Girl in Gaea: The Untold Story
By Brenli and AmetrineButterfly
Chapter 9Practicing with his sword seemed to be the only thing that could possibly keep Dilandau's mind off Okami. The moons hung high in the night sky as he practiced brutally in the empty training room. He slashed down his invisible enemies, remembering to breathe his steady rhythm. Sweat trickled down his pale, moonlit face and down his shirtless chest. He didn't know what time it was, all he knew was that there wasn't pair of eyes as wide open as his. It was late, and once again he couldn't sleep. The mountains outside the window rolled by. The Black Dragon Clan fleet was on their way to Torushina, where Folken would be performing the rite to resurrect the Alseides Dragon Armor.
The Alseides… Dilandau remembered watching two girls tumble out of it's newly cracked open control chamber, one landing harshly on top of another. One of the girls had immediately caught his attention, the one whose face was shrouded by a mass of curly blonde hair. He remembered her sheepish, nervous smile as she crouched on the ground at his feet. He remembered the horrified expression on her face when he asked her if she was the 'Dark Star'.
His favorite memory was seeing her in that black satin dress. He didn't know her name, and she didn't know his, but even then he was completely taken by her. Her downcast gaze, the way her beautiful hair tickled her hipbones, how cute she looked when she said 'thank you'.
Dilandau roughly shook his head. What the hell is wrong with him! He didn't even KNOW this woman! And yet here he was going off like some kind of love struck child! He was a soldier! More so, a commander! He wasn't supposed to feel pity, or compassion… or love.
Again, Dilandau mentally slapped himself, and tried to resume his training. No good could ever come from that kind of thinking.
'Denial, denial, denial… is that all you're ever about?'
…Shut up.
'Everyone knows that there's something wrong… everyone except you. So why can't you just admit it?'
There's nothing to admit.
'And there you go again. You've always been like this, afraid of your own feelings!'
Leave me alone.
And it did. The foolish little voice in his head didn't respond, but he halfway wanted it to. But half was never good enough…
Dilandau dropped his sword, unable to take it anymore. He sat down on the ground burying his face in his hands in an attempt to keep these swirling, alien emotions at bay. "Alright!" He yelled into the empty room. "You WIN!" He sighed. "If Okami were here… I would tell her the truth."
'… Well THAT'S a big fat lie… if she were here, you'd puss out again. You'd do nothing but pull your "I don't need anybody because I'm Dilandau" bit.'
I thought I told you to leave me ALONE! Dilandau nearly pulled out his hair, frustrated by the straightforwardness of it all. He couldn't argue with that, because he knew it was true. He would wimp out again. Dilandau hated himself sometimes, because it was times like these that made him realize that he was his own worst enemy.
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
Kitsune idly ran her hands along the pearly sheath of the sword she now claimed as her own. Earlier she had been there for a funeral service that involved a ceremonial burning of the bodies, giving their spirits back up to the heavens above them. She had watched the whole burning… she'd even helped dress the bodies for the occasion… and not once did she flinch. Suddenly, it felt as though she had always seen things like this. Like she had grown up in a world of bloodshed, in spite of having the duty of keeping the peace. She decided she couldn't complain. It felt good to not feel small in Gaea. It felt good to adjust.
But there were two things she couldn't adjust to, and one was the constant vision that Okami would kill Dallet. Indeed, it still plagued her now and then, but now that she'd awakened, she did a better job of handling her visions. So no one but her knew that the vision still haunted her, sometimes even entered her dreams. It did that night, and that was why she sat on the floor of her room, holding her sword.
The other thing that she couldn't adjust to came to her just then.
'My, aren't you a big girl, now?'
"Shut up, Toshiyo…"
'Oh, but don't you love me?' Kitsune refused to look at the shadowed vision in front of her. 'Of course, there really isn't much reason for you to, is there? You've nearly completely abandoned your life on Earth save your ties to me. And then, you've got him.'
Kitsune's fingers gripped about her sword. "Don't talk about him anymore…"
'Why? Does it bother you, how wonderful and promising he is? And yet, you refuse him, because you wish to remain tied to me.'
