A/N: By the way, I told my friend Alex about this (she also comes to this website) and she said she's shunning this fan fiction. She doesn't like fan fictions that "make fun" of the characters and stuff. I told her Voldemort is bisexual and she kinda freaked. Yeah, so she's not gonna read it. She's shunning it. Because she's too nice to flame.
Chapter 5
Jerry Springer: This is the Jerry Springer Show!
Audience: Whoo!
Voldemort: (vanishes into thin air) I'm out. If I wanted to see rednecks I would of gone to see the new Dukes of Hazzard movie.
Death Eaters: (Poof into thin air)
(Appears onto a bridge)
Voledmort: We will magically destroy this bridge.
Draco: How?
Voldemort: We will use this magical match. (lights magical match and drops it on the ground. Nothing happens)
Bellatrix: (sarcastically) Brilliant.
Voldemort: Fine. Any ideas?
Fenrir: We could blow it up with dynamite.
Voldemort: Is it magical dynamite?
Fenrir: No….
Voldemort: You and your absurd ideas Fenrir…so cute.
Fenrir:….
Snape: We could use magic---
Voldemort: BRILLIANT!
Voldemort: (says spell) LalalalalalalalalalaBOOM!
(nothing happens)
Bellatrix: I don't even think that was a real spell….
Voldemort: Wait….wait…..wait….wait….and now!...no, wait….wait….wait….wait…wait…wait….wait…wait… wait…..wait….wait….and now!...no, wait….wait….wait….wait…wait…wait….wait…wait…give it a sec'…and…one…two…now! Crap, I guess it's not going to work.
Voldemort: Ideas? Anybody?
Draco: (light bulb appears over his head)
Voldemort: Hey, where'd that light bulb come from?
Draco: We could unclog the Official Death Eater Collector's Edition Toilet with a magical plunger! I've been trying to figure that one out for nanoseconds!
Fenrir: I have an idea we could use a toothpick to---
Voldemort: Is this a magical toothpick?
Fenrir: No….
Snape: You're all a bunch of idiots. (mutters a spell and the bridge collapses)
(Arnold Schwarzenegger appears out of the toll booth for the bridge)
Arnold Schwarzawhatever: THE BRIDGE IS OUT! I am the Governator of California and I like to take soda machines away from schools.
Bellatrix: Where'd you come from?
Arnold Schwarzenegger: I am the Governator of California and I like to take away all foods that are made of 50 or more sugar away from schools.
Bellatrix: Okay….
Voldemort: Our job here is done. To send a warning to muggles that death is upon them!
(Everyone apparates back to the Headquarters)
Voldemort: Is everyone here? Or do I have to take roll call?
Draco: (Looks at his…well where his hands would have been) Um…I have a little problem. But I'm pretty sure it's no biggie.
Voldemort: What is it now Sugar Pie?
Draco: I can't find my hands. Judging by the fact I never past my apparition test, I'm going to make an educated guess and say my hands are back with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Voldemort: Accio Draco's Hands!
Voldemort: Now Reattacho!
Draco: Ahhhhhh! My hands! I can't get them off my wrists! Oh, God!
Bellatrix: (sarcastically) Yes. How mortifying.
Draco: Shut up!
Bellatrix: You shut up.
Draco: You!
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Draco: Fine.
Bellatrix: Ha! I win!
Draco: Well you know what? I'm not competitive! In fact, I'm the most non-competitive so I win.
Bellatrix: (rolls her eyes) I'm sure.
Hello! Sorry for the delay! But I have so much homework like you wouldn't believe! I'm thinking of joining the Drum Line at school. What do you think? Cuz the drum line is pretty cool. If you've ever seen one, you'll know how awesome it is.
BTW: The whole thing about Arnold Schwarzenegger taking away sugar and soda machines and stuff away from schools in California is true. He's not a bad governor. It's just that no candy sucks. And I'm skinny too and in great physical shape, I shouldn't have to give up those really yummy chocolate chip cookies at school. I'm really bummed out about it. I'll get over though, I never really bought that stuff anyways.
To my reviewers:
Emma/Hermione#1fan: Thank you for the review.
Bexie1271: It's true. My cousin listens to country music so I was trying to convert her to rock. Didn't work. And all she ever listens to Faith Hill or Kenny Chesney and whatnot, and it irritates the crap outta me. I love punk rock, funk rock, emo, metal, alternative rock, hard rock, you name it. Now I wanna know, what music do you listen to?
Smittened By Marauders: I'm glad you love it. I love writing it.
Shale 101: Thanks for the review.
Review!
With Much Awesomeness,
-Ria