Chapter 6: Times Long Past
The engines throbbed and whirred around Seifer and Squall. The massive amounts of power needed to generate the 'Rok's flight were housed in various containers along the metal room, even standing in the room worried Squall. If one of the engine casings were to shatter mid flight, the chain reaction could easily obliterate a continent, that kind of power would intimidate anyone, as such it was vital that everything was secure.
But first, thought Squall, I want some answers. Drawing the Lionheart Squall softly caught up to Seifer and held the tip of it against his back. The reaction was almost instantaneous on Seifer's part.
"Hmmm, didn't know you were that happy to see me pussy cat." He mocked.
"I want answers." Was Squall's gruff and blunt reply.
"He's already given them to us,' retorted Seifer, 'I can't add anymore to what A's already said."
"He's told us some of what's happened, but not everything. I want to know what you know about him"
Seifer looked into Squall's cloudy eyes, almost as if he was trying to assess how serious he was. Seifer couldn't hold the ice- cold gaze of the lion for too long and looked away, sighing as he did so.
"I don't remember much, only a few bits here and there,' he began, his head resting on his chest, 'the only clear memory I have is about 2 years before the final SeeD exam that we took."
"We would have been about 15 then."
"That's right, I was with Fuu and Rai 'cause we'd just been appointed to the Disciplinary Committee, honestly I remember it as one of the happiest days of my life."
Seifer's voice took on a gentle tone, in sharp contrast to his usual one as he became lost in the memories that formed such an integral part of his personality.
"I was taking some valuable chicken torturing time after I got my new rank, and it ended up with me pushing him into that nice new fountain that Cid had just purchased. Whatever happened to Cid and Matron anyway?"
"They moved back to Centra after the war, Cid started up the orphanage again using some Garden finds, Matron went back with him and some of the white SeeD." Squall felt it best not to mention the fact that there were a lot of orphans that needed care after the last war.
"Oh, I suppose I should go and see them after we leave."
"It may be best, put her mind at ease, she was worried about you. You were talking about when you got your rank?" Said Squall, masking his eagerness to learn more.
"Yeah, I'd thrown chicken in the fountain and was gloating over him, as usual when I found myself hurtling head first in after him. I wasn't very happy."
Squall struggled to repress the ghost of a smile, the idea of Seifer being pushed into the fountain, straight after Zell was almost impossible, yet the image seemed to stir a memory somewhere, a memory that refused to surface. But no one had ever stood up to Seifer during all the time at Garden, except himself.
"When I looked up, there was this one guy standing there, being held by Fuu and Rai, he wasn't afraid, just concerned about Chicken-wuss, he was the only ever person apart from you to tell me to fuck off."
Squall looked up sharply at that statement, shocked. Were all his memories of being Seifer's arch-nemesis just wishful thinking?
"Don't worry Squall, you're still the only one who ever managed to repeatedly piss me off, everyone else has done it at least once. Honestly though, I don't think I've ever met a guy who tried to be like you so completely." Said Seifer with a mocking wink.
"What do you mean?" Asked Squall
"It's all part of the story." Seifer enigmatically replied.
Squall was quietly relieved. If Aidan had been a heavy contender with Squall it would have meant that almost all of Squall's memories were fucked up beyond any kind of recognition.
Almost like a lightening bolt the image of a small boy standing in the rain looking up cut across Squall's brain, at least this time he was able to understand it with clarity.
"I was pissed. Hell I was more than pissed. I just threw the little bastard into the fountain. Except, he hit his head on the way in, almost cracked his skull open. I was about to brand him with a small pocket-knife I had on me when Zell jumped in the way. I nearly slashed his arm to pieces that day."
"So that's where he got the scar on his arm. He never told me." Uttered Squall, in almost disbelief.
"Yeah, but I don't think he really remembered how he got it just that I did it,' replied Seifer, still lost in his memories. He wasn't looking forward to explaining to Squall what happened after that, 'Next I heard Zell and the other guy were in the infirmary, under the care of the good doctor. Whenever I saw Chicken-wuss after that, Aidan was always with him, became a regular groupie."
"So he just hung around Zell day in and day out?"
