I just want to give a quick thanks to my wonderful reviewers! I hope everyone had a marvelous holiday season.
And here it is, the beginning of the end… just a few more chapters to go after this one…
…………………
Chapter Forty Three:
In the Arms of an Angel
In that hazy place between sleep and wakefulness I roll over – and discover that the other half of the bed is occupied by a warm, wonderful woman – the same warm wonderful woman who fell asleep with her head on my shoulder.
It wasn't a dream.
She's really still here.
This is real.
And she's still fast asleep.
I curl myself around her, adjusting the sheets so there's nothing between her flesh and mine. She is so warm – and her body is just this perfect fit against me – my Christ, I don't think I've ever felt this happy. I'm almost afraid to let myself really enjoy it because nothing good ever lasts…
In her sleep, Beth responds to my touch by pulling closer to me, sighing very softly as she moves – but I can tell by her breathing that she really is still asleep, so I'm careful not to wake her as I slide my arm under hers, just holding her close. She twines her fingers into mine – and I really don't think I'm breathing because my Christ – this is really real.
I brush my lips against her shoulder and lay my head next to hers, listening to her breathe and drinking in the scent of that vanilla and flowers that's still lingering in her hair from the last time she showered. This really is worth everything. She's worth everything. "Je t'aime, mon ange," my voice is barely a whisper because I don't want to wake her – I don't want her to hear – but I still need to say it, just once out loud, just to hear what it sounds like. Je t'aime, mon ange.
And just in case you're a little fuzzy on it, yes we did. I didn't hold back anything from her. I'm usually pretty good at what I do, but last night was – was more honestly wholehearted than I've given – or gotten – in a long, long time… However, being a gentleman (yes, I really can be one of those) I won't go into serious detail other than to say I really don't think I'm ever going to get bored. See, I found out that my little angel isn't quite so angelic after all, but for the right woman I'm not sure I mind laying back, shutting up and just enjoying the things she wants to do to me… as long as she doesn't mind trading places (and if all the squirming and trying real hard to be real quiet on her end was any indication, I don't think she minded letting me take the lead. I'm not real used to being on 'the bottom', if you get the ol' drift there... and truth is that after a while it was hard to figure who was directing the action, it all just happened... And just for the record, she's a nurse and I'm not stupid – I like Johnny just where he is and disease free. Consider that your public service announcement, kiddies.)
Beth stirs slightly in my arms, "Morning, Cowboy."
I give her shoulder another little kiss, "Morning, Sweetheart. I don't suppose you can see the clock from where you are?" I really have no idea where the clock even is, but I'm kinda curious as to just how much sleep we really got… or didn't get. I don't feel tired. I just feel good. (And yeah, it really does scare me to feel like this. I remember being happy for most of that summer on the lake, with Holly. I remember making all kinds of crazy plans in my head, plans that involved me and her a life together – but I guess even then I knew it wouldn't really last. I must have know, right? That has to be why I never told her any of the things I was planning… it was all just a game of pretend in my head…)
Beth rolls over so that she's facing me (and that still makes my stomach churn just a little – I kinda fell asleep with my face uncovered here – but she doesn't even flinch.) "I can see it now," she tells me of the clock.
"Do I even want to know?"
"Well, there's good news and bad news," she's grinning, I can hear it in her voice.
I reach over for my smokes – I seem to remember – yep right about where I thought hey were… "And the good news would be?" I inquire.
"We didn't sleep the day away."
"And the bad news?"
"I don't think we've been asleep for more than a couple of hours – not that I really mind," Beth strokes my cheek lightly with her fingertips.
I just smile at her – I don't know how she can look at me – be this close to me – but she can. She's here. This is real. She's real. She takes the cigarettes out of my hand and leans in to kiss me. I don't know how I got from where I was to here – but Christ, I never want to go back. I pull Beth on top of me so I can wrap my arms completely around her, nicotine completely forgotten.
"Are you trying to start something?" Beth wants to know.
"And if I am?"
She just giggles and kisses me harder – I can feel her putting the pack back on the nightstand… "Well I suppose we both need a shower anyway, Cowboy. No harm in getting a little dirtier first…" and yeah, she's already started nibbling at that soft spot right under my chin – don't ask me why, but that drives me absolutely nuts (in the best possible way.)
