Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Of course you didn't need me to tell you that, did ya?

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Voldemort: …And on to subject #27: techniques of torture, annoyance, and

antagonization…I'm open to suggestions. If I don't like it, however, you die.

(Snape pulls out his iPod from his leather suit where his boobs would be if he had any)

Snape: This device holds one of the most painful and terrible things you can ever imagine…(he looks around cautiously not to be overheard and whispers) country music.

(Several Death Eaters gasp and recoil at Severus' words)

Random Death Eater #2: And how do you use this "iPod", as you call it?

Snape: It is quite simple really. You press this button (points to the power button) and you put these earphones into the resistant person's ears. Then watch and wait. All the answers will come spilling out of the desired person's mouth.

Voldemort: Well done Severus. I will reward you for your efforts. (throws a Tootsie Roll to Snape).

Snape: (wryly) Thank you for your generosity, Master. Also, if country doesn't succeed, and they actually like it (shudders) rap never fails.

Voldemort: Ooh, ooh! That reminds me, I have a joke!

(Everyone groans inwardly)

Voldemort: How come they wouldn't let Snoop Dog and Eminem on the bus?

Everyone: ……

Voldemort: Because they didn't have 50 Cent! (laughs uncontrollably then wipes a tear from his eye) Ahhh, a classic. Moving on!

Fenrir: (hoping to earn a Tootsie Roll as well) I have also come up with an idea of mine. Forcing to make them watch a music video featuring Richard Simmons and Michael Jackson. (he sighs) I have seen many terrible, terrible and traumatizing things in my life. This being one of them. I barely made it out alive. (sobs)

Malfoy :( who appeared out of nowhere after finishing dinner with his mother and telling Crabbe his goldfish went to the "happy farm") I'm sorry to hear Fenrir. So sorry.(Draco hugs Fenrir tightly. Inhaling his smell)

Fenrir:(awkwardly) Draco, you can let go of me now. I'm fine, really.

Draco: No you're not. You're a mess. Come home with me tonight and I'll make you very happy.

Fenrir: I really must insist, I'm fine.(Draco still holding on) GET THE $! OFF ME!

Draco: Have it you're way, mon aimé. I'll get into your pants one way or another. All work and no play makes Fenrir a dull boy.

Voldemort: Hands off! He's mine!

Fenrir: (wimpers and curls up in a ball)

Wormtail: (whines) I want to play in the Play Place!

Voldemort: Nonsense, Death Eaters do—not—play—in— Play Places! You shall pay for your insoquence!

Bellatrix: Don't you mean insolence?

Voldemort: SILENCE! (slaps Bellatrix with a girlie slap)

Bellatrix: (sarcastically) Ah jeez, the front of my face. It hurts a motherf$&#.

Voldemort: Back to our discussion. What can we use against children?

Everyone :(clueless)………

Malfoy:(after 5 bazillion frefrillion years of silence) Michael Jackson! It's perfect...We can even have a slogan for it! I'm thinking: He will touch your children, he will touch your family, and he will touch you, if you rebel against the Dark Lord's commands.

Voldemort: Fabulous. Here: have two darts. (throws darts to Draco, one hitting him smack in the forehead and the other in his eye)We must recruit them before the others do. We will meet with them at tomorrow's show.

Everyone?

Voldemort: Did I not tell you? I'm going to force the NBC to give us a show. Starting tomorrow. To attract viewers, Bellatrix will be in the nude.

Bellatrix: WHAT?

Draco :( laughing hysterically)

Voldemort: You too, pretty boy.

Draco: 0.o

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To my reviewers:

Anna B. the Greek- I'm glad you think positively of this. Reviews are awesome, thanks.

hotaruchan2002- Thanks, it makes me feel good to know you are enjoying this.

Demontrust- No offense taken, I appreciate your honesty.

Jinxeh- A nice and long review. Thanks so much. It's great to know that you like this and I hope your day got better.

Cinderalex- Yeah, I enjoy writing that kind of stuff with Voldemort. It awesome to hear that you think this is so funny that you made your roommate read it!

Emma/Hermione#1fan- I know, flamers are the worst aren't they? They just make the authors feel horrible, and for what? Because they didn't like their fan fiction? It's ridiculous. And thanks a lot for the review, you rock.

Review and you will get a Tootsie Roll!

Ria le Fay