PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE NERD BEHIND THE CURTAIN!
Starfire gasped loudly at the phrase "full of lead" having heard it before in a movie she had watched with Robin.
"She wishes to cause us injury with the gun!" she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
"This day just keeps getting better and better..." Raven uttered with irritation.
"Friend! We mean you no harm! We just wish to return the Pa to you and the usage of the telephone!" the Tammaranian Princess offered peacefully. The woman who had threatened them was now close enough for the two Titans to see her in the moonlight. She was a woman of about her mid-40's, if Raven had to guess. Her hair was in curlers as she wore a full body night gown that read 'MAMA BEAR' on it, at the same time brandishing an antique looking double barrel shotgun, all the while a dimly lit cigarette hung in her mouth.
"What in blue hell are you girls doing out here on my property?" she accused, alternating the shotgun from pointing at Starfire to Raven. "Please friend, we only wish to return the Pa to you." Starfire replied sweetly.
The lady merely sized up the two girls before noticing Pa was slumped over Star's shoulder. "Why is my husband over yer dang shoulder?" she demand, the shotgun now pointing right between Starfire's eyes. Starfire let out a little "EEK!" of fear and stumbled to find words to diffuse the situation.
"Azarath Metrion ZINTHOS!"asthe shotgun became enclosed in black energy, the rifle being pulled out of Nightgown Lady's hands and drifting to Raven's. Raven merely inspected the shotgun before resting it on the ground in front of her, out of the reach of Nightgown Lady.
For her part, Nightgown Lady's jaw dropped, causing the cigarette to fall out of her mouth. "H-How did you do that?" she stammered. Raven didn't feel like explaining much to the lady, the Azarathian's patience weaning thinner and thinner by the minute. "Magic." she said quickly, yet emotionlessly. This seemed to satisfy Nightgown Lady who merely nodded as if that made perfect sense to her.
"So did y'all bring my worthless carcass of a husband back from Jed's?" she said, lighting up another cigarette.
"That and we need to use your phone." Raven replied. Nightgown Lady threw away her match on the ground, squishing the fire out with her fluffy pink sandal. "Well I reckon I owe it to you two fer bringing my man back home..." and waved her hand for the Titans to follow her inside.
Robin blinked slightly as the over whelming noxious cloud of cigarette smoke stung his eyes through his mask. He coughed slightly to clear out his lungs and sat down on an empty bar stool, Beast Boy taking up residence next to him.
The bartender, now toweling off a pint glass, noticed the two boys sitting at his bar and made his way over to them. "Costume party in town?" he asked. Robin forced a smile on his face, the thick nicotine fumes not helping with his concentration.
"I'm looking for two girls. I have reason to believe they were here." said the young detective. The bartender never looked up from his pint glass, which he was still toweling. "Lots of gals come through these parts..."
"Two specific girls." Robin added. "One of them is rather tall with red hair and green eyes, the other is shorter with violet hair and eyes."
"Oh those two? Yeah, they were here...said something about needing to use the phone to call home."
Robin nodded, happy to finally get some information. "Are they still here?"
The bartender just shook his head slowly and put the now dry pint glass back in with the rest of the dishes. "Nope. They left here shortly with Pa, said they were gonna go home with him."
Both Robin and Beast Boy felt their tongues go numb with shock. "Went...home...with him?" Beast Boy slowly croaked. "Like...really went home with him?"
The waiter chuckled to himself at the boys' sense of worriment. "No, no...not like that. The only other phone in town is at Pa's and he had a bit too much to drink tonight, so the girls helped him get home so they could use his phone. That's all."
Beast Boy breathed a sigh of relief at this, letting his fears melt away. Robin was next to speak as he asked "So where is this Pa?"
Nightgown Lady, whom the girls learned was named Sandy, flipped on a light switch, basking the living room in the harsh glow of the many lamps that decorated the room. Starfire gently laid the still sleeping Pa down on the couch, politely taking his shoes off and scowling at the resulting aroma.
It was then that Sandy noticed Raven was completely caked in dried, hardened mud and it was also then she decided to do something about it. "Hun, what in blue blazes happened to you?" she inquired of the empath. Raven's reply was devoid of any tone except for a slight trickle of irritation. "Your dog is what happened." she said coldy.
Sandy just shook her head.
"Crazy ass mutt. C'mon darlin' lets get you cleaned up and some new clothes."
Raven didn't even have enough time to utter "I'm fine, no thanks." before Sandy gripped a surprisingly strong hand on Raven's slender wrist and practically drug her to the bathroom to draw her a bath.
"I don't know if I like the idea of Raven and Starfire alone with some drunk man named Pa." Robin said tensely, as he and Beast Boy slowly walked their way down a dark road to get to Pa's place. True, there was still the First Intergalactic Church of Squiddly Spooch but both of the Titans would rather not go that route just yet.
"Dude, you need to relax. It's not like they're gonna cheat on us." Beast Boy offered "Besides, they can take care of themselves. Remember the time Cyborg challenged Star to an arm wrestling match? She ripped his arm clean off! He spent all day trying to fix it. You're too angsty sometimes, dude."
"I am not angsty!" Robin argued.
"Dude, you are WAY angsty! I dunno if it's 'cause you hang out with Batman or what, but you are majorly angsty."
Robin just growled something incoherently before muttering behind clenched teeth. "I. Am. Not. ANGSTY."
"You are the angsty angster since angst came to angst town." said Beast Boy, pushing his luck as always. In response, Robin just hissed in anger, picking up his speed a bit to distance himself from Beast Boy, in fear of lashing out at the green changeling. All the Boy Wonder knew was the fact that he wanted Starfire back and he didn't like the idea that she was with some random drunk guy, even if it was just to get a hold of a phone.
