Special Two Hour Presentation! Commercial free, thanks to the Chrysler PT Cruiser: when a hearse is just too ugly, and a Scion is not ugly enough.
Jeff Probst: Previously on Survivor: After a plethora of prizes (shots of Megatron and Scrapper at a spa, Dead End visiting and telling scary stories) BotCon prepared a creative talent show for the local orphanage. (Shots of BotCon singing "Bohemian Rhapsody".) Megatron and Shrapnel had immunity and did not give it up, leaving Motormaster to be voted off. Final four! Who will stay, who will go?
Author's note: Still the same beginning, but to help keep track, I will list the tribe as they stand now. All confessionals will be italicized.
(Music): Oooooooohhhhhhh-Yeow! (Add in techno-beat to standard Survivor theme. Slow speed film shows shots of contestants building shelter, swimming, in competitions. Gives picture and name, starting with Autobotpea.)
BotCon:
Grimlock
Megatron
Shrapnel
Scrapper
DAY THIRTY-ONE
(It's raining. Cold. Scrapper mumbles something about getting more firewood. Since their fire shelter is decent, they have a fire going and energon is being produced.)
Scrapper: (Truck driver, chartreuse buff is worn as a headdress.) Grimlock did what he said he would do. Now I'm outnumbered. Megatron promised he wouldn't vote for us, so now what? Unless I get immunity next, I'm screwed! (Hides his face. Rain splatters him.)
(Sun FINALLY comes out. Most of BotCon unbends themselves stiffly to get out from under the shelter and greet the rest of the day. Shrapnel gasps.)
Shrapnel: Where's Superpecker, Superpecker? (Picks up piece of paper left by the chicken's cage while Grimlock goes into hysterics.) I can't read this, it's chicken scratch, chicken scratch!
Megatron: (Snatches it from Shrapnel and tries to read it.) It's for you. (Hands it to Grimlock, who has tears in his optics.)
Grimlock: THIS NOT SUPERPECKER! HE HAVE EXCELLENT PENMENSHIP! IT SAY: DEAR GRIMLOCK, SUPERPECKER WANT TO LIVE WITH US RABBITS! SORRY. RABBITS! (Waves arms in air.) NOOOOOOO! NO!
Shrapnel: (Plumber, buff is wrapped around wrist.) There is a grave disturbance in the force, but I couldn't make it in time, time! Curse my metal body! I wasn't fast enough, enough!
Megatron: (To group) I know where these rabbits live! Come, we must save her!
Scrapper: What if you get us lost?
Megatron: (Picking up the rabbit spear Starscream made awhile ago.) Hey! It's ME!
(Shots of them wandering around the beach.)
Shrapnel: We're lost, lost! The odds of us finding these rabbits are a million to one, to one!
Grimlock: NEVER TELL ME GRIMLOCK THE ODDS!
Megatron: Shut up, all of you! Look down there! (He points to a pile of white rocks that looks suspiciously like a giant vertical maze, like "Boulder Dash," but with dead ends. There are a huge herd of rabbits scattered around the maze, including a larger one, upright and glaring at them. Superpecker is roosting on the top of the rock pile.)
(From out of nowhere, a voice laughs.)
Voice: HOHOHOHO.
Megatron: I know that laugh. (Spins around and aims the spear at...)
Jeff: Hey! Point that thing someplace else! (Looks around at group.) So you see your next immunity challenge, huh? Your task is to brave that herd of rabbits through the vertical rock maze to Grimlock's chicken. The first person to rescue this chicken wins immunity. Any questions? (Megatron mumbles something about Jeff's imminent demise.) Survivors ready? (Lifts left arm. Switches to right.) Go!
(Shots of all of them approaching, then falling back as the menacing rabbits come after them. Megatron brandishes the spear at the largest rabbit.)
Megatron: Laugh it up, fuzzball! (Leaps over the rabbit and makes it halfway up the maze.) You'll see I'm full of surprises! (He realizes he's at a dead end and tries to double back. He's cornered. The rabbits cover him.)
Shrapnel: Impressive, impressive. The force is strong with this one, this one. (He goes around a few rabbits but one knocks him from behind, banging his head against the rock and shattering his optics.) My eyes! R2, help! (Shakes himself off and crawls up the hill toward Megatron, somehow finding the spear.)