Kitsune unsheathed her sword and made a big show of examining the blade, letting the light from the Mystic Moon play off the metal and flash in her vision's face.
'You wish to remain tied to apathetic me… Or is there something more to your hesitation? Come now, talk to your uncaring boyfriend.'
"I don't need to tell you anything. You're not real, anyway…" Kitsune hissed softly.
'But I am real. I'm on the Mystic Moon, not caring that you have mysteriously disappeared. How would you feel if I told you that I've moved on already?'
Kitsune's narrowed eyes were touched with tears.
'Does it hurt at all? Do you hate me for it? Or has part of you hated me all along anyway?' The vision laughed, and it was Dallet's laugh, but it sounded cruel mixed with the words. 'But you reject the one that could make you feel better. You refuse to let him in, though I wouldn't care if you screwed him the first day you went to Gaea. You refuse.'
"I have good reason for that!" She spat at him.
'Well, it certainly isn't me. That's not your real reason. It can't be, because you don't love me.' Kitsune could see a cruel smirk placed upon lips like Dallet's, reflected on the blade of her sword. 'You fear an outcome. You fear a possible future for that man.'
"Stop it…"
'He's such a valiant fighter… How soon before he dies, do you think?'
"STOP IT!" Kitsune slashed her sword at the vision she'd grown to hate, her blade biting into the floor of her room. Her vision blurred with the hot tears that finally escaped her dark eyes.
'Don't cry…' The voice had changed to a gentle softness. Kitsune cautiously opened her eyes, blinked away her tears, staring at the vision fully. Toshiyo was no more. It was Dallet, now, Dallet smiling gently in that light way that made her blush. 'Thank you for caring…'
Kitsune couldn't take it anymore. She took her sword back up, sheathed it quickly, strode from the room in a personal rage. It didn't matter how honest Toshiyo had been through that tormenting vision, she refused to hear it, acknowledge it. Now Toshiyo made her face it all. If he were here, she would've hit him hard, but he wasn't. All she could do was stew around inside while Dallet continued to treat her like a Queen.
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
"Damn it." Okami cursed as blood dripped from her newly sliced finger. Once again, she was too distracted to pay attention to what she was doing, and slipped as she sharpened her sword.
"A little spacey today, Okami?"
She smiled slightly, shaking her blonde locks and glancing at the blonde-headed Abaharaki leader. "Not really. Just slipped, is all."
"I see." Allen sat beside her. "We've finally reached Torushina. I was wondering if you would like to take a look around. You've never seen this place, after all."
Okami blinked. "Is it that obvious?"
"Yeah." Allen chuckled. "It's that obvious."
"Oh… sure. I'd like to take a look around." Standing up and sheathing her sword, Okami was startled when Allen stopped her blade.
"You may not want to carry a sword in town." He said. "Everyone knows that a woman who carries a sword is most likely a rebel. You may want to reconsider, because Torushina is under siege by the Black Dragon Clan."
Okami hesitated. "I'm not sure I'm comfortable without my sword." She clutched the hilt with white knuckles.
"I figured as much." Smirking, Allen picked up a pair of narrow shortswords. "They're specially designed to fit inside your boots. No one will know they're there."
"You had them made for me?" Okami blinked again, wide-eyed.
"No not really." Smirking, Allen began to walk away. "Don't think I like you THAT much!"
"You're so MEAN to me!" Giggling, Okami ran out the door after him.
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
'I love him, Dallet…'
"No…"
'I love Toshiyo…'
"Why…?"
'Love him…'
"Why?" Dallet hissed firmly. Why, indeed! Why did she love this Toshiyo guy, whoever he was? Who WAS this Toshiyo guy? What did he look like? What did he do for a living? How did he act?
"Hey, Dallet, care to spar with me for a bit?" He heard someone ask. It was someone new to his position among the Dragon Cavalry. Dallet was getting used to this treatment. It was widely assumed that due to his association with Kitsune that he was a man with power, and thusly respected. Only a man with power could attract a woman with power.
