When I posterd this on Lexicon, I asked my readers to vote. ONE person did. She got her wish, and a lot of people need to realize that democracy is more than just lobbists and bribery. If you don't say anything, you don't get what you want.

Jeff Probst: (Voiceover) Previously on "Survivor."

Everyone: GET ON WITH IT!

Jeff: Geesh! OK, here!

(Picture back to frozen Jeff about to reveal the ultimate Survivor. They are on the stage in Staples Center, with Al Roker and Steelworks and-)

Everyone: C'MON!

(OK, FINE! Here!)

Jeff: Grimlock! Grimlock wins!

Grimlock: Whoo-hoo! (Does his little dance.)

Megatron: WHAT! I've been robbed! Who didn't vote for me? (No one admits responsibility.)

Optimus Prime: Get over it, Meggy! You lost!

Jeff: Don't be a sore loser.

Megatron: That's it! (Pulls ion cannon out of subspace and reattaches it to his arm. Shoots the ceiling.) Decepticons! Attack! (The entire audience breaks into fighting. Al Roker is the first one to get shot.) PROBST! Where are you?

(Camera shows Jeff hiding under stage.)

Jeff: Since all hell has broken loose, we're going to forget the rest of the show and rip off the last scene from "Animal House." I hope to see you next season as four, count 'em, four tribes duke it out for the control of an ENTIRE planet on Survivor: Eternia. Stay tuned for CSI.

Megatron: WHERE ARE YOU PROBST? (Rumble is piuledriving the stage apart. Jeff makes a break for it.)

(The "A Team" theme plays as each player is focused on, shot frozen as they fight.)

Blurr: Working on his PhD in history while moonlighting as a tobacco auctioneer.

Cliffjumper: Tired of endless ribbing from strangers regarding the show, moves to Canada and begins producing "Degrassi: the Next Generation."

Soundwave: Replacing Dan Rather on CBS.

Mishap: Working on her MBA, still not employed.

Red Alert: Hired by CIA. Couldn't tell us what he does.

Wheelie: Graduating in April, on his way to Jeffrey Figer's law school.

Ironhide: Went triple platinum with his hit single "My Wife Left Me for a Truck."

Optimus Prime: Wife divorced him last spring, is currently dating Sailor Moon.

Starscream: Engaged to marry a ballerina in July. Female ballerina. Seriously.

Rumble: Writing a book on Survivor. Richard Hatch is suing him.

Mirage: Running for Senate. Spends more time with Mishap.

Shrapnel: Still a plumber, but thanks to TV coverage has a booming business.

Scrapper and Motormaster: Founded their own personal bodyguard company. Popular among rap stars.

Megatron: Currently living with Ironhide in Nashville, talking about adopting a kid from China.

Grimlock: Sold his Karbombyan oil to the United States government for 4 times its worth. Demanded being paid in coins so he could swim in it like Scrooge McDuck.

(Shots back to Jeff running for his life.)

Jeff: That concludes our show. Goodnight! I love you Murphy! See you next time!

THE END