Scrapper: AUGH! (Runs through the pile of rabbits like a Spartan football player. Since this tactic didn't work for MSU, it fails Scrapper, too.)
Grimlock: ME GRIMLOCK SAVE YOU, SUPERPECKER! (Runs up the maze, crawling over the dead ends. Rabbits are on him so thick he looks like a moving Wookie.) RRRar!
Jeff: Grimlock is taking the hill! He's almost up there! Wait...he's got it! Grimlock wins immunity!
Grimlock: (Hoisting Superpecker over his head and channeling Howard Dean.) YEE-AH! ME GRIMLOCK KING OF MOUNTAIN! (Runs down, rabbits falling off of him like rain.)
Megatron: (Wakes up.) I'm out of it for a little while and everyone has delusions of grandeur! (A rabbit jumps for his neck. Shrapnel aims the spear for the rabbit.) No, wait! I thought you were blind!
Shrapnel: Don't worry, I can see a lot better, better! (The spear misses completely and makes a loud noise, casing the rabbit to flee.)
Jeff: Get down here! Grimlock is awarded immunity! (Places the necklace consisting of computer chip key chains coming together to show toy Bumblebee/Cliffjumper flanking a GI JoeTM as the focal point.)
Grimlock: ME GRIMLOCK KING OF MOUNTAIN!
Jeff: Please, it's not a holy relic! Follow me to tribal council!
TRIBAL COUNCIL:
(Jeff leads the final four into tribal council area. Grimlock is holding Shrapnel's hand to help him through.)
Jeff: Have a seat, guys. (They sit.) Time for me to bring out the jury. From now on, all people voted off are a part of the jury who will decide which of the final two gets the million barrels of oil. They cannot say anything, only listen. Optimus Prime, Starscream, Rumble, Mirage, Motormaster, come in! (All walk in, looking refreshed and freshly waxed, not to mention clean-shaven. Starscream is scowling. Motormaster looks mad.) Have a seat. So guys, did any of you think that the chicken alone would be worth the risk? (Everyone but Grimlock says "no!")
Megatron: Jeff, we did it for immunity.
Jeff: You failed, your highness. Grimlock, you have the immunity necklace. Do you wish to give it to someone else? (Grimlock shakes his head.) Go vote, you're first. (Grimlock votes but we don't see it. Megatron goes up and votes for "Shrapnel.")
Megatron: The circuit is now complete. When I left you I was but the learner. Now I am the master.
(Montage shots continue. Shrapnel has some problems, being almost blind.)
Jeff: I'll go tally the votes. (Retrieves the container they put their votes in.) Once the votes are read, the decision is final. The mech voted out will be asked to leave the tribal council area immediately. I'll read the votes. (Opens paper.) First vote: "Megatron." Next vote: "Shrapnel." Third vote: "Shrapnel." (Opens last piece of paper.) Twelfth Survivor to be voted off, sixth member of the jury: "Shrapnel." (Shrapnel gets up, with difficulty due to lack of eyesight, and staggers over to Jeff.) Can we get a medic over here? (First Aid steps forward and takes Shrapnel's arm, guiding him out. Jeff extinguishes his torch.) The tribe has spoken. All right, get out of here, you have a busy day coming up soon. (They walk out. We get no speech from Shrapnel until they show him in the medic's tent, getting his optics replaced.)
Shrapnel: I tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end...Grimlock stabbed me in the back, back. I admire his game, game.
DAY THIRTY-TWO
(MORE RAIN.)
Grimlock: (Rocket Scientist, buff is worn like a tube top. Grimlock is tearing up.) ME GRIMLOCK LOVE SUPERPECKER SO MUCH! ME GRIMLOCK SO GLAD HE SAFE! (Shots of Grimlock holding a sleeping Superpecker on his lap, petting her.) SO GLAD!
(And the thunder rolls. And the lightening strikes. And Scrapper comes flying over to the shelter, giddy.)
Scrapper: GUYS! Get out here! (Megatron and Grimlock stagger out.) Go up to the hill!
Megatron: You have regained your anti-gravity, even though Burnett turned it off. How?
Grimlock: (Putting Superpecker in her cage.) WE GO! NOW!
