Kim's mom had been using that tropical mist stuff in the carpet again. Apparently the last vacuuming job had not picked up everything; Ron was becoming very familiar with the taste. Powdery, yet slightly soapy in texture, the slightest hint of fruit.
Nightmares were not supposed to be this detailed.
Somewhere above him Kim and Shego were still talking, or more appropriately yelling. Kim's brothers were there as well. Maybe. He was pretty sure. Except 'pretty sure' didn't always cover caring, and caring was usually the requirement to bother listening, and he could not listen at a time like this.
The nightmare was not ending. He was still lying there, breathing in the carpet, hoping and praying that it was all just a horrible nightmare and he would wake up soon. But that did not seem to be happening. The wrong Kim. It had been the wrong Kim. The greatest night of his life was a lie, and he hadn't even noticed. How could he have been so pathetically stupid!
Unless… there was still someplace inside from which he managed to drudge up some hope. Synthodrones could be pretty good; heck, he hadn't suspected Erik of being anything other than human. And just because Erik happened to wind up as an oozing bag of thick, green, gooey, synthogoo didn't mean that some other synthodrone could have been victim of a little food coloring during the creation process, maybe a bit more water for a thinner goo. It was supposed to look like blood. Oh, yes. Now he was onto them all. It was supposed to look like blood, as part of another trick to deceive him. Well, he was onto them. He almost looked up from the carpet.
Who was he kidding? He had babysat his little cousin Sariah, queen of bloody noses and abnormal little kid scrapes. Ron knew exactly what blood looked like. And that had been blood coming out of… Kim.
He hadn't even noticed. She had been replaced by a fake all this time and he hadn't even noticed. And even earlier… he thought back to those snippets of suspicion against something from the school. He had almost thought, almost suspected that something was off-kilter about Kim. And even two minutes ago during her great rampage of chewing-Ron-out he had known the truth, deep down. But no! He hadn't bothered to really think about any of it! The real Kim had been somewhere else all along and all he did was run off with some… fake. It was sickening to even think about it. He pounded a fist against the carpet, sending off a series of vibrating echoes into his ears.
"Ron," someone said softly.
He hadn't been able to tell the difference between the real Kim and a synthodrone. And he dared to call himself her friend. He had dared to think of her as… as something more than just a friend, even. Friendship and beyond. Hah. What sort of friend and something more couldn't even realize when the person he cared about most had been replaced?
"Ron," the voice repeated, somewhat louder. Kim.
Kim. He sucked in more carpet air. And he had even had his doubts about everything, and he still had resisted. Okay, so maybe all those suspicions were popping out in retrospection, but still they should count for something.
"Ron, please." She was begging now. He hated it when she begged. Not that she did it much, but he certainly was not enjoying it now. "Please get off the floor."
Get off the floor and face her? He shuddered to think of that. How could he face her after betraying her like that? Falling head over heals with a… synthodrone –that was a seriously nasty thought—just like it had been the real Kim. And then… what a painful thought. That had been her at the school this morning. Her, the real Kim, his Kim. No 'his Kim' was probably that synthodrone thing. Funny how that fact refused to change anything. His Kim. He knew who that was supposed to be. But evidently he couldn't tell the difference!
"Ron, maybe we should talk about this."
He should respond, he really should. At least let her know he was alive. For now, at least. How mad was she? Any more mad at him than he was at himself?
It had all felt so real, last night, this morning, everything. It was right. It was how everything was supposed to happen. Maybe what should have happened a long time ago, except that everything had been just fine the way everything had happened. Wonderful. A fight with Drakken and Shego, dramatic lock-up on giant plaster Bueno Nacho symbols, semi-romantic dialogue (at least he had sort of gotten everything out in the open), another fight with Drakken and Shego, winning said fight. She taking his hand. The prom. A kiss not involving emotion-controlling technology—a perfect kiss. A complete and true fairy tale.
He should have known it was too good to be true.
And it wasn't true. Here was the truth: all of that was a lie. And he had just carried on anyway, to a stranger. To a synthodrone, at that. He had kissed a synthodrone. So sick and wrong.
