate so much between them. He was worried that she was more fragile than she seemed. And as far as he knew, she hadn't really spoken to anyone about the actual act of violence.

Hell, if Shigure's soft exclamation of surprise was anything to go by, it looked like Kyoko hadn't really spoken at all since she had arrived at his house. Filing that away for future knowledge, he let his hands rest on her belly until she shifted around under his touch.

"What's wrong?" he murmured as she fidgeted for several minutes before finally relaxing into him.

"My back hurts sometimes, since the baby's getting bigger." she explained in that low voice that put him on edge. He wasn't used to her being so quiet, so tentative. He wanted her to be loud and abrasive and forceful. He wanted her to grab him and kiss him so hard that his breath would be taken away. He wanted her nails to score his back and her sharp teeth to dig into his shoulder. He wanted all of that...

But he didn't know if he would ever be able to get it ever again.

"I missed you." he murmured to her instead and held her closer, lightly placing a kiss on her neck.

"Me too." she murmured, but he still noticed when she pulled away slightly at his caress.

(Line Break)

"He didn't take this very well, did he?" Hatori asked Shigure as they stood outside on the balcony having a cigarette before going back into the house again. Shigure sighed and shook his head and looked at his cousin, who had arrived just as Yuki had run off to his bedroom after watching Haru and Kyoko.

"I tried to warn him. What he wanted was impossible. But he didn't want to see it. I don't blame him for wanting to hold onto that dream for as long as he could." The dog said as he exhaled the blue smoke that dissipated into the night.

"So why did you go ahead and break it for him? You completely went against Akito's wishes calling Kazuma-dono and Haa-kun back so soon." Hatori reminded him, his eyes glowing dull green as he spoke. Shigure smiled darkly and stubbed out the cigarette.

"Would you rather have a body or a broken illusion to deal with?" Shigure asked coldly as he lit up another cigarette, the light of the flame making his face and eyes look hollow and sinister before it was cut off.

Hatori frowned at his cousin and wondered where did this all fit into his schemes. After all, he was pretty much prodding and pulling and searching for ways to make that dream of his come true. Why would he care about the triangle that had developed between their younger cousins?

"Why did you care? Is this part of your grand plan?" Hatori asked neutrally. Shigure laughed softly at the comment, ignoring anything that could have been meant by it.

"I don't know. It's too altruistic, isn't it? Having a hand in reuniting the lovers before anyone was there to split them up." Shigure commented, his voice going slightly sarcastic as he spoke.

"Some might say that…but I grew up with you. I know you better than that."

"That's true. You do know me better than most." Shigure replied quietly.

"I called Haa-kun and Kazuma back because Yuki was fucking everything up. If he had continued to push Kyoko, she would have broken permanently. She was seeing him as a threat rather than a romantic interest. That coupled with the fact that she's still coping with what happened to her, would have made it impossible for her to come as far as she has."

Hatori's mouth thinned itself into a straight line at the comment. Shigure looked at his cousin and laughed softly at the expression on the dragon's face.

"You know that's true. Tohru has healed her enough for Haa-kun to easily do the rest, which he will. He was undoing her work and also, he wasn't letting himself be healed. He needs that if he's going to be strong enough to finally grow up and away from Akito's shadow."

"Is that how you see him? A sick child in need of healing?" Hatori asked softly. Shigure took a drag of his cigarette and exhaled noisily, not speaking for what felt like an extremely long time.

"What else is he? He's been the worst off, really. Being the so called favoured one for so long…He's not had the chance to either be a child or normal. Perhaps in time she'll teach him that…if he lets her."

Hatori's silence was protracted as he digested that bit of knowledge.

"You think she can do it?" he finally asked once he had finally smoked the last of the cigarette down. Shigure shrugged.

"I think she will. She got Kyoko this far…She could do the same to Yuki."

Hatori nodded.

"Let's go back inside." Was all he said, filing away the conversation for future contemplation.

(Line Break)

Yuki sat alone in his dark room, the bitterness of his failure still strong within him. He had been so sure that he could have her, the possibility of failure hadn't ever been dwelled on.

"And he tried to warn me too, that is the worst thought. That he knew before I did." Yuki muttered as he brought his knees up to his chest and rested his head on them. He had prided himself on never being taken advantage of by either his heart of the people around him and now it had all come to this…

He sighed and closed his eyes, hoping that when he opened them again, that things would be like he wished them to be. Kyoko smiling and speaking to him, looking at him with adoration, her body and mind still whole and ready for him. But that didn't come to be. The only thing that happened was that the door slid open and to let Shigure in. He only looked up at the faint sound of the noise, but he quickly closed his eyes again when he saw who it was.

