A Different Path
Chapter 5:
Disclaimer: This is the part where I tell you that I don't own any of the characters or the show or anything of that stuff...and I also do not make any money off of it or anything like that.
Summary: 'Part of her was scared he'd be waiting for her at home, and part of her was afraid he wouldn't be…' A story about how things could have gone different…
A/N:
LukeandLorelai4ever: Thank you!
GGFAN6: Thanks! And yeah, it's Luke... c'mon. He knows.
gilmoregirlsfanatic: Thankss!
tom: Yeah, yeah I know... I feel bad, but sometimes it has to be done. Thank you so much! Yes, Luke just can't say no to a Gilmore Girl. Yeah the whole Kirk thing... When I wrote it, I thought it'd be something ASP would write... Just like Luke and Lorelai being so close to having a 'moment' but people always interupting. Painting the diner, at the Church breaking the bells, Kirk running down the stairs naked... I could go on and on.
Adam's Song-182: Lets share the cookie...
Brandy: Yuppp... Don't worry, he knows.
JoEySaNgEl1534: Thank you, thank you. I know, cliffhangerrs suck. But sometimes you just gotta have um, sorry!
orangesherbert7: Yup, good ol Luke.
lukelorelai-en: Haha, I promise an update before the eppy and here you go!
J.Stone: Lol. When I wrote the part about KIrk interupting them, I felt like her when she kept making everyone interupt those Luke and Lorelai moments, you know before they got together...
Marcel-Marceau-chicken: I told you I would. Here youu go
JJFanatic: Lol, I'm trying. I hate cliffhangers so I try not to write them, but sometimes you just can't help it.
Ronata: Lol, it's the reason I could think of... I mean why else would Luke of all people, buy a Reggae CD?
Luke'sGirl: Thanks!
Typhoon: I know, I don't know why I said that in the other A/N... Sorry about that. Thanks so much for your reviews! Yeah, the whole kid thing... I'm just waiting to see where it goes. I'm fine with it as long as it doesn't mess up Luke and Lorelai... but ASP would be crazy to do that cuz everybody loves them. I'm guessing he'll tell her and then the screen will fade to black and we'll get to wait 7 weeks for her reaction...
Menghis: Thank you, I know I'm bad. I try not to, really.
drggfan: I know! Sorry! I try not to, but somtimes you just can't help it.
Noefanic: Lol, she will, don't worry. What fun would it be if she just told him and they lived happily ever after in the first chapter of the story? It wouldn't be a story.
No.13dreamer: Lol. I know, I know. He knows, don't worry.
ProFfeSseR: Thank you! Hope you enjoy!
Hamlets-pirate: Lol, thats alright. I still appreciate it.
Javamaniac: C'mon, it's Luke. Of course he doesn't believe her.
jennalynn: Yup, Luke always knows.
And now... drumroll please...
Alright, anyway...
"Luke…" She practically whispered.
"I just don't believe you." He told her again.
She could feel him staring at her, but she just couldn't look at him. She felt the hot tears start to stream down her face. Her eyes began to burn as her makeup ran into them. She wasn't even sure why she was crying. Maybe it was just those stupid pregnancy hormones, or maybe it was because she knew she was stuck… she knew it had all to come out.
She just didn't want to be having this conversation here, not like this. She didn't want to lie. She hadn't meant to, it just slipped out. The last thing she ever wanted was to lie.
She looked down at her feet. She couldn't look at him. She just prayed for Kirk to come in and drag Luke away like last time- but, he didn't.
Luke came closer to her. He took her hands and she couldn't help but look at him. His hands were so soft, and so warm and his eyes… He was giving her that look- the one that made it all seem OK.
"It's OK." He told her, giving her hand a reassuring, gentle squeeze.
She looked at him, right into his eyes. She knew that he knew. Of course, he knew.
He always knew.
He looked at her so intensely, that she couldn't take her eyes off of his. He took his hand and pushed a piece of hair behind her eyes, and brushed his hand against her cheek.
"It'll be OK." He said.
"It will never be OK." She told him, beginning to stand up. She let go of his hand and wiped away her tears.
He stood up with her and pulled her into a hug. She tried to resist but he wouldn't let her. All she had wanted these last few days was for him to hold her again, but right now, it just didn't seem right. She was angry with him and she wasn't even sure why. Maybe she was just mad at herself for screwing up with him… Maybe she was just mad at herself for letting him go…
He held on to her tightly, pulling her close to him. She finally gave in and let him hold her.
When he felt her relax, he began stroking her hair and she began to cry.
"I'm sorry, Luke." She said quietly.
"Shhhh… it's OK." He said.
"I'm so sorry." She repeated, now holding onto him tightly, crying.
