Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Gilmore Girls, actors, characters, plots, etc, that would be the wonderful people at WB. Although if I did, I'm pretty sure they'd be some big changes coughChadcough. Anyway if you do feel inclined to sue me, some people have strange urges and we must accept them for who they are, I'm currently flat broke so all you will get is a used textbook, on organic chemistry.
AN: Okay so there were a few inquiries as to what a Tim Tam was exactly, so I put something up on my profile page if you are interested. Also on my profile page is my opinion of Logan, Finn and Colin (they finally made it to Australia) and my thoughts of Logan vs Tristan, again if you're interested, check it out.
Emmy: Thank you reading and reviewing. I just realised I made two 'model' characters in this story, I'm starting to get stale. Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed it, I want T/R to be together too and since this is a Trory, it will happen! I've given up on being subversive…
Rish: I don't know about Ivory but, Rory in the real GG is starting to annoy me, so I need an outlet… Anyway I'm glad you missed my story, I guess I must be doing something right!
GGluvr1987: For Tim Tams, see my profile page. Thanks for reading and reviewing. I thought the sister-loves-Rory plot line has been well covered in many other stories, thought I'd give something else a go.
Bethany Inc: I agree with, I like Tristan better because there is more range to write about him. Although, if this is because Tristan left GG, I would rather they kept him and sent Logan off to military school. Speaking of Logan, he finally made it to Australia and if you want to read what I thought of him compared with Tristan, look up my profile page.
Twin of a HP freak: Thanks for reading. I'm sorry that you found my story awkward, perhaps you could be more specific about where exactly it was awkward, so I can try to improve. I read your fan fic and I have to admit, I'm not a fan of Rory/Dean stories and it's just my opinion, but I prefer dialogue that's written like a less like a script and more like a story. Keep on writing.
Mackey Pac: The identity of the father is a surprise, anything I say will give it away, so you'll have to wait and see, I think it'll be revealed in the next couple of chapters. This is a trory so Tristan and Rory will have a some kind of a happy ending.
Photoboothromance: I'm sorry to have pissed you off, I promise you, that was not my intention. We've passed the halfway mark now (believe it or not!) so in a few more chapters, things will be alright in Trory-world!
Finnlover: I'm so glad you loved it and I'm glad you thought it was realistic, that was kind of what I was hoping for. Thanks for reading.
LoVe23: Thank you for reading and reviewing. Sorry to hear that you were unwell over Christmas, hope you feel better now.
FairyGirl07: I'm glad you like Shades of Grey, I was feeling bad about neglecting my other stories, but I'm concentrating on one at a time. I live for the positive response!
GilmoreAtHeart74: I'm not sure where I'm going either, but I do have a plan, at least for the story, life's a whole different matter. Anyway, I'm glad to have you aboard for the ride. As for Tim Tams, check out my profile page.
Omeomy: I'm slightly confused about my last AN too, so I completely understand your confusion… I'm a weird person. Moving on, thank you for taking the time to read and review, it's greatly appreciated.
Fallen Heart: Have a virtual Tim Tam, we had a bit of miscommunication, but that's okay, that's what the internet is, one giant miscommunication… I think I need to take my meds… Anyway I'm glad you are enjoying my little story and thank you for reviewing.
Dotty: I didn't even know Logan's mum/mom's name was 'Shira'. Do you think I should change it to the right name, for the sake of posterity? Anyway I'm updating, I really don't want to be accused of murder…
The chapter is for …anyone who wants it!
Chapter 12In brief snapshots of time, it was so easy to pretend that life was simple. That the most difficult decision to be made was between the plain or the buttered popcorn, one got boring after a while the other made you parched. That the worst thing that could happen was missing the train, there was always another soon after. The harshest thing someone could say to you was that you weren't invited to their birthday, but then again you were five years old then and you've long since moved on.
There were other moments like this, such as watching a lone butterfly in the still courtyard dance under the bare trees, bright green buds dotted all over, just waiting to burst open into new leaves. The sunlight that flittered through the windows, though still wintry, warmed with hint of spring just around the corner. The scent of musty first editions in a lost alcove of a library or of fresh, brewed coffee in your boyfriend's suite…
"So, Rory," Logan began, setting a mug filled with decaf-coffee down in front of her.
They were alone in his suite, Finn and Colin had left after being on the receiving end of a meaningful glare from Logan.
"Ugh, I can't believe how awful decaf tastes," Rory exclaimed, taking a sip from the mug.
