Cycles 1: Autumnus

by ulstergirl

A year after Nancy breaks up with Ned, he manages to find his way back into her life. Complete.

2. Chapter 2

"So did anything happen?" Bess arched an eyebrow as she dug into her caesar salad.

Nancy scribbled a few lines in her notebook, tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, then looked at Bess. "Not really," she said. But she was smiling.

"Did you drive all the way to Emerson because I was with Scott?" George asked.

"No," Nancy said, sighing. "Casablanca was playing there."

Bess and George exchanged glances. "Yeah, I'm sure that's the only reason you went there," Bess said.

Nancy paused with her pencil still poised to take notes. "I didn't overreact, did I?"

"Depends on whether you slept with Ned last night," Bess said, crunching on a crouton.

"I slept with him, but I didn't sleep with him." Nancy put her pencil down. "What difference would that have made?"

"Well, it would have looked like you were just going to Ned to get back at Jake," George said. "Actually it looks like that now but it would have been worse." George winced when Bess elbowed her in the ribs.

Nancy rubbed her forehead. "I told Ned I was with him now."

Bess swallowed a bite of salad. "What are you going to do if Jake apologizes to you?"

"Today?" Nancy asked.

Bess shrugged. "Today, tomorrow, next week... if he does."

Nancy turned her head to stare out the window. "He won't," she said. Then she caught the expression on Bess's face. "But if he does... the fact that he even considered having me give up the work I love, even for a little while..."

"So how are you going to be with Ned now if you're going to keep your job?" George asked softly.

Nancy's shoulders slumped. "I don't know," she admitted. "I told him that... I won't be with anyone else. But it is incredibly unfair of me to keep him waiting like this. I mean, we were together before, he said he's used to the way it was back then. And it'll be okay."

George took a sip of her soda. "You're twice as busy now," she pointed out. "Unless you have tons of free time I don't know about."

Bess glanced at George, then met Nancy's eyes. "As long as he understands that." Then Bess glanced at her watch and pushed back her chair. "I have to go to practice. Text me if you talk to Jake," she said.

Nancy smiled and gave her a wave. "All right," she said.

After Bess had vanished through the side door, George finished off her soda. "What are you working on?" she asked.

Nancy glanced down at her notes. Her eyes widened. "The story I have to turn in to Jake."

George smiled. "Good luck with that. I'm going to meet with Scott for a jog, if you want to come."

Nancy shook her head and waved George away. "Go ahead," she said. "I'm going to dread this and then go turn it in. Get it over with."

George reached over and patted Nancy's shoulder. "I'm sure you'll be fine. Hope everything goes okay."

"Me too," Nancy said wryly.

--

"You weren't in class this morning," Gina said.

Nancy had been nervously tapping her foot, waiting for Jake's office door to open. She'd considered emailing him her story, or even leaving a hard copy with the secretary, but then she'd just be avoiding him when she'd need to interact with him the next semester. So she'd decided to bite the bullet and see him, even if it meant suffering through the heavy ball of anxiety in her stomach.

She smiled briefly. "I had a late night," she admitted. "Would you be willing to slip a sister some notes?"

Gina smiled and fluffed out her hair. "I would say I'd love something in return, but from what I've heard, you're in the outs with the boss today."

"What did you hear?" Her face taut with worry, Nancy leaned toward Gina.

Gina shrugged. "That's all," she admitted. "Jake's been in a pissy mood all day anyway. Something with the faculty advisor."

Nancy fell into a chair and rubbed her hand over her face. "Great," she muttered.

Just then Jake's office door opened. He clapped a red-headed guy on the back, a fellow reporter Nancy had spoken to two or three times. Jake was smiling, and then his gaze found Nancy.

Steeling herself, Nancy brushed her black wool skirt over her knees, stood, and walked on clicking heels to the editor's office.

"That your story?" He nodded at the floppy disk in her hand.

Nancy nodded and offered it to him. He accepted it and placed it on his desk, then leaned against his doorway, not allowing her entry.

"I don't want this to be awkward," she began.

"What would be awkward about this?" She recognized the glint in his eyes and fought the urge to shudder.

"I think you made it clear last night that we need to choose between working here and being together," she said, keeping her voice calm with an effort. "I'm not willing to stop working here. Neither are you. So until you graduate I guess we're stuck here."

"You could get a job anywhere," Jake said, reaching up to brush a stray hair out of her face. "We don't need to have any problem here."

Nancy took a small step away from him. "I'm not going to change my mind."

"Fine," Jake said, his voice harsh. "Neither am I. But remember what I said. You can get a job anywhere."

"What are you trying to say?" Nancy said, her voice hard.

He shrugged. "I'm not trying to say anything," he replied.

Nancy turned on her heel. "Email me if you have anything else," she said.

"Oh, I will."

--

Nancy had just finished watching her favorite television show when she heard a knock at the door. She cast a guilty glance at her unfinished lab report and opened the door.

"Here's the notes," Gina said, handing Nancy a few photocopied pages. "If you have any questions, just give me a call."

"Thanks," Nancy said, putting the pages on her desk. She met Gina's eyes. "Did you hear anything else after I left?"

Gina looked down. "All I know is that Jake was talking to the faculty advisor again. I don't know what he said. I'm sorry."

Nancy leaned against her wall. "I have a bad feeling about this," she said.

"Yeah, but he's always been a player."

Nancy tilted her head. "What?"

Gina tossed her hair. "You weren't here, it was when I was a sophomore and I'd just started out doing the graphic design at the paper. Jake started dating one of the girls who was working part-time in the office, just filing paperwork and that kind of thing, not a full-fledged reporter. She might have been, if Jake hadn't gotten to her. Anyway, things went bad between them, and two days later she was forced out of the office. They were never that serious, but... you and Jake seemed to kind of be."

Nancy nodded. "We kind of were. Not engaged or anything. But he asked me if I'd quit so we could go out."

Gina nodded. "Jackie, right?"

"Well, he said she was raising trouble with the faculty advisor."

"Jackie hates Jake, but she hates the idea of leaving the paper more. I'm not sure what happened between them, I don't know if they ever dated, but she gets pissed when she sees this kind of thing happening."

Nancy touched her chin thoughtfully. "That's good to know. Thanks, Gina."

Once Gina had left, Nancy sat down at her computer. Bess still had an away message up on the instant messaging program they used, so Nancy texted her over the cell phone.

A few minutes later Bess called back. "I take it he didn't apologize," Bess said wryly.

"Not in the slightest. He made the same suggestion and then some veiled threat about my job."

Bess growled under her breath. "How nice of him."

"One of my sisters just came by and told me he's made a pattern of doing this. Breaking up with girls and then forcing them out. I guess she thought things between Jake and me weren't that serious, or she'd have told me earlier." Nancy flopped down on her bed and closed her eyes.

"That's just not right, Nancy."

"I know," Nancy said. "And he's been talking to the faculty advisor all day. I could quit right now and go back next semester when he's gone, and finish out my internship without jeopardizing my being in the program. Depending on how much damage he's doing right now."

"But then it's like he's won," Bess protested.

"Tell me about it," Nancy sighed.

"Isn't there any dirt you can dig up on him?"

"I'm not sure what good it would do," Nancy said. "It's not like I thought he was a complete jerk when I started going out with him..."

Bess chuckled. "Well, actually, you did. And you told me so, a lot."

"You're not supposed to remember that," Nancy said in mock accusation. "He's setting me up nicely, though. I can bow out right now, maybe they'll forget about everything, and he'll go on to that nice cushy job at the Sun-Tribune... and do this to another girl. Or ten."

"Don't you want to have his job eventually, though? The editing job at the paper? Wouldn't that be good?"

"I don't know. I'd really rather be out there working on stories, not sitting behind a desk waiting to read about it."

After a few minutes she and Bess said goodnight and hung up. Nancy sat down at her computer and looked at her lab notes, then at her web browser. She couldn't concentrate on the lab at all.

She went to the Emerson website and started researching their journalism program.

--

"I could transfer," Nancy said quietly.

A look passed over George's face so quickly Nancy almost missed it. "Nan... are you sure you're not overreacting? I mean, are you sure that Jake's trying to get you fired?"

Nancy shrugged miserably. "No. I just know that seems to be his modus operandi."

"Maybe you should go try to talk to him again."

Nancy shook her head. "You didn't see the look on his face," she said darkly. "It's his way or no way. And he works fast. Unless I work faster..." She shook her head. "I didn't think he was malicious enough to completely destroy my work for my degree, but I don't think he sees it that way at all. All he sees is that I'm unwilling to do what he wants."

George shoved her hands in her pockets and shivered against the wind. She and Nancy were standing just outside the library. Then she smiled. "I guess I'm just hoping you can find a way to stay here," George said. "I understand you wanting to be at Emerson, to be closer to Ned..."

"That's not why I'd go," Nancy said.

George sighed. "Yes it is," she replied.

Nancy hung her head. "Yeah, we all applied and all got in, didn't we."

