AN: Sorry it took me so long. Apparently I can only work when it's demanded of me. wink wink nudge nudge. Please leave the feedback. I also will apologize if the time line and continuity is off. This one was the hardest to write. If you really want me to post the rest you'll have give into the nudge and the wink.

Hopes and Fears Of The Conscious and The Not So.

Chapter 6

Michael' POV

Somewhere in the back of his mind Michael knew something important was coming. A big day. Brian was entering the world of the old age. He was turning thirty. Michael couldn't know exactly when this momentous occasion was taking place. It must have been at least two weeks since he had been deemed "asleep". In the white room he walked towards his own induction to bladder control problems. His thirtieth birthday.

Michael beamed as he watched his mother and Em dancing as only a queen and Liberty Aves' favorite self-proclaimed fag hag could. He couldn't for the life of him figure out which outfit was the loudest but it was certain both were screaming out at deafening decibels. As his eyes scanned the room and was filled with love. Love for the family that he saw wearing laughable outfit, dancing to their hearts content and celebrating him. The fact he had finally earned this for himself made everything else wrong with his life fade for tonight.

Tonight he wasn't the coward that was still in the closet at the place he toiled away day and night. Tonight he wasn't the stupid uneducated poor boy who couldn't handle the rigorous pressure of community college. And just for tonight he could put aside the fact that he was on the arm of the wrong man. He could set all of this aside for one reason. Brian had done this. This was Brian's way of saying "I love you". For tonight that was enough.

With the presents fast approaching Michael began to tense up. Giving and receiving presents was an art he had yet to master. When it was his birthday he couldn't help but feel slightly guilty that everyone in the room was empty handed. While the thought of giving presents made him nauseous. He'd spend weeks thinking of the perfect gift and become convinced it was until he was faced with the task of actually handing it over. Panic started to creep up on him from the moment he entered any kind of present giving party. It would fill him the way water seeps into the cracks of a submerged car. With each preceding present rolling the window down a little. Slowly then not so slowly. Paper ripping, a fake smile and an even faker thank you and it was all over. Until the next time. A vicious cycle.

Michael tried to be discrete but he was sure that David saw him slip the watch into his pocket instead of his wrist. As Captain Astro flung him across the dance floor he saw David's face twist into a sneer. Never happy for the happiness of others. As the room spun past him Michael finally started to realize the tragedy of his life. Always borrowing the happiness from the ones around him. Thinking he was happy because he did everything he could to keep the ones around him that way. Life had never made more sense or , he realized after he was finally released by the man in tights, more vomit-inducing.

He stood near the step that lead to the bedroom surveying his party. Sipping the only non-alcoholic drink in the entire loft. After all he would need to be sober if he wanted to get home in one piece. It was becoming increasingly obvious that David would not be any help on that front. Watching him sitting in the corner getting more pissed by the second. Michael turned his stare away when he saw David drag himself up ans staggering towards him. With a drunk smile David plopped himself down beside Michael and laid a sloppy kiss on his cheek. He slurringly whisper hotly into Michael's ear.

"Baby Baby Baby I think the best is yet to come."

Michael perked up a bit thinking that David was out of his tree enough to let slip a birthday secret. Michael turned his face up inquisitively.

"Oh yah baby it coming. Then everything will be better. No more him. Just you and me. Forever and ever."

"David, what are you saying?"

"This is all foreplay. Don't you see? Brian's gonna get a little too drunk, take you in the back, give you what you throw at him daily and throw you away like yesterday's garbage. Then all will be good and over with. Mine forever, yep."

Michael sat in shock. Hurt flood his senses and he rose to his feet. Reaching his hand into his pocket he pulled out his present. A quiet angry voice rose just above audible level.

"David I think you should leave now. I don't want you here. Never really wanted you here."

Looking surprisingly sober, David jumped to his feet.

"No. I'm not going to be thrown out of your life on account of a statement that happens to be 100 true just because it's about him."

Michael closed his eyes for a moment forming a plan to make David leave without making a scene. Thankfully like always his Superman came to his rescue.

"I think it's time for you to go Doc. The birthday boy is obviously done with you. Finally."

David took one look at Michael's outstretched hand and grabbed the watch out of his palm. He did an abrupt turn on his heel and head for the door. Slamming it hard enough to lift it of its track. Unfortunately not the last time it would it would receive such treatment.

Brian turned them both to face the party. Brian looking for tonight's lucky winner. Michael looking at his empty hand. He had returned his gift and taken back his heart. He glanced up, saw dancing hazel eyes and in that moment gave it back to its rightful owner.

Michael returned to the white room and realized he had to make a decision soon. After all he had a date. One with a hospital roof and his Superman.

Brian's POV

Brian looked down at the one he would love always and this time/ like all the others, his love mixed with every time he had failed him. This beautiful man had put up with so much it was a no wonder they ended up like this. The guilt weighed him down. He knew everything Michael refused to tell him.

He knew about what Jack had done in the basement of his childhood home. Brian sulking in his bed room. Thinking Michael was on his way to yet another cannelloni night. Knowing that if Michael had just screamed Brian would have been down those steps in two seconds and taking the beating instead. He knew why he'd left David. Heard the hurtful words and felt them tear burning doubt into Michael's gut. He knew that in the end it was Mikey that helped him survive Alex. Knew that Michael had taken that punch to show Brian just how dangerous Alex was. Knew that Michael was clinging to the hope that Brian's #1 rule was still firmly in place. People can do what they like to him but Michael was a completely different story. One well landed punch was all it took to make Brian pack up and leave. He also knew he was the most frequent violator of his own rule.

Above all else he knew was the scar that marred a perfect wrist. The one he kissed and studied while his love slept. The one he was responsible for it. Michael had been asleep for three long weeks. More than enough time for everyone to give up. Last of which was him. His hope faded when he saw that scar glint silver in the florescent light. So with the last of what had kept him there, sleeping sitting up and living on old coffee, he gave up. He would give into the nagging thought that had haunted him since Mikey had gone away. Growing everyday. Filling him, Consuming him.

He kissed Mikey one last long goodbye and walked into the bright sunlight. Soaked up one last beautiful ray of sun and started toward his jeep. He had to hurry. After all he had a date. One with his white scarf and the rafters of his loft.