See first chapter for disclaimer. Forgive Falman's OOC-ness, but I thought of this in the shower and it made me drop my shampoo on my foot. Do you really want all that pain to be for nothing?

And I don't own 'Behind These Hazel Eyes' by Kelly Clarkson.

It was a day after Hughes wouldn't shut up. Actually, Hughes still wouldn't shut up, but that wasn't the point. The point was, you guessed it, FALMAN WAS STILL BORING.

For some reason (perhaps because this is a fanfic and fanfics are weird like that), Hawkeye, Havoc, and everyone else in Roy's crew but Falman and Hughes were out sick. Hughes was fangirling over his family with General Grumman, who was fangirling over Riza. Thus, Falman was forced to give roy his paperwork because Roy couldn't get it himself, as he was lazy and also buried under 486739857 pounds of it already.

"Sir, here's your paperwork." The old man said to the colonel, setting down a small stack of paper on top of the other paper on Roy's desk. It pissed Roy off, because we all know he hates him some paperwork.

"Falman, go screw Shezka." Mustang muttered, signing a paper sloppily.

"Up the ass, sir?" Watteau asked formally. There was no hiding the disturbed, disgusted look on Roy's face.

"…As you…see fit."

"Up the ass it is, then." Falman saluted and marched out.

The thought of Falman and Shezka doing 'that thing' was too much, even for Roy. It was enough to make even a nonbeleiver such as himself to crawl under his desk in the fetal position and scream,

"…LORD ALMIGHTY, THE IMAGES!"

Suddenly, all of the crew that had been sick burst into the room in song.

"Seems like just yesterday
He was a normal guy
He used to be okay
He used to just be boring
His hair, it might be gray
The thing is, he could be gay
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now Roy can't breathe
No, Roy can't sleep
He's barely hanging on

There he is, under his desk
He's torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought he wasn't wrong
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears he cries
He's hiding under his desk!"

Roy stood up and veinpopped. "Gee. Thanks."

They replied in unison with a cough and fell on the floor in a pile of sickness.

Yup, another chapter from Ari, tall queen of short chapters.