Quiet footsteps fell softly on a hard stone floor as a small figure made its way down the long hall. Doors were shut completely for the night and the only light visible was from the moon as it made soft and indistinct shadows from a large suit of armour stacked neatly in the centre of the passageway.
The night outside was cold and inside it wasn't much better as the figures breath was visible even inside the large house in the small village.
The figure stopped just before he reached the large double doors that were kept almost permanently locked to keep out the many monsters that prowled throughout the town of Winhill at night.
He wasn't dressed well for a late nights walk, but it was impossible for him to sleep. Clad only in a pair of sweats and a large dressing-gown which he pulled closer around him Zell Dincht prowled the corridors of the mayors house, attempting to wear himself out so he could get to sleep, even though he knew he didn't want to.
In fact Zell wanted nothing more than to be as far away as possible from this place right now, but that was impossible as well. He was here because of a promise he'd made to a friend.
No, he thought, correcting himself. Much more than just a friend.
Steeling himself and trying hard to numb out the feeling of cold and the haunting feeling he got whenever he went near an old house Zell made his way to the kitchen to get himself some warm milk to take back to his room. Maybe that would help him sleep, he could even put some vodka in it, he knew that would help.
He made his way slowly toward the kitchens, each step he took creating slight echoes down the hallway, until it sounded like all the armies of Hyne were after him, when in fact there was no-one other than him at this late hour awake in the house.
Shadows seemed to move around him as he tried his best to keep quiet. To Zell's sleep deprived brain it seemed that the small pockets of darkness were spreading out their long cold fingers to grasp him and drag him away.
Zell stopped and tried his best to shake away the stupid childish fear that had suddenly grown on him.
There was a slight noise behind him as if someone had dropped something. Wheeling round suddenly Zell assumed his standard battle posture only to feel a complete fool when he saw there was nothing there.
A slight creak carried sharply down the hallway as the suit of armour moved slightly because of rust under its arms.
"Stupid suit." Zell muttered under his breath. He'd always hated it, ever since he first came here during the sorceress war.
The sound came again, this time from the directions of the kitchens, the direction that he was heading in just so he could get a drink.
The corridor looked so dark and ominous, the light seemed to fade in the distance until all was blackness, Zell could only just make out where he needed to go. He swallowed his fear and moved forward into the darkness.
Each step took him further towards the kitchens, where at least he could put on some sort of light and get rid of this darkness. He was getting edgier and edgier the further down he went. He could have sworn that something was watching him.
Zell shivered. For a brief second he was sure he felt something on the back of his neck, like someone's breath.
"Something wrong chickie?" said a voice from behind him.
Whirling around too fast Zell stumbled and fell on his backside.
"Dammit Seifer, what the hell are ya doin'?"
"Guess I could ask you the same question chickie. How come you're wandering around here in the middle of the night?"
Zell picked himself up off the hard stone floor slowly, trying to bring his heart rate back under control.
"I was going to get myself a glass of milk." Zell stated, keeping his voice to a whisper so he wouldn't wake anyone else in the house up.
"Couldn't sleep?" asked Seifer
Zell's eyes dropped to the floor, unable to make contact with Seifer's icy blue gaze for long. "No." he replied reluctantly.
"Come on, I need a drink myself."
Seifer put his arm around the smaller man's shoulders, guiding him gently toward the kitchens, the two men dressing only in sleeping garments walked at a steady pace down into the night, toward their mutual goal.
The darkness slowly enveloped them, welcomed them and in the distance an owl called out, unheard by anybody save the creatures that stalked the night in the small town of Winhill.
Seifer stood by the large breakfast bar inside the kitchen area, leaning casually on the side, relaxed and sipping a small glass of orange juice. Zell was sitting on top of the bar, his feet kicking against the cupboards underneath causing a few items to roll around inside. There was tension on the faces of both men, but neither knew how to broach the subject with the other, it was still too close, too personal for them.
