Chapter Four - A Shaky Start
Max pushed open the door to the apartment then leaned against the doorframe to keep from falling over. Whatever Thomas had given her was certainly doing its job. A thick haze still filled her thoughts and she was weaker than she'd ever been. She wasn't used to feeling so powerless.
As she pushed away from the doorframe she told herself she wouldn't be powerless for long. When she was back to normal, she'd get the revenge she wanted. A nagging voice at the back of her mind kept hissing that Logan wouldn't want her to put herself in danger - instead go to Canada where she would be safe. But all of her knew she couldn't do that.
She collapsed onto the couch, unable to make it to her bedroom.
It was all like a dream. Only hours ago she was focusing on the meal Logan had promised to prepare when they returned from the perfectly routine mission of bringing down a horribly corrupt multi-million dollar business. The farthest thought from her mind was that they had been made or that everything was going to end in death. Her fists clenched in instinct. It wasn't going to end with Logan's death. It would end with Thomas's neck held firmly in her genetically engineered hands and she would look him in the eye as she snapped the neck of the man who killed the only man she could trust.
She'd heard about people being driven mad by grief. She was beyond that. Every moment it felt as if there was an army of bloodied and screaming soldiers rising through her body, surging from the pit of her stomach and tearing through her eyes to freedom. She was beyond all reasonable emotion. Reasonable emotion was for people who got dumped by their Valentine or for people who found twenty dollars in the pocket of a winter coat. The only emotion she could feel was the emotion of a person who has had everything torn from their arms and battered in front of them. Every moment felt like a pistol at the back of her skull.
Tortured, cloudy thoughts wafted through her mind. She could barely grasp one long enough to understand it. She shook her head and hoped the motion would clear her overworked and feverish mind. No such luck.
She pulled herself to her feet, now intent on getting the glass of water she'd been wanting all day. She made it halfway across the room when a dizzy spell hit her. She tried to reach for the counter to steady herself, but couldn't make it. She passed out, hitting her head on the counter on the way down.
She was shaking. She opened her eyes and hoped she wasn't having a seizure. She didn't know (or care to know) how the chemical and a seizure would mix. When she finally realized what was going on, she longed to be on the apartment floor having a grand mal.
"No hospitals," she croaked. Her voice was harsher than before.
She tried to sit up, but the paramedic pushing her gurney pushed her back down gently. She didn't have the energy to get back up. She just wanted to go to sleep.
"Sam Carr, I need to see Sam…" she forced out as loudly as she could. After she said it, she passed out again.
All she could hear was buzzing, whirring, and beeping. She groaned and opened her eyes.
She was in a hospital. It looked like every other hospital she had ever been thrust into against her will, but with one exception: when she woke, Logan was not by her side.
Tears began to roll down her cheeks but she could barely feel them. She could barely feel anything anymore. She began to wonder what the point of getting out of the hospital or the country was. None of it mattered anymore. Logan was dead. What did it matter if Manticore had her now? They wouldn't have a soldier, they'd have a useless shell - another 'nomaly to hide in the basement.
"How are you feeling?"
Max looked and saw Sam Carr in the doorway. She hadn't even heard him. She just shrugged in response to his question.
"I've never known you to be this quiet," Sam said and entered the room. He checked Max's vitals then wrote something on a chart. "Really, how are you feeling?"
She thought of telling him the truth - dead inside - but of course she didn't. She forced out a, "Bad."
"You took a nasty fall," Sam told her. "My best guess is that you took a seizure. You hit your head. It was lucky your friend found you when she did."
"Lucky," she muttered. She was anything but lucky.
"The most permanent damage you'll have is a bit of blood on your carpet," Sam said and grinned.
Somehow, she thought, Sam was the only one who could have gotten away with saying that. She figured it must have been his soothing 'Everything's fine now' voice - or maybe it was still the drug.
"You don't have to worry," he said. "It'll be as if you were never here. No one ever saw you. Do you think you want to stay overnight or -"
"No," she said. "I need to go home."
"All right, I'll let your friend in," Sam said. He smiled again and walked to the door. Before walking off down the hall, he said, "Oh, and tell Logan I said hello, okay?"
Max covered her mouth with her hand so her sobs wouldn't escape. More tears rolled down her cheeks but all she could feel was her heart turning to stone.
Kendra walked into the room moments later, looking as if she had been a total wreck in the waiting room.
"Max!" she said and rushed to the bedside. "I'm so glad you're okay. When I got to the apartment I saw you and - and, oh my God. I just… thank God we were supposed to have lunch, thank God you're okay."
"I'm fine," Max said calmly. It was a lie. No part of her was anywhere near fine. "I just want to go."
"All right, I borrowed my mom's car," Kendra said. "I can take you back to the apartment."
Max was quiet for a moment. "That's not where I want to go."