"I told you I wasn't an angel."
"You're wrong – you are an angel. You're my angel," And I love you…
…………………………………………………….
"So what's on the agenda for today?" Beth asks as we both step out of the shower – hey, it's only polite to conserve water, right?
"I should try to put in at least a couple of hours at the office. I didn't get done as muchdone last night. Eddas is hauling me into court on Friday – and I'm a little twitchy about that,even with what Paula handed me."
"It's going to be ok."
"One of those gut feelings of yours?" I ask – sounds like she's headed back to the bedroom. I follow.
"It just doesn't make sense that your boss is screwing you over, Shel. Look at what she's done already – I'd be real surprised if she isn't just what she seems to be."
"Yeah. Me too." And I think I'm finally starting to trust my instincts again. I mean – I kept wanting to believe that Beth was honestly just what she seemed to be and she's done a whole lot more than just not hurt me. I know I can trust Milo – and I think it's about more than me and him and six guys beating the crap out of him. I think it's about me and him and who the Hell else is going to be able to understand guys like us but guys like us. I even know that I could probably have trusted Marcus – I just couldn't let myself do it under the circumstances. And I guess that's just the way it works sometimes.
"Penny for your thoughts, Cowboy."
"Hmmm – oh – nothing," I park my ass on the bed and light up a couple of cigarettes – not our first nicotine of the day, but until I get some coffee into me… Beth tosses something onto the bed next to me. Jeans. Underwear follows – socks. Shirt – it's not one of my t-shirt – feels like a turtleneck. Guess she's taking that whole going into the office thing into account. "I've – kinda been thinking about something, though," I say – I listen to her get dressed – then she takes her cigarette from me.
"Oh?"
"Yeah." I set my smoke carefully into the ashtray and get dressed myself. "I've – I've kinda been thinking about that whole one day at a time thing we were talking about the other day."
"And – ?"
"And I just don't think it's going to work out."
"Oh. Ok." She stops doing whatever it is she was specifically doing (all I can tell from where I'm stuck, here in the dark, is that fabric was rustling – maybe tucking in her blouse? That means she's probably wearing jeans…) "Can – I at least ask why?" Beth says after a moment of silence.
"Because one day at a time means I have to worry about tomorrow and the next day and the next day and I don't like it."
"Sheldon – "
I shake my head at her, "My turn – you just listen this time. I want you. I want you today. I want you tomorrow. And I want you the day after that and the day after that and the day after that. There aren't any guarantees in – well in anything – but – I want you to know that when I say I want you, that's what I mean. Not just today, but - well, every day. Oh yeah – and I hate it that you keep saying how you're not assuming anything – or that you don't expect anything. I want you to assume that I'm not going to sleep with anybody else, and I want you to expect shit out of me. I don't have much to give – I couldn't even manage to keep that promise about not lying to you for – what, not even a couple of days? But you've got my loyalty – and not out of any kind of sense of obligation," yeah, that really does sound like a bad word the way I say it… "You've got my loyalty because I want to give it to you – you've got me, Beth. Today, tomorrow, the next day and the next day and the next day. I know that not much – to but it's the best I've got to offer. It's all I've got."
"I really don't want a lot, Sheldon – but what you're saying – it sounds like you're offering up a whole lot more than 'not much.'"
"I just wanna know that when I come home you'll be here – not like dinner has to be on the table at five sharp or I'm going to freak out on you and throw a fit – just that – you'll be here. You can burn the pibil or make coffee that tastes like shampoo – "
She giggles in a way that suggests she gets the reference. (Tom Lehrer again, there kiddies. And why am I just not real surprised that my angel knows his stuff…?)
"And I'm not trying to tell you that I don't want you can't go out and – and do the things that make you happy," I add – I'm nothing like that creep she married. I'm bigger and I'm badder but I'd never try to control her like that. Angels don't belong in cages. "It's just that when you do go out – to meet a friend or have a drink or whatever – I want to know that you'll be back. I want to know that you'll always come home to me."
"I really think I could live with that."
"Good." Because I don't know what I would have done if she'd said she couldn't… "So um – not exactly to change the subject, but – I've got a question for you."
"Hmmm?"
"Just ah – what exactly should I be prepared for with this winter holiday of yours?" Because by my reckoning, it's just around the corner and even if it isn't my thing, Cicily is seven; I am not about to be the fuckmook who screws up her day.