George nodded. "That was part of the deal. We all get in, we all go here. And hang out all the time, the three of us. I know it's not quite like that," she said, a wry look on her face, "but at least I know you're here. And Bess, between dates and drama practice."

Nancy reached out and hooked an arm around George's shoulders. "Okay," she said. "In the interests of the group, I'll go see what I can do."

George paused, her lips pursed as though she was about to speak.

"What is it?"

"Were you going to... mention this little idea to Ned?" George asked hesitantly.

Nancy smiled. "Don't want to get his hopes up," she said.

--

"Nancy, what are you working on right now?"

Nancy paused at Jackie's desk. "Professor Sanders' retirement."

Jackie nodded. "Interviewed her yet?"

Nancy shook her head. "I'm going to go see her tomorrow morning and then get any follow-up I need on Monday. Why, did she call?"

"No. Do you have any other stories going on?"

Nancy picked the pile of papers off the chair next to Jackie's desk and sat down in it. "Why do you want to know?"

Jackie glanced around to make sure no one was looking. "Is there anything going on with you and Jake right now?"

Nancy folded her arms. "I broke things off with him."

Jackie nodded. "I thought so."

"What does that have to do with the stories I'm working on?"

Jackie propped her head on her hand. "I'm on your side here. Did Jake assign you that retirement story?"

Nancy reached down and started rolling the hem of her shirt in her fingers. "No. Jacob was assigned the story and he remembered that I got along with her. He doesn't. He had her for a class last year. So he switched with me."

"What story did you give him in return?"

Nancy scowled. "Some BS story about the ticket office and the new production company associated with the theater. Plus, he'll be seeing a lot of my friend Bess Marvin over there, and that'll make him happy."

Jackie nodded. "Okay."

"What's this about?"

Jackie shook her head, smiling. "Trust me when I tell you that I'll get back to you."

Nancy nodded slowly. "All right," she said, rising and putting Jackie's papers back on the chair, still looking at her curiously. "I need to go see Jake right now anyway."

Jackie was already clicking her mouse, looking for something on her computer. "Don't bother," she said, glancing in Nancy's direction. "He's at a conference."

"With who?" Nancy asked sharply, before she could stop herself.

"It's just the regional conference for college newspapers," Jackie said, one eyebrow arched. "Relax."

--

"When does the game start?"

"Seven thirty," Ned told her. "Nan, I don't expect you to be there and I don't want you killing yourself to make it over here. There'll be other games."

"I know." She sighed and pulled her coat tighter around her. "But if you hear someone cheering extra loud for you from the bleachers, maybe it's me."

Ned laughed. "You sure you don't want to go undercover for the cheerleading squad and put on one of those uniforms? Then I'll be sure to see you cheering."

Nancy made a mock-injured noise. "That's the only way you'll notice me?"

"Of course not." His voice was rich and warm. She could almost imagine him next to her. What she wouldn't give to have his leather coat back. "Heard from Iris yet?"

"Yeah. She and Dad are back." Nancy chuckled. "Apparently she highly recommends the cruise line they took. I was amazed, when I was listening to her describe it. No furtive-looking stewards, no secret codes slipped under her door, no kids trying to sell their parents' government secrets..."

"Ahh yes, that's how the other half lives," Ned said, nostalgic. "I remember when my vacations used to be like that. All sunshine and swimming, or hiking, or skiing... no terrorists or angry criminals."

"You can't miss that," Nancy said softly.

"Sometimes I do," he admitted. "The other half of the time, I miss the lull between, where we used to spend our quality time."

Nancy smiled at the memory of that. "Yeah," she said. "That was nice."

"And you had to go to a university so far away from me," he said, sighing dramatically. "Very little lull time to be had."

Normally she would have become defensive. "I know," she said. "Um... I'm having some problems with Jake."

Ned was quiet for a moment. "Go on," he said, his voice under careful control.

"He might cause problems for me at work."

Ned exhaled. "What kind of problems?"

Nancy elaborated, ending with her explanation of how it might interfere with her progress on her degree. "That's what I'm worried about," she admitted. "I love the work, I want to do this the rest of my life, and he might stall my progress."

"Just give me five minutes with him," Ned said.

Nancy laughed. "Much as I'd appreciate it, I think it might do more harm than good."

"There has to be a way you can prevent him from doing this," Ned said.

Nancy sighed. "That's what everyone keeps saying. But if I can't..."

"Then what?"

The apprehension that had been humming just under Nancy's skin rose to her throat. "I could transfer to Emerson."

Ned grew quiet again. "Don't do this to me," he said.

"What do you mean?" she asked. She hadn't been expecting him to respond that way; she hadn't even planned to tell him, for fear that he could convince her to do it.

"Nancy, Wilder is known for its journalism school. I know Emerson has one, and I'm sure it's fine."

"Then..."

"You'd be coming here for me."

Nancy blinked a few times. "Everyone keeps saying that."

"It's true. You have no idea how much I'd love for you to be here. I love this place. I love this school. But I don't want you cheating yourself out of a degree that could get you farther."

"How much would you like me to be there with you?" she asked.

"Imagine how much you love the work you're doing," he said, then stopped abruptly.

"That much?"

"That much."

"And you're willing to wait."

He chuckled. "I know that it'll be a year and a half, or really two and a half, until I can see as much of you as I'd like."

"You could have seen as much of me as you'd like when I saw you last," she teased him.

"Ahh, there's another reason you shouldn't come here," he said.

Nancy sighed. "It would be nice though, wouldn't it."

"It would be great, Nan," Ned said gently. "I have to go right now. Call me later, okay?"

"All right," she murmured.

--

"Judge Lifford called. I need to go talk to him tonight anyway," Carson said. He gave Nancy a kiss on the cheek. "Are you going to be here this weekend?"

"I can be," she said, looking at her father's face. He looked a little more tan, she decided. A little more rested. "Want me to be?"

"You can help us eat the leftovers," Carson laughed. "I don't think Hannah's cooked for one in a while."

Hannah rolled her eyes in mock exasperation. "I know perfectly well how to cook for one, thank you. And I'd be delighted to cook for one more," she said, winking at Nancy.

"Well, we can talk about it over breakfast," Nancy said. "I know I'll be here for that."

After Carson had left, Iris turned to Nancy. "So, where do you feel like going for dinner?"

"What are you in the mood for?" Nancy asked.

"A place where we can actually hear ourselves think," Iris said. "And linger over our meal."

"Well, there's a nice little place I know of in Emersonville," Nancy began. Hannah shot her a glance.

When Nancy had gone upstairs to change, Hannah knocked lightly at her door. "Emersonville?" she asked, one eyebrow arched, when Nancy opened the door.

"Come on in," Nancy said, gesturing her inside. "Yes, Emersonville."

"Is there something you haven't told me?" Hannah leaned against Nancy's door, her arms crossed.

Nancy blushed slightly and looked down. "Ned and I are... kinda back together."

"And when did this happen?"

"Just this past week," Nancy said apologetically. "Since the last time I saw you. If I'd had two seconds alone with you I'd have told you, I swear."

Hannah half-smiled. "So what about this Jake character you were telling me so much about?"

Nancy sighed and sat down on her bed. "Got about an hour?" she asked.

--

"So you have no... concerns you'd like me to address."

Nancy stared down at her half-cleared plate for a minute. The previous week had been altogether too much. She would have no chance to talk to Jake before Monday. Ned's game was starting in twenty minutes. And her stepmother wanted to have a state of the union talk with her.

"Look," Nancy said, rubbing her fingers in circles over her temples. "You love my dad, my dad loves you. I'd really like to get to know you better, since I'm going to be spending a good part of the rest of my life, or at least the majority of holidays, in your company. But I've had one of the worst weeks in a long time. With work, with school..."

"We've got the rest of the night," Iris said, gesturing expansively. Her diamond bracelet glittered under the dim lighting. "I'd love to hear about it."

"Actually... have you ever been to Emerson?"

--

"But we will have this talk, right?"

Nancy smiled as she led Iris through the sea of waving pennants and cheering fans. "We will. Thanks for coming."

"So... how is it you have standing tickets here?" Iris asked, one eyebrow arched as she ducked around a set of raised arms.

Nancy laughed. "Let's just say that the dean of students owes me."

After they found their seats, Nancy glanced at the scoreboard. They hadn't arrived in time to see the players enter the field, but she scanned the configuration of the Emerson team.

"There he is," she said, pointing at Ned. "Number twelve. He's the quarterback."

Iris peered in the direction of Nancy's finger, then glanced at her stepdaughter. "Can you get him to come closer? I think he's cute but from this distance..." She chuckled.

Nancy cheered louder than she ever had before. Ned glanced over in her direction a few times, but she wasn't sure he'd seen her until after the game, which they won. She and Iris hung around just outside the locker room, beside the throng of television cameras and microphones. They were discussing the final play, which Ned had singlehandedly taken to a winning touchdown, when Nancy felt an arm fall over her shoulders.

"Hey," Ned said, smelling of soap and cologne. He planted a kiss on her cheek. "You made it."

Nancy smiled. "Ned, this is Iris," she said, gesturing to the older woman.