He wanted to know what she was thinking. He wanted to know what he could do. He wanted to hold her like this forever.
It's all he had wanted to do since he left Doose's, that day.
He breathed in that familiar scent of her perfume mixed in with her the smell of her shampoo. She always smelt so good.
He felt her pull away and he let her go. She looked up at him, almost apologetically. She put all of her hair behind her ears and wiped her face with her sleeve, trying to get rid of the evidence that she had been crying.
Her head was pounding and her throat felt like it was tied up or being squeezed. Her hands were cold and they were shaking.
"I- I" She searched for words. "I'm…" She stammered.
"Lorelai…" He began, not sure what to say. He wasn't sure what was happening, where they stood, what was going to happen, what she was thinking, what he was thinking.
"Um... Uh, I…" She couldn't find the right words, her head was pounding too hard.
"Let's talk about this." He begged. "You don't have to do this alone." He said gesturing towards her stomach.
She looked up at him with this look that was almost hopeful. She tried to read his eyes to figure out what that was supposed to mean. Was he saying he wanted to get back together or was he just saying he'd be around to change a few diapers?
"Luke…" She said to him as if he didn't understand something.
"Please, let's just talk about it. We can figure out a plan." He said.
"A plan." She repeated at a whisper. A plan- like a 'I get the kid on Tuesday nights' type of plan. Luke wanted to have a plan. He didn't want to be with her or get back together, he only wanted a plan.
That was what she had been afraid of. She was afraid of a plan. She was afraid of a plan that didn't include her and Luke being together. That was the type of plan he was referring to, wasn't it? If he wanted to be with her, he'd say so, right? He would give some sort or sigh… However, all he wanted was that stupid plan… the plan she dreaded. The plan that would be way too hard.
"Yeah, c'mon." He said reaching for her hand only for her to pull it away.
He looked up at her when she pulled away from him. She looked into his eyes and felt as if she was about to melt. She couldn't do this- she just couldn't do this.
"No, I have to go." She said running out the door, trying to hold in her tears so no one would ask her any questions.
She expected him to chase after her, she even hoped for it a little. But he didn't, he didn't chase after her.
He watched as she left the auditorium, with full intentions on going after her. As he turned the corner and began toward the door, he felt someone grab his arm.
"Luke! There you are! I saw your toolbox and Bradley said you stopped by. Where have you been hiding?" Carrie asked.
"Carrie, I have to go." He told her, trying to pull away from her grasp.
"Silly, we need you to help build a stool for Kirk. He broke the other three…" She said.
"I have to go." He said a little bit more forcefully.
"Butch, you can't leave." She said.
"Well, I am." He told her.
"But you signed up." She said.
"Well, I quit." He said.
"You can't do that."
"Carrie…" He said as if he was warning her.
"C'mon, Butch… What's more important than this anyway?" She asked pulling him towards the stage.
"Carrie… I have to go!" He said.
"Butch, it's for the kids."
Something about the way she said that, made him come to a realization. Sure, it was a weird time to come to this sort of realization… and maybe it's stupid, but he hadn't even really thought much about it- not really.
Lorelai was pregnant. She was pregnant with his kid. He was going to have a kid. He was going to be a father.
It was weird how he hadn't even thought much about that until that very moment. He had been thinking about Lorelai being pregnant for days, but he hadn't thought about what that actually meant. He hadn't thought about the having a kid for the rest of his life part… He hadn't even thought about it.
He felt his shoulders drop as he allowed Carrie to pull him towards the stage.
Lorelai had taken the longest possible route home. It was cold and windy outside and she probably would have gotten frostbite if she had stayed outside one minute longer. She just didn't want to go home.
Part of her was afraid that Luke would be waiting for her at home, and part of her was afraid he wouldn't be.
However, when she got home there was an extra car in the driveway. Rory was back from Friday night dinner. It was almost 10:30 … Maybe she'd be asleep? Maybe she'd be doing homework? Lorelai opened the unlocked door and shut it behind her. The second it closed she leaned against it and slid down to the floor. She kicked off her shoes and closed her eyes, rubbing her temples to ease her headache.
"Mom?" Rory asked when she saw her.
Lorelai's eyes shot open when she heard Rory's voice. She looked up to find her towering over her.
"Hey." Lorelai said lifting her hand up so Rory could help her up.
"You OK?" Rory asked.
"Oh yeah, I'm just tired… Those crazy kids…" Lorelai joked, hoping it sounded convincing. She didn't want to talk about it. She would talk about anything besides Luke. She just didn't want to think about him and everything that had happened. For the past two hours, that's all she had been thinking about and she didn't want to think about it anymore.
"OK." Rory shrugged.