"Kinda, you see Aidan cared. He cared about himself, to be honest I think he cared about most things, especially Zell, at least after that incident with the fountain. I think that was kind of his curse, he cared to much about too many people, even so I never saw him with many friends. Honestly I don't even think he had any. He was and still is I guess, an outsider but not by choice, unlike you. He never really had the social skills to get on, people just ignored him and eventually he went away. Even so I don't think he ever gave up caring."
Squall was confused. Very few SeeDs were able to handle their emotions during an operation, most had a set way of freezing them out during battle. To care too much was not only a curse, but something frowned upon, it could easily mean the death of a team member. Hover one phrase Seifer used intrigued Squall. "What do you mean, 'especially Zell'?"
Seifer took a deep breath, there was going to be no easy way to break this so the best way was to be direct.
"Zell and Aidan were…seeing each other, kind of a Romeo and Romeo thing."
"Zell's … gay?' stammered Squall, almost not believing the very words that came out of his own mouth, 'that's impossible, he's been seeing Crystel back at the garden for Hyne knows how long and before that…" Squall trailed off.
"Before that…' sneered Seifer, 'you can't remember can you? Your best friend and you can't remember? Truth is, chickie's gay. Best except it and get it over with Squall, cause it ain't changing."
"But Aidan, he said he was married, that some guns we found in his room belonged to his late wife who was killed in the Trabia attack."
Seifer's face tightened in confusion and became pensive.
"I don't know about that,' he responded, 'all I know is that one minute he was barely around and the next I never saw him again. Rumour was he'd been transferred to take the SeeD exam early, I don't think him and Zell ever spoke since."
"That would explain why Zell said he didn't know him, but why'd they break up if they were so close?" Asked Squall; desperately trying to mask the fact he was struggling to assimilate this new information about a man he thought he'd known for most of his life.
"Honestly, I don't know, that's a question that only Aidan can answer and I've a feeling he won't answer even if we did ask him." Seifer retorted, with no annoyance in his voice, only questioning.
"Yeah, well I intend to find out, but first lets get these engine casings fixed, I don't like the idea of taking off and having these explode mid-flight."
Glass crunched gently underfoot as Zell and Aidan walked onto the bridge. Each monitor was shattered and the electronics inside each one hung out, but instead of spluttering as they had done when the craft first crashed they were dead.
"Holy Hyne,' cursed Aidan, 'I never realised it was this bad,' he consulted his small palm computer and then gestured at a small access hatch in the wall, just beside the upturned pilot's seat, 'the controls we want are in there."
"We need to bypass the main control systems and access the emergency backups,' said Zell, 'as well as that we need to find out what's blocking the main propulsion systems or we'll never be able to get this crate off the ground."
An uncomfortable silence fell over the room as Aidan and Zell proceeded to prise the cover off the control panel that was broken only when Zell was able to send the front flying across the room with a clatter.
The two men bent down, focused completely on their task. They gently rerouted the systems elegantly, all communication non-verbal. The tension was obvious on both men's faces; they both knew that one wrong connection and the entire ship could explode. Mistakes could not afford to be made, a reality of battle and life that was drilled into every SeeD candidate right from the start. Until finally with a sigh, Zell rolled back, relieved at the correct and fully functioning result.
"Well that should do it." He stated, the relief evident in the blonde man's voice.
"That's about it, we just need to make the final few connections and everything'll hopefully be up and running." Aidan responded, his voice it's usual tone.
"I'll get that sorted,' Zell said, bouncing up in his usual manner, thankful that the task was nearly over, 'you just head to the ops console and make sure that the communications system works ok."
Zell had barely gone a step before he stumbled over a piece of debris on the floor and, trying to break his fall, pushed his hand out to grip the side of a chair. However in the process a piece of jagged metal sliced open his arm where an old scar given by Seifer was imprinted onto his flesh. With a slight gasp he clutched his injured arm, where soft rivulets of blood tricked down onto the floor.
In an instant Aidan was at his side, one arm gently around Zells injured arm, keeping it steady and looking over the wound with a clinical eye.
Memories flashed like lightening across Zell's brain, previously forgotten experiences surfacing with a crash to the front of his mind.
Are you ok?
Yeah I'm fine, Seifer's just an asshole. How's your head? Seifer threw you pretty hard 'gainst that fountain.
I'll live; I've got a thick skull. That looks pretty deep.
Doc says it's not, just needs a few stitches. I'm Zell.
I'm Aidan, I'd offer to shake your hand, but I don't think that'd be good.