Iris extended a hand. "I remember you from the wedding. You are a cute one," she said frankly.

Ned chuckled to himself. "Nice to see you too," he said as they shook.

"That was a fantastic play," Nancy said. "Congratulations."

Ned ducked his head. "It was nothing," he said. "Please don't tell the TV stations what I said, though."

"You were great out there."

She met his eyes and for a moment they couldn't break the gaze. Nancy's lips quirked in a half-smile and she looked away.

"Thanks," he replied softly.

"I take it this handsome young man has taken you to the restaurant we visited tonight," Iris commented.

Nancy smiled. "Yes, we've been there a few times."

Just then Howie Little, one of Ned's fraternity brothers, came up behind them. "Ned," he said, his deep voice resonating. "Victory party over at the frat house. Come on! Bring the little lady," he said, smiling down at Nancy. "Been a while since we've seen you."

Nancy smiled up at him. "Hey Howie." Then she looked at Iris.

"Go, go," Iris said, laughing, making a dismissing gesture. "I'm tired, I'll head back."

"Are you sure?" Nancy asked.

"As long as Ned is willing to give you a ride back home, that is." Iris raised an eyebrow and Ned nodded, smiling. "I'll see you in the morning, then," she said.

"That certainly sounded like permission to stay out all night," Ned said, leering comically, once Iris was out of earshot.

"Don't push it, Nickerson," Nancy said, laughing. "What's the quickest way back to Omega Chi from here?"

--

They sat on the back window seat of someone's convertible. Nancy didn't catch the name of the driver. Ned kept his arm around her shoulder for the entire ride, still flushed with happiness from the game. Nancy gasped when she saw the crowd at Ned's fraternity. People were spilling out the front door, sprawled on the lawn. Bass music pounded into the night.

An enormous cheer went up when Ned and Nancy walked in the door. Ned raised his arms, grinning, and the sound grew even louder.

While Ned was hustled toward the keg, darting a concerned glance back over his shoulder at Nancy, some of the Omega Chi brothers Nancy knew from her previous cases came up to her.

"Glad you've come around," Parker said, raising his cup. He grinned at Nancy. "Want anything to drink?"

"Do you guys know where any water might be?" Nancy smiled. "My throat is sore from all that yelling."

Paul brought Nancy a plastic cup with a peach-colored liquid inside. "Don't worry, it's fruit juice," he said, in response to her wary look. "Virgin. As long as you take a drink with us later."

Nancy raised her glass in a toast. "All right," she laughed. "Is Mike around?"

"Hmm," Howie said, looking around. He towered over the crowd, even over Ned. "I think he's dancing with Jan."

Jan was the first to spot Nancy. She raised a hand in greeting. "Hey," she called over the music.

Nancy waved back, then called "Mind if I cut in?"

Jan shrugged, still smiling. "Go ahead."

Nancy caught the look that passed over Mike's face, but he offered her his arm anyway. She had danced with him before, and expected the weight behind his grip, as his cane wasn't in sight. "I'm sorry, Mike."

Mike half-shook his head. "Forget about it."

"No, I am. I don't know what got into me last year. And I know you must be angry at me for hurting Ned the way I did."

Mike met her gaze for the first time. "You did hurt him. He might never tell you how much, Nancy. Sure, you two dated other people occasionally. But you were the one he never stopped talking about."

Nancy flushed. "He didn't?"

Mike shrugged. "I can count on one hand the number of conversations we've had that he didn't bring your name up. And that does include last semester."

"He seems so laid back about it," Nancy said slowly. "About the way things are right now."

Mike glanced away. "Sure he does," he said conversationally. "Don't get me wrong. Ned's my best friend. And when you're in the room, he lights up in a way I've never seen with anyone else."

Just then Mike's expression changed, and Nancy felt a tap on her shoulder. Ned stood behind her, with Jan. Both of them had plastic tumblers in their hands. "So, I leave you alone for two minutes and look where I find you."

Mike returned his grin. "She wanted to talk to a real man, Nickerson. And you know me, gotta always have a girl around." He put his arm over Jan's shoulder, and Nancy felt his weight shift from her to his girlfriend.

"I can't compete," Ned complained, sighing dramatically. "You get all the girls."

"He'd better not." Jan was smiling too as she lightly smacked Mike on the arm.

The crowd separated the two couples, and Nancy gazed over Ned's shoulder at where they had been.

"Hey," Ned said, leaning down to touch the tip of his nose against hers. His eyes were glowing.

"So what have you told your brothers about what's going on with us?" she asked him suddenly.

Ned glanced over his shoulder in the direction of Nancy's gaze. "Do you mean Mike in particular, or everyone?" he asked mildly.

"Both," she said.

"Well, I have to say that I got ribbed pretty badly after you stayed over. I think Jack said girls don't come here to get thrown out of bed the next morning, or something like that."

"So they all know I spent the night here?"

"Mike does. Mike's cool about it."

Nancy smiled. "Not that I blame him, but I don't think he's quite forgiven me."

Ned shrugged. "I'll talk to him."

Nancy put a hand on Ned's shoulder. "Don't. I'll talk to him. I would have mentioned it while we were talking, but we didn't quite finish our conversation."

"Sorry about that. Didn't know you two were having a heart to heart." Ned smiled.

Nancy closed her eyes for a minute and thought about it. Thought about the case that had led to Mike's injury, when he'd become involved in a gambling scheme at the college. Ned had broken up with her over her suspicion of Mike's involvement, and even though she'd been validated by his complicity... the triangle of the three of them, the way Ned had chosen Mike over her before. Nancy hadn't trusted Ned's judgement, and that had hurt him just as much as his best friend's involvement in the scheme.

She felt Ned's lips on hers and her eyelashes fluttered. When he pulled back slightly she murmured, "What was that for?"

"That look on your face," he said. "I wanted to give you something nice to think about instead."

Nancy smiled slowly. "I think now they must know we're back together."

Ned kissed her again and she leaned into it. "Just to make sure," he teased. He took another sip from his cup. "So we are back together?" he asked her, his eyes bright.

"I'm thirsty," she said, and took his hand. "Let's go get me a drink."

--

She had one drink. She wasn't quite sure how many he had, but she took his keys away around midnight. The party was still in full swing when Nancy jerked awake, Jan's hand on her shoulder.

"What?"

"It's okay," Jan said. "Maybe you want to go up and sleep in Ned's bed?"

Nancy smiled. "Did Mike tell you about that?"

Jan nodded. "Hey, when Ned's happy, Mike is happy. And I prefer happy Mike."

"Is Mike... happy that we're back together?"

Jan shrugged. "I think it would be more true to say he's cautious," she said in as low a voice as would carry. "Waiting to see what happens."

Nancy laughed. "I think we all are," she said. "Thanks, Jan."

Nancy pulled herself up off the couch and stumbled a few steps through the crowd until she was oriented again. She heard loud laughter from the kitchen area and headed that way, apologizing her way between dancing couples and drunk students.

"There you are," Ned said, raising his cup. "I was just about to come find you."

"I feel like I saw you five minutes ago," Nancy said, tossing her hair back.

"You did," he told her, smiling. "You pass out? I didn't think you'd had that much," he said, curving an arm around her waist.

"I'm just tired," she said. "I think we need to go. Because I don't think you're cool to drive and I really have to get back tonight."

He considered a moment, then nodded. "Let me say my goodbyes."

--

His keys broke the silence in his parents' house, and Nancy closed her fingers around them while silencing him. "Shh," she said, "you don't want to wake them."

Ned laughed under his breath and pulled Nancy to him for a kiss. "Definitely don't want to wake them."

"I have to go to the bathroom," she whispered to him, and ran lightly up the stairs. She nearly froze as she heard the door to his parents' bedroom open.

"So how did the game go?" his mother asked, her voice slow with sleep.

Nancy closed the door very quietly behind her. When she opened the door again, Ned was sitting on his bed, a glass of water in his hands. His bedside lamp was on, but his bedroom was otherwise dark.

"Did your mom hear me?" Nancy whispered.

"I told her you just had to use the bathroom," Ned said, then took a sip of water.

"I'll call a cab," Nancy said, reaching for her cell phone.

"Don't," he said, looking up into her eyes.

"Ned, I don't think you're cool to drive," she said, stilling her hand. "I don't know how much you had to drink, but..."

"I'm not drunk," he told her quietly. He put the glass on his bedside table and stood up, drawing her into his arms. "Don't leave."

Nancy groaned, looking over her shoulder at the closed door. "They'll hear us."

Ned shook his head, nuzzling against her face. "Mom's in bed again, probably already asleep, and Dad could sleep through a bomb going off... Nan, they'll never know..."

"What about in the morning?" Nancy's eyes fluttered closed as Ned's mouth touched hers. She met his eyes and tried to concentrate when he pulled back. "There's... a reason..."

He kissed her again. "I'm sure there's a reason. And you can tell me what it is in the morning."