Dallet dismissed him with a wave of his hand. He wanted to laugh. They thought she was with him! Idiots, all of them. The only one for her was a man from the Mystic Moon. And he, of course, was no man of power. He just fought well.
Idly, Dallet wondered what this Toshiyo guy was like. Surely he was handsome. He was probably a giant, built out of concrete, something so inhuman he was godly. Yes, probably. And he probably had a job that paid a huge amount of money… he was probably a man that could pay his way through life with Kitsune in tow. And surely, surely, he was gentle to her in spite of his rock-hard body. Yes, surely. He was man that would've been able to make sure Kitsune would never need to be the Light Star. Unlike Dallet, who could only be there when Kitsune drew her sword. Under Toshiyo's care, Kitsune never would have had to do such a thing. He was sure that's how it was.
Dallet was vaguely aware of someone calling to him. Someone striding next to him, talking, so unaware of his inner torment. He ignored the voice beside him and continued his angry march forward. Four-and-a-half years. Years! A long time to be with a person. Dallet had never been with someone for so long. He couldn't think of many people who had, unless they were married. … Now that he thought of it, Kitsune and Toshiyo have been together long enough to be married. Maybe that was why Kitsune had been wanted so bad to go back to the Mystic Moon. Maybe Toshiyo had presented her with a God damn diamond ring, and hugs and kisses and –
"Dallet!" The someone next to him promptly awoke Dallet from his nightmare with a sharp slap against the top of Dallet's head.
Dallet could not even take the time to be wide-eyed as his attacker roughly shoved him against the wall, where Dallet received another blow to his cheek. "D… Dilandau-sama!"
"Who the fuck else, Dallet!" Dilandau snarled. "Now that you've woken up, are you going to listen to me, or do I have to beat it into you?"
"N-no, sir!" Dallet nonetheless endured another blow to his body.
"You need to make sure we have a steady perimeter built around all of Torushina, Dallet. No one is to leave Torushina without going through us. You understand?"
"Yes, sir!"
"Good! Now don't let me catch you ignoring me again, you got that? Or I'll beat you to where you'll be unfit for battle!" Dilandau spat angrily, and left Dallet in his angry, beaten, lonely mess.
Dallet could only stand and stare after him blankly, wearing that soldier's mask of his, before continuing his walk. He had no destination, no where to go to, but he pressed on, letting his whims take him where they would. They brought him down a flight of stairs, where the hallway had gone dark for reasons unknown to him. Probably to satisfy Folken's darker mood. Well, it suited Dallet's mood, too. He'd hit an all-time low and he decided to wallow in it… He had a destination now. Down here was a study. It was fairly dark, unfortunately, but it was quiet, making it the perfect place to sit and ponder. It was just what he wanted, and so he proceeded.
There it was, the dark, heavy-looking door. He pushed it open and let it hit the wall loudly. There was a squeal and what sounded like papers falling to the ground. Taken aback by the noise, Dallet's body stiffened. There was only one person here that could make such a squeal, and her head came from around a large, dusty bookcase.
Kitsune's tearstained eyes went wide upon seeing him, and she squeaked a short, "Hi!" before disappearing behind it again.
"Kitsune…?" Dallet called out, baffled, and rushed into the typically empty study, and moved around the bookcase to her. Kitsune had let herself fall to the ground, where she hastily shoved papers into a notebook she had carried with her. She was quickly sniffling up the tears that would have escaped her if he wasn't around. "… What's wrong?"
"Nothing! Nothing…" She spoke without looking at him, and came to a stand. Dallet watched her body stiffen dramatically, her eyes widening. Kitsune tried shaking her head a bit, but it did nothing to take away her newest vision. In her vision she stood naked before him, and he stared, stared on with his warrior face.
"Are you lying to me?" His voice broke through. It was the only thing that made the vision go away.
"… Yes."
"… You miss him, don't you?" Dallet had to stare at the floor to keep from sounding to angry. It was apparently the wrong thing to say, because Kitsune moved around him and left quickly, leaving the question unanswered. A mass of papers fell from her notebook as she left, but she didn't come back to them, and they sat there on the floor of the study.