Lorelai followed her daughter into the kitchen and they sat across from each other at the table. Lorelai tried her best to look as if she was completely fine; luckily, she was good at that. She had always been good at hiding her feelings. She could usually act strong when she was actually so broken inside. Most people couldn't read her very well orshe was actually feeling… Most people… besides Luke.
"How was dinner?" Lorelai asked plainly.
"Ehh…" Was the only response she got.
"That good, huh?" Lorelai let out a small smile.
"How was Fiddler on the Roof?" Rory asked, changing the subject.
Truth was, she hadn't even been there for 20 minutes before she left and walked home… She left before it even really started.
"Oh, it was hilarious. Kirk wanted to turn the entire thing into a ballet and wear tutus, pink tights, and lots of hairspray… He even got Pattie in on it. Carrie yelled at him and he almost quit the entire play, but they realized that no one else could fit into his costume so Carrie agreed to let him wear hairspray on opening night and he decided to stay." Lorelai lied. She was pretty impressed at what she could make up at a moments notice. She just hoped it sounded believable.
Rory smiled and Lorelai sighed a little.
Lorelai could tell Rory had something on her mind, so she gave her a questioning look.
"I think you should tell them." Rory blurted out.
"What?"
"At least tell Grandpa." Rory pleaded.
"Rory…" She said.
"He didn't do anything wrong, he deserves to know." Rory said.
"Fine, I'll tell him." She gave in, not wanting to argue or even discuss it anymore. She didn't care. She didn't care if he knew or not, so why not just made Rory happy?
"You will?" Rory asked, surprised at how easily her mother gave in.
"Sure." Lorelai shrugged.
"Tomorrow?" Rory asked, wondering if that was pushing it too far.
"Tomorrow." Lorelai agreed.
"Good". Rory said.
"I'm not talking to Emily, though." Lorelai warned. That would be way too much.
"That's fine." Rory said leaning over to give her mother a kiss.
"Night." Rory said as she headed into her bedroom.
"Night." Lorelai called. When Rory shut her door, she put her head down on the table and closed her eyes. She just wanted this to be over.
She hadn't slept well that night, but somewhere between 2:30 in the morning and 8:00 she had fallen asleep.
She hadn't slept that late since her and Luke broke up. Usually, she would wake up around 5:00. When her and Luke were together, she woke up at 5 a lot because Luke usually did so he could open the diner. The alarm would go off at 5:02 every morning, and Lorelai would always wake up when Luke got out of bed. She'd make an excuse about having to go to the bathroom and would sometimes jump in the shower with him because she hated sleeping without him. It was weird how she had gotten so used to him being there… She used to wake up alone every single day, but now the bed always felt so much colder without him lying beside her. After showering, he would make her some coffee, and kiss her goodbye. She'd go back up to bed and try and fall asleep, but most of the time she'd just end up staring at the ceiling, thinking about Luke for an hour or two, until she had to go to work.
Ever since they broke up, at 5:02 the alarm clock in her head would tell her to get up. Sometimes she'd even imagine the shower going, but then she'd open her eyes and see the cold, empty space beside her and the open bathroom door- and realize it was only a dream.
She rolled over, and thought about just staying in bed, but she knew Rory would wake her up pretty soon. She sat up in the bed, looked out the window for a moment, and then stood up.
She turned to go towards the closet, but practically jumped up and hit the ceiling first.
There was Luke. He was just sitting there in her chair. Luke. Luke was in her bedroom, sitting in her chair. This had to be a dream… It had to be…
"Hey." He said uneasily.
"What- what…" She was at a loss for words.
"Lorelai, don't be mad…" He said softly.
"Luke…?" She asked him, thinking about pinching herself or reaching out to touch him… just to make sure this was real.
"We need to talk, Lorelai." He told her, standing up to meet her eyes.
"No…" She said softly.
"Lorelai, you're pregnant." He stated.
"I know that, Luke. I definitely know that. I was there when the strip turned pink, Luke. I was there when the doctor came in and told me I was 'definitely pregnant.' Yup, poor old Lorelai has gotten herself knocked up once again." She said frustrated. Why did he have to be here? Why did he have to be in her bedroom? Why did he have to be looking at her like that?
"Lorelai, this isn't like last time." He told her.
"How would you know? You have no idea how it was last time." She snapped back at him.
"Lorelai… I'm here for you… I'm going to be here, OK? I'm not Chris. I'll always be here." He said.
"Yeah." She said plainly.
"C'mon…" He said almost begging her. "I'm here." He said.
But, he wasn't. He wasn't there- not in the way she wanted him to be.
He was probably going to paint the nursery and he'd probably build the baby a cradle or something… But she didn't need that. She didn't want the cradle or the painted nursery.