"It'll probably look – oh, I'm sorry – "
I shake my head at her, "No sweat, Darlin.'"
"I – forgot – I – oh – Shel I'm sorry – that probably didn't sound too good either – I'm sorry – "
"Hey – if you forget it means you don't think of me as some kind of crip – or a freak. So – by all means, forget as often as you can." I tell her just as I'm slipping the glasses into place. (Yeah, I really have been sitting her 'naked' this whole time… and exactly how Beth can forget that I don't have eyes when I'm sitting right here with these two fucking gaping holes where eyes should be, I just don't know.)
"Because I don't think of you in terms of – of that. You're just you."
"Oh swell," I smirk – and – reach – and she steps right into my arms… I slide my hands down a little towards her hips. Feels like I was right about those jeans – and hmmm… I think I like what they do for her butt… "So – that holiday thing?" I ask, giving her posterior a little squeeze.
She chuckles and squeezes me back while continuing: "Well we have a tree – it isn't always a pine tree because those were always a little hard to find in Culiacan – sometimes it was just a tree in my garden. We'd decorate it and light candles and set out some stockings – pretty much all the 'usual' stuff."
"The usual stuff, huh?" I'm exploring the rest of her a little – politely, mind you. Her blouse is silk – sleeves are rolled up – and it feels like she's got it unbuttoned to just about the right spot… damn, I wish I could see her…
"It's teal," she tells me softly. "Bleu jeans – new ones, so they're still good and dark."
I smile. I'm glad she bought herself something besides a coat and hat when she and Emma went shopping… hopefully she'll put those earrings in today too… "Why don't you wear jewelry?"
"Neal."
Yeah. I thought so. "So um – can I ask you for another favour?"
"You can have all the favours you want, Cowboy."
God, I don't know what I did to deserve her – to deserve this. Any of this… but, "I um – I think you've probably spent more time with my daughter than I have the past week – "
"She knows you were working."
"Yeah – well – I just – I'm not real good with any of this holiday stuff. I mean really – who have I ever had around me who cared one way or the other? And according to you I have four fewer days for shopping – "
"That's just what Cicily and I do. I'm not asking you to – do anything special for us. You and Emma should just – do whatever you were planning to do for Christmas."
"Won't that be a little confusing – I mean for Cicily?"
"We were living in a mostly Catholic neighbourhood. Cicily's used to the idea that different people have different holidays."
"I guess I just figured – one day of it was good. And – I suppose I should check in with Em to see how she feels, but she's too old for the whole Jolly Old Elf thing so I don't see what difference it would make whether we did the whole holiday thing on the twenty fifth or whenever you want to do your thing – "
"Weren't you listening when I said I'd never force anything that I do on you? I totally respect whatever holiday traditions you've got – whatever's important to Emma. All I'm asking for is some place to hang my daughter's stocking and maybe a little tree – just because it's important to her. It doesn't have to be big or fancy, she understands we're kind of in transition here – but – "
"Call me Scrooge, but one day is fucking enough, ok?" I don't quite mean to snap at her – but if she's religious and I'm not, I just see no reason to celebrate twice; I don't even want to celebrate once. (And I suppose I should talk to Emma before making any real plans here, because there's absolutely no telling what she and her mother did or didn't do this time of year – but she's old enough to get that a day is a day is a day and I really fricking doubt she's got any strong religious attachments to December twenty fifth.)
"I'm sorry," Beth says, quietly. "I'm not trying to – push it one way or the other. I just don't want you doing anything you don't want to do – anything you wouldn't normally do. Just let us do our thing."
"I know you're not trying to push – and I'm sorry I snapped at you, I'm just not into the whole holiday thing, ok. I sorta lost my – excitement over it when I figured out that – that it was all just one great big scam, just a way to get people to go out and spend money they didn't have to begin with, so someone else could get rich." Ho-ho-humbug, that's me.
"I guess I can understand that."
But I can tell by her tone that she really doesn't. "Look, Ange, the last thing I want is for Cicily not to have the kind of – whatever – she's used to. I can live with a tree and decorations and stockings and – and whatever else you ask me to deal with. Just – try to bear in mind that if it was up to me – I'd just – I don't know – sit in my underwear and watch the Food Network or something. Listen to it, I guess." Because of course, I'm not really ever going to watch anything ever again…
Beth pulls me closer – my Christ, I just took her head off and here she is laying her head against my chest with her arms wrapped around my waist, holding me… how is this possible…?
