Chapter 14
Karen slipped in to her normal routine. She went to work for a couple of hours, had lunch with Jack, or sometimes she took Grace, and then she would shop. Sometimes she would shop for herself, not quite ready to go to the maternity section of the store, but having to anyway, and sometimes she would shop for the baby. She mostly browsed for the baby, still feeling very insecure about the pregnancy, but wanting so badly for it to work out.
She would finger through the little baby outfits at the most chic of boutiques. When she found something she really liked she would hold it up and admire it, talking to the child that was growing inside of her. "Do you like this one?" She would ask absently, as if the child were beside her, able to answer her. "I like it." She let her fingers glide over the threading of the outfit, imagining what a child; her child would feel like in her hands. She couldn't wait, but she also couldn't seem to get her hopes up.
Work with Grace was beginning to get too bona fide. She was actually doing things for Grace. For instance, if Grace needed Karen to fax sometime to someone, or take a phone call, or maybe even help her with a design, Karen would do so without thinking twice, or making Grace do it instead. Grace wasn't sure if she liked this new and improved, and very sober Karen or not. She was so….so real, so human. It was frightening to see Karen in that way. She wasn't tipsy, or crazy, she was just normal.
She had her moments, of course. There were nights where she would sneak out of bed and steal away to the mini-bar, itching to pour herself a glass of gin and swallow it in one gulp. But she knew she couldn't and shouldn't, so she stayed there, staring down at the things she wanted but couldn't have.
She'd reach out and mindlessly touch the bottle, feel it under her hands. Yes, this was an addiction. No matter how much she liked to throw the word around in her past, she had come to admit she had an addiction. Now not to anyone, just to herself. It took constant reminding that a child was growing inside of her to keep her away.
That and Nathan. Nathan who had become her rock. He took it upon himself to be there for her even through the littlest quandary. She would feel guilty for ever having left her bed to go gawk at her alcohol, and would go to back to it, slipping in beside Nathan. She would wrap her arms around him; breathe in his manly scent which she had grown to love more than any scent in the world. She could smell him on her shirts while she was at work and would instantly yearn for him.
Karen was aching for some sort of natural high, a euphoria to get her through the rough spots. She was becoming too real; she was beginning to think again. Something she didn't like to do. Thinking only caused her to remember and she usually chose not to. If these thoughts would have arisen a few months ago she would have washed them away with a shot or two of bourbon. But now there was no evading them. She was stuck with the memories.
She drank because she failed and then she failed when she drank. It was a vicious cycle that she had fallen into. If she was drunk, no one would care if she failed, or slipped and said something raunchy.
Now that she was with child there was no room for her to slip, to fail. She had already botched once with the previous baby. But it went further back than just that.
Karen wasn't sure she wanted to remember. As she lay in bed she tried not to think about her own childhood. She willed herself to go back to sleep, but images, sounds, thoughts were racing through her mind. She couldn't sleep. She needed a pill, some sort of calming remedy. If she didn't take some sort of pill she would feel like she was drowning. She suddenly realized that that was where the pill taking had stemmed from. She had become reliant on the pills to erase the mental images, the constant feeling of being inundated with thoughts.
She hated nights like this. They made her crazy. She needed something, but she knew she couldn't.
As if he could read her mind, Nathan rolled over in the bed so that he was facing Karen, who was lying; eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling. He placed his hand on her stomach and kissed her cheek. "Why are you awake?"
Karen shook her head. "I couldn't sleep." She swallowed back the tears that were threatening to fall. She felt so confused, but Nathan's voice seemed to soothe her.
Nathan nodded, kissed her shoulder and began to slowly run has fingers up and down her arm, causing a chill to overcome her. She loved when he gently tickled her. It relaxed her, calmed her. She rolled over so that she was on top of him. She felt that he was erect. She slid on to him and the two lip-locked as Karen began to ride up and down. They kissed, and it was more about the kiss than the sex. It got all the things that had clouded Karen's mind, off her mind. She only thought of how Nathan's mouth tasted, how he felt between her thighs, how he felt inside her, how his hand felt trailing up and down her back, on her breast.
"I love you." Karen whispered as they came together, neither really getting a great orgasm off of it. But it had helped. Karen felt better, knowing Nathan was up. She snuggled in to his side and prayed that she would fall asleep. She didn't want to think anymore.