And then he had turned right around and told everything in a bombshell disaster to the real Kim. Kissed her. Without warning, he had handed over the list of every feeling he had for her. No wonder she had smacked him.
Maybe it was still all in reverse. Maybe he had gotten in right. Mind rewrite, brainwashing, whatever it took. He'd get it all back in order. Nothing disastrous had happened.
"Ron, just get off the floor!" She was getting mad now. As well she should.
This was definitely the real Kim.
"I think your little girlfriend is getting a little testy here, Stoppable," came Shego's drawl. "And this has been a lot of fun, and I know I've been all sorts of lazy and taking a chance to enjoy this, but we really need to get on the road. I have a synthodrone to recapture."
"Shego, this is really a bad time." The yell was gone, and Kim was back to that soft near-whisper.
"I thought she just abducted your friend."
"Maybe we'd know if your little invention worked."
Ron lifted his head, coming eye to eye with Kim's feet. Now he could see just how fake this super suit was. Unless that is what they wanted to him to think. No. The battle with that other voice was getting old, and it was losing anyway.
A long pause. "Good. You are alive."
"Barely." It felt weird just talking. "I think your carpet is poisonous."
She almost laughed; he could hear it her voice. Yet even that was a forced almost-laugh. "Ron, we probably should discuss this all later. I'm worried about Monique. If that thing has her…"
That 'thing' had been a pretty good dancer.
She sighed. Normally by now she would have just dragged him to his feet. She wasn't even touching him. "It's a mission, Ron. Just another mission. We can do this."
"You don't even sound sure yourself." Slowly, he pushed himself to his knees. His entire body was sore.
"Of course I'm sure. It's a mission. Just go rescue Monique and—"
He sniffed. He really did not want to be here right now. Why did he always do that to himself? That pizza night when Kim's dad had been kidnapped, she and Erik eating pizza and he had actually bothered to stay for a good twenty minutes even though hating every single moment… at least he had been there. Had that really been worth it?
At least he should meet her eyes. No, that was way too humiliating.
Humiliating? Is that all he was describing this as?
"Come on, Ron," she continued, all wrapped up in that voice when he wasn't sure if she were faking sincerity or being way too sincere for him. "We're friends, aren't we?"
"Friends?" Now he was up, and suddenly it wasn't at all too hard to meet her eyes—he wasn't even sure how he came to be staring at them. "Friends?"
Even Shego took a step back.
Kim gulped. "Ron—"
The words just ripped out. "You think we're friends after I embarrass both of us this morning like that at the school?"
The silence of a deer caught in the headlights. "Yes. Ron, please. Can't we just ignore this?"
"Ignore it?" He shook his head. "You want to ignore it? I thought you were the one who had to ramble on and on about every little thing, and you just want to ignore this?"
"You just said you were fine. You were the one who suggested we file it with the moodulator incident and…" She tore her gaze away. "You just said you were fine." It was a plea.
Of course he was fine. Everything was fine. He pointed, with a little more drama than intended, to his face. "Do I look anything but fine?"
She sighed and stepped forward. "No, you do not look fine! I'm sorry, okay? This is really a surprise for me, in case you haven't noticed. If you want to sit down and talk about it, let's do it now!"
Shego raised a hand. "And the synthodrone?"
"Forget the synthodrone!" Kim took a deep breath and attempted to fix her hair. "Now…"
She had such pretty hair. No, no. He had no right to think she had pretty hair. That had been blown. He pressed his arms over his chest. "Now what?"
Another breath. Maybe she sensed the stuff in the carpet as well. "Ron, you really thought she was me all this time?"
"I am pretty sure we established that," Ron murmured. "And yes, I'm a total idiot."
She nodded and picked at a loose thread on the super suit costume. "So… you treated her since last night just like she was me."
Why did she have to bring this up? He couldn't even tell if the person he was supposed to care about was a fake. He managed a nod.
She continued to pick at the costume. She was blushing, deeply. And not a cute, happy blush. "And some things happened…"
"Oh, yeah." He clenched his teeth. "Some things happened. A lot of things happened."
"All because you thought the synthodrone was me?"