"I guess I was so concerned with making you uncomfortable because we were celebrating something different – it didn't occur to me that we might make you a little uncomfortable by celebrating at all."
"Look at my life, Sweetheart," I tell her softly, holding her – loving the way she feels against me. Loving her. "There really hasn't been much room for things like Christmas dinner and stockings hung up by the fire place."
"But it wasn't an accident."
I just shrug – what can I say? I made my choices, I made them consciously. Some of it just sort of happened – but for the most part I pretty much knew what I was getting myself into…
Beth shifts a little so that she's looking up at my face, "Come on, Cowboy, let's go get some coffee."
"I definitely like the way you think," I kiss the top of her head – and it occurs to me that there has been absolutely none of that morning after weirdness I've always dreaded (and avoided when at all costs…)
And I realize that I may have spoken too soon, as soon as we reach the bottom of the stairs and discover that the girls are awake (watching television in the living room.) And here we come, me and Beth down the stairs together, still damp from that shower… and while Cicily may not have a clue (I hope), my little Muffin most certainly has to know what the skivvy is… fuck. Well, ok, yeah, exactly… but – ok, she's fifteen. She understands the birds and the bees… but… I'm her father. I'd rather she wasn't privy to my sex life. (Ok, I know I'm kidding myself on that one, but let a guy have his delusions. I'm still new to this whole parent thing, if you'll remember.)
"Coffee's on," Emma tells us, as Cicily comes bounding over to say good morning.
"Emma made me breakfast!" the younger girl tells me.
"Good thing your mother's a nurse," I smirk in the general direction of my darling offspring. Although I can't see it, I'm sure she's giving me a look – probably a look that looks very much like one of my looks…
"I found some instant oatmeal," Emma informs me in a very dry tone.
"Be still my beating heart, she boiled water," I tease.
"We used the microwave," says Cicily, "Emma showed me how it worked!"
Well it seems as if the girls aren't half as weirded out by me and Beth sleeping together as we are to know they've realized we slept together. (She hasn't said anything, but I can tell Beth is just as weirded out as I am by it. She's being decidedly quiet over there…)
"Why don't you go upstairs and put some cloths on," Beth says to her daughter – yep, her tone is definitely that of a woman a wee bit uncomfortable with the current situation…
I feel more than hear Cicily's sigh, "Ok. Then can I finish my show?"
And even from several feet away, I hear her mother's sigh. I keep getting the feeling that Beth isn't exactly thrilled with all this technology at our fingertips… "I suppose," but she gives in anyway.
Cicily scampers off…
"Why do I suddenly feel like I'm on the hot seat?" Em queries.
"I'll get the coffee," Beth tells me quietly – at which point I realize she engineered this – she wants me to talk to Em before we talk to Cicily…
"No hot seat, kiddo," I take a seat on the sofa – Emma's on the floor by the by. She and Cicily were both sitting there – with Spencer, who pads over to me now that I'm seated. I give his ears a scratch – there's this spot just – oh never mind. I'm not turning into an animal lover on you – I just figure he puts up with enough of my shit the least I can do is scratch his ears once in a while.
"I let him out," Em tells me. "He came down about an hour ago."
Yeah that would be about when… I clear my throat. "Thanks." Ok… now what? I light up a cigarette… now where the fuck is that ashtray… I hear Emma scoot it over to me. "Gracias," I give her a passable Spanish accent. "Look – about last night – "
Emma just laughs, "Sorry – it's just the way you said that – "
I can't help it – I laugh too because she's right, that really did come out pretty badly.
"Shelly, I'm more than ok with you and Beth being together. Especially if it means you'll stop fighting."
"We haven't been fighting." Ok, I guess that sounded a little defensive…
"Maybe it's not fighting – but the tension around here's been thick enough to cut with a knife. Remember what I said about Mom and Jim – well – the way you two've been since you got back – it's got Cicily more than just kind of worried. She really likes you, you know – even if I can't seem to figure out why," she adds – I know she's teasing. And I recognize that defense mechanism for what it is.
