'How do you tell someone what I am about to tell her? Is there any way to muffle the bomb-blast I must unleash?' Sam thought as she looked in on her through the pane of glass set at eye level in the office door. She looked so innocent, dozing fitfully on the makeshift bed she had fashioned from the couch. 'Must I really be the one to shatter this peaceful if fragile illusion?' Fragile, Sam conceded mentally, because she knew it was the first hint of rest she had seen during those fraught forty-eight hours. And finally Sam had a conclusion for her, of sorts, certainly not the one she had feared but standing there the DS was not sure which ending would have been worse for her.
"Sam, if you'd rather, I can tell her." Phil's voice was low and concerned, close to her ear, wanting no one to hear how fond of her he was. Sam realised she had been staring at her for minutes now, delaying the inevitable.
"No offence Phil but I think Jo might appreciate a more subtle approach than you're capable of." She smiled sadly at him to soften her words as her hand gripped the door handle and she passed the point of no return.
Sam crossed the room with surprising stealth, her knees wobbling and legs feeling more jelly-like the closer to her she was.
"Jo…Jo, it's Sam. Wake up. We've found her." Sam absentmindedly brushed stray hairs from her face as she spoke to her colleague, unwittingly allowing the caress to continue even after her hair was safely tucked behind her ear. Jo Masters stirred, a brief sweet smile lighting up her face before consciousness kicked in completely.
"Was I dreaming or did you just say you'd found Tessa?" Jo sat up abruptly, straightening her blouse and raking a hand through her hair. Sam found herself fighting to suppress an insane urge to replace Jo's hands with her own, reassuring herself that it was merely her need to comfort her colleague in her hour of need.
"No, you weren't dreaming. We found her about ten minutes ago, alive and well, if a little sheepish. Zain's bringing her in now."
"Well, where was she? Why didn't she return my calls? Did someone have her? Why is she sheepish?" The questions tumbled from Jo's mouth as she leant towards Sam, gripping her upper arms as she interrogated her superior, seemingly without pausing for breath. "Tell me what's going on Sam, please!" Sam caught sight of Zain entering CID seconds before Jo saw him. The feisty blonde opened the door, asking him where he had left Tessa.
"Downstairs, front office." Jo overheard his reply, bolting through the partially open door before Sam could stop her, chasing down the stairs two at a time. Sam stumbled after her, desperately wanting to warn her of the devastation she faced in that tiny dreary room at the front of the station. The DS reached the interview room moments after Jo, witnessing her holding her lover close, tears of relief streaming down her face. Not wishing to intrude, Sam closed the door quietly and took a seat, waiting for the inevitable implosion of her officer's world.
Jo noticed immediately that Tessa was fidgeting, fixing her hair, chewing her bottom lip, examining every corner of the room just to avoid meeting her eye. 'Surely that's not a good sign', she thought to herself.
"I've been worried sick, where've you been?" Jo reached out for her lover again but the other woman shied away from her touch.
"I needed some space. I'm sorry I know I should have returned your calls." Tessa turned away from Jo, a new phenomena in the five years they'd been together.
"What's wrong? Tessa, sweetheart, talk to me please. Has something happened? If anyone's laid a finger on you…" Jo forced her to turn around, to face her as she answered, but still she wouldn't look at the striking brunette.
"You'll what? Would you even notice, Jo? You're never at home these days. Even Christmas Day was interrupted by your job." Jo recoiled as though she'd been slapped.
"I thought you understood. My job isn't just a nine to five thing. It's never been any different. Why is it an issue now, all of a sudden? And why does that make it ok for you to disappear on me for days when you know I'd worry myself sick? There are people out there who do unspeakable things to lone women. I couldn't get images out of my head of how I might find you. Surely you picked up my messages? I lost count of how many I left on your voicemail." Jo sank into one of the plastic chairs, the stress of the last few days closing in on her. "Were you with someone else? Is that why you wouldn't answer your phone?" Her lover's expression told her more than words ever could. "Who is she?" Jo continued her questioning carefully eliminating any tone of accusation from her voice. Tessa had been in a relationship with someone when Jo had first met her. The younger woman had wanted Jo to be her secret but the copper had stood firm, not wanting to share her lover with anyone else and not wanting to be the cause of someone else's pain. She had always suspected it would only be a matter of time before there was someone else for Tessa, she was too much of a free-spirit to be tied to one person indefinitely.