(Shots of the lightening illuminating the three as they stand on the top of the volcano, arms up. Lightening crashes, striking Megatron. A moment later, he takes to the air. Grimlock follows while doing flips.)
Grimlock: WHOO-HOO!
Scrapper: How did HE get anti-gravity?
Megatron: He had it in "Dinobot Island, Part 1." Ahhh. I feel completely recharged. (Lightening is striking again.)
DAY THIRTY-THREE: IMMUNITY CHALLENGE
(Shots of Jeff coming off the gun boat at 4:00 AM. He is snickering.)
Jeff: Time to get up! (Nothing. The shelter remains quiet.) C'mon, BotCon, you have a busy day ahead of you! (Still nothing. Jeff hears something and looks up.) AUGH!
Megatron: (Floating in the air with Grimlock and Scrapper.) You were unwise to lower your defenses!
Jeff: Megatron! I should have known. I recognized your fowl stench the moment I was on board. (Shakes his head, realizing what he said.) Spectacular stunt, but all for naught. Are you ready for your final immunity challenge? (They somberly nod.) You all look so ominous! Follow me.
(Aerial shots zoom down to an island next to the one they have been camping on.)
Jeff: Recall that Motormaster and Scrapper hid on this island after Episode Nine. If they had known its terrible secret, no doubt they would have reconsidered.
Megatron: Where were you when we were trying to scare each other?
Jeff: (Waves a hand in front of them.) I must be allowed to speak.
Scrapper: He must be allowed to speak.
Jeff: This island...once hosted the Gilligan's Island Reunion special! (Waits for them to scream. Nothing.) Um...anyway, this island is haunted by bad gags, worse plot, predictable dialogue, and characters that set back feminism for a couple of decades. Kind of like...The Simple Life. (Still no reaction.) Anyway, your immunity challenge is at the top of the volcano. First, you will bedeck yourself with this tribal paint. Second, to honor the local gods, at least, the gods the locals had before last night's Peter Pan imitation scared the heck out of them...yeah, I know about that. You will make your own little Tiki idols out of old M.A.S.K. toys brought to you by e-bay. You will take these Tiki idols up the designated path to the top of the island, where I will be waiting. On your way up, you will encounter the torches of your fallen comrades. Please stop and give them a moment of consideration. Go ahead and gloat, it makes good TV. See you guys later.
(They paint each other to look like Paul Stanley, Gene Simmons, and Ace Frehley. Grimlock claims Superpecker is Peter Criss. Since even Peter Criss doesn't want to be Peter Criss, they let it go. BotCon surrounds the craft table, Megatron hogging the glue, Scrapper spilling the glitter, Grimlock making a cute Tiki idol. They walk down the beach and approach the first torch. It's Blurr's.)
Megatron: Blurr. What can I say? Nothing.
Blurr: (Shots of him gathering firewood, shooting arrows in his only immunity challenge.) IwouldliketothinkIlearnedsomethingfromthisitwasalotoffunandI'mgladIgottoknowsomanyinterestingpeople.
(Next up is Cliffjumper's torch.)
Grimlock: HE JERK.
Cliffjumper: (Shots of him consulting the map, fretting over puzzle.) I was robbed! It's all Mirage's fault, too. He's the one who talked everyone into voting me off, the creep.
(More dramatic music plays as they leave the beach and begin the long and winding road to the top. Next is Soundwave's torch.)
Scrapper: Soundwave, we barely knew ya. Really.
Soundwave: (Shots of him hiding from rabbits.) Challenge: anticipated. Mission: accepted. Perfidy: unexpected.
(The saga continues. They are now upon Mishap's torch.)
Scrapper: How far do you think she would have gone if not for the explosion?
Megatron: According to Starscream, at least to 3rd base.
Mishap: (Shots of her winning the first immunity challenge, being pushed into the mud on "MXC," walking with Starscream.) When I was a kid, I never dreamed of playing to lose. I dreamed of playing to win! Am I bitter? Yeah. I hope I get another chance someday to prove myself.
(A few feet beyond Mishap's is Red Alert's torch.)
Megatron: He was IN this game? I hardly noticed him.
Grimlock: YOU MEGATRON ONLY ONE.