"Are you ok with that – with the way Cicily likes me?" I ask her. Christ, this isn't quite the conversation I wanted to have – then again, I don't really know what conversation I wanted to have…
"Yeah, I'm ok with it. I'm just not going to be ok if you – if you let her think she's this big important part of your life and then – just – vanish on her. She's only seven and – it doesn't seem like there's been a whole lot of stability going on there. Nothing against Beth," Em adds quickly. "It's just – I know what it's like to not have a father – and how important it can be to – to suddenly have a guy around who you think is going to be one."
Yeah…
"Shelly – "
I just shake my head. "I know I wasn't there."
"No. But – I get it, I understand why. And you're here now, right?"
"Yeah – I'm here now."
And – we sit in some pretty fucking uncomfortable silence for a while more…
"So – ?" Emma asks me at last.
"So. I really need that cup of coffee."
"So go get it," Emma's tone is just mildly scathing, although I'm pretty sure she's smiling.
"You dressed?"
"As in, in street cloths? Yeah, I threw on a pair of jeans and an old flannel – "
Oh what a picture that paints in my head... I wonder if my little girl will ever have a date for prom… "Get your shoes and coat – I seem to remember walking past a coffee shop the other day," you know, when I was getting lost in the snow.
"Why?"
"Your old man wants to buy you a cup of coffee, ok?"
"There's coffee here, Shelly."
"Yeah – but you made it," I smirk at her.
Emma just laughs.
Christ we are too much alike.
We decide leave Spencer at home where it's warm – the coffee shop is only a couple of blocks and Em doesn't mind being my eyes. I give Beth a kiss good bye and I promise we won't be long.
"Take your time – there's plenty that Cicily and I can talk about while you two're out," Beth assures me.
And yeah, I'm sure there is lots they need to talk about, all right…
… "So what's going on?" Emma asks me after we've gotten our coffee and settled into a fairly quiet corner of the little coffee shop/bakery.
"Remember you asked me before how I felt about Beth?"
"Yeah." (I think she's smiling… I hope.)
"I think – I think – this is as close to permanent as I'm willing to lay odds on. I – don't know if Beth mentioned to you that I'd asked her to start looking at houses before I left – "
"She didn't – but – that means we're staying in D.C.?"
"Not too many people are gonna hire a guy like me, Kiddo. I've got a pretty swell gig going with the DOJ – and even if I didn't, it'll take a while for this all to really settle down, so no matter what I'm stuck here for a while."
"But it will settle down, right?"
"Yeah. It will settle down. I'm ah – I'm sorry about last night – the whole getting swept for bug thing." I take a swig of my coffee. My plain ol' normal, ordinary, every day coffee. Black, two sugars. Just a cupa joe… And why am I pointing this out? Because Emma over there's got this no fat, extra foam, steamy, frothy, shot of something or another, five bucks later cup of – I don't know can you even still call it coffee after all that? Christ on a crutch, what happened to regular old coffee...
"Yeah. I was a little freaked out by that whole surveillance thing. These five guys came in and they were waving wands and shit – stuff," she corrects herself for my sake, "All over everything. One of 'em even went digging through every drawer in my room, even the ones that aren't really mine. They found – stuff. You know, microphones and stuff." Em tells me. "I didn't even think they could do that – I mean not legally anyway. Doesn't whoever bugged the place need a warrant or something?"
"This is the CIA, Em. They don't need a warrant under the circumstances."
"But – "
"I'm one of theirs and they're investigating me for treason – amongst other things. Half the bugs Eddas' crew found were probably planted by the FBI – Hell at this point, I wouldn't be surprised if my pals down at NSA weren't in on the action." I drink my plain ol' Colombian grown coffee… and notice that Emma's gone kinda quiet over there. "It's going to be ok," I tell her, with just a little more confidence than I think I'm really feeling. It's not that I doubt Eddas at this point, it's that as close as it seems like I am to the grand finale, I know I've still got one full act to go, one really big song and dance number, before the final curtain falls.
"You promise it's going to be ok?"
(And I swear just then she sounds more like Cicily than my little pain.)
"I promise," I reach across the table for Emma's hand – and it really never ceases to amaze me when someone puts their hand in mine…
Emma holds on tight: "You know I'd rather have you tell me it's not going to be ok than lie to me, Shelly."