"We're all worried about you chickie." Said Seifer, attempting to end the awkward silence that had descend between the two men.
However Zell wasn't listening. His mind wasn't anywhere near Winhill, he was thinking about Squall again. He was thinking about…
"Chickie? Are you ok?"
Zell gave a start, he'd zoned out yet again. It seemed to be happening more and more recently, he sifted through his memories to try and remember what Seifer had been talking about.
"Seif, seriously, I'm fine, just a little off." Zell even tried to add a small smile, but failed miserably.
"Sorry cutie, not buying that. You've shut us all out these last few days, ever since Squall…"
Seifer never got chance to finish his sentence before Zell jumped in, his attention fully focused.
"You don't know what you're talking about. You've got no idea what it was like, having to watch him everyday. Having to watch what people did to him, trying to save him. Having to watch slowly as he was consumed from the inside out and having no way of stopping it, you don't know!"
"No I don't Zell, but he's gone. And I do know what it's like to loose a friend. These past few days, all of us have felt that we've lost two, not just one."
Seifer punctuated his words by placing his hand on Zell's shoulder, tenderly, lovingly, like a brother would.
"Don't shut us out chickie, we're your friends, we're your family, and we'll keep on going till the end."
Seifer paused and Zell drew himself closer to the taller man, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. Seifer, surprised by the move reciprocated and pulled Zell closer, allowing the smaller mans head to rest on the nap of his neck.
The two men stayed there for a few moments, neither moving a muscle, until Seifer noticed a few stray tears running down his gown and onto the floor.
"Why, Seif,' sobbed Zell, 'why'd Squall have to die?"
Seifer had no answer to that and didn't attempt to give one. Zell was finally talked to them, and he sensed there was more to said than a simple question about the nature of existence, so he kept silent and drew the younger man closer to him.
"I loved him Seif, I loved him and I never told him. I wish I had, but I couldn't."
So that was it. Zell loved Squall and now Squall was gone before he could even voice his feelings. Zell was grieving for a love that never had been, but one that so easily could have happened.
"I had to watch it happen Seif. I saw the lion that saved all our lives weaken slowly as that, that thing took hold of him, his own body rebelling against him."
Seifer knew what Zell was talking about. The cancer that had gone right the way through Squall, killing him a little bit more day by day. Even though he hadn't witnessed it himself, he'd heard from the others that it had been a terrible sight to see. Nothing the doctors of the world could do, no magic that could cure him and no way out for him.
Zell sobbed again into Seifer's gown, ignoring the cold of the kitchen, just unloading his heart at long last.
"I had to stay with him Seif, right to the end, even if Rinoa couldn't face it, so I did, and as he died slowly I fell more and more in love with him. I could never tell him though, he'd never understand, he had Rinoa and I didn't want to make things any worse, not then."
Gods if only Zell knew the truth. But Seifer wasn't to be the one to tell it to him, not now and not here, if Zell found out for the briefest second that he had a chance with Squall it'd kill him deader than the lion himself.
"And now he's gone, the man I loved and the man who saved the whole world is gone and never coming back. I, I don't know how I'm going to go on with out him. Not now."
Seifer held Zell tighter offering, literally, a shoulder to cry on. The others shouldn't know about this, not just yet. Rinoa was taking things hard enough as it was, having the funeral and everything to do tomorrow had taken their toll on the poor woman. Quistis was as distraught as anyone, not to mention Irvine and Selphie, all of them mourning in their own way and all of them puzzled by Zell's reactions to everything that was going on.
And with the funeral and services tomorrow, there was no chance for Zell to say his own goodbye to the man whose body was currently in his mother's old home.
With a small effort Seifer pushed Zell away from him gently and as he looked into the younger man's swollen and bloodshot eyes, he felt for him. Although he didn't understand what Zell was feeling, there had to be something that he could do to help. And then, it hit him. He knew what to do.
"Zell,' he began, 'Squall's in Raines old pub, you know the funeral's tomorrow right?"
