Why are all my Titans action figures so messed up in the height department? BEAST BOY SHOULD NOT BE TALLER THAN CYBORG! NOR SLADE!
Beast Boy's mouth went dry at the sudden statement Stringy Haired Man had just made. Robin was just as shocked, his eyes wide with a bit of confusion.
"Mighty...Green...Emperor?" was all Beast Boy could manage, his voice squeaking slightly.
"Oh yes, sir. We are merely prophets of the Mighty Green Emperor and have been faithfully awaiting his return as it was first foretold to us 10,000 years ago." Stringy Haired Man gushed, his eyes never leaving Beast Boy's.
"Uhh...I need a second to talk with my...umm...servant." and with that motioned for Robin to follow him a bit in the distance so they could converse in private.
"Duddde! They're a cult!" the panicked changeling said worried. "And they think I'm some sort of space king or something...I swear, the minute the offer me some Kool-Aid to drink, I am so kicking their butts..."
Robin seemed lost in thought and judging by his facial expression wasn't as worried as Beast Boy was. "I'm not so sure, Beast Boy. I think this may work to our advantage..."
"Advantage! Dude, are you nuts? They're crazy! They're going to cut out our kidneys and sell it on eBay or something!" he wailed, his arms waving with panic in the night air. Robin covered his hand over Beast Boy's to shush him. "Listen, I have a plan. If we play our cards right we can get these people to drive us to Harveyville, once there we can pick up Starfire and Raven and then convince these guys to take us back to the Tower." he said, as he let go of Beast Boy's mouth.
Beast Boy took a slow nod and gulped big, hoping Robin was right. The two boys made their way back to Stringy Haired Man who was now joined by his other two counterparts..a rather large individual that reminded Robin of an overstuffed pillow and a tall, lanky skinny man with a tinfoil hat.
"My loyal subjects!" Beast Boy commanded in the most authoritative voice he could muster. "I request that we embark on...uhh...A GREAT JOURNEY!" he declared loudly, his hands high in the air.
Overstuffed Pillow Man, who had this point had gone down on one knee as if he were expecting to be knighted, asked "Oh wise one, before we venture on this great journey, I have but a simple question to ask of you...what is the meaning of life?"
Beast Boy uttered a soft irritated groan to himself, desperately wanting to ditch these weirdos and get back to Raven ASAP. Finally, after a bit of brain storming, he had his answer...
"The meaning of life is...TO EAT MORE TOFU!" he proudly proclaimed. Robin just sighed and buried his head in his hands.
"Okay...so...ummm, now that we have that out of the way, let us venture into Harveyville so we may retrieve...the uhhh...royal concubines!" the changeling declared. The three members of the group filed their way into the van, sliding open the side door for Robin and Beast Boy.
"I bet Raven would be interested to know you called her your concubine..." Robin said slyly, unable to resist smirking. "Dude! No way! She'll kill me!" Beast Boy quickly replied. With the van loaded up, the three cult members along with Beast Boy and Robin drove off to Harveyville.
"Maybe the destruction of the world wasn't such a bad idea..." Raven sarcastically thought to herself as she helped a drunk Pa find his pickup truck in the parking lot of UNCLE JED'S WATERING HOLE.
"God bless you young ladies for helping me find...find my truck..." Pa slurred, barely able to walk.
"I always wanted my 'Help A Drunk Guy' merit badge. Now, which one of these trucks is yours?"
"Th-that'd be her right there, Ol'..Ol' Betsy. Damn near best truck you ever did see..." he slurred, his breath making Starfire queasy.
Finding it hard to keep Pa balanced, Starfire merely slug the drunken shop owner over her shoulder, hoisting him up with the greatest of ease. "Raven, I do not wish to question your judgment, but we do not have the means to start this land vehicle." she said quietly, Pa having passed out shortly after being hoisted over her shoulder.
Raven didn't respond, but hunched underneath the dashboard, she used her powers to take off a slab of plastic, exposing the wires underneath. "Just a little trick Cyborg taught me." she said as she began to fiddle around with some of the wires, till she finally managed to get two of them to spark together and Ol' Betsy's engine roared to life.
"But we do not know where the Pa lives." Starfire offered, sliding Pa's slumped over, passed out body between her and Raven. "How shall we ever find his place of living?"
"Easy. I managed to get a glimpse of his thoughts back in the bar. I had to stumble through his alcohol clouded mind, but I found the directions. Now let's go." and adjusting the seat to her liking, pulled out of UNCLE JED's heading towards Pa's house and hopefully a phone to call home with.
Beast Boy felt himself starting to get excited as the van now pulled into downtown Harveyville. Granted, he'd only been separated from Raven for not even an hour, but it felt like ages to the eager young changeling. The group, whom Beast Boy had learned was called the First Intergalactic Church of Squiddly Spooch, had wasted no time in driving their beloved leader and his servant to their destination.
"Here we are fearless leader!" Tin-Foil Hat Man announced as the van pulled in. Beast Boy practically jumped out of the moving van, waiting till it had barely stopped before his feet hit the sidewalk.