Red Alert: (Shots of him running around, kicking the coolant out of Cliffjumper, smiling to himself while watching the waves crash onto the shore.) There was a lot going on in that camp. Most people don't know this, but Optimus Prime did a lot of scheming behind our backs. Too bad I ran out of time to get the others to help.
(They ascend a pile of rocks easily, thanks to anti-gravity. Here they encounter Wheelie and Ironhide's torches.)
Grimlock: ME GRIMLOCK LIKE WHEELIE. HE FUN!
Wheelie: (Shots of him swimming with Grimlock, winning an MXC challenge, singing along with the new Decepticonniption.) I had a great time when I was here. I think about it with great cheer!
Megatron: (Regarding Ironhide's torch.) Truly a worthy adversary. Brilliant, a silent worker, flawless personality, he was a great team planner.
Scrapper: That's why we had to get rid of him.
Ironhide: (Shots of him building a fire, searching blind for a puzzle piece, screaming at Optimus Prime, sticking to the wall on "MXC".) Ah tried m' best, and worked hard, so Ah have no regrets. Ah'm glad Ah was able to make a show that mah pastor could watch. Mah family is proud o' me.
(Up next is Optimus Prime's torch.)
Grimlock: LESS SAID BETTER. (The other two agree.)
Optimus Prime: (Shots of him sunbathing nude.) I had to be careful what I exposed to the tribe members around me. (Shots of him in obstacle course, and wandering around the puzzle piece challenge.) Most of the time I tried to show them your average robot, someone who was not a threat but a useful asset. (More shots of him pixilated.)
(They are in a clearing overlooking the island they lived on for a month. Cliffside are three torches: Starscream, Mirage, and Rumble's. All three remaining BotCon members talk at once, basically reflecting their own personal opinions.)
Starscream: (Shots of him with Mishap, leading the sightless around the puzzle piece game, arguing with Grimlock, guzzling energon.) Now that this whole experience is complete I will be able to concentrate on more important matters. Playing Survivor has given me a great deal of perspective.
Rumble: (Shots of him on the balance beam, making hemp necklaces, making Megatron a throne, swimming in the ocean.) Nobody can do this without acknowledging their own shortcomings. If they blame others, it's a shortcoming. If you assume you are playing your tribemates, and winning, you have a shortcoming. I assumed I could control Megatron and no one would notice. That was a shortcoming.
Mirage: (Shots of him talking to Mishap by the fire, winning immunity in the obstacle course, arguing with Cliffjumper, playing the bongos at night.) I had a total BLAST. They should charge people to do this! The friends I found in Optimus, Ironhide, Grimlock, and Red Alert will last a lifetime!
(They are now nearing the top of the mountain. Shrapnel's torch remains.)
Grimlock: GOOD FRIEND. GOOD ALLIANCE.
Megatron: Bad appetite.
Shrapnel: (Shots of him at campfire, eating everything in sight, winning immunity, dancing with the others at the talent show.) You get what you put in, put in, and people get what they deserve, deserve! A pity I never got to tell the story of el Chupacabra, Chupacabra!
(At long last, BotCon is at the top of the volcano. Clouds are building up.) Jeff is there in a giant heat-protective suit. He holds up a sign stating what he wants to say.)
Megatron: "Toss Tiki idols into volcano." I enjoy you mute, Probst! I will enjoy you TOASTED even better! (Grabs Jeff and makes a break for the volcano. Tosses him in, with the Tiki gods. Lightening keeps flashing on him.)
Jeff: (On the lip of the volcano, climbing out from his hiding place.) I KNEW you would do that! That's why I had a dummy there!
Megatron: What? Blast! I couldn't tell the difference!
Jeff: Your challenge: See that giant metal pole over there? (They nod.) You must put your hand on it. Whoever lets go of the pole is out. Keep your hand on it the longest, and you win immunity. Any questions?
Grimlock: (Putting his hand on it and immediately drawing away.) OUCH!
Jeff: Grimlock is OUT! (He grins evilly.) That pole has been on this volcano ALL day. I know that it's a nasty sensation for your pain receptors, but that is why this is "Survivor."
(Shots of Scrapper and Megatron looking at each other. Scrapper is uneasy.)
Scrapper: Am I still your first choice for the final two?