Nathan wrapped his arms around Karen and whispered in to her hair as he kissed the crown of her head, "I love you, too."
The next day at work Karen tried to busy herself to keep her mind off of what was plaguing her. After rearranging her desk, she went out and got some lunch for Grace and herself. She brought it back and the two sat at the design table, carrying on a conversation. Conversation flowed easily for them.
"You're looking good." Grace commented.
"Well thank you, honey. You don't look to bad yourself." Karen grinned, poking Grace in the stomach. Her own stomach was beginning to buldge out. She got more and more excited with everyday that it grew. It meant the baby was inside, growing, maturing, and most importantly it was well.
"Can I touch it?" Grace asked.
Karen gave her a smirk. "Getting a little handsy there, Red? Do you like pregnant women? Well, whatever turns you on, honey." Karen sat her sandwich down and lifted up her shirt, gently taking Grace's hand. She pressed Grace's palm to her stomach, the cold of Grace's hand surprising her at first, but she quite enjoyed the contact.
She studied Grace's face, which seemed fixed on Karen's stomach. Her eyes were filled with amazement, happiness. "I'm so excited, Karen." Grace allowed Karen to move her hand around her perfectly round stomach. No stretch marks yet, impressive.
"Me too, honey, me too." Karen grinned. She dropped Grace's hand and pulled her shirt back down. The two leaned in for a chaste kiss and then they carried on with their eating.
"So you guys decided to wait until it was born to see if it's a girl or a boy?" Grace wanted to make sure this was correct. She'd heard it from Jack and sometimes he wasn't reliable.
"Yup. I wanted it to be a surprise." Karen grinned. "Well, Nathan did too."
"That is so awesome, except for now I'm going to have to get it something yellow."
"Well, honey you could get it something pink and then even if it is a boy it can still wear it. It's gonna have a feminine side no matter what with Jackie as an aunt." They laughed. "Anyway, how are you and Mark?"
"We're good. He's talking about moving in together, but I'm kinda scared about it." Grace admitted.
"But why? You've been dating for what, three months now?" Karen frowned.
"I know, I just…well I guess I'm afraid of what might happen if we move in together. It'll get really serious."
"Are you afraid of a serious relationship?" Karen asked.
Grace considered this for a minute. "I guess I am, but I have no idea why." She frowned, obviously conflicted by the situation. "You know what, I'm gonna move in. I'm gonna do it." She abruptly decided.
"Good, honey." Karen grinned.
Their lunch was once again taken over by random talking, commenting on something or rather, and some inappropriate touching. Just as their lunch was coming to an end, Nathan walked in.
He came up to Karen and wrapped his arms around her. She turned her head to receive a kiss from him. "Hey, baby. I thought I'd come by and see you." Nathan explained after acknowledging Grace.
"Oh, you're so sweet." Karen kissed him again.
"I wish Mark would come by and see me for fun." Grace rolled her eyes and removed herself from her seat, walking over to her computer, allowing Karen some alone time with Nathan.
"Do you want to go out tonight? There's a new restaurant that just opened up. My colleague's wanted to go. They're going to bring their wives. I thought I'd show you around."
"If you think you can just take me out to show me off you have another thing coming, buddy." Karen got up off her seat and retreated to her desk. "But I'll go anyway." Nathan met her at her desk and she looked up at him. The two exchanged a kiss, smiles on both's faces as they pulled away.
"Break it up, you two." Grace hissed at them from the other side of the room.
Karen fondled Nathan's suit jacket. "She's just jealous because her man doesn't come to visit her."
Grace gave Karen a nasty look, which Karen missed because she was lost in Nathan's eyes. All thoughts seemed to go away when she looked at him. "So, listen, I'll meet you back at the manse tonight at around six. You'd better be ready."
"Oh, honey, I'm always ready." Karen turned and sat back down at her desk.
"I'll see you later, love you." Nathan leaned down and they kissed goodbye.
Grace stood watching, completely jealous that Karen got such a perfect man and she was stuck, no not stuck, but in a relationship with a close to perfect man. He never went out of his way to go see her, he never sent her flowers, he never stopped in just to say hi, he never showed her off to his friends…but he was good in bed. Yes, good in bed. Good in bed. Good in bed...she had to keep reminding herself of this.