"Duh." Wait. That had been rude. He couldn't be rude to Kim, he could never be.
More silence. "May I ask why?"
"Why?" She wanted to know why? For a horrible moment Ron thought he was choking. She wanted to know everything? Every single little feeling that had come up ever since that rotten Erik had stepped into the picture? Well, all those feelings had ended in disaster. This disaster.
"Yes, why!" she replied sharply, all serenity gone. "You know, this is all really a surprise to me, too. I'm extremely lost and I don't think it's fair I have to deal with all this! So why did you do all those things?"
He stared at her, heart pounding and vaguely thinking how unmanly this all was. Guys were so not supposed to share their feelings. But apparently it was a little too late for that. "Maybe I did all that because I wanted it to be you that badly!"
More silence than ever before. For the first time Ron realized that Tim and Jim were still there, still holding a video camera with the record button glowing. And they had the very rare expression of authentic shock.
Ron groaned. He had not just said that. He had not just said that.
Kim had not moved a muscle.
Yes, he had said it. Brilliant. He turned the door. "I'm going to get my mission clothes," he muttered, and stomped out.
He barely remembered the walk home—more conscious was a subtle memory of having taken his scooter to Kim's. Yanking some throttle would have maybe felt better. But he couldn't go back for it now. He stomped up the porch steps, threw open the front door, stomped through the house, and stomped up the stairs to his room. His parents were probably home—he didn't care, he didn't want to talk to anyone but Rufus.
Oh, Rufus was going to get a kick out of this.
Rufus was on the bed, sleeping as usual. How could the little guy just sleep through all the world's problems? His eyes slowly opened as Ron jumped onto the bed.
Rufus dared to grin.
Ron sighed and picked up the naked mole rat. "It's over, buddy. No more Kim."
The grin vanished. "Kim?"
"Yes, Kim." Ron kicked against the bed. "Guess what? That girl from last night? That wasn't her? You should have bit her as well, because she's a certified synthodrone!"
Rufus' eyes went wide.
"Oh yes." Ron fell back. His head missed the pillow and slammed against the wall. Ouch. He sat up, rubbing the new bump. "Does everything have to hurt today? Is that what my life has become?"
Rufus continued to stare quizzically up at him.
"The prom, Rufus. That kiss. Everything. It wasn't her. I'm officially the biggest loser on the planet. And I didn't even know. Apparently I didn't care. Apparently I was all too wrapped up in how I felt about Kim that I couldn't pay attention to anything real going on! And now I've met the real one again… and the synthodrone probably killed Monique or something." He sighed. "Mission clothes. I'm supposed to be getting mission clothes." He left the bed and threw open his closet. No, he had it all last night. "Rufus, where are my mission clothes?"
Rufus pointed to a pile of clothing in the corner.
Ron ripped through it. Black turtleneck under the tux. That thing really was cursed. Two generations of Stoppable men affected with prom night tragedy. Yes, blame the tux. It was so much easier. He held up the shirt. It had syntho goo on the sleeve. How had that happened? He pulled off his shirt and slid the black one on. "Now the pants."
Those were crammed practically into the wall under a history textbook. When had he picked that up? How did everything wind up where it wasn't supposed to be? Another mission that would probably end horribly.
Was he really going to go on this mission? He dropped to the floor, pants half on. Was he really going to make himself go back there and face Kim? Of course he was. He had to. He couldn't let her down any further.
Why was he still thinking that way?
Because they always did missions, it was part of their friendship.
If that existed anymore.
Rufus hopped onto his shoulder, always ready for the comforting thing. It probably wasn't going to work.
"I said this last night," Ron said. "I said it all last night. The whole reason I didn't go barge into the prom the first time is because I was afraid that would ruin my friendship with Kim. I did everything I could to not ruin our friendship."
Rufus nodded emphatically.
"But it did happen. I don't even know what she's thinking now. I shouldn't have said a single word about how I felt to anyone." He finished pulling on his pants. For some reason he still thought he was just going to go ahead and join her on a mission like nothing was wrong. "Rufus, I knew this was going to happen, if I told her my feelings. Even though I knew that guys were not supposed to share their feelings." He yanked the lace on his shoe, actually tearing it. Stupid, stupid shoe. "This is exactly why guys do not share feelings!"