Megatron: (Puts his hand on the pole and doesn't even wince.) Are you going to talk, or are you going to play?
Scrapper: Motormaster was right! We're doomed. (Puts hand on pole, immediately withdraws. Jeff presents him with the necklace consisting of computer chip key chains coming together to show toy Bumblebee/Cliffjumper flanking a GI JoeTM as the focal point.
Megatron: I will say it for you: Please, it's not a holy relic. (Jeff nods, then motions for them to follow him to tribal council.
TRIBAL COUNCIL
(They file in for tribal council. Jeff calls in the jury. They walk in, looking refreshed and freshly waxed, not to mention clean-shaven. Starscream is scowling. Motormaster looks mad. Shrapnel's new eyes are scary.)
Grimlock: WHAT HAPPEN TO YOU SHRAPNEL?
Shrapnel: First Aid only had Autobot optic glass, optic glass. My eyes will be purple until I go home, home!
Jeff: Welcome, jurors. Today Megatron will be deciding who he takes to the final two. Being that you have immunity, Scrapper can only vote for Grimlock, and Grimlock can only vote for Scrapper. Therefore, Megatron will be the only one voting. You have to convince Megatron why your name shouldn't be on his ballot. Scrapper, you may start.
Scrapper: Megatron, you and I started out unknown to each other, but I saw what a brilliant strategist you are, and I knew you would be a good ally. (Rumble is seen, looking annoyed. Starscream, if he could, would be rolling his optics.) I knew that you would be the one to beat. You know that you need someone who you can stand against in the final two. I am that candidate. My only ally was Motormaster. Anyone with half a processor knows YOU are the ultimate survivor! I am not enough competition.
Jeff: OK, Grimlock...go ahead.
Grimlock: DO MATH. TWO AUTOBOTS. FIVE DECEPTICONS.
Jeff: Is that it? (Grimlock nods.) Go ahead, Megatron.
(Scary music as Megatron goes up and votes.)
Jeff: I'll go tally the vote. (He returns with the container.) Once the vote is read, the decision is final. The mech voted out will be asked to leave the tribal council area immediately. I'll read the vote. (Opens paper.) Thirteenth survivor to be voted off, seventh member of the jury: "Scrapper." (Scrapper nods his head, accepting. Shakes Megatron and Grimlock's hands.) Scrapper, the tribe has spoken. (Extinguishes his torch flame. Scrapper waves them all good-bye and walks out.)
Jeff: Tomorrow you have all day to think about your strategy. Head back to camp.
(Music picks up.)
Scrapper: I KNEW he would double-cross me! This will cost him, BIG!
Megatron: (Walking back with Grimlock.) I suggest you employ a better speech than the oration you exhibited today. Your lack of verbosity merits a second-place reward. (Grimlock nods.)
Grimlock: (Rocket scientist, buff like a headdress.) Megatron, You wrong. And you ugly, too.
DAY THIRTY-FOUR
(Shots of Megatron napping in the shelter. Grimlock holds Superpecker and watches the ocean. Soon it rains all over everything.)
Megatron: (Psychology professor, buff is around like a wristband.) All of this suspense for a minor ceremony in which those who determine my fate will air their grievances for not being intelligent enough to vote me off.
(Shots of them packing up everything, crawling into bed in the shelter, and Superpecker roosting above Grimlock as they go offline.)
DAY THIRTY-FIVE: FINAL TRIBAL COUNCIL
Jeff: Hi guys. Welcome back to the final tribal council. This one is a little different. Megatron, may I have the necklace. (Takes it back.) Immunity is not longer up for grabs. OK, time for the jury. These are the mechs who will determine who will win the 1 million barrels of Karbombyan oil, the prize you've been waiting 35 days for.
Grimlock: YOU SAY THIRTY-NINE!
Megatron: That dimwitted Dinobot is correct! You originally told us the duration of the show was thirty-nine days.
Jeff: I said no such thing. Jury! Get out here! (They walk in, looking refreshed and freshly waxed, not to mention clean-shaven. Starscream is scowling. Motormaster looks mad. Shrapnel's new eyes are scary. Scrapper's glare could melt stone.) Here is your jury. The people you worked with, fought with, voted off. To begin with, I'd like both of you to give an opening statement. Grimlock, you can go first.