--

She woke up in one of his Emerson t-shirts, which normally would have reached mid-thigh, but the hem was twisted up around her waist. As was one of his arms. The other was somewhere under the pillows. She blinked a few times, then stared at his tranquil face, which was nestled into the pillows.

"Ned," she whispered.

Just then his alarm went off. He shook himself awake, reached over and smacked it, muttering a curse. Then he murmured happily as he put his arms around her again and nestled into her.

"Ned," she whispered again. "That was your alarm..."

"And?" he mumbled into her shoulder.

"And if I don't get home before my dad realizes I'm gone he's going to kill us."

--

Ned pulled his car to a stop a few houses away from Nancy's and looked at her.

"Wish me luck," she said, planting a kiss on his cheek.

"Luck," he said, reaching for her face again. He kissed her solidly, then pulled away. "Call me later, maybe we can do something this weekend."

"All right," she said, nodding, her eyes still sparkling from his kiss. She climbed out of his car, carrying a grocery bag.

As she'd feared, when she reached the house, her father was sitting at the breakfast nook. She saw him through the back door, but knocked anyway, and Hannah allowed her entrance, a knowing look in her eyes.

"What's this?" Carson asked.

"I really wanted grapefruit juice," Nancy explained, "and I thought we were out so I went out for some. Want any, Dad?"

Carson shook his head. "No thanks," he said, looking back down at the slice of toast he was buttering. "I didn't think you liked grapefruit juice," he murmured.

Nancy shrugged. "Well, I wanted some today," she said, smiling.

Hannah, still with that look on her face, put a juice glass down on the bar and gestured to Nancy. "Go ahead, then. If my orange pineapple isn't good enough for you..."

Nancy met Hannah's eyes for a minute, trying to signal her promise to tell Hannah all that had happened if only she wouldn't blow it. But she had to back up her alibi, so she dutifully poured half a glassful and chugged it down.

Carson saw her face. "I think I was right."

Nancy swallowed. "I think you were too. Man, I didn't remember how much I hated this stuff." She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "I'm gonna run upstairs and take a shower. If you could please save me a plate," she asked Hannah, still pleading with her eyes. She ran lightly up the stairs and changed into her bathrobe.

"Grapefruit juice is a lot easier than the old 'we fell asleep watching movies' gag, huh?" Hannah asked, closing Nancy's door behind her. "Though by the look on your face I bet you wish you'd tried that instead."

"Thanks for not saying anything," Nancy said, looking up from her bathroom sink.

"Far be it from me," Hannah said, crossing her arms. "So you slept over at his frat, again?"

Nancy shot her an apologetic look. "Not exactly..."

"At his parents'?"

Nancy nodded. "Yeah. For some reason, I can't really think that well very early in the morning..."

--

"So...?" Nancy stabbed a leaf of lettuce and brought it to her mouth.

"I think I can help you," Jackie began.

Nancy met Jackie's eyes. "How?" she asked bluntly.

"Unless you quit the paper, Jake's going to force you out. To serve his ego. Because you had the balls to refuse him."

Nancy nodded. "I thought so."

"You're the third girl that I've known about that he's done this to. You're afraid that if you go to the faculty advisor that he's just going to dismiss you, don't you?"

"Yeah," Nancy said slowly. "I think he'll take Jake's side just because Jake has such a promising future. And that I'll end up having to switch my major for all the damage it will do."

"You're not the one who will be dismissed, Jake will be."

"How can you know that?" Ignoring her salad, Nancy leaned forward. "If this is true why haven't you gone to the advisor before?"

"Because you'll go with me," Jackie said, her dark eyes sparkling. "You'll tell him what Jake's been doing. Won't you?"

Nancy ran a hand through her hair. "I can," she admitted. "If I'm forced out of the program here, I can go to Emerson."

"You won't have to do that," Jackie said. "I can promise you that."

--

"We have a meeting tomorrow," Nancy said, shifting the phone receiver to her other ear as she typed another sentence of her paper. "If Jackie's right, this will take care of everything once and for all."

"Don't you think it will piss Jake off?" Bess asked. "He seems to think he can do this to you with no consequences, and then you come and try to get him forced out instead?"

Nancy shrugged. "I can't say that I care right now," she said. "I almost dare him to try anything. I could have him smacked up for sexual harassment so fast..."

"Speaking of sexual harassment, or lack thereof," Bess smirked, "so what's this about you spending the night with Ned again?"

"Oh that," Nancy said dismissively, loading paper into her printer. "Nothing happened. Again."

"With his parents downstairs."

"George really does tell you everything," Nancy marveled. "Yes, with his parents downstairs. It was really late, I didn't really want to leave and he didn't really want me to... and it's not like my dad knows."

"Didn't Iris ask any questions?"

"Nope. Just told me to have fun at the party. And I did. I saw Parker there, by the way," Nancy said.

"How's he doing?" Bess asked. "He always was fun to hang out with."

"Maybe you should come up with me to Emerson next time I go and hang out with him again," Nancy said. "I really need to go up there."

"Sleep with Ned again?" Bess teased.

"Talk to Mike," Nancy corrected her. "I just want to let him know that I'm not trying to hurt Ned again."

"So you've decided to devote some time to this?" Bess asked. "Because otherwise..."

Nancy stopped. "Because otherwise what?"

"Otherwise you're just fooling yourself," Bess said gently. "Are the two of you getting your relationship back to where it was before?"

"I think so."

"Have you told him you love him yet?"

"I.. don't remember."

"That means no. Nancy, the way you were... obviously the relationship you two had before wasn't enough. What's to say this won't happen again?"

"Unless what, Bess?"

"There's no unless, but you do need to realize that you can't do this with even less time than you had before."

"How?" Nancy asked, frustration in her voice. "Add an extra two hours to the day? What?"

"I don't know, Nan," Bess said. "But don't you think Mike is going to ask you the same thing?"

--

"Does Ned know you're here?" Mike asked as he closed the door to the study.

"No," Nancy admitted. The two of them heard Bess giggling with Parker in the other room. "He was in class when I tried to call him."

Mike took a seat on the couch and opened his arms. "What did you need?"

Nancy took a seat in a wing chair near the fireplace and smoothed the fabric of her pants over her legs. "We didn't get a chance to finish our conversation."

Mike's brow furrowed. "We could have done that over the phone."

"But that way Bess wouldn't have been able to come see Parker," Nancy explained, smiling. "And I wouldn't have a chance to see Ned."

Mike nodded. "All right."

"I know you must be really mad at me."

Mike shrugged. "Nancy... what I feel about you doesn't really matter."

"Yes it does," Nancy protested. "Has Ned talked to you about the two of us?"

He shrugged again. "Sure."

"He'll be able to see how you feel about me."

"Look. I want him to be happy. And..." He trailed off, looking toward the fireplace.

"Go ahead and tell me," Nancy prompted.

"You jerked him around a lot," Mike blurted out, his eyes flashing. "You hurt him a lot. And to be honest, I keep thinking in the back of my head that you're going to do it again."

Nancy looked down at her hands, which were folded in her lap. "I understand," she said.

Mike stood up and started pacing. "I don't think you do," he said. "He loves you so much."

"And I love him," Nancy said before she could stop herself. "Being apart from him... I've never been apart from him that long. Being with him again feels so right. I know I screwed up. I know that. I just want to know how I can convince you that this will never, ever happen again."

"The only thing that can do that is time," Mike said, his gaze hard on hers. "You can swear to me right now that you will love him forever, that you'll be with him forever, that you were an idiot. And as much as I don't want to believe that... prove it to me."

"How?"

"By staying with him for once!" Mike threw his hands in the air. "Prove me wrong. Prove to me that you have changed, that you have realized this is for good. Believe me, this time I would be overjoyed to be wrong. But don't screw this up again. You can't make nice with me. For him, for his sake, I will be nice to you. But can you honestly tell me that you're ready to devote any time or effort to this?"

Nancy looked down. "I love him," she whispered.

"When was that enough before? Enough to stop you from going off with any other guy you saw?"

"That's not true!" Nancy said vehemently. "It wasn't like that!"

"So you're willing to stay with him. Willing to spend all your free time here."

Nancy's fingers laced and unlaced. Her eyes grew damp with unshed tears.

Mike made a frustrated noise. "That's what I thought," he said. "And you have no idea how infuriating it is to watch your best friend be torn apart for the five thousandth time and not be able to do a thing about it."

"I'm not going to hurt him again."

"You never meant to before." Mike stopped pacing and stared at the wall. "I'm going to be there for him when you leave again. That I can promise you."

Nancy looked up and met Mike's eyes. A tear slid down her cheek. "This has been tearing me apart," she whispered. "The choices I've made. And nothing I do will be good enough to make up for it, will it."

"You say you love him," Mike said in a rough voice. Nancy nodded. "Do you want what's best for him? Do you want him to be happy?"

Nancy nodded again and drew in a long breath. "Yes."

"That's what I want too," Mike said gently. "Can you understand that? I want him to be happy. With you, without you, whatever. Can you blame me if that's the way I feel?"

"No," Nancy said, her voice shaking. She wiped a tear from her cheek.