The few days after Logan's turnaround had been perfect. He had become the perfect, doting boyfriend, bringing her coffee, decaf of course, every morning, walking her to her lectures, even cancelling his dates to be with her. If there was one thing great about falling pregnant, it was finding out how wonderful and supportive a guy Logan is. Outwardly, Rory couldn't have been happier, considering her situation, but inside, she was dying and it was all because of another blonde haired man.
Tristan Du Gray. There were constant reminders of him everywhere. The Stanford shirt, which she had discovered she couldn't sleep without it, was the most obvious, but there were little things too. She had been in the cafeteria and she saw a guy smirk, exactly the way Tristan smirked. In the library, the book next to the one she was looking for was written by someone with the last name Du Gray. In a café where they yell out your name when your order comes up, someone called for a 'Tristan'. Browsing in a bookshop, her eyes had been drawn to a copy of Romeo and Juliet. It was as if the whole world was out to get her.
"Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about something," Logan continued completely unaware of her wandering thoughts, "I was talking to my parents and – "
"Did they have a good time at grandma's last Saturday?" Rory interrupted anxiously, "I mean you told me they were there, but I didn't see them and I totally forgot to ask you if they did? Have a nice time, that is?"
"They had a great time, I think," Logan eyed Rory strangely, wondering what had suddenly gotten into her, "I didn't ask them, but I will if you want me to."
"But I thought you said you spoke to them?"
"I did, but that's not what we spoke about."
"Okay…"
"Well, as I was saying, I spoke to my parents, about us and you and the baby and they have some concerns…"
"Such as?" Rory prompted warily.
"Well, I can't – I mean, we can't have an illegitimate child so therefore we would have to get married… some time soon."
"Oh," Rory whispered, feeling her heart getting heavy, she had been dreading this conversation.
"But I'm only twenty-two and you're twenty-one and I have to admit, I never pictured myself married at twenty-two. Actually, I never really thought much about marriage at all. I mean I have a hard enough time dealing with the whole boyfriend-girlfriend thing as it is."
"So, you're saying, you don't want to get married?" Rory asked slowly.
"I'm just not ready to commit to such a huge step in my life."
"I don't understand – "
"Rory, I love you, I really, honestly do," Logan said, very sincerely, "And even saying that aloud scares me, but that's okay, because it's true. Rory, I do care a lot about you and you and I are completely different to any relationship I've ever been in before."
"Logan – "
"No, let me finish. I do want to spend the rest of my life with you, I want to marry you, but I'm too young, we're too young to get married right now."
"But, I thought you said that – didn't you just say – wait – what?"
"Okay, I'll be very frank, okay?"
"Please."
"Rory, I want to marry you one day. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I can only be with you if there is no baby, right now."
"You want me to have an abortion?"
"Uh, yeah."
"I can't believe this!" Rory exclaimed, standing up so quickly that her chair tipped backwards.
"Rory, please – "
He rushed to right the chair, even though he didn't touch her, Rory shrank away from him.
"No, Logan, don't," she said lifting a hand to stop his response, "You can't say that you want to spend the rest of lives together and then say you don't want to get married, least of all ask me to get an abortion!"
"Rory, you're 21. You're at Yale. Did you really imagine yourself pregnant at this age? Married?" Logan demanded angrily, he took a deep breath to calm himself before continuing, "Rory, I know it sounds awful, having an abortion, but we will be together and then we'll finish our degrees, start careers and when we're ready, we can get married and have kids and everything…"
Rory sat back down, gaping at her so-called perfect boyfriend, unable to comprehend what he was saying.
"What if I don't want to have an abortion?" she demanded.
"Then unfortunately, we can't be together."
"Well, it's a good thing you might not be the father then," Rory exclaimed.
As soon as she said it, she mentally slapped her forehead, hard. There was a certain way these things should be announced and blurting them out unceremoniously and in the heat of the moment, certainly was not the proper way.
"What?" Logan asked, his tone quiet, yet Rory could hear the anger in it.
"When I was in New York, I slept with another guy," Rory admitted, feeling a surge of guilt and resentment
"Wow. Wow, this is absolutely unbelievable," Logan began to laugh incredulously at the idea, "Is there anyone else you want to tell me about? Any more guys who could be the father?"
"You bastard! You have no right to act hurt," Rory gasped, shrinking away from him as if he'd slapped her.
"No? Don't I?" Logan exclaimed, "You tell me your pregnant, what am I supposed to do, but assume that I am the father? You are Rory Gilmore, you're practically virginal, or so I thought."