Grimlock: ME GRIMLOCK KNOW YOU NEVER SEE ME COMING, NOW YOU WANT TO TAKE ME GRIMLOCK'S PLACE.
Jeff: Was that it? (He nods.) Go ahead, Megatron.
Megatron: Autobots, Decepticons...Probst. I address you today not as competitors but as friends. Any of you could be up here right now, but that was not how it happened. As you witnessed, through strategy and alliance I found a way to somehow gain the upper hand over all of you these past few weeks. I believe the barrels of oil are my entitlement.
Joe: Great. OK, now each juror has the chance to ask both of you a question, starting with the first person voted off. Scrapper, go ahead.
(Scrapper stands up.)
Scrapper: Both of you were mean to me. You owe me an apology.
Grimlock: FOR WHAT? YOU THINK YOU NOW JUDD?
Megatron: Scrapper, I am deeply sorry that I stabbed you in the back. I know now that it was wrong, and that I am paying for it.
Scrapper: (Sitting down.) You sure are. Thank you.
Jeff: (To camera.) If ANYBODY believed that apology, I have a 1980 Chevette in perfect condition, only driven to church by a little old lady, a BARGAIN at $4,000. (To jury.) I believe Shrapnel is next.
Shrapnel: I have a simple question for both of you, both of you: why didn't you like my ghost stories, ghost stories?
Grimlock: EL CHUPACABRA NOT SCARY.
Megatron: I LOVED your stories! I thought you told some great ones!
Jeff: Oh for-(Shrapnel sits down, satisfied.) Motormaster?
Motormaster: Which did you like better, Empire or Jedi?
Megatron: Empire.
Motormaster: Blasphemy!
Grimlock: JEDI BETTER. EWOKS CUTE! LANDO RULES!
Motormaster: You're a mech after my own spark.
Megatron: Empire had a much more realistic ending! Who would you rather work with, Yoda or Wickett? (Motormaster blows him off.)
Jeff: Mirage, for the love of all that is good in this show, please ask a semi-decent question!
Mirage: Bite my shiny metal ass. Grimlock, how on Cybertron did you slip past all of us unnoticed until the last minute?
Grimlock: ME GRIMLOCK LAY LOW. ME GRIMLOCK SHOW WEAKNESS IN OTHERS.
Megatron: I had a secret alliance or two; that was my survival.
Jeff: Better. (Mirage sits.) Rumble?
Rumble: (Walks in front of them). I want to know what each of them thought was the turning point in the game in which they knew they'd be in the final two.
Megatron: I would have to say it was when I lost you. Without your help, I was forced to re-evaluate my strategy.
Grimlock: THE DAY I GOT SUPERPECKER.
Jeff: That was so moronic I'm glad I cut this show off four days early!
Megatron: I KNEW it!
Jeff: Starscream, it is your turn for a question. (Starscream stands in front of them, hands folded.)
Starscream: Um...I have no questions, I just have a statement. Megatron, you're a very openly arrogant, pompous mech. But I admire your frankness with it. You've worked hard to get where you're at, you started working hard way before you came to the island. So with my work ethic background, I give that credit to you. But on the other hand, your inability to admit your failures without going into a whiney speech makes you a bit of a loser in life. Grimlock, what goes around comes around. It's here: you will not get my vote, my vote will go to Megatron. I hope that is the one vote the makes you lose the oil. (Turns to jury.) I plead to the jury tonight...to think a little about the island that we have been on. This island is pretty much full of only two things: snakes and rats. And in one end of Mother Nature we have Megatron the snake, who knowingly went after prey; and Grimlock, who turned into a rat, that ran around like the rats do on this island, trying to run from the snake. I feel we owe it to the island's spirits that we have come to know to let it be in the end the way Mother Nature intended it to be: for the snake to eat the rat. (Sits down.)
Jeff: Starscream...What you've just said...is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point, in your rambling, incoherent response, were you even CLOSE to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this circle...is now DUMBER for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Starscream: Okay, a simple, "Thank you" would have done just fine. (Pouts.)
Jeff: (Pinching forehead.) Optimus, you're up.
Optimus Prime: (Standing up and moving down gracefully.) I don't believe either of you deserve to be the final two. If you had to make a choice, out of all 16 of us, who would you rather be against?