"If you and I were in different places, if he were your best friend and you saw him with someone who was consistently breaking his heart, consistently making him incredibly happy and incredibly depressed, what would you do?"

"I'd try to convince him not to be with her."

"But that doesn't work," Mike said. "I told you. When he's with you, it's like there is no one else in the entire world. He's higher than when he's won a game. And he won't hear a bad word about you."

"He won't hear a bad word about you either," Nancy shot back, then clapped a hand over her mouth.

"What?"

Nancy shook her head. "No. I don't mean that. It's true, but I don't..."

Mike watched her quietly. "I've been his friend for a long time," he said.

Nancy nodded. "I know. And that's why I want us to get along." She smiled weakly. "His best friend and his girlfriend at each other's throats..."

"But we won't be," Mike said. "Not unless I see you repeating your same old stupid behavior again. After we've both agreed that what we want is what's best for him."

Nancy stood. "All right," she said.

Mike's gaze softened. "Look," he said. "Just... don't give me a reason to dislike you again, okay? I used to like it when we'd go out on double dates. We used to have some good times together."

Nancy smiled. "Yeah," she said.

Mike patted her arm. "All right," he said. "We done here?"

She nodded. "I think we are."

Mike pulled open the door and left the room while Nancy looked around for a tissue box. She found one and blew her nose, then wiped her cheeks. With the tissue still clenched in her fist she stared at the fireplace.

Maybe she was being too self-centered. Just because being with him made her feel good... he was willing to give her everything, he wanted to be with her, and she wasn't willing to give up work...

this isn't work, this is what I want to do the rest of my life

She swiped at her face again with the tissue.

"Hey, has your best friend died or something?"

Nancy gasped and spun around at the sound of Ned's voice. "What, you mean you didn't see Bess when you came in?"

Ned let the door swing shut behind him and sat down on the couch. He patted the cushion next to him, looking up at her. "No, can't say I did. She's here?"

Nancy nodded, but she didn't take the seat. "Um... did Mike tell you anything?"

Ned shook his head. "He didn't have to," he said. "I was right outside."

"What did you hear?" Nancy asked.

Ned rubbed his forehead, then shifted his backpack to the floor. "Enough to know that there are two people in this world who care a lot about me," he said. "Enough to hear you say that you love me."

Nancy gave him a shaky smile. "Yeah," she said.

"What, are you having second thoughts?" he said, smiling up at her. She was close enough to him that he could reach out and touch her, and he pulled her down to the couch. "Hey," he said. "You all right?"

Nancy fought the urge to put her head against his shoulder and just forget about everything Mike had just said. "He was right," Nancy said.

Ned put an arm over her shoulder and pulled her close to him. "Nan," he murmured, "you were right too."

She put a hand over her face and he reached over, pulled it away. "Look at me," he murmured. "Did I tell you that you had to change to be with me again?"

"No," she admitted, her voice shaking. "But I can't be a good girlfriend to you the way I am."

"Let me be the judge of that," he said. He kissed her gently. "Tell me what you're thinking."

"That Mike's right. That even if right now I feel like there's no way I could ever hurt you again, and believe me that's how I feel right now, that... I don't know," she said miserably, staring down at her hands. "Maybe for your sake I should just..."

"Shut up," he whispered, kissing her again.

Nancy broke off with a cry, then stood. "There's only so many times... Ned, what if I am no good for you?"

Ned stood and turned her to face him. "I've never seen you second-guess yourself this much," he said.

Nancy gave him a weak smile. "I've been thinking about the future a lot," she said. "A lot of the choices I make are going to have consequences. About Wilder, about Jake... about you. Everything could have been casual before, everything was casual before, but... I love you too much to do this," she said, another tear streaking down her face.

"You love me too much to... be with me?" he asked, his face motionless.

She cursed aloud. "It's not about Mike," she said. "Or maybe it is. He cares about you so much, Ned. The last thing he wants is to see you hurt."

"It will hurt me if you do this," he said carefully.

Nancy collapsed then. She threw herself on the couch and started sobbing, bent double, her hands over her face. All she could feel was the miserable lump in her stomach, the turmoil in her head. She hadn't expected this at all when she'd planned the trip here. Hadn't expected to be sitting on a couch in his frat, considering breaking up with the guy she loved more than anyone else.

"Ned," she whispered, then choked up.

"Don't do this," Ned said, and for the first time since she'd seen him again, she could hear a hint of desperation in his voice. "Nancy... don't you see that this is making you so upset, because it shouldn't happen? Because it's not right for us to be apart?"

Nancy wiped her eyes with the useless tissue again. "I won't hurt you again."

"Then don't," he said harshly. "Don't hurt me right now. Nan... I know that something might go wrong. I know that. I've accepted it. But... can you please, for me, just wait? Wait until Christmas, and think about this again. Until after the break."

Nancy looked at him. "How will that help?"

"How will it hurt?" he countered. "I'll talk to Mike—"

"Don't," she whispered. "I mean, unless you want to talk to him about something other than what you overheard."

"He was right about a few things," Ned whispered, tilting her chin up. "I do love you. And being with you does make me happier than almost anything else."

"Almost anything?" she chuckled, then ducked her head.

He made her eyes meet his again. "You're upset right now because you don't want to hurt me," Ned said. "Is that true?"

"Yeah," she murmured. "And a week from now—"

"Or a month from now or a year from now or never, Nancy, you can't predict it," he said softly. "Don't do this, don't get afraid and run away for something that hasn't even happened yet."

"I can't give you what you deserve," she said miserably.

"You're what I want," he said, leaning down to kiss her again. She fought back a little at first, but as he tilted his head Nancy felt herself melt into it, ignore the voice that was a steady stream of protests and worries, and it faded. Her head was spinning when he pulled away.

"That didn't hurt at all," he said, smiling. He cupped her face in both hands. "Say it with me," he said, searching her eyes. "'I'll wait until Christmas.'"

"I'll wait until Christmas," she repeated. "Why Christmas?"

"That wasn't part of it," he chastised her mildly, smiling. "I tell you not to worry, and you keep worrying..."

Nancy frowned. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Just trust me," he begged. "Trust that I know what I'm doing and I can think for myself. I'm a big boy. I know there are consequences."

"Until Christmas," she echoed. Then she smiled. "Maybe you think something will change between now and then."

Ned shrugged. "Just try to trust me," he said, brushing a strand of her hair back. "That's all I ask."

"Seems simple enough," she murmured. "How about if I trust you to kiss me again?"

--

"So you two were in there a long time," Bess whispered to Nancy in the backseat of Ned's car.

"Like you'd know, Ned told me you weren't in the lounge when he came in," Nancy retorted, smiling.

Bess searched Nancy's reddened eyes, concern on her face. "So what happened?"

She shook her head. "We'll talk about it later, okay?"

Parker turned around from the front passenger seat. "I'm glad you could convince him to come, Nan," he said. "We've been trying to get Ned to go to this club for like a month now."

Nancy smiled. "Oh really?"

"I just didn't want to go without my girl," Ned said, smiling at Nancy in the rearview. He negotiated a turn onto the highway. "Now which turn is it?"

When they arrived, Nancy spotted a group of Ned's frat brothers at the same time he did. They were with a group of girls Nancy didn't recognize at first sight, but this was a group she didn't know particularly well, so maybe they were girlfriends.

Bess grabbed Nancy's arm. "I'm starving," she said. "Let's go to the bar and get some fries or something."

Nancy glanced over her shoulder at Ned. "You two gonna be okay without us?" she asked, her eyes sparkling.

"Don't make us wait too long," Ned replied, laughing. "We'll be over there." He pointed at the group they had spotted.

Bess had already ordered a soda. "So dish," she demanded.

"Mike's worried about what I'm going to do to Ned," Nancy admitted. "Like you said. He thinks I'm not committed to this and I'm just going to hurt Ned again."

"And that's all the two of you talked about?" Bess grabbed a handful of cocktail nuts from the bartop and tossed them in her mouth.

"Ned wants me to wait until Christmas to start worrying about it again."

"Why Christmas?" Bess asked.

Nancy shook her head. "I don't know. But I've agreed. Maybe after Christmas I can..."

Bess watched Nancy's face carefully. "You can do what, Nan?"

Nancy shook her head. "This is impossible," she whispered.

"It's not," Bess replied. "Relax. Go with it. We're at a great club," she said, gesturing at the dancing couples and the flashing lights on the ceiling. "Not doing homework. Let's just go with it."

Nancy snatched a fry off the fresh basket the waitress delivered to them. "It's a deal. Let's find the boys."

--

"I would have worn something else," Nancy said, laughing as she gestured disparagingly at her olive drab cargo pants and long-sleeved henley.

"Hey, no one cares," Ned said, slipping his arms around her. "I'm just trying to figure out a way you can sleep over tonight," he whispered into her ear, his eyes sparkling.

"I really can't," she said. "I shouldn't even be here. I have so much homework to do..."

Ned grinned. "Then let's make the most of it," he suggested, swaying with her to the beat. "Bess sure is."