"That is completely uncalled for."
"We had a whole freaking fight on sex and having sex before you went to New York and then guess what? She, who didn't want it, is getting it left, right and centre. So much for, not being ready to take that step in out 'relationship'."
"And I wasn't ready to take our relationship to that level then."
"What changed? You go to some orgy in New York? Hmm? You hate it when I'm with other girls, but you go and cheat on me. Now you're pregnant. Perfect."
"How dare you! I did not go to an orgy. I slept with one guy, just one guy. And as for cheating on you, you broke up with me before I went to New York, we were not together and therefore I did not cheat on you. And do you want to know why I decided to have sex with you?"
"Why?" Logan exclaimed angrily.
"Out of guilt," she answered simply, "Not out of want or love or anything. I actually felt guilty for sleeping with someone else, so we had sex."
It was Logan's turn to gape disbelievingly.
"Oh, and let me tell you, you ain't worth the hype," Rory added.
She stood up calmly, smoothed her skirt once, turned neatly on her heal and walked out of the suite with her head held high. The damage was done and it was completely irreversible. No matter what happened now, she and Logan could never be together again. She forced herself not to pause, not even for a second, for a moment's hesitation would have been enough to break her resolve. Never in her twenty-one years had she ever spoken like that to anyone. So frankly, so harshly, without a second thought. Rory felt as if she was floating but yet burdened, she had said everything she needed to say however, she didn't feel free.
--
Walking away from Logan, the passage of time blurred. It was as if one moment she was closing the door to his suite and the next she was standing on the porch of her childhood home. Once more she had returned to her safe haven, to her mother, and instinct so basic that it could not be refused, she needed her mother.
"Rory?" Lorelai greeted, coming out of the house, she had thought she had heard a car pull up in the driveway, "What's with the zombie impersonation? Oh please tell me they're not remaking 'Dawn of the Dead' again?"
"Mom," Rory whispered, a single tear slid down her cheek and with it she lost composure that she had carried from Logan's.
Lorelai's maternal instincts kicked in and she rushed to pull her daughter into a much-needed hug. Drawing Rory into the house, she helped her daughter to the sofa. The first tear was joined by another and another, and each was another pinprick to Lorelai's heart, she couldn't bear to see her daughter in pain.
"Tell me what's wrong?" Lorelai murmured, rubbing her daughter's back, comforting her.
"Logan wants me to have an abortion," he daughter whispered through her tears.
"That bastard!" Lorelai gasped, her blood hot with anger.
"His parents want us to get married," Rory continued.
Her mother's anger grew to include Emily and the Huntzbergers. How dare they dictate what Rory should do!
"I think it's all over for Logan and I," Rory concluded sadly.
"It's okay," Lorelai whispered, hugging her daughter tightly, "Logan was an ass, completely undeserving of someone as beautiful and intelligent and kind as you. But we have each other and whatever you choose to do, I will support you."
"Thank you," Rory murmured gratefully.
"I think this calls for a good wallow," Lorelai announced, "Lots of ice cream and chocolate, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory and then Casablanca, maybe Gone with the Wind, too."
"I can't, I have to get back to school," Rory interrupted with a sad smile, she could think of nothing better to do than be with her mother, but she couldn't keep missing lectures like this.
"Not even a bit of ice cream?" Lorelai asked, holding two fingers apart to show how little.
She had two essays that had been sitting on her desk for a week, her intention had been to finish the drafts by this week, but she had done absolutely nothing, she couldn't even remember the topics. There were notes, borrowed and photocopied from a couple of her more generous fellow students, of the missed lectures, she needed to go over them thoroughly, but at this rate, they are more likely to grow mould than be read. On the other hand, she needed some down time. Since the fight with Logan, she had felt hollow inside and she really needed to spend some time with her mother, only she could make her feel better.
"Okay," Rory agreed, "A very short wallow. Two scoops of ice cream, and the Oompa Loompa scene."
"Good," Lorelai nodded, happy that her daughter was taking her moment, how ever short, to herself, "You find the spot in the movie, I'll get the ice cream."
Lorelai went off to do just that, while Rory went to their dvd stand. After rifling through for the right dvd and sliding it into the player, she smiled, fondly taking in the ridiculous Hello Kitty-shaped structure, complete with pink bow, it limited their selection of dvd's but Lorelai couldn't walk passed it in the shop. The room was filled with various knick knacks, mismatching furniture, the tall lamp in the corner was actually a giant candy cane, countless photos in photo frames that were hand picked to match the photo, all worked together, making it a little slice of heaven for the two Gilmore women.