Maybe he wouldn't make it back over there, after all.
The door slam was much too loud. Maybe Ron had managed to break the door Shego thought was so gorgeous.
Kim considered throwing something at. Normally she wasn't inclined to that sort of temper, and even now it wasn't tempting, but the thought crossed her mind. Wasn't that what everyone else did? Threw fragile objects at slammed doors?
He had just walked out. She couldn't believe that Ron had just walked out. She had chased him away, and it was all her fault. She ran to the door and opened it. He was already half way down the sidewalk. She should yell at him. Yell really hard and loud and make him come back. He was being so stupid. Well, no scream wanted to come out.
She didn't want to scream anymore. She just wanted to go somewhere and cry.
She slammed the door again and glared at her audience. Tim and Jim looked half dead. Shego… Kim couldn't tell what Shego was feeling.
Tim pushed a button on the camera and set it on the floor. "So… a synthodrone beat us up last night?"
Great. They really were going to find this all cool. "She beat you up?"
Jim nodded slowly. "It was actually really cool."
"But we know you can beat us up, too," Tim said quickly.
Smart kids. Knew exactly what to say.
"So you and Ron don't have cooties?" Jim asked.
Or so she thought. "Just stop talking about cooties!" The tears slipped out of her eyes before she could think.
"You made her cry, genius!" Tim hissed.
"No, you made her cry!"
Kim shook her head and somehow managed to wander over to the couch without falling. It wasn't them. At least, she didn't think it was them. No, it was definitely her.
"How about we say that you both made her cry?" Shego suggested. "And all I wanted was a little help getting a crazy synthodrone back. Is that so much to ask for?"
Why wouldn't Shego just leave? Kim had a horrible feeling that Shego would be the next one she would start ranting to.
"Kimmie?"
Good. A different ranting victim. Her mom. Instinct demanded a jump up and a dash over for a hug.
That's what she got. Moms were good for hugs.
"Kimmie, what's wrong?" Mrs. Possible smoothed back Kim's hair. "Why are you back in that outfit? And why is own of your archenemies here?"
Kim sniffed. "It's too long a story."
Shego sighed. "Pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Possible. Sorry to drag you into this little drama. Don't worry, I don't plan on blowing up the house just yet."
Mrs. Possible froze. "Where's Ron?"
"Kim and Ron aren't dating," Jim said with a snicker.
Stupid little brat.
Mrs. Possible gasped, and Kim thought back to every little reference her mother had made towards her and Ron. "You didn't break up already?"
"They never were together," Shego explained. Her voice was only slightly amused. "Little Ron was dating a synthodrone. Don't worry, this is the real Kimmie—I know because I left her tied up in a basement all night." And with that the entire story came spilling out, Shego-style, including a near destruction of the synthodrone by Shego that Kim was sure didn't happen.
It wasn't good for archenemies to explain drama stories to one's parents.
Mrs. Possible hugged Kim closer. "Don't I feel silly. I didn't even suspect… Kim, I am so sorry!"
Kim didn't care anymore. All she could think about was Ron. "Ron hates me, Mom."
"Honey, I'm sure he doesn't hate you. He seemed very in love with you just a while back—"
Kim pushed herself away, shaking her head furiously. "Mom, didn't you hear anything that was just said! That wasn't me!"
"Oh, you're right. But still he at least showed something…"
"And suddenly everyone is wrapped up in this!" Kim brushed the tears away. Maybe enough salt water would melt this awful fake suit. "Mom, I didn't mean to hurt him that way. I just wanted him to recognize me."
Mrs. Possible sighed and gave one of those horribly perfect mother smiles. "Kimmie, did you ever once think—"
Kim didn't get to know what to think. The shrill sound of the kimmunicator rounded off.
But the synothodrone had…
It was coming from the backpack next to the couch. The robot had left it there. Good. At least Kim had the kimmunicator back. She dove onto the bag and pulled the kimmunicator out. "Wade?"
He looked more than a little frightened to see her.