Nancy glanced over. Bess and Parker were closer to the group of Omega Chi brothers, and she was flirting for all she was worth, her face flushed and happy.

"You're right," Nancy said, sweeping her hair back and moving her hips. "I'll just be happy I'm not doing any homework right now."

Ned leaned closer, moving his hand in a hypnotist's motion. "You will not do any homework," he said in a lulling monotone. "You will stay with Ned tonight..."

Nancy laughed and grabbed his hand, then placed it on her hip. "Take what you can get, Nickerson. That's not it."

Just then Ned's face went slack, and he stopped dancing. "That's Cassie," he said, looking at something over her shoulder.

"What?" Nancy turned around in his arms and saw the group separating around a girl with long, dark hair, holding a denim jacket closed over her shoulders. She was trembling, her gaze darting around the room like she was being pursued.

"Cassie," Ned repeated. "She was in my English class last semester."

Nancy and Ned walked over to the group, which had formed a protective circle around the frightened girl. "What's wrong?" Nancy heard Parker ask her.

Cassie looked around at the other girls in the group, her lower lip shaking. For a moment Nancy was afraid she would faint.

"He... raped me," Cassie said, in a voice barely audible.

"Where is he?" Ned demanded.

Cassie pointed behind her at an alcove, and four of the guys, including Ned, headed that way at a run. Nancy put an arm over the girl.

"It's okay, come sit down," Nancy said, her voice comforting. "I'm going to call the police, okay?"

Cassie's expression was partially blank, and she swept a hand over her bangs. "Okay," she whispered. "He... not again."

Bess caught Nancy's gaze. "Again?" she repeated.

Cassie still hadn't explained her remark when the cops showed up.

--

"Is she all right?" Nancy asked.

"I think Doug said she took the rest of the week off," Ned said. "He's her boyfriend."

"Have they eliminated him as a suspect?" Nancy asked. She switched the receiver to her other ear.

"He wasn't there," Ned answered her. "He was in a physics lab, twenty other students can vouch for his having been there. And before you ask, no, no one knows what she meant by 'again.' I never heard of her being raped before, I'd remember that."

"Why is that?"

"She and Doug have been dating since they enrolled here. He never stops talking about her."

"Have they ever had problems?"

"Not that I can remember. But Parker hangs out with Doug more than I do. I should ask him."

"Maybe I should come ask him," Nancy said, making her voice husky, then laughing.

"Hey, any excuse to see you..." Ned's voice was rich with humor.

"So Cassie and Doug were steady. Why was she at the club?" Nancy asked.

"Good point," Ned said. "It's not like she didn't know he was in lab."

"And you guys didn't see anyone when you ran back there."

"The place was packed. All a guy would have to do is saunter out of that back room like he owned the place and we'd never have seen him, Nan."

"Hmm," she said. "Maybe I should contact Lieutenant Easterling in Emersonville..."

--

"So did Jake make unwanted sexual advances toward you?" Professor Jackson looked at Nancy, then over at Jackie. "Either of you?"

The girls exchanged glances. "They weren't unwanted at first," Nancy confessed. "I liked him. It was only after, when he asked me to consider quitting and then I broke up with him, that he started threatening me with firing."

"Miss Kipler? Was it the same for you?"

Jackie shook her hair out of her face. "No. For me, the advances were always unwanted. It wasn't until a new editor was appointed that anything I did even got to your notice, Professor."

"Miss Kipler, it's come to my attention that you were considering filing a report against Mr. Weber for showing favoritism. Toward Miss Drew?" The professor looked over wire rims at the two girls. "Did something change?"

Jackie nodded. "Miss Drew isn't with Mr. Weber anymore. She found his conduct just as reprehensible as I did. I don't have any other issue with her."

"What do you expect me to do? What do you think is a fit punishment for an excellent editor who has a guaranteed job once he graduates and a slight problem keeping his perspective when it comes to the girls on staff?"

"Keeping his perspective?" Jackie burst out, echoing Nancy's own outrage. "He uses the girls on staff like his own personal harem, and forces out the ones who don't do what he asks!"

"Are there any other girls willing to come forward?"

Jackie made a frustrated noise. "Give me a week. I'll bring you enough people..."

Nancy put a hand on Jackie's arm. "Has he already come to you?" she asked the professor.

"He has come to me," the professor admitted. "And I've seen the way he is at the paper. I can't say I'm surprised that there are a lot of girls linked to him."

"Does that make it okay?"

"For him to be a jerk? No. For him to have reprehensible personal conduct? No. But is it a reason to fire him?" The professor rubbed fingers across a furrowed forehead. "I need to look into these allegations. They are rather serious. He should have to put up with reminders of his past affairs, just like his fellow players."

"Could you believe that?" Jackie asked once they'd left the office.

Nancy shook her head. "He is a guy. It's not like this is unheard of."

Jackie shook her head in disgust. "If I could find every girl he did this to..."

"I know," Nancy agreed. "Maybe we should start tracking them down. Two can be ignored, maybe if we find them all we can shout loudly enough to get something done..."

--

"So what did he say?"

Nancy reached up and stroked her fingertips down Ned's cheek. "According to Easterling, Cassie described a dark-haired guy, medium build. That was all she knew. After that she clammed up. Any number of people left or entered the club before the cops showed up; it's not like we could keep people inside."

The laugh track on the television sounded from the corner. Ned didn't even glance at it; his eyes stayed steadily on her face in the blue light from the television. They were bundled under Ned's covers, in the bed in his frat room. She was wearing one of Ned's t-shirts again, her body tight against his as they shivered together.

"That's not much to go on," Ned said. "No distinguishing marks or features?"

Nancy shrugged. "It was dark," she said. "More than that, she never mentioned a previous rape. There is no previous rape on file; I had Easterling check. Did Parker find anything out?"

Ned shook his head. "Nothing more than to confirm what you just told me. According to Parker, Doug and Cassie were having a few problems about three months ago, but they worked everything out fine."

"You take Doug. I'll take Cassie."

Ned smiled. "Makes sense." He reached under the covers and pulled her close against him, then buried his face in her hair. "Maybe I should get another comforter..."

"That would be great," Nancy said, her teeth chattering.

Ned shivered as he climbed out of bed, groped in the top of his closet and found a blue electric blanket. With the blanket still in his arms he leaned over and adjusted the thermostat. Nancy laughed as he tossed the cover over her and then climbed in beneath.

"Mmm," he said, sliding back into the warmth he'd left behind and the heat radiating from her body. "I love you too," he whispered to her, his nose just above the comforter.

"Too?" she asked, eyes sparkling. "Did we skip a line?"

"Maybe a little," he admitted. "Thanks for staying with me tonight."

"If your college would just stop showing such great movies..." she laughed, then searched his eyes. "I'm not going to worry anymore," she said quietly. "Even after Christmas. Because you're right. I can't live my life terrified that I'll make a mistake."

He cupped a hand around her face and kissed her for a long moment. "Thank you," he said gently.

"I love you so much," she breathed.

"Hey," he whispered. Her eyes were wet. "I love you too. So, so very much." He slid his thumbs over her cheeks, over the moisture. He leaned down and kissed her again.

Nancy's eyes fluttered open. "Okay," she whispered, then smiled at him. "Don't move around too much after we go to sleep, or we'll have to think of some other way to generate some heat."

Ned made a protesting noise as Nancy turned over, away from him, smiling. "Hey," he said. "No fair..."

--

"So what do you want to do for Christmas?" Iris asked.

Nancy turned her head so fast her hair flew. She was sitting on the living room couch, her legs tucked under her, as she worked on a project for one of her classes. "I thought maybe we could stay around here."

Iris shrugged. She turned the page of the magazine on her lap with perfectly manicured fingers. "Maybe we could start a new tradition. Down in Florida?"

Nancy smiled. "No thanks. I like the snow."

Iris met Nancy's eyes frankly. "You don't remember any Christmases with your mother in this house."

Nancy shook her head. "No. I only have one clear memory of my mother, and it's... well, nothing about a major holiday, or this house in particular."

"All right," Iris said. "But you want to stick around here. Maybe your young man...?" Iris's eyes were sparkling.

Nancy ducked her head. "Well, it is a good time to see him. We'll both be on break, and around here, which is rare enough in itself."

Iris's attention was caught by something in the magazine, so she said in a distracted voice, "Maybe if the two of you are thinking about settling down soon, your dad was talking about the Carmichael house just behind here being up for sale."

Nancy smiled and made a few more marks on her paper. "Hannah's always loved that garden," she said.

--

Cassie took a seat in one of the swings and Nancy sat down next to her. When Nancy had asked if they could talk, Cassie had suggested the Emersonville Elementary School playground.

Nancy turned to Cassie and just watched her quietly for a moment. Cassie's fingers, barely visible over her frayed black cuffs, were wrapped around the cold metal chains of the swing. Her black thick-soled boots were flat and motionless on the ground.

"Thanks for talking to me," Nancy said.

Cassie shrugged. "Doug thinks you can help," she said.

"Do you think I can?"

