Part 21 - What?
It was 10 am when they were still in bed laughing and enjoying every moment that they had lost.
Willow was lying down and Tara was cuddling on her side, hugging and laughing.
After a moment of silence Tara started to say caressing Willow's shoulders
"I still can't believe that this is happening… I never thought I would be with you like that again."
"Mmm, me neither."
"I mean… I was dead, and them a wish brought me back, I saw you with somebody else, and now… I guess everything is how I wanted to be."
"Everything good."
"Everything perfect… I feel complete, like I don't have anything to worry about, as I don't have any problems, and if I have you would make that go away…"
"I sure would!" Willow leaned forward and kissed Tara's forehead. "Every pain and every bad feeling…" Willow continued as kissing her forehead.
"Mmm, every secret I have I know that I can tell you, trust you." Tara said.
"Ah… yeah…do you have any you liked to share?" Willow asked concerned. She had forgotten about the dark magic since then.
"Well… nothing much happened while I was dead… and I think you know all of them… and you? Anything happened while I was dead that you hadn't told me already?"
"Ah… what do you wanna know?" God, I haven't told her about the dark magic yet this night was amazing I don't wanna make everything bad now. She must know though…
"I don't know… maybe what happen before you met Kennedy…how was your life… any more women that I should know about?"
"What? No… I didn't… I… no…just her.." Willow said breathing heavily.
"Honey, you look tense, is something wrong?" Tara said sitting on the bed so she could see Willow's face.
"Ah… look…. I kinda haven't told you a part of what happened…"
"Part? Which part?"
"It's... just…. before anything I want you to know that I love you more than anything in this world and you're my everything…always."
"Willow you're scaring me…" Tara said with worry on her face.
"It's just that…" Willow took Tara's hands. "Do you know how you died?"
"Ah…well…I never had the courage to ask that, I just thought that if I am going to die the same way I did, I prefer not to know, I only remember something going trough me and your shirt… it was…"
"With blood, yours… that is true… then you fell; do you remember anything after that?"
"No…" Tara was afraid to ask what had happened. What is so important that she is making all this drama…after this night, this amazing night, what could bring us down?
"Tara…" Willow looked deep on Tara's eye and took a big breath. "Do you remember Warren?"
"Yeah… the nerd guy right? Why are you asking me that?"
"Because… he was the one that shot you, and…"
"What? He? Why?"
"It was meant to get Buffy, he wasn't aiming on you, it just got you." Willow was quivering.
"Honey… is that what you wanted to tell me? Cause it's…" While speaking Tara was getting closer to comfort Willow.
"No… actually, this is just a part of it." Willow said holding Tara's hand not breaking the eye contact.
"What is it then?"
"Please don't hate me."
"Willow say it, you're making me worried. What's the other part?"
"Warren, he is ah…"
"Yeah?"
Willow sighed, "He's dead."
"What? Oh…" Tara thought she understood, looking down she said "Buffy…"
"No…" Willow said and Tara looked to Willow and so she continued "Not Buffy. Me."
"What?" Tara said jumping off bed and pulling her hand off Willow.
"Tara, please, listen…"
"Did you kill him?"
"Ah… yeah…" Willow said with her head down, her eyes were filled with tears.
"How? Willow…" Tara put her nightshirt and was standing up in front of Willow that was sat on the bed with her sheets covering her body.
"How? Well…" Willow started to say, getting up, while she was putting her nightshirt, Tara said "Magic." After Tara's word Willow looked to Tara with guilt in her eyes.
Tara, got it, she knew, Willow's eyes couldn't lie to Tara. Tara's eyes were filled with tears and she continued. "Magic, you used magic against him, didn't you? Dark magic"
"I'm sorry."
"How could you Willow?"
"He killed you! He took away the best thing in my life, I couldn't let him live!"
"I can imagine the pain you were but…"
"No Tara, you can't, nobody can know what I felt when I saw you dead. With your blood on my shirt. You not breathing, not moving. I lost my mind."
"Believe me, I know."
"No you don't, I never thought that something could feel like this, I felt like my world had ended with you, it was not moving, everything was not making sense and it couldn't be real, I couldn't believe that it was happening. You can't just know."
"My mom died Willow, remember?"
"It's different. I saw you die, in front of me. Before my eyes I saw the only thing that made sense to me dead. I couldn't control myself."
"Willow, the day we got back, after that fight about magic, you remember? I got to your bedroom and you were doing your homework. I looked at you just two feelings came to my heart. Love and pride. I was looking to the woman that I loved, to the one that I'll always love and also so proud of that girl, it was my girl that had been to a very dark place where weak people can't get out. But my girl did, she got out of that horrible thing, and she did it with her strength, she was going to keep her promise, no more magic. That day that we got back, I knew she wasn't going to let me down, ever."
When Tara finished they were both crying, they both had the same look of wonder what was going to happen. Both wanted the same thing, both knew it wasn't gonna be easy.
"Tara…why did you say that in third person?"
"Because… I can't see that girl in you right now…"
"Tara please, baby, it is me. I stopped, magic, dark ones, I'm not using it anymore."
"Willow you said that before, how can I know it isn't gonna happen again?"
"You have to trust me."
"That's what I'm afraid of."
"What you mean?"
"The thing is, dark magic can hurt people, but kill? You? My Willow? My Willow wouldn't do that."
"Tara, please, believe me, I've been to England to recover myself, I've been careful about that, after what I felt, the feeling of killing someone, I never want it to happen again. To feel that again."
"If you could go back, Willow, if you could go back to the exactly moment that you killed him, would you make it different?"
Willow with tears in her eyes whispered. "No…"
"What?"
"No, if he killed you, he deserved to die, I don't care if he was human or not, the pain that I would have thinking that he's alive while you're not would make me crazy, I would kill him. I don't regret it Tara, I don't feel happy for what I did, I don't feel joy for what I did but I'm not sorry that he is dead."
"You're changed."
"After everything that happened, after losing you, yes, I've changed. The only thing that never had left me, the only thing that will never change, is my love for you."
"I'm not sure if that's enough anymore."
After a moment of silence looking at each other maybe thinking the same thing, how could it possibly end like that? Is there hope?
Tara broke the silence "Willow, why didn't you tell me about this before tonight?"
"I…I don't know, I was gonna tell you, but then you started to say all the stuff that you wanted to go back and I forgot everything, and it just happened, I didn't wanna screw it up like that."
"So you just waited to have some fun before you tell me?"
"Tara, no! You know that it wasn't just fun! You know how I feel about our love. I would never use you."
"You should have told me before Willow."
"I'm sorry… I wanted to, I just didn't wanna screw our night, and the things that you told me just made me forget about everything bad that I had been through."
"I can't believe you Willow." Tara had this look on her face that Willow couldn't bear anymore.
"Tara, I'm sorry to be in your life, make yourself happy, you're right, you deserve something better. I don't know what made me think that I could have you again." Willow said in tears, she was dressed already and left the room. Running she got out of the bedroom without even closing the door.
"Willow…" Tara was standing still in front of the door, her eyes, couldn't carry more tears.
Oh god! What happen? What have I done?