Are you sure you're ok?
"Hmm?" mumbled Zell.
"I asked if you were ok Zell." Aidan repeated with a questioning look is his eyes and voice.
Zell looked at Aidan and pulled away from him with a sharp jerk.
"I know you,' he began, another dormant memory hurtling to the surface 'Tiger?" he asked cautiously.
Aidans reaction to the name was electric. He staggered back, the look on his face a bizarre horror shock and yet relief was also evident in his eyes.
"That's what I called you wasn't it? Tiger? And you called me your kitten cause you said I liked to play with my claws." Continued Zell with a far off look in his eyes.
"You…. You remember?" Aidan asked in a voice that could only be described as a whisper.
Zell stood up, ignoring the pain in his arm.
"Remember? REMEMBER? I'm surprised I ever forgot! You left me you son of a bitch, you ignored me and then left!" He enunciated his final word with a well placed, and for Zell, soft punch to the stomach, causing Aidan to double over.
"I don't remember our fights being this bad kitten, and we always made up after them." Gasped out Aidan, still dealing with the stabbing pains wracking his body from Zells powerful punch.
Zell threw his arms around Aidan, pulling him into a tight hug, enjoying the familiarity of the gesture after so very long, savouring the all-pervasive scent of vanilla that Aidan seemed to have naturally.
"Why did you leave you bastard? Was it that bad being with me?"
Aidan gently pulled away from Zells arm, and stepped back slightly, putting a small amount of space between them.
"You know that's not true kitten, it was only ever you."
"Then what happened? One minute we were fighting over a mission you had and the next week you were ignoring me. What happened?"
Aidan sighed and rested against the back of an upturned chair.
"I was on the mission when the team found a small statue half buried in some sand, it was my stupid idea to touch it. A guardian force ripped out half of my mind and got rid of my memories, imagine all the power of a guardian force being pushed through your mind, I completely shut down for a week. When I came too I could barely remember my name. It was like being raped mentally and psychologically. Worst of all I forgot you."
Zell's mouth dropped open. Memories came flooding back to him moments ago and now he discovered that the guardian forces, the forces that all of them had to that for the defeat of Ultimecia and the saving of the world, had seemingly ripped out a crucial part of his life.
Almost even more disturbing was the fact that Zell now knew for a fact he was gay. He'd thought he'd known it for years, but now it was certain and lodged in his mind. One question though was nagging at Zell.
"How come you remembered all this and I didn't?" He asked.
"When I stopped using the guardian forces, some memories came back, very slowly,' began Aidan, failing to meet his ex-lovers eyes, 'but sometimes huge chunks came back at once. I think that's what happened with you. I'm sorry Zell, but honestly I think what happened may have been for the best."
"What the fuck do you mean? I loved you!" Zell exploded
"No you didn't,' whispered Aidan, almost reverently, as he looked down at the floor, 'But I think that we both enjoyed the lie,' Aidan moved his head up to meet Zell's eyes and gently reached out a hand to stroke Zell's cheek, 'we both know that it's not me you want."
A soft chiming came from one of the damaged consoles and after quickly rapping a bandage around Zell's wound both men headed towards the noise. Zell stepped up to the console and, after pressing a control, a small holographic display appeared.
"Internal communications are back on line and the anti-grav generator is working fine. I guess Seif and Squall were able to fix the casing." Stated Zell as he read from the display, 'If you just finish the connections we'll be ready to rock and roll."
"On it." Confirmed Aidan as he headed over to a small control box on the wall and began to work.
Zell tapped in a small series of commands on the display to activate the comms system in the engine room.
"Squall, the communications are up, the anti-grav generator is functional and Aidan's just finishing a few connections so we can control ourselves in flight. We're almost ready to go."
Closing the channel with a keystroke Zell turned towards Aidan. He knew there was no point in waiting for a response. He knew that one wouldn't come.
Emotions were running wild in Zell's mind as he looked as his recently found ex-lover. It was eerie, they'd know each other years ago and they knew each other now, but this man in front of him wasn't whom he'd known years ago. His tiger wasn't hot and cold like this one, the only tiger he'd ever known was warm, caring and compassionate, especially with him..
As well as that Aidan had seen the truth and told Zell he knew how he felt towards Squall. It was always a secret obsession with Zell and he thought he kept it well hidden. Obviously not.