Megatron and Grimlock: YOU.
Jeff: For reasons we all know, but won't say. Now, to close the deal, you are allowed to make a final speech. Megatron.
Megatron: You were all great. I regret the choices I made, yet in the same vein I don't. If you were in my position at this very moment, you would not be hearing me make accusatory remarks to you. My logic processors would not allow it. This is a game, and I played it, and I deserve to win because I played it the best. You are all very intelligent beings, you will recognize that. I am hopeful you have already recognized that.
Grimlock: ME GRIMLCOK NOT MEGATRON.
Jeff: (Shaking his head. Mutters.) Two more years and I can do Jeopardy! (Louder.) This is how we do it: you are voting FOR who you think is the ultimate Survivor. When all the votes are made, the container is sealed, not to be opened until the final showing in California. Any questions? (There are none.) Optimus Prime, you may go first. (Optimus Prime gets up and votes for Grimlock.)
Optimus Prime: Good job, my friend. There is no chance Megatron will win.
(The montage continues. Rumble votes for Megatron.)
Rumble: You were great. Congratulations.
(The last person, Scrapper, votes for Megatron, claiming "Who knows why?" and sits down.)
Jeff: Now that I have the votes, I will see you in Hollywood! (Jeff grabs the container, runs out of tribal council and jumps into a bright yellow Jeep.) To Hollywood!
Swindle: You aren't paying me enough, Probst! I'm taking ya to the airport!
(Swindle takes him to the airport where Jeff boards a black and purple F-15 fighter. He flies over the Pacific Ocean as the Indiana Jones wannabe map shows us. Suddenly, the jet's gauges go crazy.)
Skywarp: (In fake voice.) Oh. no. Bail. Out. Jeff.
Jeff: (Sighs.) I. Guess. I. Have. To. (Jeff ejects out and lands in the water, parachute nearly tangling up on him. He still clutches the voting container.) Who. Will. Save. Me. (Seaspray pulls up, splashing the camera crew.)
Seaspray: (Gallantly.) I'll save you!
Jeff: Hooray! (Seaspray rushes forward on the Indiana Jones map all the way to Malibu, CA.)
Seaspray: I'm afraid I can only take you as far as your palatial seaside estate, Jeff!
Jeff: That's fine! Thanks, Seaspray! (Jeff runs up the yard to his giant garage. He turns the light on, glancing over his cars to the large orange futuristic-looking bicycle.) I'll take this one!
Wreck-Garr: (Singing the theme from "Looney Toons".) On with the show, this is it! (Wreck-Garr drives him down the California highway while the "CHiPs" theme plays. He gets stuck in traffic. Jeff is at a loss, until Cosmos floats up to him.)
Cosmos: Need a ride, Jeff?
Jeff: Thanks! See ya, Wreck-Garr!
Wreck Garr: Thanks for the memories!
(Jeff is carried to the Staples Center in Anaheim. Cosmos drops him off at the door and Jeff runs in to a screaming crowd of Autobots and Decepticons. Grimlock and Megatron sit at a fake fire, with the jury, on an elaborate stage. Al Roker waves at the crowd. All look a lot less emaciated, except for Al. They stand when Jeff appears on-camera. In a corner of the stage, Steelworks begins the "Survivor" theme.)
Jeff: Hi! (Crowd cheers. Steelworks cuts their song short.) Have a seat everybody, let's get this over with. (They sit.) So...Megatron, Grimlock, are you ready to know who won?
Megatron: I've been waiting to exact my revenge for six months, Probst. Get on with it!
Jeff: Grump. OK, these votes are FOR you. The mech who gets the most votes wins a million barrels of Karbombyan oil. Once the votes are read, the decision is final. (Opens sealed container, pulls out first piece of paper.) First vote: Grimlock. Second vote: Megatron. Third vote: Grimlock. Two votes Grimlock, one vote Megatron. (Music gets scarier.) Fourth vote: Megatron. Two votes apiece. Fifth vote: Grimlock. (Music tenses up as Jeff deliberates the next paper.) Sixth vote: Megatron. This one will break the tie. (Opens vote.) The winner of Survivor: Earth is...
WHO WILL WIN?