She wanted to hold his hand in the delivery room. She wanted him to be in the delivery room- but he wanted to pace around the waiting room…
That's what he was saying, right? That's what he meant.
"How- how did you get in?" She asked.
"Your back door lock is broken." He told her. "Rory left an hour ago to Lane's… She wanted me to tell you she'd be back at 11." Luke informed her.
"You should not have come." Lorelai said. She hated this. She didn't want him to leave… but she needed him to leave. She had to get over it… She had to.
"Lorelai… please…" He said.
"No, Luke. You don't get it… you really don't get it… I know you think you're helping… and I know Rory thinks she's helping… But it's just me, I'm doing this alone." Lorelai told him.
"No, Lorelai… I'm here… This is my kid, too." He stated. They both seemed a little surprised at what he had just said. It was still new; it still hadn't sunken all the way in… It was still different.
"I know." She said at a whisper.
"I deserve to be in my kid's life. I'm the father." He said.
"I know."
She didn't want to raise another fatherless kid. She didn't want to keep Luke and their child away from each other… That's not what she was trying to do at all…
She wanted a father for her kid. However, she also wanted somebody for her.
Maybe it was selfish, but… it was Luke. She wanted Luke.
But it would all be so hard. It would be too hard.
She needed to move on, first. She needed to let go of him, first. She needed some time.
"I just need time." She told him.
"Time for what?" He snapped.
"Just time… Please, Luke. Please just leave." She begged him. She could feel the tears starting to burn her eyes. She could hear her head starting to pound, again. She could see the hurt expression on his face.
And it killed her.
But this was just too hard, it hurt too much…
"Lock up when you leave." She stated before going past him and locking herself in the bathroom before turning the shower on, and sitting on the floor, against the bathroom door she had just locked behind her.
Luke sighed. He stared at the door she had just shut behind her, for a few minutes before he left.
"How did I let you talk me into doing this?" Lorelai whined as they pulled into the parking lot.
"It won't be that bad." Rory said.
"HA!" Lorelai said sarcastically.
"Stop it." Rory said.
"You just wait…" Lorelai told her daughter.
"Look, he might not throw your baby shower… but I don't think he'll be mad." Rory said.
"Mhm." Lorelai said.
"Mom… It's Grandpa, c'mon, he's the good cop." Rory said.
"No, no, no… Emily is really bad cop, Richard is the cop that looks all harmless and everything… but once you break the law, he becomes…" Lorelai thought hard for the next few words.
"He becomes what?" Rory asked.
"Uhhhh…" Lorelai thought. "Eh, I don't know. Ask me in an hour or two and maybe I'll have something for ya… But you get it, right?" Lorelai asked.
"No." Rory replied.
"Whatever. Point of the story is that- Richard ain't no good cob." Lorelai said.
"Well, it's now or never…" Rory said as she turned off the car. Lorelai and Rory both got out and met in the front of the car.
"Hold my hand?" Lorelai asked.
Rory nodded and grabbed her mother's hand as they walked towards the big office building in front of them.
They stepped inside and went into the nearest elevator.
"Ooh, when I was a kid, I used to press all of the buttons… Emily would get so mad." Lorelai said with a grin as she reached out to start pressing buttons.
"Mom, stop." Rory said pulling her away.
"Jeez, you always ruin my fun." Lorelai pouted.
"Yeah well, someone's got to be the Mom in this relationship." Rory said.
The elevator door opened and the girls stepped out and began walking down the hall, until they got to Richard's office.
"Lorelai. Rory. How are you girls?" He asked as he got up to kiss each of them on the cheek.
"Sorry we're late." Lorelai said.
"Oh no, you're right on time. Would you like some coffee?" He insisted.
"Yes please!" Rory said enthusiastically.
"I'm good." Lorelai said. Richard and Rory both gave her a strange look. Rory shrugged it off- figuring that maybe it was because of the baby.
"So what is so important that you needed to see me at work?" Richard asked when he returned with the coffee for Rory.
"Oh, well… Mom has something to tell you." Rory said giving her mother a look.
"I know, you said that on the phone." Richard said, putting his coffee cup down and leaning a little closer to them. He lowered his glasses a little to look at the girls in front of him.
"Everything OK?" He asked as he saw their worried expressions.
"Well… uh… Dad…" Lorelai began.
"Yes Lorelai?" He asked.
"Uh… I'm- I'm uh…" She said, really regretting her promise to Rory. It would have been so much easier just to send him a telegram or something… Why didn't she just call him up? She didn't want to see his disappointed face… not again.
"Lorelai? What is it?" He asked starting to get a little worried. "Are you having money problems?" He asked.