"You could sound like you cared a little more." Tessa spat the words at her as Jo head reeled. Suddenly, the piteous expression in Sam's eyes made sense, a small detail that had escaped her anxious mind when Sam had awakened her.
"That doesn't answer my question. How long has it been going on? Is it serious?" Jo ran a hand through her hair, a sure sign of her exasperation. "Would you prefer me to throw things and beg you to stop seeing her? You know that's not my style, Tess."
"I wouldn't mind you showing that you actually give a damn! You sit there looking as though I've just told you my Mum's coming to stay with us! Does our relationship mean that little to you?" Tessa couldn't have looked more petulant had she started stamping her feet.
"I'm asking questions, in my book that means I care enough to want to find out why, where we went so wrong." Jo slapped her hand down on the table, fatigue giving her temper a raw edge.
"You can't treat this like a case to be solved, firing off questions, digging around until you find out why. Take a look at yourself Jo, then ask why I might be tempted to look elsewhere. You're always at work; when you're not at work, you're talking about your colleagues – or rather one in particular. I've felt like I've been competing against Sam bloody Nixon for months now – practically ever since you started here. Maybe I'm the one who should be asking you if you're seeing someone else. It would certainly explain why you spend so much time at this bloody station."
"There's nothing going on between Sam and I, you know that. I'd never cheat on anyone I cared about – I would have thought you knew that better than anyone give how we met. There's only you for me, now and for the last five years. I spend so long at work because I'm a dedicated copper. Would you rather I quit my job and moped about the house depending on you for money and a social life? Tess, we'd kill one another in a matter of weeks and I wouldn't be the same person that you asked out five years ago if I resigned. Not once have I asked you to change a single thing about yourself – because I love you for who you are. I had hoped that the same was true for you. Obviously I was mistaken." Jo hauled herself from the chair, the pain in her back from its awkward plastic shape only serving to dull the searing pain in her chest slightly.
"Are you not even going to put up a decent fight for me? Just going to walk away? That's not the behaviour of someone who loves me more than life itself as you proclaimed on Christmas Day, on your way out of the door at the beck and call of Phil Hunter. Yes there is someone else, someone who truly knows the meaning of those words, someone who showed me how special Christmas Day can be for two people who love one another." Jo had thought her heart couldn't hurt any more until Tessa's admission. Tears stung blue eyes, blurring her vision as Jo turned to her lover, hating herself for neglecting her to the point that she felt the need to turn to another for comfort and affection.
"How long…how long has it been going on?"
"Is there really any point in torturing yourself with that knowledge? I think we both know there's no hope of redemption for either of us from this." The smug satisfaction on Tessa's face cut like a hot blade in Jo's heart.
"I'd still like to know how long ago I failed you so badly that you found someone else to take my place." Jo found she had no energy to summon up the anger she knew she should feel at Tessa's betrayal; it had been too long since she had slept properly and her dismissal of their five years together had rendered Jo a zombie.
"A couple of months ago, I started to have serious doubts about where we were heading."
"Around the time I went undercover at the prison? That was around the time I asked you to register our partnership too." Tessa did have the grace to look a little humbled at the mention of their wedding plans. "But rather than talking to me about your doubts, you saw fit to fall into some other woman's arms instead? And if that wasn't bad enough, you deliberately disappeared knowing full well that I am working on a case involving the abduction, rape and murder of lone women! How did I get it so wrong with you?" Jo shook her head, wrapping her arms around her body, trying to hold together the shattered pieces of her soul.
"You only asked me to marry you because we had nothing else to say to one another! Things have been stale for a while now, you must realise that. When Simon came along..."
"Simon? Simon! He's the one you've been sleeping with behind my back? Simon? As in the guy who got you involved at the god-awful prison in the first place? Since when have you been interested in men?" Bile rose in Jo's throat, the room grew warm and she became afraid that for the first time in her life that she might faint. "I want your stuff out of my house by the time I get home from work. I want you out of my life, I never want to see you again after this."
"I guess there's no chance of you being god-mother when my baby's born then?" Tessa fired her parting shot as she gathered her bag and jacket, heading for the exit.