Cassie shook her head. "No," she said, barely loud enough for Nancy to hear. "You can't help me. You might want to, but you can't."

"Why can't I help you? I know I'm not the police, but—"

"The police can't help me either." Cassie wrapped her arms around the chains and joined them in her lap. "No one on this earth can help me. Nothing against you personally," she said, meeting Nancy's eyes for the first time during the interview.

"Well, I don't think they can help you unless they have a better description of who did this," Nancy said carefully.

Cassie sighed. "It was dark. I can't give a better description."

Nancy kicked the ground so that she skidded backward a few feet. "You don't want me to help you."

Cassie looked away. "I'm going to tell you something," she said. "Something that you can't repeat to Doug, or Ned. Or the cops. Or anyone else. All right?"

Nancy was motionless now. "All right."

Cassie took a deep breath. "When I was younger I ran with a bad crowd. I did some things I'm not proud of, and I got busted. I have a juvenile record that was sealed. I came to Emerson to start over. Doug only knows who I am, who I've been since then. He hasn't pressed me for details and I haven't told him that much.

"I want you to trust me when I say that everyone needs to drop this. I'm not pressing charges against anyone. But those people are still around, and none of them have tried to change in the same way I did. I'm trying to get away from this, from what I did, from who I was, and this... is just going to drag it all out again."

Nancy nodded. "I understand."

"So will you promise me that you'll stop looking?" Cassie met Nancy's eyes.

"Can you promise me that you're not just letting this guy find someone else to hurt?" Nancy's blood was rushing in her ears. "Even if you just want to let this guy get off with what he did to you, even if you want nothing more than to put this behind you, don't you think the next person he would have raped will thank you if you come forward and put him behind bars now?"

Cassie looked away. "That won't happen," she said, but she looked uncomfortable.

"How can you know that, unless you know who he is? I know it's not Doug, is it one of your friends? Is he threatening you? Cassie—"

"It won't happen again," Cassie said. "It won't. It won't. I can't help you."

Nancy watched as Cassie walked away without glancing back.

--

"She's not going to help me," Nancy reported to Ned a little while later, in her Mustang on the way back to school. She sighed into her cell phone. "So I need you to do the legwork for me. See if there's anyone who seems like a good suspect. Maybe a former boyfriend hanging around, something like that. Some guy in her classes who just sets your teeth on edge."

"How can she not want this guy to be found?" Ned wondered aloud.

"Well, she has her own issues," Nancy admitted.

"Do you think she knows who did this?"

Nancy paused. "I can't tell you for sure," she said. "But I think she at least suspects who he is. Not that she'll admit that to me, or give me any leads to anyone. I would say anyone she's casually dated, that maybe it was date rape, but like you said—"

"She's always been with Doug," Ned finished her sentence. "And it wasn't Doug."

Nancy was inclined to agree. Despite her attempt to cast Doug as the villain, he just didn't fit the bill. He was a player on Emerson's football team, a big guy who wouldn't hurt a fly, unless that fly happened to be under a player on another team. She couldn't see him sneaking out of his lab to do this to Cassie, especially in so public a place, or see him hiring or otherwise coercing someone into doing it for him.

"Does the club have a list of the people who come in?" she asked.

"They do, but I've been back and seen their security. It's nonexistent. Plan it right and you could sneak twenty people in without anyone noticing. All they care about is getting a cover charge."

Nancy sighed. "Well, maybe we could get the list anyway. Just in case we get lucky."

Ned chuckled. "All right. I have to head to practice. I'll call you later, all right?"

"Okay. Love ya."

"Love you too."

--

Bess squinted at her cell phone's caller ID before she answered the ring. "Hello?"

"I really hope George was at the track when I called."

Bess chuckled. "Probably so. What's up, Ned?"

"Just calling to see if you guys want to take a long weekend at the vacation house, over Christmas break."

"So are you finally admitting your love for me?" Bess asked, giggling.

"Well, I've secretly been in love with George for a long time, and hearing her on the phone today just confirmed it..."

"All right, Nickerson. Stop making me jealous."

"You asked," he said, a hint of a laugh in his voice.

"Um... I'm going to see my relatives the day before and the day of. Are we talking..." She flipped through her calendar. "The weekend after? I'm pretty sure I could swing that. George and I shouldn't be tied up again until New Year's."

"Sounds great to me. That's what I was planning on."

"So is this going to be a Ned's harem weekend, or are we allowed to invite other guys? I mean, not to make you jealous or anything, but since I'm sure Nancy's coming...?"

"Yup."

"Then the rest of us will have to find some way to entertain ourselves. I'm in high demand, you know."

"Don't I. Yeah, that's fine. Parker might be available, if you want me to ask him..."

"Well, there's this one guy in my drama class..."

"It's okay, it was just a suggestion."

"If things don't work out with the guy, then I'd love to see Parker there."

"It's a date, then." Ned chuckled. "And if you end up not bringing a guy it's okay. I'd just like to have you there."

"You intrigue me, Ned. But I'll leave the detective work to Nancy."

"It's... kind of going to be a surprise," he said. "I haven't mentioned it to her yet, but I will soon. So can you just keep it quiet until I get back to you?"

"Sure," Bess said slowly, one eyebrow raised. "You buy me a bag of Hershey's hugs on the way there and we're even."

"Deal," he said.

--

"...All right. Thursday afternoon at four. That's fine. Thank you so much for agreeing to... I'm glad. Okay, see you then." Nancy hung up the phone and made a few notations on her pad before looking up to meet Jackie's gaze.

"I just found another one," Jackie said angrily. "Professor Jackson has been faculty advisor for the paper for the past eight years. In that time, I don't even know how many girls have gone to complain. Traditionally Jake's frat brothers have held the editor position at the paper. I know, I know," Jackie said in answer to Nancy's furrowed brow. "Only traditionally. Anyway. Another guy from Jake's frat had the position before him. There were complaints filed against him, too. Complaints that were forwarded to the Dean's office. But he wasn't fired either."

Nancy's eyes were glowing. "So it's not just Jake. This is an epidemic."

"It is," Jackie agreed. "We have an established pattern that when sexual harassment happens at this paper, it is ignored or shoved aside. Most of the girls involved don't seem to have worked together, so it's not like they talked to each other about it. The consensus seems to be that boys will be boys."

"We need copies of the memos," Nancy said. "We need proof. And someone willing to help us print this."

Jackie checked her watch. "I'm about to be late for a seminar," she said. "I'll call you later?"

"That's fine," Nancy said, her wave distracted as she started thinking about who she could contact. Then her cell phone rang.

"Hi," she answered, chewing on the end of her pen.

"Hey," Ned replied. "Busy?"

"Kinda," she admitted. "How are you doing?"

"Just wondering if I could take you out tonight, since I have some free time."

Nancy stopped chewing on her pen and a slow smile spread across her face. "I'd love that," she said. "And what I'd like even better is for you to help me out with something..."

--

"Not that I don't like black on you, but maybe another color would be nice occasionally. Blue, green, purple..." Ned joked.

He and Nancy were walking through the campus woods on their way to the associate dean's office. Jackie had figured out that was where most of the complaints had fallen into the black hole.

"Well, there are two schools of thought on disguise," Nancy said conversationally. "Either I could wear something noticeable, something no one would miss, like this turtleneck paired with a bright red tartan kilt, or..."

"Subtle, like we're doing," Ned sighed. He looped his arm through hers.

"It shouldn't take too long," she told him once they reached the front door. "Text my cell phone if you see anyone, I'll hear that."

"Be careful." He leaned down and kissed her lightly before she unlocked the door and ran upstairs.

An hour later Nancy opened the door of her room to find Ned sitting on her bed, flipping through the cable channels. "Any luck?" he asked.

"Well, she can do it tomorrow. Which is fine." Nancy ran a hand through her hair. "I was kind of hoping that he'd be keeping some sort of incriminating evidence, but why wouldn't he have shredded it?"

"So what can your sister do for you?" he asked. "Does she know some other people who might know?"

"No, but she can help me look in the files, the ones that might actually have some sort of disciplinary action listed in them. Just in case." Nancy sighed and sat down next to Ned. "Sorry. At least we did get dinner."

"Not all bad." He reached up and smoothed a palm over her back. "I'm not stopping you from getting any work done, am I?"

Nancy smiled at him apologetically. "Give me half an hour and I'll be done with my work and we can do whatever you want. Go hang out at the student center, maybe catch a late movie..."

Ned shrugged. "It's up to you. There is a movie I'd kind of like to see."

"Do you have early classes tomorrow?" She was smiling as she gave him a sidelong glance.

"Nope." He looked around, an expression of exaggerated innocence on his face. "No early classes."

"I'll have to see what I can do," she said.

Ned leaned back against her pillows as she took a seat at her desk. "Listen," he began, "my parents have said I can go out to the vacation house if I want to do that. I was thinking maybe we could, for a long weekend?"

"Before or after Christmas? I don't think I can go the day of, since... family..." she waved her hands vaguely. "You know. Weirdness."

"The weekend after."