Zell simply nodded his head weakly as if every muscle and bone in his body had gone limp.
"Well the casket is still open from the remembrance yesterday,' Seifer remembered the service well, it had brought tears even to his eyes as he watched almost every person on the planet come and say goodbye to the fabled hero of time, only Zell hadn't come. Instead he'd locked himself in his room not wanting to come out. Now Seifer knew why. All that was left was a small service for just his father, his family from the orphanage and a few other close friends. They'd left the casket open because none of them had wanted to say a final goodbye, even though they knew they would need to at some point. Seifer was thankful now that they hadn't, 'Zell, just go over to Squall and say one final goodbye. Tell him how you feel, just you and him. Don't leave him now, just say goodbye."
Zell just stared at Seifer, dumb-struck by what he'd just heard. It was as if Seifer had just told him to put on a top-hat and cut down the largest tree on the planet with a herring.
"Are you nuts?' he said, outrage evident in his voice, 'I can' do that, I…"
"If you don't chickie, you'll regret it for the rest of your days. Now get over to him and say goodbye."
Zell just sat there, not moving. The monsters didn't concern him, after all it was only over the square, but to go over there would mean to face what he didn't want too. But Seifer was right, he couldn't leave here without seeing Squall one last time and saying his goodbyes to his unrequited love.
"Alright Seifer, I'll go. Just let me get my shoes on."
A few moments later Zell was making his way across the courtyard to get to the old pub that had once belonged to Raine Leonheart, Squall's mother. Since she'd passed away, it had remained deserted although well kept down to the efforts of the locals who mourned her. Squall had asked for his final resting place to be by his mother's grave and so it seemed appropriate for him to be placed for a while in his mother's old home.
Even during the day the place sent chill's down Zell's spine. He'd only been there once before during the last sorceress war where Squall was certain he saw his mother's ghost. At night the place went from mildly creepy to something that looked straight out of a horror novel.
Driven forward by a will of cast steel Zell walked into the small building.
The walls had small candles on them, long since gone out and the room as a whole smelt musky and old, but it didn't have the sense of decay that he'd expected, in fact it smelt almost sweet from the tangs of incense and perfume that been present the day before.
The shadows cast by he moonlight were worrying. They seemed to be all around him, protecting the once valiant man who lay in their dark embrace. The floor creaked ominously as he walked forward towards the staircase on the other side of the room, just behind the bar area.
The room seemed to close in on him as he moved forward quietly, trying not to disturb any over the dust covers and chairs that were so precariously placed over the tables.
In it's day the bar had been warm, cosy and inviting. Now as Zell walked through the seeming graveyard he couldn't help but feel that the place was still warm and still had an inviting appeal, but not the appeal of life rather the appeal of death.
A sudden hoot caused Zell to start, but he quickly settled down once he saw the outline of an owl through one of the stained glass windows.
"Hyne this place is spooky,' he murmured to himself, 'why'd I ever come here?"
And on that question, the answer to it so clear in his mind, Zell advanced further and further until he reached the stairs.
There was the flicker of soft candle light coming from the small upstairs area of Raines house. The area that had been cleared to hold the coffin of the world's hero, the legendary Squall Leonheart. The area that Zell hadn't been close to ever since they'd got here.
The last time Zell had even seen Squall was a few hours before he'd passed away and those memories would haunt him for the rest of his days. Having to looked into the glazed eyes of a dying hero and worse than that, a dying love. It had been torturous for Zell and so tempting for him to finally confess how he felt, how he had always felt, but he couldn't do it, not then.
And now, in this abandoned home Zell was even more nervous than ever before. He was worried about the state Squall would be in. No, not Squall, he chided himself. Squall had gone, all that was left was an empty husk that bore the face of his dear friend.
Still he was worried about what he would come face to face with when he finally plucked up the courage to go up to see what was there.