"Here ya go, hun...one hot bath for ya." Sandy offered. Raven slowly set foot into the white tiled bathroom. Sitting in the middle of the room was an old fashioned bathtub, the kind that actually sat on the floor with brass legs instead of merely being built into the house.
It's swooping, gently curved figure was full of hot water and right now, a hot bath was the most temping thing in the entire world for the Azarathian. She grudgingly accepted Sandy's hospitality and closed the door behind her.
She took a deep sigh and sat down on the toilet, and began to unlace her boots. As she unzipped her bondage pants, she slowly slid them off her marble hued legs and tossed the pants in a corner of the room. This was followed by her shirt, socks and underwear, all of which was now casually resting in a small heap in the corner of the bathroom.
The tile felt cold against her bare feet, so she wasted no time in easing her delicate figure into the hot water, gasping at first at how warm it really was. But as her body grew used to the temperate she slowly slid herself in, inch by inch till the water began to pool around her neck.
"Maybe this day might have a happy ending..." she thought.
Starfire sat quietly in the living room, her legs together and hands neatly folded as they rested comfortably on her lap. Laying next to her and taking up most of the room on the couch was Pa, muttering in his sleep.
"Hasf..raf...snarf...butter..." he mumbled in his drunken slumber. Starfire just sighed to herself. "I wish Robin were here..." she thought.
"You ok, sweetie?" Sandy said, having returned from drawing Raven's bath.
"I am well." Starfire said half-heartedly. "I just wish for the accompaniment of my knarfg..." she said quietly.
"A..ka..nar...wha?"
Starfire blushed out of embarrassment. "I am sorry, friend. In your language, a knarfg would translate as 'boyfriend'"
"Translate? You ain't from 'round these parts are ya?" Sandy asked.
"No ma'am." Starfire replied. "I am from a place called Tammaran."
"She must be European..." Sandy thought to herself. "You eaten yet, hun?"
Starfire shook her head.
"No, we were on our way to eat with our friends when our car hit the telephone pole. We have been trying to find the phone to call for help."
"Well no wonder yer so dang skinny, hun! You barely got any meat on them there bones. Tell ya what..I'm gonna go find some clothes for yer friend, while I do thatyou help yerself to some grub in the fridge and then we can come back and make yer phone call..." and with saying that headed towards the bathroom to give Raven her new outfit, leaving behind a very hungry Tammaranian girl...
The hot bath had been just what Raven needed, it allowing her to unwind and forget about the stresses the day had to offer. She slid further in the tub with her eyes gentlyclosed, her arms on the sides of the tub as she rested her head on the porcelain.
"Well ain't you as pretty as a picture!" came Sandy's voice. Raven shot up andinstantly covered her naked body with her arms and legs. "Are you crazy?" the empath declared as a nearby bottle of shampoo suddenly exploded.
Sandy didn't seem to notice the shampoo bottle exploding, just rolled her eyes slightly and grinned. "Now don't be all like that, hun. Ain't like I ain't never seen those parts before! I am a woman too, ya know."
Raven's just shook her head. "A little privacy would be nice!" she belted.
"Fine, fine! I don't care none. But here is yer clothes when you get done." and promptly closed the door. Raven locked the door from across the room with her powers and slid back down in the tub groaning to herself. "Some days it just doesn't pay to leave your bedroom..." she said.
Humming "Sweet Home Alabama" to herself, Sandy made her way into the kitchen to see what Starfire had prepared. Standing next to the counter stood the crimson haired beauty, with every single condiment and food stuff Sandy could imagine spread out.
"Just what in blue hell are yer making?" she asked.
Starfire turned to face the perplexed Sandy and smiled. "Greetings friend! I am making the ham, cheese, butter of peanuts, pickles, mint frosting and chips of chocolate cookies sandwich." she chirped.
"Is that all?" Sandy said sarcastically. "What's the mustard for?"
"My beverage!" Starfire said smiling.
"Europeans done have crazy taste..." Sandy thought.
"This is ridiculous." came Raven's voice from behind them. Both Starfire and Sandy turned around to see the pale empath before them, wearing the outfit that Sandy had picked out for her.
As Raven stood in the archway between the hallway and kitchen, she found herself clad in her normal black boots. But where her bondage pants were, there were now denim bib over-alls with a huge pocket in the front. Instead of her black skull and cross bones tee-shirt, she was now wearing a red and black button up flannel shirt. Clutched in her left hand was a grocery bag full of her old muddy clothes.
"I look like a country music singer threw up all over me." she said flatly.
"Aw now don't be like that hun! You look prettier than a Georgia peach!" Sandy beamed. "That used to belong to my daughter, Suzy Mae, before she went up and moved oughtta town."
"Foo ook fice..." Starfire said, her mouth full of her sandwich concoction.
Raven sighed to herself, preferring her muddy clothes over this. "Can we finally use the phone now?" the empath asked, wanting this night to be over as soon as possible.
"Sure thang." Sandy said, as she showed Raven the phone on the wall. It was one of the older ones in which you had to use rotary dial in order to get out. Spinning the last digit, Raven dialed up Titans Tower...
"Ugggh...yeahh...right there...that's spot." Jinx said as she sat on the couch as Cyborg giving her a back and neck massage. "Ohhh that feels goooooddd..." she cooed dreamily.
Cyborg just grinned. "I uploaded a Tai-Chi massage guide today, just for you baby."
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
Cyborg's romantic tryst with Jinx was suddenly interrupted by the beeping of the Titans main phone line.
"Aren't you going to go get that?" Jinx asked. "Nah..." Cyborg responded "...probably just a telemarketer." and sat up to put the phone on 'SILENCE' . The metal Romeo then sat down back down to resume Jinx's massage. "Now...where were we?" he asked.