"So, what was up with you and Tristan?" Lorelai asked, coming back into the room with two bowls of ice cream, "I wanted to ask you at Emily's soiree, but bailed faster than bucket in a sinking boat."
Rory froze, her mother had broached another topic she wasn't ready to cover yet.
"I mean one minute he's your new best friend, shoulder-to-cry-on, a regular SNAG and then bam (!), you have a fight and he walks out then you walk out leaving me with a lot of explaining to do to your grandmother."
"He has a girlfriend," Rory said with a sigh, she had considered lying, but after everything that had happened, it was better to just let it out into the open.
"So does Brad Pitt," Lorelai answered, "But you don't see me having an argument with him over that."
"You don't know Brad Pitt, not personally," her daughter reminded her.
"That's beside the point," she stared at her daughter expectantly, wanting an explanation.
"He didn't tell me he had a girlfriend."
"And that is a bad thing because?"
The need to lie surged through Rory, she was afraid of what her mother's reaction would be to the New York incident. But on the other hand, she needed to stop lying, to just tell the whole truth to Lorelai. Taking a deep breath, she explained the whole story.
"So let me get this straight. You go to New York, pissed off with Logan, you sleep with Tristan, but you don't know it's Tristan and then you go back to Yale, get back together with Logan and now you're pregnant and you don't know who the father is?" Lorelai asked, she was completely calm about it and Rory started to relax.
"Pretty much," Rory nodded.
"My God, Rory, what has happened to you?" gasped Lorelai.
Rory's eyes shot up to meet her mother's. She had expected her to be upset, but the anger she heard in Lorelai's tone caught her off guard.
"You used to be so innocent," Lorelai continued, her tone pleading, "I protected you for a reason, Rory. You were meant to be everything I wasn't, you were meant to fulfil all your dreams of college and life and all that. I love you, and couldn't imagine life without you, but this is not what I imagined for you."
"Mom – "
"First Dean and now this!"
"Don't bring Dean into this."
"Why not? He was your first and not to mention he was married. You were so innocent and suddenly you are the opposite. The other woman, the one-night-stand and now pregnant."
"I thought, you of all people would understand," Rory exclaimed, her heart breaking, "You're my mother, you supposed to love me no matter what."
"I stopped being your mother when you rejected me for Logan and Emily," Lorelai spat, far more harshly than she intended to, an instant later, she wanted to take it back.
Rory gasped hearing her mother say that, she felt like someone had cut her heart up into tiny, little pieces with a blunt scalpel and nothing to numb the pain. Through a veil of tears, she rushed out of her childhood home and away from so-called safe haven.
--
The sun beamed down like a giant flashlight from space, high in the sky, marking midday, the glare so bright and unusual. But as always, the world's precise turn found the sun making it's curving course through the sky. The shadows grew longer and longer, the air grew cooler, wind rustled the few leaves that had sprouted from bare-limbed trees. People, bundled in layers of warmth, scurried from their cars to their homes, like heat seeking missiles in search of blazing fires and toasty heaters.
As evening drew close, the sun set in a fiery display of pink and orange into purple and dark blue. But she had noticed none of this; she remained frozen in the same spot on the couch, two bowls of ice cream, melted into brown slosh, sweating circles on the table. The menu screen of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory cycled through the same series of images and music, like a modern broken record. She didn't even move when someone knocked on the door.
"Lorelai?"
She turned stiffly, staring unblinkingly at her visitor.
"Luke," she breathed after a moment, greeting him.
"What happened?" he asked, he placed two bags he had brought with him down beside the two bowls on the coffee table, "What's wrong?"
"Please," she whispered, holding her arms out like a child.
And Luke obliged her, enveloping her into a bear hug. It was a very un-Luke like gesture, but when it came to Lorelai, he was prepared to act against type, especially when she looked so heart broken.
"It's okay," he whispered gently, when they broke apart.
"No it's not," she shook her head, tears slid out from beneath her closed eyelids, "It's not okay."
Unable to keep it inside her any longer, Lorelai began to tell Luke the whole story, from the very beginning. And Luke did nothing except listen and comfort her.
--
AN: So that was a little shorter than the last few chapters, but there was lots of drama to make up for that, or at least I think so!
AN: Roses are red, violets are blue, chocolate makes me happy and reviews do too!