After a moment, Dallet sat on the floor, making himself comfortable while he tidied up Kitsune's papers. He intended to return them after he moped for a long while, and so he made a neat pile of them and places them aside…
Until he noticed the paper on the top was addressed to Toshiyo.
"That man…" Dallet hissed at the paper. He wanted to tear that paper to bits just because it had Toshiyo's name written on it. And yet, something prevented him from doing so. Instead, he wound up taking the paper into his hands and reading it. And it read thusly:
Toshiyo,
I am so scared and you are no where near me. I miss you. Do you miss me back?
It's messed up here. I can see the Earth and the Moon both in the sky here, and there's all sorts of weird people with weird powers and prophecies and apparently I'm supposed to fit in right with them. But I've seen lots of blood and I don't want to belong here.
I want to come back home and play volleyball and see you again. I want to go to volleyball practice and I want you to be there watching me.
A sentence was crossed out here, but Dallet could make out the words, "Even though you don't like it."
… All the time here makes me think a lot. I see things now. I see really scary things. I see them all the time now but for some reason the scariest ones are about you.
Toshiyo, I met a man here. His name is Dallet. I know the name sounds funny but here it seems like a fairly normal name. He is a great person, Toshiyo, but every time I get a vision of you, you become him.
And… that's scary. Dallet is a wonderful man. He's been the friendliest of all the people here so far, and he's always making sure that I'm okay and happy… He tries to make me feel at home even though that's close to impossible here… at least he tries, you know? And to top it all off… he even developed a crush on me. He hasn't said anything, but I can feel it.
Toshiyo my heart is breaking.
We've been together for 4 years and that's a long time, but nothing's ever become of us, you notice that? We've remained distant. We never bonded. I continued checking out other guys and melting over them and you kept
There was a long, dark scribble that allowed no hint at what was previously written. It was so heavily scratched out, the paper was almost ripped. There was a secret here, and it worried Dallet, but it didn't worry him enough to stop reading the letter and return it to its owner. He pressed on.
I'm different now, but it's not because of you. Other men don't look as sexy as they used to now, but it's not because of you… It's because of Dallet. I don't need to look at anyone else anymore. All I need to see is Dallet.
I'm scared because the man who makes the better boyfriend isn't the one I am dating.
I know that if Dallet was you, he would've gone to all my volleyball practices, and he would've enjoyed himself. He would want to spend time with me. He wouldn't see me as a chore, or a duty. He'd see me as someone worthwhile.
And I know that if you were the one here, you wouldn't do a thing to comfort me when I have all these disturbing visions. You wouldn't even notice that I was having them.
It hurts that it took me 4 years to figure it out, Toshiyo…
The sentence, "You are not a good boyfriend," was crossed out. Dallet couldn't figure out whether he should be happy that Toshiyo was not good in Kitsune's eyes.
… It still hurts. It still hurts because
That was the end. There was nothing left of the letter, cut off apparently once Dallet had opened the door. And Dallet could not begin to sort his feelings. He felt everything at once. Happy that Kitsune thought Toshiyo was crud. Happy that she liked him, too. Bashful that Kitsune had seen right through to him and picked up on his blatant crush on her... And maybe a little happy for that, too.
But… there were pangs of anger running through him, as well. Toshiyo wasn't good, Toshiyo wasn't perfect, and while that suited Dallet just fine, it meant Kitsune was unhappy. Toshiyo made her hurt, and he could do nothing about it. Kitsune had written words that nearly screamed that she needed Dallet, but she made no motions or written hints to be with him. He was still rejected, refused, and that hurt more than the dull throb he could feel on his head from Dilandau's first blow.
But most of all…
Kitsune had figured him out. Figured him out! How long had she known and how long had she wanted to be with him? 'I love him, Dallet…'
"Liar…"
'I love Toshiyo.'
"Liar!" Dallet snarled to his imaginary Kitsune. She's let him believe she wanted no one but Toshiyo, let him suffer to save her own reputation! When Toshiyo didn't have to matter, anymore. She could've left him in a flash, but she played on like she was chained to man who wasn't there for her anymore…
And left Dallet to rot.
To be continued…