"No, no. Not money problems." She said. If they were in a different situation, she would have laughed over the fact that her father always assumed she was having money problems. But they weren't, so she'd have to save it for another time.
"Is something wrong with the Inn?" He asked again. She wished he would stop asking questions. He would never guess it, not in a million years. He'd never guess that she was pregnant again.
"No the Inn is fine, Dad." Lorelai sighed.
"Then what is it? Are you sick?" He asked.
"I'm uh… I'm not sick…" She said. "I'm pregnant, Dad." Once it slipped out of her mouth, she wanted so badly, just to close her eyes and pretend she hadn't said that. He was staring at her now, and she couldn't look away. It was like a staring contest and neither one of us could blink. How did he do that?
"You're pregnant." He stated with a tone of disbelief.
"Yes." She said quietly. She was looking down at her feet now, not because she was ashamed, just because there was nowhere else to look.
"Well…" Richard was speechless. Lorelai was pregnant again. He tried to think of what he said to her when she told him the first time, but he couldn't remember saying anything. He was pretty sure he had said nothing… That was where Emily came in, with the yelling and the 'what will our friends think?' speech. But, he had said nothing…
"Is it… Luke's?" Richard asked.
Lorelai looked a little stunned and offended at the question. "Of course, it's Luke's." She told him.
"OK." Richard said with no emotion whatsoever. He suddenly became very fascinated with the paperweight sitting on his desk. He wasn't sure what to say or do. Lorelai was pregnant- with Luke's baby. Oh Emily would love this one…
"Umm… So, I guess we'll go?" Lorelai said nervously as she stood up and grabbed her purse. Rory stood up with her.
"Tell Mom for me? Just… Tell her she's going to have another grandchild… Maybe she'll want to know." Lorelai said sadly.
"She'd want to know, Lorelai." Richard said, looking up at her for the first time since she had told him. "I'm glad you told me." He added.
Lorelai smiled and nodded a little.
"If you need anything, you know where to find me…. Anything, really." He said.
"Thanks Dad." Lorelai said.
"Bye Lorelai. Bye Rory." Richard told them.
"Bye." They said in unison.
He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do.
She needed time. What did she need time for? Time- what did that mean? How much time?
He now knew what she meant when she told him 'this whole time thing scares me.' He got it know. He understood. This time thing was scaring him, too.
What was she thinking about?
He wanted to know what she was thinking right now.
He hated not knowing. He needed to know. Knowing what she was thinking would definitely help him figure out what he was thinking… or what he should be thinking.
He wanted to go and find her and hold her- never let her go. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to tell her it would be OK. He wanted to see her smile. He wanted to see her laugh.
He needed to know what she was thinking. He was going to go crazy.
Yup, he definitely knew what she meant about that whole time thing. It sucked.
It scared him- to not know what she was thinking. She could be thinking about leaving. She could be thinking about cutting him out of her life- of his child's life. She could be thinking about never talking to him again. She could be thinking about running away. She could be thinking about not wanting to have the baby. She could be thinking about so many bad things and it scared him.
He wanted to be in the kid's life. He wanted to be in her life- even if it was only as the father of her child, or the friend or even just the coffee supplier. Sure, he wanted to be more than that- but if that was all he could get, he would take it in a heartbeat. He didn't want to lose her. He wanted her in his life forever, even if it wasn't in the way he planned.
He wanted to call her. He wanted to go and see her. He wanted to make sure things were OK. He wanted to know what she was thinking. He knew he couldn't do that. He knew she needed time. He knew he should give it to her. He knew that all he could do now was sit, wait and hope it would all turn out OK.
"Mhm… and he didn't yell at me or anything. He didn't give me that disappointed 'Oh Lorelai, you're such a screw up' look or anything. He just acted like… nothing. He acted completely fine, like it was no big deal." Lorelai explained to Sookie that afternoon.
"Well, that's good, right?" Sookie asked.
"It's suspicious." Lorelai said.
Sookie laughed.
"So… uh, how are you?" Sookie asked after a moment of silence.
"I'm fine." Lorelai said. "I mean, my Dad knows now… My mom will know soon… the town probably knew before I did…" Lorelai said.
"Yeah." Sookie asked.
"Luke came by this morning." Lorelai said, knowing that Sookie wanted to know about him.
"He did?"
"Yep. He did. He came by this morning… I woke up and he was just sitting in my chair, watching me sleep." Lorelai said.
"Creepy." Sookie commented.
Lorelai nodded, thinking of Luke watching her sleep, this morning. She couldn't help but get a certain memory out of her head.
"Mmm… How long have you been up?" Lorelai asked Luke as she rolled over and pressed herself against him so they were even closer than before.