"Dude, this is Harveyville? It looks like the world's largest cowboy convention..." he said, scratching his head. Robin made his way out of the van and did a quick scan of the area looking for Raven and Starfire but finding no sign of them. "They have to be here somewhere..." Robin said to himself.
"What is thy bidding, my master?" Tin-Foil Hat Man asked anxiously. Beast Boy merely groaned out of annoyance. "Uhh...you guys just stay here, ok? DON'T GO ANYWHERE! Just stay there!"
"As you say, all knowing one."
Eager to get away from them, Robin and Beast Boy quickly turned the street corner, thankful to be away from the First Intergalactic Church of Squiddly Spooch.
"Beast Boy, see if you can find Raven and Starfire" Robin suggested. Beast Boy nodded and cupping his hands over his mouth, he began to shout "STARRRRFIIREEE! RAAVVVEENNN! WHERE ARRREEEE YOOUUUU?" at the top of his lungs.
Robin sighed in defeat.
"No, Beast Boy, I meant why don't you track their scent?" he managed to spit through grit teeth.
"Oh yeah...I knew that." the changeling said and promptly morphed into a bloodhound, eagerly sniffing the ground for any trace of the two girls' scent. It didn't take long as he quickly picked up Raven's shampoo and Starfire's perfume, figuring they went across the street in the direction of the general store.
"ARF!" he barked, letting Robin know he had found something.
"You find them Beast Boy?"
"ARF!"
"Follow their scent!" the Titans leader commanded, following the green bloodhound. Beast Boy took them to the general store, sniffing a bit before following the scent right in front of UNCLE JED'S and suddenly stopping in his tracks. He sniffed a bit more around the front door before morphing back to his human form.
"Beast Boy, what's wrong?"
"Dude, it's weird..." Beast Boy said scratching his head. "Their scents go right into this place, but it doesn't come out."
Robin's eyes narrowed at this, his stomach feeling like it was full of arctic ice water it was so cold. "Their scent stops?"
Beast Boy nodded. "Yeah...but dude, all scents to this place stop. All that I can smell that comes out is beer and cigarettes. So they could still be in there..."
"Only one way to find out!" the Boy Wonder said authoritatively, and pushed the door open walking right into UNCLE JED'S, Beast Boy right behind him in tow...
"Here we are..." Raven announced quietly as she pulled the pickup truck into Pa's place. It was just as the Azarathian had expected it to be..a large, sprawling farm house with a wooden porch, a huge barn and acres and acres of farm land.
"Shall I wake the Pa up?"
"Please do." said Raven.
Starfire gave a tiny nod before gently shaking Pa. "Pa...we are at your place of residence. Please be of the waking up now..."
Pa didn't respond.
"Pa..." she said, shaking him slightly more firmly.
Pa still didn't respond, just mumbled something about 'butter' in his sleep. "Star, you're going to need to try a bit harder." Raven offered. Again, Starfire nodded, trusting in the wisdom of her friend. The crimson haired beauty took in a deep breath and...
"PA!" she yelled at the top of her lungs, shaking him violently. Raven was surprised the glass in the windshield didn't crack.
"Guh? Huhggha...ungfh...truck...butter.." Pa sputtered, before passing out again. Raven massaged her temples, her ears still ringing from Starfire's wake up call.
"It's pointless, Star. Just carry him to the front door and let's make the phone call and get back to the boys." Raven said. Starfire obligingly grabbed the unconscious Pa and resumed to sling him over her shoulder, carrying him up the long gravel drive way to make their way to the front porch.
"This night is almost over..." Raven thought to herself. In just another hour or so and one hot bath later, she'd be relaxing in her pajamas reading a good book with Beast Boy resting his head in her lap. "Just another hour..." she kept repeating to herself.
Raven took another step up the gravel driveway, when her ears suddenly thought they detected the sound of heavy breathing. She glanced over at Starfire to see if she was having any difficult carrying Pa, but the emerald eyed girl was smiling, humming a Tammaranian folk song to herself. "That's odd..." the empathic young girl thought to herself "...I wonder what is making that AUGH!"
Her inner thoughts were immediately cut off by a large dog which came barreling out of the inky blackness of the night and barreled straight for Raven, pinning her to the ground as she fell backwards into a mud puddle. A fountain of liquid dirt cascaded straight into the air, before soaking Raven and the mutt in it's earthy brown mixture.
"ACK!" the pale skinned beauty exclaimed loudly, before engulfing the dog in her powers sending him away from her.
"Friend Raven! Are you unharmed?" a worried Starfire asked. Raven slowly stood up, her petite body dripping with mud from the collar of her tee-shirt to the bottom of her bondage pants. The dog, not liking the concept of levitating 5 feet of the ground, began to bark and growl loudly causing the lights inside the house to switch on.
"Who in tarnation' is out there?" a thickly Southern accented female voice hollered from the front porch. "You better have a good reason or else I'll gonna fill your sorry carcass full of lead!"