A soft wind went through the building and Zells spine almost froze into place because of the chill. The dust covers wafted gently because of the wind and a few clouds of dust were sent spinning into the room, giving it more of a deserted and creepy look than had at first been present. Even worse, to Zells mind, the candlelight at the top of the stair flickered slightly, sending the shadows spiralling out of control and casting them everywhere.
Again Zell took a deep breath and then took the plunge. He took the first step and nearly had a heart attack at the creak of the wood as it adjusted to the new weight. Slowly Zell made his way up the worn stairs toward the candlelight at the top.
Still he couldn't help thing about Squall the last time he saw him. His face was pale and shallow, the eyes bloodshot and yellow and his body thin from lack of food and fluids. The thing that stood out most in Zells mind were his lips, they were chapped and broken, dried blood in small specks on them. They were the most haunting thing of all to Zell, once beautiful lips and face now gone. For the first time in his adult life Zell feared what he would see, yet still he faced it, knowing that it was something that needed to be done.
Again the breeze blew through the building and again Zell paused to collect himself. At the top of the stairs now he was able to look around at the temporary resting place of his best friend.
They'd done a good job. The walls were draped in a mix of silver and gold sheets, giving the room a warm glow that was only accentuated by the candles that were still lit. There was no sofa as there had been years ago, just an empty but seemingly warm room with a large casket in the middle of it that was open at the top.
Zell moved forward slowly into the room, not wanting to cause anymore noise than he already had, almost as if he was worried about waking Squall up, even though he knew that was impossible. The floor had be carpeted and the change in footing was more comfortable for Zell as he no longer had to worry about creaks and groans.
Still he moved slowly, inexorably forward toward the coffin as if drawn. Again the wind blew, this time being in the middle of the candlelight was more spooky than at the bottom of the stairs, the shadows lengthened around him for a split second and then went back to normal.
Zell slowed down, although his heart rate did not and the very hairs on his head tingled as shivers went down his spine.
Finally he reached the coffin in the centre of the room and, perching his hands on their edge, looked down to see the occupant.
Squall looked at peace, serine. He was dressed in his finest SeeD uniform, the one that he had worn to the ball and the one Zell had always hoped he would see him again in, because from the small glimpse of the handsome man he had got at the ball, Zell knew he was hopelessly in love.
There were no blemishes on Squall, his aquiline features looked as perfect as the day Zell had first seen them. The only thing that marred his beauty were 2 10Gil coins place over his eyes, sealing them shut in time honoured tradition. The skin was a soft waxy colour, by no means the colour of life, but as close to it as the funeral organisers were able to make. His lips though were still chapped and looked as though flakes had fallen on them even though they were no longer bloody.
As he looked down at his friends once beautiful frame memories came flooding back, the SeeD exam, the graduation, the war, the moment in Esthar when Squall had shown unwavering trust in him and every moment since then that Zell had enjoyed the company of his idol, his love.
Zell wept, his tears landing gently on the furnishings of the coffin, he made no attempt to wipe them away.
"I,' he began hesitantly, 'Hyne I must look a fool standing here in just some sweats and a robe Squall, but I had to come and see you, I had to say goodbye one last time."
His hand moved and grasped Squall's lifeless palm in his. Zell's tears now coming at a more increasing rate yet still no attempt was made to stop them.
"I'll miss you Squall, more than I could ever tell you. I'll miss seeing you behind your desk each morning at the meetings and in he Quad each night, nothing will ever be the same without you,' he continued, allowing his carefully concealed emotions come to the fore, 'you were more than just a friend Squall, more than a brother even though we'd been friends since the very beginning."
The soft wind rippled through the building yet again, the play of candlelight on Squalls face almost making it look like the dead cancerous flesh of his face were forming expressions. Zell however had his eyes closed, tears still dripping onto the soft satin. Zell gripped Squalls hand tighter, not wanting to let go, never wanting to let go.
"I never had the guts to tell you this while you were alive Squall and Hynes knows at times I wanted to. I can't imagine life without you and I don't want to, you lit up my life in everyway possible and now to live without that." Zell stopped for a moment and sobbed quietly.
