Part 4

In the infirmary, Tatsumi sat, propped up in his hospital bed staring out the window at the setting sun. Tsuzuki sat in a chair next to him, peeling the older man a red apple.

"A beautiful sunset we have tonight…"

"It is… Um, how…"

"Hm? Yes?"

Tatsumi looked at him, but Tsuzuki avoided his gaze, staring instead at the apple and knife in his hands. He found them, at the time, far more interesting than an unsettling look from his former partner.

"How are you feeling now…Tatsumi?"

"I'm well. You must keep in min, Tsuzuki. About us guardians."

"Yes, I do remember, but…"

"…?"

"Just because we are immortal, it doesn't mean we should just ignore it. we can still feel great pain, and we bleed…"

Still, Tsuzuki did not look up from the task he was performing, though he peeled the apple more slowly as he spoke his concerns. Tatsumi smiled.

"You're right, Tsuzuki."

There was silence for a while more, at Tsuzuki went about his job. But he seemed, even as he stared down at his work, as though his mind was still elsewhere.

"You know, we were here once before. …A wounded soul and that soul's protector. We were just like this. Talking, sharing, smiling, caring… Only, as I recall, it was quite the reverse."

"Yes, Tsuzuki. But, as I also recall, you have no need to be my protector, and neither have I been yours, for you have never been in need of one. You're so strong, Tsuzuki."

"How, Tatsumi… how can you say that to me now? After all that has happened…!"

Tears fell from amethyst orbs and onto the slices he was peeling for his injured friend. Tatsumi grew more and more concerned for the other. As he stared, the sobs got louder and Tsuzuki's shoulders were shaking.

"I DO need protection…! And because of that, you got so badly injured, and I almost strangled Hisoka! I can't seem to be able to protect you, or anyone… but I really want to, Tatsumi!"

"Oh, Tsuzuki…"

Tatsumi's eyes softened a great deal. He took the forgotten plate and knife from Tsuzuki's lap, placing it on the bedside table. Then, he extended his arms out, in a very unlike-Tatsumi way, and embraced the other. He was still crying, even as Tatsumi petted his hair.

"Now, now… you stop that, Tsuzuki. Don't you think that this was your fault. You didn't need to protect me at all. What I did was purely my own decision, and I would have done it even if you had begged me not to. Now… it's time to stop blaming yourself…"

"T-Tatsumi… I'm sorry…sorry…!"

"Shh…"

I watched them from a crack in the ajar doorway. Tsuzuki was pouring his heart out for Tatsumi…an act he not once had done for me… he's never let me in, never told me anything about himself. Does Tsuzuki just not trust me enough to talk truthfully with me? …It's just not fair. I know it's childish to think like this, but I am… and will be… eternally a sixteen. I will always be a child, in his eyes, and in everyone else's.

Before I know it, I'm following Tsuzuki's example, and my eyes start to sting as tiny droplets begin cascading down over my reddened cheeks. How long had I been standing here, jealous, angry, and crying about it…? I raise a hand to wipe them away, but more keep coming down, nonstop. I'm being terribly childish…and I just… can't help it anymore! I leave the doorway, unaware that I had Tatsumi's eyes fixed on me during that whole episode of mine.

I swing around and lean my back against the wall by the door. My hands are over my face, completely, hiding my shameful tears. It muffles the sound as my tears finally come through my cold, thick outer shell. I…just can't hold them in any longer… It hurts to even try. Damnit, it hurts so much…!

I slide down the wall, falling into the fetal position on the floor as I cry for a long time. The cuts in my clothing are still there, for I have found no motivation for changing out of my tattered outfit, and my sandy blonde bangs are drenched in tears.

It was not fair, that any of this had to happen.