"A while." He answered.
"Mmmm…" Was Lorelai's response as Luke tightened his grip around her and began playing with her hair.
"How can you get up so early?" Lorelai asked, her voice a little muffled because she was practically talking into his chest.
"I don't know." He shrugged a little.
"You should sleep in more… The alarm clock doesn't even go off until 5… Why do you even bother with an alarm clock? You always wake up before it.." Lorelai said lifting her head to look at him.
He shrugged as he continued playing with her hair.
"Don't you get bored?" Lorelai asked.
"No." He replied.
"Well, what do you do all this time?" She asked, running her fingers up and down his back, slowly.
"I watch you sleep." He answered.
She blushed a little, and looked down at the bed. The way he said that made her happy, excited, touched, and a little nervous.
He rubbed his thumb against her cheek, admiring her. Even at 4:30 in the morning, she still looked so beautiful.
She looked back up at him again and he leaned in and kissed her.
"Luke…" She started as they pulled away from each other, her eyes still closed.
"Yeah?" He asked.
"When you have early deliveries… and you go to bed early…" She started. " and after I'd read all your instruction manuals, of course" She added for a quick laugh.
"I watch you sleep." She told him.
He smiled- that smile he only saved for her. She loved that smile.
He leaned in and kissed her again, and then she fell asleep in his arms.
Oohh… The good ole' days.
"So… Tell me! What'd he say?" Sookie asked impatiently, causing Lorelai to jump a little.
"Oh, uh… Well he just said we needed to talk. We needed a plan." She said, wincing at the last word.
"So… What's the plan?" Sookie asked.
Lorelai shrugged. "I don't know."
"What? I thought-"
"I told him to leave." Lorelai said interrupting her.
"What? Why?" Sookie asked.
"I just couldn't deal with it… I just need a day or two. I need to think." Lorelai said.
"About what?"
"I'm not sure… I just- I need to move on." Lorelai said.
"No, don't move on." Sookie said.
Lorelai looked up at her. Sookie could see tears beginning to form.
"Luke loves you… You're just having a tough time, you'll get through it." Sookie said with all the hope in the world.
"No. No, we won't. He's out, Sookie. I need to accept that. I need to move on." Lorelai said.
"Lorelai…"
"Please stop. I hate that look." Lorelai said.
"What look?"
"That 'oh poor baby, let's all feel sorry for Lorelai' look. I don't want people to feel sorry for me- this is all my fault. I'm the screw up- this is what I do. I deserve this. I screwed up. I don't blame Luke at all- he got out before I could do anymore damage." Lorelai said, not meaning for those words to actually come out.
Sookie hated seeing her like this. She hated that she was hurting and there was nothing anyone could do about it… anyone but Luke.
"So… What are you gonna do?" Sookie asked.
"I don't know." Lorelai said honestly.
"Well… uh… you're not gonna… you know…" Sookie said, not wanting to ask her the question, but needing to know the answer at the same time.
"What?"
"Well… uh, you're gonna let Luke… you know… be part of-" Sookie said uneasily.
"A kid deserves a father, Sookie." Lorelai answered, knowing what her friend was trying to ask her.
"I had to go through a million Father's Days watching Rory make these beautiful Father's Day card and waiting on the front porch the entire day… She would wait and wait for Christopher to come. She'd sit out there until it was too dark to see your hand in front of you. Then she'd come in, rip up the card, throw it in the trash, go in her room and cry… She would ask me what she did to make her father hate her so much. Why he didn't want to see her… Why she didn't have a normal, real father like every other kid." Lorelai said.
"And one Father's Day, I think it was when she was 9 or 10 years old, she came in the house after waiting outside the entire day and she told me that it was my fault. She said it was my fault he never came to see her." Lorelai told Sookie.
"She didn't mean that." Sookie said.
"I know, I know… The next day she made me 400 I'm sorry cards and it was all OK, but I don't want to make another child go through that. I don't want to sit around watching that again." Lorelai said. "Plus, Luke is pretty set on being in this kid's life."
"That's Luke." Sookie said.
"Yep, that's Luke." Lorelai repeated.
"So… what are you going to do?"
"I just need time, you know? I need to let go. I should let go." Lorelai said. "We're over, I need to get over it…"
"OK." Sookie said.
"OK." Lorelai repeated.
It was dinnertime at the Gilmore house and Richard and Emily were sitting at their respected seats at the long, dinning room table. Richard had his newspaper and Emily had her plan book and pen.
Every few seconds, Richard would glance over at Emily who was busy scribbling something down in that book of hers. Sometimes she would catch him looking, but he'd look away and she would shrug it off.