"Tiger,' said Zell. Aidan his head around slightly to indicate he was listening, 'Squall and Seif are coming back up and we'll do a few last checks."
"Ok Zell, I'll be done in a second, then we can run the pre-flight checks. I'm not sure though if the intake/output ratio is right on these settings, could you check them for me?"
"On it." replied Zell, before disappearing down the elevator shaft to perform the check.
The moment Zell was gone Aidan resumed his task. After he'd finished reinitialising the flight connections he crossed over to the main control panel and started to key in commands. It was unfortunate that Zell had remembered. Hell, it was heartbreaking that he'd had to look in Zell's beautiful eyes and force him to face the truth, but there was no other way. Just like there was no other way for him to do this.
Crossing his fingers Aidan set a countdown on the program that he'd just created and prayed that it would remain invisible for only a little while longer. The countdown screen minimised and only the raw directions screen was available. It had worked.
The elevator on the far side of the room whirred into life again and Aidan barely had enough time to make it back to the auxiliary control panel and make it look like he was finishing his job.
Zell emerged, followed by Seifer and Squall. Instantly Aidan could tell that something had happened, as Squall was looking at him with very carefully controlled hate.
"All the repairs are completed,' began Squall, 'we'll get the pre-flight checks done over night and get going in the morning.
Aidan looked down at the floor, refusing to meet the eyes of any of his former comrades. "Fine,' he began, 'but I want to check the seals on that external door. They looked a little strained from the impact."
"Agreed,' replied Squall, his piercing eyes firmly focused on Aidan, who for some reason seemed slightly nervous, 'you check those out while we set the computer up to perform the checks."
With a slight, cursory glance and without as mush as a 'see you later' Aidan left the cockpit and headed down the lift towards the exit.
It was a miracle he kept himself from running. The program he'd set in motion would be activating soon and there was no way in hell that he was going to be on the ship when it went up. He walked to the door, holding his emotions in check and keyed in the exit sequence. Then, stepping outside into the blistering heat of the Centra desert, he locked the main entrance as best he could, stopping the three crewmembers from getting out when the time came.
He walked a few metres away from the ship, out of the crater and out of the imminent blast zone. His program would activate any moment, he thought with a grim satisfaction. He knew, deep down though, there could be no other way.
Zell, Squall and Seifer all stood by their assigned positions and each one kept making slight and not very subtle glances at each other. Squall was worried about Zell, about what had happened before and made a mental note to talk with his best friend as soon as they landed at Balamb tomorrow.
Zell likewise had noticed almost instantly something different about Squall and wondered what Seifer had said to him.
Seifer on the other hand had noticed the cut on Zell's arm, just where a very familiar scar was. To say the least Seifer was curious and was very anxious to get Zell alone and find out what happened.
The small holographic display set in front of Squall shimmered into life.
"Something's wrong,' he mused, 'the computer isn't allowing the programming of any pre-flight checks."
"Did we miss something?" asked Zell, aloud.
"Couldn't have,' chipped in Seifer, 'my console says everything is running at 20 efficiency, just enough to get us home."
"Zell, did you and Aidan set the engine start-up running?" Squall asked.
"No, why?"
"Because they are."
"What?' exclaimed Zell, 'But if the engines start while we're still in landing mode we could explode!"
Suddenly on each display in front of Seifer, Zell and Squall a small countdown window appeared.
00:00:04:35
The numbers scrolled backwards as the sound of the engines grew louder and louder, shaking each piece of loose debris.
"What the fuck?" yelled Seifer in astonishment.
Squall wheeled round to face the others. "Where's Aidan?" he demanded
00:00:02:54
"Look!" shouted Zell, pointing out of the cockpit window. There, on the side of the furrow that had been carved into the desert by the 'Rok, stood Aidan, looking down at the ship and at them with a sad, sorrowful look in his eyes that was barely visible.
The sound of the engines grew to almost fever pitch as the countdown on the screen came to its inevitable conclusion.
00:00:01:02
The 'Rok started to shake as the engines power built up more and more. In a last ditch attempt to get out all three immediately started for the lift, knowing deep down that it was too late.
00:00:00:00
Each display flashed a single, simple message:
"Program Complete"
The engines whine became almost subsonic as the three friends looked out of the cockpit window at the so-called friend who had seemingly betrayed them all and signed their death warrant.