"I loved you Squall and every moment we were together I wanted to see more of you. Every moment you spent with Rinoa I wish you could have spent with me. I never wanted to be apart from you Squall and I still don't."
Cradling Squall's hand gently in his own, feeling the calluses from the many years of handling a gunblade finally broke Zell more than the atmosphere in the building ever could. With a sob he buried face in his free hand and covered his face, not wanted to look at his love for fear he might see his shame.
Zell rested his hands delicately on Squalls firm chest, bulled both of the dead hero's hands into his, closed his eyes and continued to cry.
Zell wept so hard he never heard the small tinkle of the 2 coins hitting the carpet softly.
He was so engrossed in his own pain he never felt the weight beneath him shift ever so slightly as the corpse beneath him jack-knifed upwards.
The thing that he did feel was the soft, tender caress of lips on his cheek. Lips that far from being course and cold, were soft and warm, lips that never applied any hard amount of pressure, but ones that were gentle and never moved.
He did feel the soft out-pouring of breath onto his cheek that appeared to be so eloquent a response to such a desperate plea for one last, final moment with the man that he loved.
A perfect moment that lasted for barely a second, because that was how long it took Zell to come to his senses and run.
Zell ran out of the abandoned pub and temporary resting place of Squall Leonheart and straight back across the square into the mayors house, his heart pounding at an apoplectic rate and his face as pale as the moon that he ran under.
Unbeknownst to Zell Squall's body, after it's weight had been released, slowly lowered itself back to rest on the plush pillow, the eyes never having opened and the lips barely having moved. Resting, waiting. And unseen to all, a slight tear sparkled by the dead eye of the hero.
"Holy Hyne, Holy Hyne, Holy Hyne." Chattered Zell, almost as a mantra.
Seifer had just been leaving the kitchen when Zell had burst in through the main doors, surprising the hell out of him. Before Seifer had even a moment to utter a remark Zell crashed into him and had him pinned to the floor. Seifer took one look into Zells eyes and instantly saw the terror there, but for what reason he had no idea.
Holding Zell firmly as he continued to shake Seifer was able to escort him into the kitchens and pour several large amounts of whiskey into the younger man before finally being able to calm him down.
Even then Zell refused to answer any questions, even after he'd stopped shaking and his heart rate came back down from the moon, he wouldn't tell Seifer what happened.
Sleep finally overcame Zell at 04:00 and when he awoke some 3 hours later, the whole incident seemed like a dream, something dispelled by the harsh light of day. Then and only then did Zell confide in Seifer and told him what had happened.
Seifer was, to say the least aghast. Yet still he was able to reason calmly on the subject with Zell, even though the funeral was only an hour away.
"Zell, it could have been anything, it could have been your imagination."
"No way Seif, it was real, it happened."
"Then what was it chickie? It was just a collection of gases that released under the pressure of your weight causing the body to react nothing more. I'm sorry it had to be you of all people and at night, but that's all it was. Nothing more."
Zell cast his head downward towards his clenched hands. He knew Seifer was wrong. It was more than the simple cold explanation that Seifer proposed. He didn't know what it was; a breath; a kiss maybe even an emotion, but Zell knew deep down that for just a brief moment something special had happened, something that went beyond science and magic.
"Maybe you're right Seif." Said Zell, seemingly conceding to Seifer's explanation.
"Course I am chickie, I know it's hard on you, but we all need to band together now, help each other through this. C'mon, get changed and we'll get ready to go and say goodbye.
"Kay Seif, just give me a moment."
After Seifer had left his room, Zell sat up straight in his bed and unclenched his fists. There, in the palm of his right hand lay the famous Griever ring that had almost miraculously slipped into his hand when he ran last night. Zell looked at it long and hard, until tears started to form in his eyes.
"Goodbye Squall,' he murmured under his breath, 'I'll miss you."