They made small talk all throughout dinner- talking about events or functions, rich friends of theirs, gossip around the club, work, the weather, and the menu for tomorrow night.
He knew he was supposed to tell her. He knew if he didn't soon, she'd be mad when she found out later. It wasn't the whole keeping secrets part that bothered him, it was knowing how she'd react. She would react badly. She would probably yell and stomp off, she'd insult their daughter and the diner man she was dating. She would say she's not surprised. She would ask how they were supposed to explain that to their friends. She would make mean jokes. She would say she was disappointed.
She would react the same way she had 20 years ago- possibly worse. Emily hated Luke. She didn't think he was right for Lorelai. Richard didn't know, he didn't know the guy very well, but he did know that Luke made Lorelai really happy. He wanted Lorelai to be happy; he really did, so it was enough for him.
It wouldn't be enough for Emily. Richard knew that.
He continued to make small talk, wanting to avoid telling her tonight. He knew he should tell her. He knew he'd lose his nerve if he waited. He knew it would only get harder. He knew if he waited, he would only have more time to think about all the different ways she would react badly.
"Emily." He stated, completely interrupting the story she was telling about one of the DAR ladies. It was something about a poodle and a jar of peanut butter, but he wasn't paying much attention.
"Richard, I'm telling a story." She said.
"Emily, Lorelai is pregnant." He told her.
He heard her drop her silverware. Her fork hit her plate and caused him to jump in his seat a little.
He looked up. Her eyes were wide, her mouth was practically touching the table. He could see that vein in her forehead, threatening to pop out.
Oh tonight was going to be fun…
"Lukeeee!" Lorelai called. She was standing in the room that was formally known as her sewing room. Now it was going to be a nursery.
"What?" He asked as he walked into the room.
She looked around the room, again. Her finger was touching her chin and she looked to be deep in thought.
"I've changed my mind." She stated.
He laughed at her and came closer.
"I told you that was it. You said you were sure this time." He told her.
"I know, but this color reminds me of Easter." Lorelai said.
"So?" He asked.
"Well…" Lorelai began and Luke knew he was in for it. "What if Henry is having a play date? What if they're Jewish? Or Buddhist? They would feel bad…" Lorelai said with a smile.
"I think Henry will survive." He smiled affectionately, before leaning in for a kiss.
"Now, tell me… Why are we calling the baby Henry?" He asked.
"Luke…" She said as if she was annoyed. "I told you before." She said.
"I forgot." He said, when they both knew he just wasn't listening.
"Because I'm sick of being like 'the baby this' or 'the baby that' or 'the kid' and stuff… And I don't want to say 'it' …so I decided that Henry would be good because then at least it has a name. It's easier this way." Lorelai explained.
"And why Henry?" He asked.
"Why not? You know… What about King Henry? He had tons of wives, didn't he? Plus, he was a king. I have a feeling Henry, here, is going to have to fight the girls off with a stick… Of course, he'll always love his mother." Lorelai said rubbing her rounded stomach. "It's just a random name, until we decide on a real name."
"And we decided it'd be a boy, when?" Luke asked.
"I just know." Lorelai said matter-of-factly.
"Can't argue with that." Luke laughed.
"Nope."
"So you really changed your mind?" Luke asked.
"Mhm." Lorelai said nodding.
He sighed. "Well, I guess I'll just go back to the paint store… I bet Mike and Earl have really missed me in the hour that we've spent apart" Luke sighed.
"Oh, sure. Withdrawal pains and everything- I think they are going on the patch." Lorelai joked.
"The Luke patch?" Luke asked.
"Oh yeah, they are all the rage in Europe."
"I bet." Luke said.
"We'll talk about your affair with the painting guys later, honey." Lorelai said. "Right now we have to decide on a color."
"Can't wait," Luke said sarcastically.
"I'm thinking a bluer blue." Lorelai said looking around the room.
"A bluer blue… I know exactly what you mean." Luke said dryly.
She turned to look at him, flashing him a smile.
"Maybe we should do wallpaper instead?" Lorelai said.
"Oh God." Luke replied.
"What? We could do little trains or footballs… It'd be cute." Lorelai said.
"It'd be stupid."
"Luke, Rory never got wallpaper or toys or anything… I always wished she could have been one of those kids who got the kind of room with unicorns painted on the wall and a huge dollhouse in the corner- but she lived in a potting shed. You don't want Henry to be deprived of his childhood, would you?"
"I'd hardly say Rory was deprived of her childhood."
"Aww, Luke, c'mon. We can go wallpaper shopping, together. It'll be fun. I'll let you ride in the shopping cart!" She pleaded.
He gave in, because it was so hard not to when she looked at him like that.
"OK. Sure, lets go." He said.