Did she look that awful? "Wade, in case you don't remember, I've been having a bad day."
Her mom didn't seem to be with that fact, though. She poked her head over the screen to wave. "Hi, Wade! We heard about the little synthodrone mix-up and…" She stepped back, smile fading. "Well, I'll let you two figure it all out, I have laundry to do."
She wasn't going to leave already? Kim wasn't finished whining yet. "Mom, you can stick around."
She gave another one of those motherly smiles as she headed toward the stairs. "Maybe this isn't the best time to talk right now, Kimmie."
"But Mom!"
She was gone.
The perfect need for a mother/daughter talk and she wasn't willing. Kim felt more tears coming on.
"So… your mom realizes it's you, now?" Wade asked. "That's good. I was just calling up to see if you had convinced anyone. Does—"
"Yes, Wade. Ron knows. Ron finally figured it out."
Wade didn't seem to catch anything but the words, and smiled. "That's even better."
Some child genius. The kid was so oblivious to how she was feeling.
"So now we have Ron to work with. And apparently still Shego." He paused. "So what did Ron say, when he figured it out? You know, I still can't believe you two kissed and—"
That was too much. Everything inside Kim seemed to explode. She squeezed the kimmunicator with both hands, so hard she almost hoped she would managed to break it, and brought up to her face so Wade could get every detail of what he wasn't tuning in on. "What, Wade? What are you saying? Are you still disgusted that he kissed me? Is that so horrible to your tastes? We have kissed before, you know. You remember that! So why aren't you used to it?" What on earth was she saying? "Am I so undesirable that no one in their right mind would kiss me? Is it so unthinkable that Ron would ever want to kiss me? Why is it so gross?"
"Kim's lost it," Tim whispered. "Let's go."
Gasping for breath, Kim lowered the kimmunicator.
Wade looked just as terrified as the tweebs.
"Sorry," she muttered.
He nodded slowly. "I'm sorry, too, I guess."
She put a hand to her forehead. The blood certainly was pumping. "I guess I just had to know. For that one brief moment."
"Kim, I'm eleven. I still believe in cooties. All kissing is disgusting."
"I guess I didn't think of that."
Silence.
"So," Wade began. "Any luck on finding the synthodrone?"
"We think it has Monique. That's the last time anyone saw the synthodrone." How could she have forgotten about that?
Shego snatched the kimmunicator from Kim's hand. "Yes. The synthodrone. Finally, people remember the synthodrone. And I think I need to talk to your computer guy about what to do when we get the synthodrone back."
"Sure," Kim said breathlessly, not bothering to fight for the kimmunicator. "I'm just going to go take a quick shower."
"Uh, Kim?" Shego said. "I thought your friend was in danger. And your sidekick boyfriend might be back any second."
Oh, yeah. Ron had gone to get mission clothes. Or so he had said. Kim squeezed the stair railing. "I said I'm taking a shower! I'll rescue Monique later!" She marched up the stairs, hardly caring how odd it was that she was leaving someone like Shego in her house chatting with Wade.
This wasn't normal, Kim realized. She needed to rescue Monique. Who knew what that thing would do to her?
But she couldn't do anything when she couldn't think. Besides, they had to wait for Ron. They couldn't do anything without Ron. He would come back, wouldn't he? Of course he would come back. He had to. He was Ron. He wouldn't let her down. If he didn't come back, she would kill him. And if he did come back…
She entered her bathroom and pulled off the sickening fake super suit. Then she stepped into her shower and turned it on with as much heat as she could put up with. That was turning out to be a lot. She really needed this shower, she told herself. Even though she was a horrible friend and had hurt Ron so much… she swallowed a mouthful of shower water. It had been the only way. He was being ignorant as usual, and she couldn't have him trying to kill her, and it was so hard to be tactful when one was tired and… there were a thousand excuses.
She wasn't so mad at him. This was all just a little… bewildering. And frustrating. Very frustrating. So he had been very weird during the whole Erik thing, and he never had liked Josh, but still… they had a strong friendship—it was always weird when other things entered in.
She grabbed at the shampoo, only managing to knock it open at the shower floor.
Why hadn't Ron said anything about this before?