"Honey, what are you thinking about?" Karen questioned, her eyes glued to the magazine in front of her.
"Uh-what?" Grace's sex thoughts came to an abrupt stop. "Oh, nothing."
Just then Jack burst through the door. "Morning ladies, and Grace." Jack sang out. "Karen, I had a dream last night that the baby was a boy! He had long blonde hair and was wearing a silk nightgown, just like yours."
"Oh, honey that's great!" Karen clapped her hands together. The two kissed and then Jack paraded around the room as he talked.
"I met this really cute guy at the coffee shop with Will this morning. Except I think he was straight, but I wasn't sure. He kept leaning in and kissing this red head who was with him."
"Uh, Jack, that was Mark."
"Oh, was it?" Jack thought about it for a moment. "Oh, it was." He giggled. "So, Kare, do want to go hit Gucci, Lucie, Armani with me?"
"Oh, I'd love to. I haven't been shopping since yesterday." Karen grinned, tossing her magazine to the side. It was these material possessions, Karen realized, that were also a crutch for her. She spoiled herself, made herself feel like she deserved something. It was all a show, obviously. But she went along, made Jackie feel special. Oh, she could get a new outfit for that night. She wanted to look good, better than all those other trophy wives she'd be yapping away with.
And so they were off to Saks Fifth Avenue and some other designer places. Jack helped her pick out the cutest little outfit that showed off her pregnancy without accentuating it. It was close to $4,000 total with all the accessories and shoes and a new purse, and a few odds and ends for Jack.
Karen nixed going back to the office and headed home after dropping Jack off at his apartment. When she got home she took a shower, and then blow dried her hair so that it fell around her face. She applied some soft make-up, wanting to look natural. She slipped into her new outfit, tossed on her new accessories, and just as she was slipping in to her heels, the bathroom door was tossed open and in came Nathan with a handful of roses.
"Oh." Karen jumped in her seat, but then relaxed when she saw who it was. "Wow, those are beautiful."
"Just like you." Nathan leaned in and kissed her. He sat the roses down and wrapped his arms around her. It was hard to get close as she was close to six months along. Her stomach was getting bigger everyday. He liked to measure it in the morning to see if she had grown. He was so proud of her and the baby. "Are you ready?" He asked, kissing her neck.
"Yup." She pushed him away, a smile still apparent on her face. Karen grabbed the flowers and walked out the bathroom door. Nathan followed her down to the kitchen where she trimmed the bottom of the flowers and placed them in a vase. "Let's go." She grabbed his hand and out they went to the limo.
The restaurant was beautiful. One had to take an escalator up to get to the main level where the back drop of the room was a huge waterfall that covered one wall. There was a balcony where people could sit and eat on top of the waterfall and tables were scattered all around on the main floor. Karen and Nathan were led up to the balcony and seated with several of Nathan's colleague's and their wives. Karen plopped down next to an attractive blonde, who was using her manicured fingernail to browse the menu. She looked bored out of her mind.
She turned and smiled at Karen. "Hi. I'm Kelly."
"I'm Karen." Karen smiled, shaking hands with the gorgeous woman.
"Nice to meet you." Kelly smiled back. "These dinners can be so boring. All the men want to do is talk about business."
Sure enough, when Karen glanced over at Nathan he was deep in to conversation with the man sitting next to him. He was animatedly talking to the man, making jokes about the stock market and other business related terms Stan used to throw around. Karen knew them, she just never let on. She actually had a better grasp on the economy and politics than most people had. She'd been educated rather well; she just chose not to acknowledge that part of her life. She let people believe she was clueless. So in all, the business talk didn't bother her.
She carried on a lovely conversation with Kelly and another woman at the table named Sadie. Sadie actually worked for the company and was not married. In fact, she was living with her lover whom she had been with for seven years. Karen applauded her.
The evening really helped to take Karen's mind off of her need for something. The day had been a good one. She just hoped tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that were as good as this day had been. Nathan seemed to sense that she was struggling and he was trying everything in his power to get her through the rough spots. She loved him for it.
That night they went home and had sex, amazing sex, then fell asleep in each other's arms. Karen didn't wake up until the sun was rising in the east.
TBC...mucho reviews people! I don't think I've ever included a disclaimer...so here it is...I don't own Will and Grace. YAY! I mean sad. Okay review children, review. Love you all!