She smiled and pressed her lips against his, giving a sweet kiss. "I love you." She said.
"I love you." He told her. She smiled and took his arm as he lead her down the stairs and out the door.
And then she woke up.
It was only a dream…
The phone was ringing, but she didn't get up. She looked around the room. She was sitting on her couch. She fell asleep on the couch. She looked at the clock. It was almost 8 o'clock.
'Hey it's Lorelai… I'm lazy and the phone is far so make it short and sweet.' She heard the answering machine play as she got up, walking towards it.
Beep.
"Lorelai, it's your mother I-"
Click.
'Message erased'
She sighed. Her mother knew. Surprisingly, she didn't even consider the fact that Emily would try and call her. She didn't even consider that even if they weren't talking, it wouldn't stop Emily from calling her and bitching her out. Stupid, stupid Lorelai.
She didn't want to listen to whatever Emily had to say. She began walking back towards the couch, but she stopped dead in her tracks.
She grabbed her stomach and ran towards the bathroom.
Oh boy.
She looked into the toilet, for a moment. She didn't know why she did that because it only grossed her out and caused her to throw up twice more.
She flushed the toilet, sat on the bathroom floor until she felt better and then got up.
Oh joy, it's starting. The morning sickness- it was coming. Too bad it came early, it wouldn't be morning for a few more hours.
She sat down on the couch and remembered her dream.
Her and Luke were together. It all seemed so nice, so perfect. They seemed happy. They were back to normal. There was no awkwardness or resentment… They loved each other- and they even said it.
She missed him. She missed him so much. She just didn't want to admit it to herself, before. But what was the point in that, anyway? Maybe she was just trying to force herself to be over it, to not miss him. She did, though. She missed him so much. She wasn't over. She was far from over it.
Everything seemed so pointless and empty without him. Nothing seemed to matter as much without him. Nothing seemed worth it.
The shower seemed to only get colder as the days went by. Going to sleep got harder every single night without him sleeping beside her. Waking up got harder every morning without the shower or the goodbye kiss to look forward to.
She didn't enjoy movies as much without him sitting beside her, playing with her hands and mocking whatever they were watching. Shopping wasn't fun, either. She had nobody to look nice for, no one to impress, nobody to look at her in that way when she wore that black dress and new shoes.
The bed seemed to get bigger, colder, and emptier every night she spent without him. Maybe that's why he had a single bed for all those years. She never really understood why he wouldn't get a bigger bed. She understood, now.
Seeing that big, empty bed only reminded her of lonely she was.
It only reminded her of how much she wished he would be lying beside her, in that big, empty bed.
And before she knew it she was almost half-way there. She didn't even fully realize where she was going or what she was doing until she was almost there. She couldn't even remember putting on her shoes, or if she had closed the front door- never mind locked it.
She just suddenly found herself walking up those steps and knocking on the door with the 'Closed' sign hanging on it.
He wasn't facing her. He was cleaning some tables and facing away from her.
When she knocked, he looked over and his eyes widened. He wasn't sure if she was actually standing there.
And she wasn't even sure if she was actually standing there.
After a moment, he walked over and opened the door for her.
"Uh, hey." He said, letting her in.
She looked at him and before she knew it, she was throwing herself on him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself close to him. She rested her head on his chest and held onto him tightly.
He was shocked. It took him a second to realize what was happening, and then he put his arms around her.
She needed him. She needed him more than she even realized. She needed him more than anything- even if was just as a friend. Even if he wasn't going to be everything she wanted him to be, she still needed him. She needed Luke. Whether it was just friend-Luke or boyfriend-Luke, she needed him.
"Luke." She said softly, still clinging to him.
"I'm here… It's OK. I'm here." He told her.
And maybe he wasn't there in the way she wanted him to be. But he was there and for now that was enough.
Well, well, well… I told you I'd post before the new episode. And we now have 48 minutes and counting. Oh boy.
I can't wait until the episode. I'm wondering if Luke is going to tell Lorelai. I figure that they'll probably have him tell her right as the episode is ending and then it will fade to black. Maybe he'll tell her and she's about to say something, but somebody comes in and interrupts or something. Then she has to go do something and the screen fades to black.
They might just be mean enough to do it.
I'm guessing Chris will pay for Yale. I don't know what the deal with Logan is.
Uh, so yes… Well, how did you all like that? On word it was almost 22 pages… This is pretty long, guys. I think I deserve lots of pretty reviews, don't you?
So anyway, reviews please! Suggestions/Comments/Ideas/Good/Bad… I'd like it all!
Thanks.
Next chapter: Lorelai and Luke adjust to their newconfusing relationshipand Emily visits Stars Hollow and gets the scoop from Rory.