"Em – it's going to be ok. I wouldn't exactly call it a get out of jail 'free' card that I've got – but I've got a way out of jail."
"Ok." She gives my hand another squeeze before going back to that non fat whatever it is.
"So um – here's a question for you," I really hate to switch gears on her like this – but… "What ah – what did you and your mother do this time of year?"
"You mean for Christmas?"
"Yeah."
"The usual – tree, stockings, blinking lights – tofu with cranberry sauce."
I just shake my head, "Holly and her tofu." And the sad thing is that I do better with that stuff than she ever did, and I don't even like the shit.
Emma laughs, "Yeah. It was pretty gross. Most of the time we ended up scrapping it and ordering in a vegetarian pizza or going out for Chinese – but Mom always had to give cooking Christmas dinner 'one more try' no matter how much I reminded her what had happened the year before. Why?"
"Beth – hmm – she and Cicily – "
"I picked up on that, Shel."
"You did?"
"Cicily kinda said a few things – then got all shy and I had to coax it out of her that they do the solstice instead of Christmas."
"You ok with that – ?" I mean, she sounds ok with it… and Holly was – well, Holly…
"Mom basically raised me to believe in Something but she never seemed to have a name for the Something, just that It was out there and He/She/It cared. She got a little less Buddhist and a little more Agnostic the last few years, but mostly she was just kind of live and let live – except when she was in one of her save the planet moods, then all those big corporations needed to all go belly up – and while she was on the subject we needed to elect a woman as president. I probably shouldn't tell you about the six months she – and that would mean we – spent doing some serious work with Green Peace. That was before she got too sick."
Yeah, my little hippie-chick… I never will forget the first time I laid eyes on her… she was one of a kind all right. "Well – anyway – so um I was wondering how you'd feel about maybe only putting your old man through one day of holiday Hell instead of two – ?" please…
"I can dig it," Emma's definitely teasing me now. "Just – no tofu."
"No tofu," I agree most whole-heartedly…
We finish our coffee talking about pretty much everything and nothing – she's looking forward to this new school (ugly uniforms and all) and I'm doing a fair job of keeping it to myself just how pleased I am about the gender segregation situation they've got going on at the ol' shit brown and mustard yellow academe. I even manage not to pry further about this "J" she was talking to online that one day… with any luck at all "J" lives far, far away, so it doesn't really matter if it's a he or a she….
I pick up a half dozen lemon bars for Beth and some chocolate muffins for me and the girls and then me and Em head back to the condo…
… Only as soon as I set foot inside the door I know something's not right…
Maybe it's that Spencer doesn't come to the door to greet me – maybe it's that there's no soft humming in the background, no cartoons on the television – maybe it's just that the ol' spidy senses are finally kicking back in… and fuck me, but this is the first time in I don't know how long that I went out of the house not packing heat. I'm about to tell Emma to high tail it outa there when I hear a very familiar sound.
Click.
It's a pistol's firing hammer being drawn back – and it's real fucking close to the back of my head. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuck.
"I'll just betthat I'm the last guy you ever thought you'd – see – again."
I turn slowly around. I can't see him, but it doesn't matter. I know that voice.
Dan fucking Collins.
"You wanna get real technical, I can't see you now," I smirk at him, keeping my hands right in plain sight. I don't need him getting trigger happy with Emma standing next to me.
"So I heard." Collins smirks right back. Arrogant son of aprick.
Milo was supposed watching him.
So Milo's either in on it – or he's dead.
But that doesn't matter.
What matters is that nothing good ever lasts.
See I know. I just do. Even without Collins telling me, I know.
This is between him and me and anything in the way – it was just in the way. Things that are in the way get taken out of the way.
Even angels.
Inside I can feel that everything's gone nice and numb… I know this feeling, this cold, this dark… it's like an old friend or a familiar room… and everything is just where I left it, right there in the dark, waiting for me to come back…
Because nothing good ever lasts. It's just the way the world works, amigos.
…………………………………..
Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
There's always some reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh, beautiful release
memory seep from my veins
Let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of the angel
fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
So tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves
at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lies
that you make up for all
that you lack
It don't make no difference
escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
in the sweet madness
oh this glorious sadness
that brings me to my knees
In the arms of the angel
fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
- Sarah McLachlan -
("Angel")