Nancy smiled. "I think that would work. You know, last time I was home, Iris was talking about the Carmichael place being up for sale, if you and I wanted to move in." She chuckled.

"You mean that big old house behind your dad's place?"

"Yeah. With the enormous garden Hannah's been watching all these years. She's decided to move into it."

"Hannah is going to move?" Ned's eyes were round. "Somehow I never thought that would happen."

"Yeah, but I never really thought Dad would get remarried, either." Nancy shrugged. "I was just amused at the thought of Iris planning our future for us. Us living in a big old house behind my parents." She laughed.

"And now Hannah will be there. What's she going to do with all that extra space?"

Nancy shrugged. "She has a plan for it. I'm supposed to help her move this weekend."

"Hey, I'll help," Ned said. He flexed his arms. "Not that I want her to move. She made the best blueberry pancakes."

"Even better than mine?" Nancy teased, raising an eyebrow.

"Not better than yours. Exactly the same as yours. She taught you, didn't she?"

"Yeah." Nancy crossed her arms over her chest. "And she'll still be there, just over that wooden fence in the yard. Maybe she'll put a door in it so I can see her when I'm home on the weekends."

--

Bess shook her head and sipped the remainder of her milkshake through the straw. "Hmm. Lots of extra space? Maybe she could make it a bed and breakfast. I'd definitely go for the breakfast part." Bess smiled.

"I think there's something about zoning regulations and things like that." Nancy swirled her spoon in her teacup. "But she's said I'll always have a place to sleep there, if I need it."

"That's nice of her." Bess pushed her empty cup away. "But your dad's house is right there."

"I think Iris wants to travel," Nancy said. "Not move away from River Heights, but even if they don't sell the house, there might be some weekends I'm there and no one else is. And it would be nice to hang out over at Hannah's, watch some movies with her..."

"Especially if she'll let friends stay over." Ned smiled.

"Speaking of..." Bess smothered a yawn with the back of her hand. "I gotta go. I haven't even started on my math homework yet. I really think I'd better switch to audit, if I possibly can."

"Isn't it getting any better?" Nancy asked.

"No. I hate it. Maybe I can take it again once all the drama practice stuff calms down, you know?"

Ned smiled. "Good luck with that. I'm glad all my math is over with."

"Thanks, Ned. Oh." Bess turned to Nancy. "Let's have lunch tomorrow, and you can catch me up on how the fire Jake initiative is going." She smiled apologetically at Ned. "You two have a good night."

Ned was under Nancy's covers half an hour later, watching the screen as she washed her face before coming to bed. She opened her bathroom door and emerged, and he glanced over at her when she didn't move toward him.

She was wearing a seafoam green silk camisole edged in antique lace and matching shorts. Her hair was loose and slightly curled, and she blushed when his eyes wandered up to her face.

"That's nice," he said in a low voice. Nancy blushed. "How about you bring that with you when we go to the house over break?"

Nancy laughed and climbed into bed with him. "You mean we're not going to sleep segregated?"

"Nah," Ned said, putting his arms around her and drawing her close. "Do you mean to tell me that this is what you normally wear to bed when you're not in one of my t-shirts?"

"I'd usually be in flannel right now," she admitted, brushing her hair back. "I just wanted to do something special for you. It's not very often that I have guys in my room."

Ned leaned down as he drew the strap of her top down and kissed her newly bare shoulder lightly, then pressed his mouth against her ear. "Did any of them see you in this?" he breathed.

Nancy shivered slightly. "No," she whispered, her eyes closed.

He kissed her other shoulder. "Did you go further with them than you did with me?"

Nancy reached up to slide her arms around his neck. "No," she whispered.

"The same?"

She waited until she could see his eyes, until they were both motionless. Then she swallowed and looked away. "Once," she murmured. "One time Jake got to third with me and I told him I had to leave."

His grip on her tightened. "The first time," he whispered, "when I knew I couldn't, when I knew it was wrong, was when I looked at her face and realized that I had expected to see yours."

"Did you sleep with her?" Nancy searched his eyes.

Ned shook his head. A tear fell down Nancy's cheek and he brushed it away with his thumb. With a stifled cry she pulled his face down to hers, and they kissed for a long moment.

He pulled back and Nancy pushed him over so she was on top of him, then pulled her top off. Ned groaned softly and turned his face away from her.

"What is it?" she whispered, and he could see her eyes gleaming in the moonlight.

"Don't," he whispered. He reached for her top and handed it back to her. "Don't do this. Not right now."

"I don't want him to have been the last one to have touched me that way," she said. She leaned down and kissed his cheek. "I want you," she whispered against his ear.

Ned closed his eyes as he reached up to take her face in his hands, feeling the heat of her bare skin radiating against his. "Did he make you come?" he whispered roughly.

Nancy shook her head and kissed him again. "Only you," she murmured against his skin.

He rolled over onto her then and traced his lips down her neck, his chest warm against hers, and she wrapped herself around him. She trailed her fingers down his back and he shivered, releasing his breath in a quiet moan that brushed the hair on her skin. He reached for her again and they kissed until she was breathless.

"We can't do this," he gasped when they pulled apart.

Nancy ran a hand through her hair. "Why not?" she whispered.

Ned shook his head and reached for her top again. He handed it back. "Put this on or I'm going to leave right now."

Nancy complied, pouting, tugging the silk back over her chest. He breathed more easily after that. "Why can't we?" she repeated.

"Because we won't stop," he said, running a hand over her face. "I don't want to stop."

"I didn't want to actually have sex," she said. Then she looked away. "Well—"

"I do," he said, smiling. "Save them. Until we go off for the weekend. Please."

"Do you want me to take them off now?" She grinned.

"Only if you do so behind closed doors and don't tell me what you're doing."

She pulled the covers up around them and lay against his chest. "Nah," she said. "If you're just going to tease me..."

"You were the one teasing me!" he protested, laughing.

"Whatever," she mumbled, smiling, her eyelids growing heavier.

--

"So... have they come back yet?" Bess asked Nancy over the phone.

"No." Nancy's foot tapped impatiently on the floor. She was sitting just outside the room, within which a group of professors were going over the information Nancy and Jackie had discovered. The testimony and presentations were over. "They're not finished. I have no idea how long they'll take."

"Then I think the two of us should go grab some dinner. It's not like you can hurry things by sitting outside there waiting."

"You're right." Nancy stood and stretched her other arm over her head. She was wearing her most professional suit, to make a favorable impression on the people listening to her talk about her unprofessional relationship with her editor. "Hang on a second..."

Nancy headed toward the bathrooms at the side of the hall, where Jackie had gone to freshen up. Just as she pushed the door open she heard footsteps and glanced over her shoulder. Jake, his head down, wearing an equally responsible suit, was charging down the hallway toward the conference room.

Nancy cursed and let the door fall shut behind her. "Um, Jackie...?"

--

"She'll call me the minute she knows anything."

"But you saw Jake? How'd you get away?"

"Jackie went out and stood guard for me." Nancy darted a glance around. "I'm a little nervous..."

"I can see that," Bess said, smiling. "I'd be surprised if you don't hear from Jake before you hear from Jackie."

Nancy unbuttoned her coat and cast a distasteful glance at her dinner tray. "I think the presentation went well. I hope it did. But I saw him walking down the hall..."

"Wonder how he heard about it."

Nancy propped her chin on folded hands. "I don't know. Someone must have told him. Certainly wasn't one of us."

"You been keeping low on his radar?"

Nancy shrugged. "Well, I did have to turn in a story a few weeks ago that he kept rejecting for no reason. We got into a pretty loud argument."

Bess threw her fork down after watching Nancy pick at her food. "This isn't doing us any good. Maybe we should just go get sundaes."

Bess paused over the toppings at the ice cream bar and Nancy said hesitantly, "Bess, can I ask you a favor...?"

"You can stay over tonight," Bess said, then met her eyes. "If you were about to ask that. My roommate's classes were all cancelled for tomorrow so she headed off for break early. Were yours cancelled?"

"All but the last one, and she said if we didn't show that it would be five points off our exam, so..." Nancy shrugged. "Thanks."

Bess shot her a half-smile. "To be honest I was wondering if you'd ask if you could crash over at Ned's."

"Not with that five points at stake. Besides, I want to sit up for hours and giggle about what Ned might be planning for this little trip."

Nancy paused as her cell phone rang. She pulled it out of her pocket and scowled at the caller ID.

Bess reached for it. "Let me talk to him, come on..."

Nancy snatched the phone away playfully and answered it. "Yes?"

"You blew this completely out of proportion, Drew."

"In what way?"

"I never said I'd fire you if you didn't quit. In fact, I did just the opposite, didn't I?"

"Because you were afraid of how it would look," Nancy countered.

Jake made a frustrated noise. "I'm glad I called things off. I don't know why I spent so much time with you. Maybe because I mistook your paranoia and delusions for actual talent."

Bess was startled at how quickly and deeply Nancy flushed. "This conversation is over," Nancy said, and then hung up the phone.

Bess took the dripping bowl of ice cream out of Nancy's hands. "Maybe we should go ahead back to the room."