Over the Line

A/N: Over the Line is a game based a bit on baseball (I'll explain the rules in the story). I live in San Diego where the "World Championship Tournament" takes place every July on the beach. The names of the teams given in this story are real! (I actually left out some of the most suggestive.) You should see the TV sports announcers try to give the scores!

LilyAyanami: Why Teal'c? Two reasons. One, having one alien explain Earth (more specifically, American) customs to another alien is funny, and two, when you get a chance to see Beachhead again (or first time if you're not in the US), watch the interaction between Vala and Teal'c. You'll see lots of "looks" passing between them. That set my mind wandering…

Vala perched on Daniel's lab table top, fingering one of his artifacts. Daniel, who had been doing his best to ignore her, glanced up and saw what she had in her hand. He frowned, reached over and snatched it away from her.

"Can't you find something else to do besides irritate me?" Daniel scanned his desk, looking for anything else she might destroy.

"No. Everyone else is busy except you." Vala tried her best pout on Daniel.

"Here." Daniel picked up a newspaper and shoved it at her. "Take this and go sit over there."

Vala gave up her pestering – temporarily - and retreated to his desk with the paper. Maybe I can find something to buy with the credit card I still have from Daniel's wallet.

As Vala flipped through the paper, she realized that he had given her the sports section – no sales adds in here. She was about to crumble the paper and toss it aside when she noticed something. "The Stiff Old Cocks" was listed as fourth place winner in a game called Over the Line. If she understood American slang correctly, and she was pretty good with slang that was of a suggestive nature, she was shocked to see this in a paper – where children could read it!

"Daniel, could you explain this to me?" Maybe she could get a rise from him by shocking him with something someone else said. He was so cute when he blushed!

"Go find Teal'c. I'm sure he can help you." Daniel pointedly refused to look at her. He really had to complete this translation before SG9 went back to P9C-825.

Moving over to Daniel, she leaned backwards over his lab table and placed herself between Daniel and the paper he was working on. "Daniel, look at this." She waved the paper under his nose.

Pursing his lips, Daniel glanced quickly at the paper. "Yeah, a newspaper. Good for you." He moved his papers over to the side and ignored her again.

"Fine. Teal'c will help explain this to me." Vala left and headed to Teal'c's quarters.

Entering Teal'c room without knocking, Vala found him seated at his computer, playing an online interactive game called The World of Warcraft.

When he turned to see her enter, he exited the game, knowing that he'd have no chance to join his group for the planned quest. "How may I render service, Vala Mal Duran?"

"Daniel gave me this paper and I found something I need help with understanding." She gave the paper to Teal'c and pointed to the article giving the scores for the daily OTL games.

Teal'c read through the article, frowning at first, and then raised his eyebrows so high he almost shoved his golden tattoo into his Spock-like hair.

"It is with great difficulty that I often find myself attempting to comprehend the mindset of the Tau'ri. On Chulak, we would never expose our children to such blatant expressions of a sexual nature." Teal'c reconnected to the internet and brought up Google. "Perhaps we can find an explanation here."

Vala draped herself over Teal'c's right shoulder and placed a hand on the other, gently massaging his tense muscles. Teal'c gave her a sideways glance from his heavily lidded eyes. His lips twitched in, for him, an expressive display of humor.

"Here it is." Teal'c pointed to the web site he'd chosen. "Over the Line Tournament Rules. First we should learn how the game is played."

Vala, bored with rules, began wondering around the room, dragging her fingertips across Teal'c's shoulders every time she circled back.

"From what I gather, the game is playing with three people on a team and is a little like baseball. There is a pitcher and two people in the outfield. The other team takes turns at bat. The goal is to hit the ball over the heads of those in the outfield, thus earning a 'homerun.' There is more, but that is the basic idea."

"I don't understand the names." Vala had returned to lean over Teal'c.

"Many appear to be named for places of business, such as 'Clairmont Surf Shop Wahines,' but others seem to have no logical explanation, other than shock value."

Vala began reading the names of winners from previous years posted on the web site. "'Bad Back, Bad Hands, Good Woodies.' What is a woodie?"

"I do not understand the use of the word in this context. I shall look it up." Teal'c closed the OTC window and opened an online dictionary. "It is either a station wagon with exterior wood paneling or an erection of the penis. I believe the second definition would be the most appropriate in this situation." Teal'c went back to the OTC site.

Vala began reading the names again, her large blue eyes getting larger with every name, "Pretentious Pussies, The Bitches Scream Again, Stud Mummies – Daniel should be interested in that team – Boom! Whang! Whap! Doink! – what the hell does that mean? – Sit on a Happy Face – why? – Spank That Ass, We Polygrip Dicks, ewww!"

Vala was now massaging Teal'c's neck with both hands and panting slightly.

Teal'c shut down the web site. "I believe you have seen enough, Vala Mal Doran."

"I just have one question, Teal'c. How long does it take to get to San Diego from Colorado Springs? These sound like my kind of people."