Shigure didn't say anything to Yuki as he slipped in, shutting the door carefully. In fact, the dog didn't speak until he had sat down on the floor beside Yuki's bed. The silence lingered between them for what felt like years, neither one willing to be the first to break it. So they sat behind their shields of quiet until Yuki finally had had enough and spoke.

"Why are you here?" He asked in a voice that was a harsh whisper that sounded hostile even to his own ears. Shigure's first response was to snort sarcastically.

"Believe it or not, I was worried." He replied, not willing to give Yuki the argument he knew the younger man was spoiling for.

"Worried about my well-being or worried about living with such a fool?"

"We all have been fools at one point or another. That's how we learn." Shigure replied softly. It was Yuki's turn to snort at the comment.

"I'm annoyed that I didn't listen. You were right, as always. She belongs with him." Yuki said bitterly. Shigure sighed at that.

"Maybe if the time had been different, she would have been yours. But you can't wash away her past or what he means to her. That was what I was hoping you'd understand. She's not the same little girl you saw at the banquet all those years ago, Yuki. She's not coming back. Akito killed that chance. Learn to live past it."

They fell into silence again, but this time, it was an understanding silence that wasn't thick with tension or hostile. It was the silence that came after the tempest has finally subsided.

(Line Break)

He stepped into the dimly lit cubicle and sat down. He closed the door and waited for the panel to be pulled back. It made a dry, dusty sound as it moved, but he barely noticed it. His gaze was riveted on the heavy ebony crucifix in his hands. He had practically worn the beads smooth with all the handling he had given it the past few years, making the beads shiny from the handling and the oils from his hands. He stared at them and moved them easily through his fingers as he waited for the priest to continue the traditional opening prayer of confession.

"Father, it has been seven years since my last confession." He told the priest, who was sitting still as he waited to hear the confession and offer absolution.

"In that time, I have simply stood by, watching lives get destroyed because I was afraid."

"Afraid of what, my son?" the priest asked, his voice sure and strong, making wonder whether the priest was his age or possibly even younger.

"Afraid of what would come down on my head if I dared interfere." He stopped and took a jagged breath to steady his nerves before continuing."But now...this is much worse than I could have ever imagined happening. Much worse."

"What is?" the priest asked, his voice low as he prodded carefully.

"I hurt a little girl horribly, knowing full well what I was doing to her. But my cowardice was larger than her fear, so I continued, rather than letting her alone."

"How did you hurt this girl?"

"I raped her, father."

(Line Break)

Haru stood in the doorway of the room, unsure whether he wanted her to come in. She wasn't speaking to him since she had said she was going to bed. He had nodded and had released her, but she had only sat there, obviously waiting for something.

Cursing himself, he had stood up and helped her to her feet. She had more or less guided him to the room, but hadn't invited him in. So he stood in the door way, hearing the rustle of her clothes as she got ready for bed, or at least that was what he assumed she was doing. After a few minutes of feeling very self conscious and awkward, he was about to tell her he was leaving when she called out in such a soft voice that he nearly would have missed it if his ears hadn't become so sensitive since losing his sight.

"Come." One word, almost breathed out, but it was enough. He closed the door softly and went to the bed, crawling in under the covers that she was holding in invitation.

They lay there for several moments, Haru stiffly and Kyoko on her side facing him, he could feel her soft, steady breath on the left side of his face as they lay there without saying a word.

"I missed this." She whispered as she reached out and wrapped her arm loosely around his chest.

"It doesn't scare you, being in bed with a man?" The minute that he had blurted that out, he felt like kicking his own arse.

"Way to be tactful and considerate, Haru." He chastizised himself silently. How could he say something like that to the woman that he loved beyond anything and anyone? It would serve him right if he lost her to Yuki! He would probably be able to handle a situation like this..hadn't he been doing that already while he was away licking his wounds?

His thoughts of self-disgust were abruptly stopped by her hand moving up from his chest to cradle his face before it was tilted in her direction.

"Why should I be when it's with you? I've always felt safe with you."

That was all he needed to hear to make him stop his self-abuse and to stay.

Notes: Apologies for the sheer length of time between updates. I have been swamped with end-term work and I am currently going to be teaching at a winter camp (probably won't have either net access or time to really write) so it shall be a while again. This chapter...I didn't want Kyoko to bounce back and be all better, that's why she's still very clingy, very low-key and quiet. She is more complete with Haru, that is why she's more responsive even with the little time they are together.

I wanted for Haru to be sad and despairing, since he has been there through everything. He's not really the saviour, since he has his own issues to deal with and there's the whole incident that neither has addressed...which will come soon.

As for the Mystery man...stay tuned.

Thank you once again for reading.