Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. But I do have Draco Malfoy tied up in my bedroom closet listening to the Red Hot Chili Peppers. 'Cause they rock.

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(Really cheesy game show-like music starts and Voldemort walks on the stage)

Voldemort: (to audience) None of you know this yet, but I'm going to kill you all when this show is over…well now you do.

Audience: (laughs)

Voldemort: (to himself) Jeez, what a bunch of idiots.

Voldemort: These are my Death Eaters and the lovely Draco Malfoy and Bellatrix Lestrange. (To Voldemort's dismay they were both wearing cloths do to unfortunate circumstances this morning when Bellatrix took Draco hostage and threatened to kill him if she went out there naked. Reluctantly Voldemort agreed…to the two going on stage fully clothed—not to killing Draco.)

Voldemort: (clears his throat)

Bellatrix:…..

Voldemort: Lestrange—what we rehearsed. Remember?

Bellatrix:……

Voldemort: What we rehearsed or I will cast the Faticus obecialus spell on you and you will weigh 3 xillion jillion quatillion umptillion grams more than you do now!

Bellatrix: Fine. (perky with a fake smile plastered on her face) Today on the show we have special guest Richard Simmons, Michael Jackson, and Paris Hilton! The theme of this show is How To Make People Really Want To Die!

Voldemort: And now as we rehearsed Bellatrix will strip for you all!

Bellatrix: No!

Voldemort: c'mon pumpkin….

Bellatrix: No!

Voldemort: 100…

Bellatrix: No!

Voldemort: 200…

Bellatrix: No!

Voldemort: 400…

Bellatrix: No!

Voldemort: 800…

Bellatrix: NO!

Voldemort: Last warning…

Bellatrix: NO!

Voldemort: 1600! Faticus obecialus!

(Bellatrix now falls backward with a big BOOM and can't move)

(Richard Simmons walks out in a pink spandex suit)

Audience: (revolted) Whoa!

(Richard Simmons starts exercising)

(Snape jumps in)

Richard Simmons: Come on ya'll, let's do it all together now!

Richard Simmons: Good God! What have you been eating girl? You need exercise with me and things will be all better.

Bellatrix: AAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHH! DEAR MERLIN NO!

Voldemort: That's just plain sick. I think you've learned your lesson. (POOF now she's back to normal.)

(Bellatrix glares at Voldemort evilly)

Bellatrix: (inwardly) Someone's going to die tonight.

Voldemort: Take away Mr. ICan'tGetAnyGayer—I mean Mr. Simmons.

(Dementors attempt to escort Simmons out of the building, but become sick from all the gay happiness radiating from the depths of his spandex coveralls…but not so much covering all…)

Voldemort: (to the audience) I told you I'd kill you all.

Audience: (Cheers)

(Voldemort casts a spell and the audience members all poof into pink shimmering dust that smells like strawberries)

Voldemort: Bring in the new audience.

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A/N: If any of you guys have any weird or funny quotes you want to see someone say in the next chapter, feel free to put it in your review. Thanks to my Reviewers who reviewed the last chapter:

Emma/Hermione#1fan

blueskyshymoon08

Moony June

Dream Phantom

Review! D